Issue XXXVIII

Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.

Promise of New Land Brings Visitors Near and Far

By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)

Congress voted this week to give new land in the Five State area to anyone willing to travel east or westward. The majority of these new settlers are expected from California in the west and New York in the east. President MacAlister sees it as a way to have cities rapidly grow to fit this industrial era.

The effects were felt almost instantaneously; all the major roads leading into the Five States rapidly got clogged up. This has led to countless arguments and reportedly even a few gun battles. People mostly are not sure what they expect to find in the Five States, but they expect it to be worthwhile.

Normal citizens in the Five States have responded to this influx mostly in a negative manner. From a curt and less than happy attitude to not even serving these settlers as most are fairly poor. Also, unsurprisingly, crime has spiked in a few specific towns like Strawberry. Within the last ten days, at least fifteen people were arrested for disorderly conduct, disturbing the peace, and assault. A local shopkeeper had this to say.

“Readers from major cities think this influx of people is entire families in covered wagons looking for a better life. This isn’t 1840, its mostly young adults looking to get rich fast. They don’t know how to do it, though. So of course they are going to be mostly imbeciles, violent ones at that. I would watch your back even more often.”

It’s likely that the more colorful characters of the Five State area will take advantage of these greenhorns. Easy prey from people that know the area well. Or perhaps these new individuals will learn the ropes and become productive members of society. A local hotel owner in Saint-Denis said it best when asked about what will happen.

“I wish these people the best of luck. They are entering a territory full of gang wars, homicidal maniacs, women as likely to kill as to love you, industrial titans, and things well beyond our level of comprehension. Its truly a microcosm of America, god bless this nation.”

Fishing contest at the Sea of Coronado ends in murder
By Alois Burditt
A group of friends camped out on the coast of the Sea of Coronado decided to have a friendly fishing contest, but the group failed at the friendly part. “He lost his mind when our friend pulled out a larger fish, must have been at least three pounds heavier despite being the same type of fish. The upset man pulled out his gun and killed his friend, before stealing the fish and warning the others not to stop him. The man took both fish to the butcher in Tumbleweed, who offered the man the same price for each one. “We don’t pay by the pound you know!” the butcher said. The man pulled out his gun, but thought better of it when the deputies all turned their attention to them. He quickly ran away as his former friends arrived, looking to exact revenge on behalf of their fallen posse mate.

Man claims to be former “Daddy” of the Owlhoot Family, is shot in the head while playing poker
By Wylie Frey
A man walked into the Tumbleweed Saloon this week bragging about his previous affiliation with the infamous Owlhoot Family. The man ordered several bottles of beer before heading upstairs to play poker, where claimed to have fulfilled the role of “Daddy Owlhoot. One of the bosses.” He did not elaborate as to what happened that led to him being kicked out. Nor did the man offer any proof of his affiliation. A man drinking in the saloon overheard the story and taking it at face value shot the man in the head. “I’ve lost family to the Owlhoots, on the chance that he was telling the truth, I wasn’t letting the opportunity slip,” the shooter said.

The shooter holstered his revolver and turned himself into Sheriff Freeman. “I didn’t press charges,” Sheriff Freeman. “Either the man was telling the truth and he deserved to die or he was making stupid boasts and asking to be shot.” According to the saloon owner, the shooter then returned and paid for any damages and costs incurred during the shooting or the clean up.

Revenue agent checkpoint attacked, agents burned to ash
By Jane Duran
A U.S. Marshal traveling through Grizzlies East came across a grizzly scene. A revenue agent checkpoint had been attacked in a horrific way. Evidence found at the scene suggests dynamite and firebombs were used to assault the agents. The wagons and agents themselves were burned to a ashes. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” said the Marshal. “Glad I’m not a revenue man myself.” The scene was cleaned up by revenue agents later that day. The agency has had a difficult time enforcing tax laws in the Five States. The evidence found at the scene indicates multiple attackers, but nothing beyond that is known. I learned from a source in the Bureau of Revenue that the attackers are being referred to internally as the Ambarino Anarchists. This nickname is the result of an anarchist pamphlet found at the scene among ashes, though official reports are leaving that part out.

