Issue XXX

Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.

Bureau of Internal Revenue battles with bootleggers in the bayou, many agents dead

By: William Crook (Freelancer)

Around 9:00 last night, residents of Saint Denis and Rhodes were startled by a mighty boom shattering the peaceful dusk. Witnesses state that they heard a large boom emanating from the southern bayou, near the entrance to Saint Denis. The boom was henceforth followed by what appeared to be a massive firefight. The cacophony of cracks and bangs lasted for several minutes before it finally ceased, followed with a massive bushfire, before a storm put out the blaze. The entire altercation startled many residents, with many refusing to come out of their dwellings hours after the incident.

The morning after the incident, the Saint Denis Police Department made a thorough investigation. After much speculation and scrutinization, the Saint Denis Chief of Police released the following statement, “The incident that occurred last night has been investigated and we are highly confident that we have come to an absolute conclusion.” The Chief of Police then gave a summary of the event before articulating what the investigation revealed, “We believe that there was a standoff between local Moonshiners and agents of the Bureau of Internal Revenue, including Agent Reid Hixon. The Moonshiners set up a wagon full of highly inflammable Moonshine, and drew in the agents to the wagon, blowing it up, along with setting the surrounding brush and trees ablaze. Following the blast, there was a shootout between the bootleggers and the agents. Dozens of agents were slaughtered in the massacre. With Agent Reid Hixon being killed in an abandoned building by the bootleggers. One the bootleggers entered the building, the local militia of the Lemoyne Raiders surrounded the place, attempting to kill the bootleggers. Finally, after dispatching with the Raiders, the bootleggers escaped on horseback. We will pursue these blatant outlaws and murderers with immense effort.’’

The shootout left 74 dead, 56 agents and 18 raiders. Many citizens living in Bayou Nwa feel unsafe after everything that has happened in these past few months. One citizen, Frank Davis, has something to say about these turbulent times, “There have been prison breaks, robberies, shootouts, gang wars, outlaws, heists, bootlegging, discord in general, murders, horse-theft, unregulated Bounty-Hunting, vigilantes, serial killers, and now moonshiners with highly explosive products. We need more police and more heroes like Reid Hixon to protect us from these horrible episodes.” One lead that the investigation pinpointed was to Bartholemew Braithwaite, a member of the powerful Braithwaite family. Some travelers claimed to have seen Bartholemew fleeing from the direction of the incident. Police have yet to investigate the Braithwaite family due to risks of litigation from the family.

Doctor arrives in Armadillo, killed by mysterious stranger
By Alois Burditt
The woes of Armadillo have been well documented in this newspaper as well as elsewhere. The town once meant to be an oasis in the desert of New Austin has been hit hard with a bout of cholera. Others have suggested the town is facing an unknown plague as well. Unfortunately, the town’s bad luck would continue as the town doctor was one of the first to leave town. This meant that the residents’ ailments went untreated. Recently, a doctor attempted to take medical supplies to Armadillo and was kidnapped. This week another doctor, recently receiving his degree, successfully arrived in Armadillo and lifted the spirits of the afflicted.

Dr. Hoffman immediately went to work diagnosing and treating residents. However, Dr. Hoffman was killed the very night he arrived. Residents heard a gunshot in the middle of the night and by the time the deputy figured out where the shot came from, the killer was gone. Dr. Hoffman laid on the floor, a single gunshot to the back of his head. His stores of medicine had been taken and his wagon, which contained the rest of his supplies, was set on fire. The fire was contained and did not spread to any other buildings, however what medicine was not stolen was destroyed.

“Good riddance,” said local shop owner Herbert Moon. “I never trusted him or his ‘medicine.’ Likelier it was poison and an upset customer got their revenge.” Another resident claimed to have seen the killer, though they could not be sure as they did not actually see the act. “I was lying down when I heard the gunshot and there he was,” said the resident. “He wore all black and had one of them fancy top hats on. He just tipped his hat and walked on. When he looked at me it felt fascinating, awful and seductive, all at once.” Whatever happened to Dr. Hoffman, Armadillo’s bad luck lingers.

