Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Eccentric gunman forced into retreat along Dakota River
By Adam Parvey
The increasingly notorious gunman distinguished by his brilliant clothing, peculiar half-mustache, and possession of the so called Dead Man’s Gun has reportedly been forced into retreat for the first time known to this newspaper. A woman traveling by wagon with her husband from Valentine toward Blackwater told the Herald that somewhere along the Dakota River their road was blocked by a brightly dressed stranger whose appearance closely matched previous descriptions of the eccentric gunman. The stranger calmly accused her husband of being a celebrated duelist and demanded a confrontation, though the woman insists her husband has never fought a formal duel in his life and that the gunman had mistaken him for somebody else. Before matters could proceed, she screamed for help, whereupon a rifle cracked from the surrounding country and a bullet narrowly missed the stranger. Her husband immediately seized the reins and drove their horse onward at speed. “I heard a few more shots and saw that gunman shooting wildly into the woods,” the woman recalled, adding that the stranger appeared far less composed than witnesses to his previous confrontations in Blackwater and Armadillo have described.
The couple continued their flight but remained near enough to glimpse one final development: after apparently emptying his revolver toward his unseen assailant, the eccentric gunman began reloading when a man dressed in grey came riding hard upon him astride a dark grey horse. Rather than stand his ground, the colorful gunman fled. The witnesses had traveled too far by then to determine whether a pursuit followed or where either rider went afterward, and the identity of the grey clad rifleman remains unknown. The account is especially remarkable given the stranger’s growing reputation since the killing of the Blackwater Trick Shooter and his later deadly encounter with a retired duelist in Armadillo, for in both cases witnesses described a man of extraordinary calm who dispatched his opponents with frightening speed. This latest report suggests that whatever confidence accompanies the Dead Man’s Gun, its present owner understands the wisdom of retreat when another marksman has the advantage.
Bluegill fever draws dozens to Lake Don Julio
By Wylie Frey
Dozens of cowpokes gathered peacefully along the banks of Lake Don Julio this week, spreading themselves around the water with rods, bait, and an uncommon amount of good cheer between strangers. They were all hunting not some great prize fish but the humble bluegill. It made for a peculiar sight, seeing so many determined anglers politely sharing good stretches of bank and swapping fishing talk while ignoring the larger catches for which these waters are known, including rock bass and smallmouth bass, while still bigger largemouth bass can be sought not far south in the San Luis River. None of that seemed to matter here: bluegill were the order of the day, and whenever one of the little fish came wriggling out of Lake Don Julio there arose the sort of excitement ordinarily reserved for something twice its size and ten times its fight. Nobody this reporter spoke with could rightly explain why so many riders had descended upon one New Austin lake seeking one particular little fish, but for once a gathering of armed cowpokes ended not in gun smoke, blood, or warrants, but in bait buckets, friendly conversation, and a great many bluegill having a remarkably unfortunate day.
Predator pelts draw hardy buyers to Cattail Pond
By Caylen V. Hornby
A skilled Ambarino hunter and mountaineer caused a small stir near Cattail Pond this week when a makeshift trading post seemed to spring from the wilderness overnight, offering almost exclusively the pelts of animals more accustomed to hunting than being hunted by them. Word traveled surprisingly fast through camps and settlements below the mountains that wolf, bear, and cougar hides could all be had from the solitary proprietor, and, as one traveler put it, “if it stalked prey, that fellow had its pelt,” prompting several determined customers to hazard the long and disagreeable ride into the Grizzlies to see the collection for themselves. The establishment amounted to little more than rough canvas, crates, drying hides, and whatever could be carried upon a packhorse, yet trade remained brisk while it lasted, with buyers examining great pelts beneath the cold mountain air and occasionally wondering aloud how one man had acquired so many without becoming a pelt himself. No permanent enterprise appears intended, and those considering the journey would be wise not to delay, for in Ambarino a shop that appears from nowhere may just as readily disappear back into it.