Wanted man found in Colter and brought to justice despite heavily armed guards
By Caylen V. Hornby
Glen Cartrell, wanted for theft and murder, was found in Colter this week. Cartrell was a successful businessman before it was discovered that he had been secretly killing competitors. He went on the run with most of his wealth and was suspected of leaving the United States. However, he was tracked to the deserted town of Colter, where bounty hunters ran into heavy resistance. “Hey had two damn maxim guns!” one of the bounty hunters said. The target attempted to flee, however, he was captured and carried out of the area while his guards continued to fire on the bounty hunter. “Loaded ’em up on a mate’s horse and went back to deal with those assholes,” the bounty hunted continued. Cartrell is being held at an undisclosed location, his money unaccounted for.

Caravan attacked just before arriving at destination
By Daisy Fairmam
A caravan headed to the Strawberry Stables had nearly reached its destination when a posse of outlaws attacked. “We thought we were in the clear,” admitted one of the caravan escorts. “Then suddenly the driver is dead by a gunshot to the head.” The other escorts and driver of the second wagon returned fire, but were unable to push the attackers back. A stable hand witnessed the whole thing. “One of them escorts was riding an Arabian, that was a mistake. Feller got bucked as soon as the bullets started flying,” the stable hand said. The second driver tried to steer around the stalled first wagon, but as soon as he stopped firing back he was killed. “I took a shot to the shoulder, then felt an explosion,” one of the surviving escorts said. According to the stable hand, one of the attackers threw a stick of dynamite under one of the wagons.

The outlaws took possession of the first wagon and offered to sell it to the stable owner then and there. “I reluctantly agreed,” admitted the stable owner, “I don’t condone their actions but I needed the supplies, my horses need to eat.” The escort who had been shot and knocked to the ground when their wagon was blown up woke up several minutes later. The stable hands attended to their immediate needs before taking them to see the Strawberry Doctor. They are expected to survive.


Are you awakened by strange noises in the middle of the night? Do you experience dread when criminals hide in your basement or attic? Have you or your family ever seen a criminal or crime? If the answer is yes, don’t wait another minute. Get to your nearest telegraph to contact the professionals at the Herald today! Our courteous and efficient staff is ready receive your telegram 24 hours a day! No matter how unbelievable the story, we’re ready to believe you!


Y’all need some wagons? I got one for every occasion! Supply wagons! Passenger wagons! Covered wagons! wagons of every color! Come on down for a limited time! Go to the Great Plains and look for an army of wagons and my pet wolves!

High Ranking Revenue Agent Killed, Outlaw Now the Run for Life?
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
The currently highest-ranking member of the beleaguered Revenue Agency was just killed in Valentine today. His murderer is someone dear readers are surely accustomed to. He was done in by none other than Myra Rose Hart.

Special agent Lucas Corrigan was the senior staff officer to the late Reid Hixon. He was also briefly for about a day, the second in command to Benjamin Bloom, rest his soul as well. Corrigan was, as you would expect, hit hard by the rapid loss in high ranking members. He also knew that he was now the head of the Revenue Agency in the Five State area by default, a task he was not excited for. Corrigan went to Smithfield’s Saloon in Valentine to drown his sorrows before taking control of the remaining agents. He never made it past the night.

He saddled up to the bar, and right beside him was the Black Rose herself, enjoying a rare Tennessee whiskey. The two politely talked for a little bit, each not knowing who they were. The discussion eventually turned to the Civil War, Corrigan had served as a staff officer. He was about to leave when he looked down at miss Hart’s holsters and noticed two fancy LeMat revolvers. Corrigan immediately announced those were the revolvers of Confederate major general Fredrick Hart. He then drunkenly rambled about General Hart and how lousy those revolvers were before spitting on one of the holstered firearms. Every bar patron stopped. Whether it was the mockery of her famous father or her prized guns that angered her, we cannot say.

We can say the fiery Georgian drew her revolver and shot Corrigan’s right hand clean off. He fell to the ground crying. Hart then picked up Corrigan and slammed his head onto the bar before repeatedly hitting him in the head with one of the LeMats. Blood splattered everywhere, yet she kept striking him. She must have struck him at least 50 times before she finally put the gun back in the holster and left. Lucas Corrigan was nothing more than a bloody mess; he barely looked human.

