Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Death’s Door for Piłsudski?
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax – Lead Correspondent
Last week’s shocking botched hanging of the convicted murderer Christine Piłsudski continues to puzzle citizens of Lemoyne, the Five States, and even the nation as a whole. Piłsudski’s condition has been reported as stable; she can even speak, albeit in a limited capacity. She has been kept in a singular hospital room closed off from other patients; some think it’s to prevent an escape, others for her own safety.
On the streets, people march, some saying she should be returned to prison for life or even let go, as God clearly wants her to live. Opponents also make their voices heard, decrying the wastefulness of keeping a condemned woman alive. A few have tried to enter the hospital with loaded pistols, promising to do the hangman’s job for them.
The legal arguments continue to play out in court, as attorneys squabble over the definition of cruel and unusual punishment as written in the 8th Amendment. Is it not cruel to dangle someone on a rope after it already failed? Scottish Law, in the case of Half Hanged Maggie, proclaimed the sentence was carried out, and thus the punishment was concluded, but that’s unlikely to fly in American Law.
All this fighting, as one woman slowly tries to heal up, just so perhaps she can be hanged again until death, for real this time. The contradictions of the Law have never been so laid bare before.
New Austin offers gold nuggets to restore tourist confidence
By Jose Chavez
The government of New Austin has announced an unusual measure intended to restore confidence among tourists following the disgraceful robbery of several travelers at Fort Mercer, where a fraudulent tour guide conspired with a band of outlaws to relieve his customers of their valuables. With visitors now expressing considerable reluctance to engage even those guides advertising their services as “official,” state authorities have proposed offering small gold nuggets as an incentive to encourage travelers to return to the territory and patronize its historical attractions. The proposal has already invited some criticism, with skeptics questioning the wisdom of distributing gold to prospective visitors in a country where highwaymen have demonstrated such enthusiasm for taking it. Officials nevertheless maintain that renewed tourism is essential to the prosperity of the territory and have acknowledged that the present absence of reliable credentials for professional guides has allowed dishonest operators to exploit unsuspecting customers. A certification program is consequently under consideration, under which guides would be required to establish their legitimacy before representing themselves as officially recognized. Precisely how such credentials would be issued, or how travelers might distinguish genuine certificates from clever forgeries, has yet to be determined.
Masked outlaws rob passengers aboard Ambarino train
By Jane Duran
A passenger train traveling through the mountains of Ambarino fell victim to a daring robbery this week, when three masked outlaws boarded the locomotive shortly after it emerged from a mountain tunnel. According to passengers, the first indication of trouble came in the form of several loud thumps overhead as the train cleared the tunnel, suggesting that the robbers had somehow positioned themselves atop the moving carriages. Moments later, three armed men entered the passenger compartments and demanded that travelers surrender their money, jewelry, watches, and other valuables. With firearms drawn and little opportunity for resistance, the frightened passengers complied while the bandits made their way through the cars, collecting whatever possessions they deemed worth taking. The robbery was conducted with considerable haste, and upon reaching the first clearing beyond the tunnel, the three men leapt from the moving train and disappeared into the surrounding wilderness. One witness reported seeing the outlaws make their way toward a small gathering of horses tethered nearby, apparently arranged beforehand to facilitate their escape. The account suggests a carefully planned undertaking, with the tunnel providing cover for the robbers’ approach and the waiting horses allowing them to depart before any organized pursuit could be mounted. An investigation has since been opened, though authorities acknowledge that identifying the perpetrators will prove difficult, as all three concealed their faces and witnesses could provide few distinguishing characteristics.
Revenue agents descend upon Blackwater as tensions rise with local businesses
By Nick McCrary
Blackwater has found itself under an extraordinary federal presence this week, as large numbers of revenue agents have descended upon the town in what appears to be a substantial expansion of their efforts to combat illicit enterprise in West Elizabeth. Agents have reportedly occupied nearly every available hotel room, while additional parties have established temporary encampments along the town’s perimeter, creating an atmosphere of unease among residents and merchants alike. Several local business proprietors have lodged complaints, arguing that the conspicuous presence of armed federal men has discouraged customers from entering their establishments and cast an unwelcome shadow over the town’s commercial activity. Revenue officials have dismissed these objections, maintaining that their operations should discourage only those engaged in unlawful business, and that respectable merchants have nothing to fear from federal scrutiny. Such assurances have done little to satisfy proprietors who insist that even legitimate customers are reluctant to conduct their affairs beneath the watchful eyes of government agents. Blackwater’s Chief of Police, Oswald Dunbar, has acknowledged the growing frustration but maintains that municipal authorities possess no power to compel federal officers to withdraw or otherwise interfere with their lawful operations. The police department has consequently appealed to state authorities for assistance in resolving the matter, though whether the government of West Elizabeth can exert any meaningful influence upon the federal agents remains uncertain.