Cowpoke goes on rampage after train runs over their horse
By Wiley Frey
A cowpoke arrived in MacFarlane’s Ranch driving a wagon full of goods to sell. Not far behind was their horse Roach. The cowpoke paid no attention to the sound of the oncoming train as they handled their business. However, once their transaction was complete they saw their horse on the tracks. They whistled to call the horse to them but it was too late. Though the train was slowing down, it was not enough and hit Roach. The horse died on impact. The cowpoke was understandingly upset, however nobody anticipated the massacre that followed.

The cowpoke threw a stick of dynamite into the train’s driver compartment, where the driver could not escape the blast. It did not stop there as they pulled out their handguns and began firing on everyone in sight. Many ranch hands took cover and a few fired back, however the cowpoke was unharmed. After emptying their handguns, they pulled a rifle off their back and continued the rampage. Lawman finally arrived and the cowpoke whistled and yelled, “Come on, Roach.” The cowpoke rode off with half a dozen lawmen chasing them.


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Bodily remains found floating just under the ice of Lake Isabella
By Caylen V. Hornby
A fisherman noticed something odd floating just below the surface of the ice near where he was fishing on Isabella Lake. As he looked around he noticed a lot of odd somethings. He reached into the cold water and pulled out what turned out to be a severed hand. “I was shocked and realized it was a bunch of body parts under the ice!” said the man. He immediately rode to Valentine, where he managed to round up a few residents and a federal marshal who was in town. They returned to Lake Isabella and investigated the scene. Dozens of body parts were found. The Valentine doctor examined the remains that were brought back. “There was at least three victims here, maybe four or five,” said the doctor. “Hard to say how long they’ve been dead given the conditions the body parts were found in.”

This comes after a report two weeks ago that the serial killer known as the Wolf Man was near Lake Isabella. The Wolf Man is officially considered dead, with many witnesses who watched him hang. Some have suggested the Wolf Man spotting was simply a hoax, a lie meant to scare folks. However, this discovery may be evidence that a new killer has emerged and taken on the Wolf Man mantle. That certainly seems likelier than the Wolf Man coming back from the dead.


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Man continues to fish in creek with no fish
By Daisy Fairman
A Strawberry resident has been fishing in the Hawks Eye Creek for over a year now, despite no fish being found in the creek. Hawks Eye Creek forms at the base of Mount Shann and runs through Strawberry and lower Big Valley until it empties into the Upper Montana River. For most of of that path, the creek is very shallow. Around Strawberry, there are no fish in the creek and yet the resident has been fishing nearly nonstop. He is not alone, as sometimes other residents will be seen fishing off the bridge. On rare occasion, cowpokes new to Strawberry see the residents and cast their own rod into the creek only to be disappointed. So why does he do it? Why fish for a year when you never catch anything? “Why not?” was his response.


$185. Never ride a stagecoach without a coach gun. Ambush the ambushers with a chest full of buckshot.

Skinner Brothers attack leaves half a dozen dead, two missing
By Nick McCrary
A family was murdered this week in the Tall Trees. The family was moving from Big Valley to New Austin. “They were looking for a dryer climate, the old man had consumption you see,” said a man who knew the family. There were no witnesses, however, authorities are certain the murder was done by the Skinner Brothers. The wagons and horses were covered in arrows. Miraculously one of the horses survived. “I am taking care of him now, named him Arrow, I did,” said the woman who discovered the grizzly scene. Of the six dead, two were killed immediately. Their bodies were found still sitting on the wagon as if nothing had happened, though the arrows clearly happened.

The other four likely attempted to take cover but were killed as well. They were found laying around the wagon, each with several arrows in them. The one her got the furthest had a hatchet still buried in his spine. When the witness arrived, she said he was still, “moving and moaning.” However, he was dead by the time the authorities arrived. Only one member of the group had unholstered their gun. “It’s not terribly surprising, the Skinners are notorious for sneak attacks,” said a policeman from Blackwater. The other two members of the party are unaccounted for. One appeared to have been dragged away while the other may have been stowed on a horse. “Better to have been one of the six,” said the policeman with a shutter, “those two that were captured are the unlucky ones.”

Gunspinning, A True Western Icon

By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Freelancer)

For cowpokes all across the west, most of them think they are the best. The best at riding a horse, the best at surviving in these troubled times. But most of all, the best at gunfighting. While many like to brag about being the quickest on the draw or being the most accurate, there is one aspect people like to brag about most. Everyone wants to think they are the most talented at gunspinning.