Whether she knows it or not, miss Hart will never be able to retire. Killing a federal official is a serious crime, and a warrant for such crime never expires. To put it bluntly, Myra Rose Hart will always be a wanted outlaw, even if she lived to be 90. Although judging by her record, she probably wasn’t planning on becoming a rancher soon anyway.

Bar room brawl in Annesburg
By Van R. Seldon
A man came into the Annesburg saloon this week and walked up to a patron and knocked him out in a single blow. The victim’s friends quickly attacked the aggressor, forcing him to defend himself. Witnesses report that the man must have been a prize fighter, because despite being out numbered, he manged to fight them off. “He blocked and dodged, carefully taking his shots at them,” a patron of the saloon said, “I’ve seen many fight both professional and amateur and that man knew what he was doing!” The victims continued to fall until a much larger man arrived. According to the one witness who stayed for the entire fight, the cowpoke took longer to take out the big man, but took him out nonetheless. The cowpoke left some money on the counter before leaving the saloon.


Buckley Hat. $214.50. The hat of choice for former Texas Ranger Chuck Walker. This hat will never leave your head unless you remove it. Punched in the face? Hat still on. Kicked in the mouth? Hat still on. Hogtied and left on railroad tracks? Hat still on!!!

Rise in pickpockets in Saint Denis
By Aloysius Levron
Residents of Saint Denis have begun to complain about a rise in pickpockets in the city. Wealthy residents claim that children often linger around shops, awaiting the opportunity to slip their hands into a wealthy person’s pocket or purse. “The police really should do something. All of this talk of Saint Denis being a modern city, yet this barbarism persists,” said a wealthy resident who asked not t be named. Police Chief Benjamin Lambert admits that pickpockets have increased, but claims that so has the amount of money and possessions returned to victims. “Times are hard for many and when times are hard for parents, they’re hard for children,” Chief Lambert said, “it is unfortunate that this is occurring, but we have caught most of the aggressors and returned that which was stolen.” Victims claim, however, that returning what was stolen is merely the minimum that could be done. “Why aren’t these children being arrested or hanged?” asked another wealthy resident of Saint Denis who wished to remain anonymous. “Hang children for stealing a bit of coin?” Chief Lambert asked in complete shock, “not gonna happen. We do not have the facilities to hold children either. Besides, they don’t mean any harm.” Chief Lambert advises vigilance to residents and visitors alike. “Saint Denis may be a modern city,” he said, “but it’s full of lots of un-modern people.”

Clemens Point draws many visitors, most uncertain why they are drawn there
By Mathilde Orry
Cowpokes far and wide have coming to the small clearing called Clemens Point for years, though most do not know why come. “It’s a great camping spot, but it’s not like I knew it before. I only knew it after I got there, and yet I was determined to get there before I got there!” said one confused visitor. The area is also known to be an excellent fishing location, with bass and trout bountiful in the nearby area of Flat Iron Lake. Though few of those who spoke with me stated they were there to fish. One cowpoke said that they were taking a journey that had a destination unknown to them, “I started out in Colter and headed south, not really going anywhere particular,” they said. “Next thing I know I was south of Valentine in a clearing called Horseshoe Overlook.” They hunted in the Heartlands for several weeks before eventually heading further south and finding themselves at Clemens Point. “Not sure where I’m going next, but I feel like heading southeast,” they said. Fortunately, I happened upon a couple of Respawners, who readers of this paper know, often have a unique explanation for what others cannot explain: we live in a false world that exist within a real world most cannot perceive.

“You all really should get a Respawner to write for your paper,” said Respawner Avatar Gregoria Haskins. “Have you heard of the Van der Linde gang? These folks are following the path they have yet to take.” Of course I had heard of the Van der Linde gang, but they had never been known to be in the Lemoyne area. I double checked my facts that night and returned to speak with Miss Haskins the next day. “Of course they haven’t been in Lemoyne yet, I said they are following a path that has yet to be taken,” Miss Haskins elaborated, “the Van der Linde gang will be here, eventually. Some of us know because in a way, we’ve lived it. Everyone who comes to Clemens Point has, they just don’t know it.” This seemed to align with a general feeling that was expressed by many, that they had both lived here already and at the same, would live there again in the future. Most even described it as an “out of character” experience, as if they were living a different person’s life. Levin Moe, another Respawner told me, “that’s as close to understanding it as you’ll likely get..”