Strange creature resembling Saint Denis vampire sighted in New Hanover
By Emery Cosberry
A most peculiar account has emerged from New Hanover, where a cowpoke claims to have encountered a hideous creature bearing an extraordinary resemblance to the so called vampire once believed to prowl the streets of Saint Denis. According to the witness, the mysterious figure possessed an unusually pale complexion, sharply pointed ears, and a most unsightly countenance, calling to mind descriptions of the bloodthirsty apparition whose rumored nocturnal activities have long troubled the more superstitious residents of Lemoyne. Strangest of all, the encounter reportedly occurred in broad daylight, an hour seldom associated with such creatures. While popular superstition holds that vampires are beings of darkness, recent literary accounts, including Mr. Bram Stoker’s celebrated Dracula, suggest that sunlight may diminish their unnatural powers. Whether the figure encountered in New Hanover was indeed some unholy wanderer or merely an unfortunate gentleman of singularly disagreeable appearance remains entirely uncertain.
The cowpoke further reported that, upon being approached, the supposed vampire made no attempt to bite, claw, or otherwise assault him in the manner ordinarily attributed to such monsters. Instead, the figure produced a pistol, conducting himself much as any armed gunslinger might when confronted by an unwelcome stranger. The weapon was not discharged, however, and the mysterious individual subsequently backed away, apparently unwilling to pursue the confrontation. Neither party suffered injury, and the alleged creature departed without further incident. No independent witness has yet corroborated the account, nor has any evidence emerged connecting this strange individual to the sinister happenings previously reported in Saint Denis.
Lemoyne Raider camp found slaughtered as suspicion falls upon eccentric gunman
By Aloysius Levron
A most gruesome discovery was made in the Lemoyne wilderness early this week, when passing travelers happened upon an encampment of Lemoyne Raiders whose occupants had apparently been slaughtered to the last man. The bodies lay scattered throughout the camp, each bearing a single gunshot wound to the chest, suggesting a degree of marksmanship seldom witnessed even among the most accomplished gunfighters. Yet one unfortunate soul was discovered still clinging to life, grievously wounded and scarcely capable of speech. According to those present, the dying Raider managed to utter only a few broken words: “Fucking… Mexican… stupid… mustache…” before lapsing into unconsciousness. These remarks have naturally directed suspicion toward Baltasar Villaseñor, the notorious Eccentric Gunman, whose peculiar half-mustache has become as recognizable as his extraordinary proficiency with a revolver. Villaseñor was reportedly sighted in Lemoyne late last week, when he was implicated in the indiscriminate shooting of passengers aboard a train approaching Saint Denis, placing him within the state shortly before this latest bloodshed.
Although authorities have yet to establish the identity of the assailant, the remarkable precision of the killings bears an unmistakable resemblance to the work previously attributed to Villaseñor. The fugitive has repeatedly demonstrated an almost unnatural ability to strike his targets with deadly accuracy, lending further weight to suspicions that the infamous Dead Man’s Gun was once again employed. Nevertheless, a particularly troubling question remains unanswered. If Villaseñor was indeed responsible, and if every other man in the encampment was dispatched with such deliberate precision, how did a single Raider survive long enough to provide testimony? Whether the wounded man escaped a fatal injury through extraordinary fortune, or whether the gunman deliberately permitted him to live, remains a matter of conjecture.
Naturalists outraged as senseless slaughter of wildlife sweeps Five States
By Adam Parvey
Naturalists throughout the Five States have expressed considerable outrage following an extraordinary wave of animal killings that swept across the region in the middle of this week, leaving countless carcasses scattered across forests, plains, and mountain country. Reports indicate that an unusually large number of cowpokes ventured into the wilderness armed with rifles, apparently determined to shoot every creature unfortunate enough to cross their path. While experienced hunters continued to conduct themselves with customary discipline, dispatching their quarry cleanly and harvesting the meat, pelts, and other useful materials, hundreds of less conscientious individuals reportedly displayed no such restraint. Witnesses described men firing indiscriminately upon deer, pronghorn, rabbits, birds, and other wildlife, frequently shooting animals from considerable distances before moving on to their next victims. Perhaps most disturbing were accounts of hunters approaching their fallen quarry merely to photograph the carcasses, apparently seeking some manner of proof or record of their kills, before abandoning the bodies where they lay. In many areas, animals were left entirely untouched, their remains surrendered to the sun, scavengers, and inevitable decay.
The spectacle has provoked fierce condemnation from naturalists and conservation minded citizens, who argue that the wholesale destruction of wildlife without any apparent purpose represents an intolerable waste of the natural resources upon which so many frontier communities depend. Several seasoned hunters have likewise expressed disgust, insisting that there is neither honor nor practical benefit in killing an animal merely to leave its flesh to rot. Yet the most perplexing aspect of the affair remains the remarkable simultaneity of the killings, with similar conduct reported across New Austin, West Elizabeth, New Hanover, Lemoyne, and Ambarino within a remarkably brief period. It is not clear what inspired this massacre but many are relieved that it has passed. Many animal populations, such as bison and alligators, have already been decimated. Too many massacres like this and some wonder how much wildlife will survive the expansion of man.