Sly thief leaves Blackwater homes lighter without leaving a trace
By Odell Clifton
A remarkably sly thief is believed to be prowling Blackwater, where several respectable residents have lately discovered valuables missing despite finding neither broken locks nor forced windows, and authorities admit they presently possess no description of the culprit because, remarkably, nobody appears to have seen the rogue at all. Coins, jewelry, and other easily carried possessions have reportedly vanished from places their owners considered secure, yet searches have revealed scarcely a footprint or disturbed latch to explain how the thief entered or departed. Some residents now insist the burglar must possess the balance of a circus acrobat and the fingers of a pickpocket. Slipping across rooftops and through darkened alleys while Blackwater sleeps, while one frustrated gentleman swore the rascal could “steal the silver from beneath a raccoon’s nose and leave the beast wondering where it went.” Chief of Police Oswald Dunbar has cautioned citizens against allowing fanciful theories to outrun the evidence. Until Blackwater catches so much as a glimpse of its mysterious nighttime visitor, locking one’s doors may provide considerably more comfort than certainty.
Bounty hunter jailed after frantic Valentine pursuit
By Donna Deshner
A bounty hunter found himself behind Valentine bars this week after an extraordinary day in which witnesses say the exhausted cowpoke hauled nearly a dozen wanted men into town while chasing a promised reward of gold nuggets for delivering two bounties within the space of an hour, a feat he repeatedly believed he had missed by mere moments. Stable hands report the hunter exchanged horses several times in hopes of shaving precious minutes from his journeys, only to thunder back into Valentine with his second prisoner shortly after what he reckoned to be the appointed hour, curse his luck, and immediately gallop away in pursuit of another unfortunate fugitive. After hours of this madness the hunter, worn ragged and increasingly foul tempered, began cursing nearly everyone within earshot until Sheriff Curtis Malloy ordered him arrested for the safety of the public; when this correspondent investigated, the poor fellow could still be heard muttering from his cell, “What’s a real world hour?” Sheriff Malloy supplied the final absurdity, explaining that the bounty hunter had, in fact, satisfied the conditions for his gold reward some time earlier, but had never remained still long enough to collect the nuggets before racing off to try again.
Wealthy Lemoyne man mistakes cowpoke for Russian radical
By Emeline Vickroy
A wealthy Lemoyne gentleman caused a considerable disturbance this week after pointing at an unsuspecting cowpoke and loudly declaring him to be Vladimir Lenin, the Russian Marxist agitator associated with the growing workers’ rights movement abroad, before cursing the bewildered rider and ordering his guide to subdue him at once; the cowpoke, who appeared to have no notion who Mr. Lenin was, much less why he had suddenly been accused of being him, reportedly stood dumbfounded while the gentleman continued his accusations until local authorities intervened and prevented the affair from becoming violent. How the gentleman arrived at his remarkable conclusion remains uncertain, though the Herald can state with some confidence that Mr. Lenin, presently living in exile, is most certainly not in the United States, and the unfortunate cowpoke seems guilty of little more than possessing, in one wealthy man’s excited estimation, the wrong face at the wrong time.
Accused Killer Caught Shoplifting!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax – Lead Correspondent
Half a decade ago, the nation was gripped by a trial some are calling the Trial of the Century. Two rich parents were brutally murdered in their own home; the daughter was accused, put on trial, and eventually found innocent. Few accepted that conclusion.
This week, the woman, who now goes by the name Lizbeth, was caught shoplifting at a general store near her home. She claimed several apples fell into her pockets and she didn’t realize it; the owner says he saw her grab multiple items and try to hide them in her dress. Lizbeth says she already paid a fine despite protesting her innocence and was let go. She has not left her home, a mansion called Maplecroft, since the incident.
Locals immediately brought up her previous time in court, citing this incident as yet more proof that she is an immoral character who got away with literal murder. They also claim she had a falling out with her sister, that she is unmarried, and that she spends time with an actress with loose morals. I don’t know her, so I won’t pass judgment on those actions, yet I still vividly recall that trial, and my takeaway was that money bought a guilty woman a ticket to freedom. I cannot begrudge people for not forgetting so easily that two innocent people died violently in their own home, and the person who likely took their lives spends their fortune to this day.