The obvious question to me was if people knew where the infamous Van der Linde gang would be, how would lawmen not know this and use it to find the gang? “The lawmen in this world are part of the false world, they couldn’t understand it even if they died and respawned millions of times, but then again…” Miss Haskins paused as if she was suddenly caught in a thought that had never occurred to her before. Miss Haskins was no longer responsive, she stood there nearly completely motionless and ignored me and muttered, “maybe that explains Blackwater…”

Legendary gang’s treasure stashed somewhere in the Five States?

By Adam Parvey

The Jack Hall gang is as legendary as gangs of outlaws get. In fact, some say that the Jack Hall gang is just that, a legend. According to them, the stories attributed to the Jack Hall gang are really stories about random ne-er-do-wells. However, there are enough facts to be certain that the Jack Hall gang most certainly existed. The gang started in California, robbing a string of banks in the western state and staying ahead of law enforcement. Though they gained a considerable amount of fame among the common people, the Jack Hall gang was not opposed to robbing the people who loved them. One such man was a California miner who had all of his money stolen by the gang as they left California behind.

The gang was next seen in Texas, where membership fluctuated as they continued moving east. Eventually, the Jack Hall gang found its way to Nebraska, where they robbed a Central Union Railway Train. In that robbery, the gang killed the train’s fireman, though the conductor managed to escape. The gang fled the state into Minnesota, where they faced a bit of friction. Reportedly, the gang was in disagreement over whether they should rob the bank in Northfield, Minnesota. Jack Hall, the leader the gang is named after, had the final say. Witnesses reported that when the gang walked into the bank, Jack Hall said something to the effect of, “Just hand us all the money, and make no further delay for we are the famous Hall Brothers, we spare no time to pray!” However, the bank robbery went south rather quickly.

Not only did the gang have to contend with the town’s lawmen but also the residents of the town, who upon learning of the bank robbery in progress took up their own arms. The entire town put fire on the Jack Hall gang as they attempted to retreat. Several members were killed on the spot, Jack Hall himself was injured and taken into custody while other core members of the gang escaped. Nobody in the gang left uninjured, however. Rumor began to spread soon after that the remnants of the Jack Hall gang hid their gold plunder to keep it away from authorities. However, everyone in the gang is now dead and so many have wondered if the treasure is still out there. If it is, others are likely searching for it, so the search may be as dangerous as the path the gang took to accumulate their hidden treasure.

Musical fraternity founded in New England
By Frederick Vannesse
The love of music binds many men to each other in ways they cannot truly understand. To foster a community to grow this bound, the Phi Mu Alpha Sinfonia Fraternity of America has been founded at the New England Conservatory of Music in Boston, Massachusetts. The fraternity is open to, “who, through a love for music, can assist in the fulfillment of Phi Mu Alpha Sinfonia’s object and ideals either by adopting music as a profession, or by working to advance the cause of music in America.” The attempt to make music a more widespread career choice comes as technology continues to expand, allowing one to even record music to listen to at a later date. The fraternity champions both the listening to of live music as well as continuing to improve the quality of musical recordings.

The Philippines declares itself an independent nation
By Ivy Seager
Spain has continued to face setback after setback. The United States has dominated the Spanish-American war in the early stages. Spain’s Navy has been decimated and have been forced to retreat from many of its colonial territories. This week, General Emilio Aguinaldo declared the Philippines to be an independent nation, following the U.S. Navy weakening Spain’s hold over the area. The Philippines nation was under Spanish rule for more than 350 years, meaning this is the first time any of the nation’s citizens have been free of colonial rule. Many have praised the U.S. for its role in liberating several island nations from the Spanish. However, a few are cautioning such praise by wondering if the U.S. will simply replace Spain, making any declaration of independence from the Philippines moot.

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