To the uninformed, gunspinning is the art of twirling a revolver or rifle on the person’s index finger. It offers no real tactical advantage besides impressing onlookers. Plenty of people believe its cool, and a sharp display of ones reflects. Others think it’s just blowhard theatrics worthy of only exhibition shooting and nothing else. Countless people have claimed to be the best at it, from a young kid in Valentine to a wealthy Saint-Denis businessman. But most usually agree the best trick shooter is a strange Russian sometimes spotted roaming the Five State Area. He has been seen doing everything from complicated spins to even juggling Cattleman revolvers.

What is agreed upon is how dangerous this little sport can be. A whole manner of things can go wrong. Some individuals have managed to accidentally shoot themselves while spinning. Its strongly advised to empty the chambers in your revolver or rifle first. The other health hazard is other cowpokes getting the wrong message. Last month a man in Tumbleweed was shot because the other cowpoke saw him go for his revolver. Instead of displaying his skills, he was instead given a six-foot burial entirely because of misidentification.

Not all who practice gunspinning do it in the name of boastfulness. There are a few tricks that are helpful in a gunfight, but they are not the types of tricks you’d call honorable. The most notable of them is called the Road Agents Spin. It’s a simple maneuver; it allows the gunslinger to take rapidly flip a revolver 180 degrees. Its often used during a fake surrender, catching the other man likely off guard. This tactic has been reportedly used by infamous outlaws like Flaco Hernández, Otis Miller, and Myra Rose Hart.

Whether its dumb theatrics or clever trickery, the usage of gunspinning is likely to rise in the coming years. People in the east often read about it and try to imitate it. If there is one aspect of the west that is likely never to die, it’s the art of spinning a gun to impress another human.

Hostage Exchange Turns Violent
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Freelancer)
The Citizens of Valentine waited anxiously last night for news of the hostage exchange going on near Flat neck Station. By some miracle, the 500-dollar ransom was raised within a few short days.  While most were happy, sheriff Malloy was pessimistic. For the citizens of Valentine, he presented a calm, upbeat image, but it was a lie.  He had looked over miss Myra Rose Harts’s record and was horrified.

“Everything from first-degree murder to indent exposure.  This woman has no heart, at least someone like Black Belle could be charitably called human.”

Malloy knew she wasn’t going to play nice with poor June Caldwell, so he sent several deputies to protect Doctor Calloway.  As the hopeful sun was vanquished by cold night, tensions ran high among the posse.  Every sound made everyone jump, the cold breeze coming off Flat Iron lake didn’t help.  It was at midnight when someone lit a cigarette; it was time.

Doctor Calloway called out for his assistant, he heard no words from June, but he did hear the voice of a woman with a notable southern twang call out.  

“I’m touched by your kindness; I didn’t even think anyone cared about this sorry wench.  You know who I am, so let’s skip the pleasantries. I think y’all got something for me.”  

Doctor Calloway took out the shoulder bag carrying five hundred dollars and threw it in the general direction of the voice.  Before she could even respond, Calloway lost his temper.  

“What kind of woman are you? Depriving sick people of help. Torturing innocent girls.  You think God put you on this Earth just to hurt others?”

For a moment there was silence, then a shadow stepped out into the moonlight, pushing a bound and gagged woman.

“The lord above isn’t going to step down and stop me, so why should I worry about what he thinks.  I do what I do because it pleases me.  On this Earth, I am God.” 
She then took out a large bowie knife, Calloway could see it was near solid black with silver skulls etched on the blade.  

“Take her, I’m afraid she’s no longer useful to me, maybe you’ll get more out of her.”  

Instead of cutting the thick ropes, she plunged the dagger into June’s torso before pushing her forward. The deputies then started firing at the woman in black.  She threw herself behind a tree before returning fire.  Calloway ran to his assistant and managed to carry her to safety while putting pressure on the wound.  The gunfight raged for an unknown amount of time before miss Hart managed to evade the law.  None of the deputies were killed, although three received minor hand injuries.  

Miraculously, June is expected to pull through.  Doctor Calloway expressed his sincerest thanks to the locals and the Five State Herald for helping bring her back.  The bounty for Miss Hart is expected to increase, though few still dare try. 


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Custody of Bobby Rudnab decided
By Aloysius Levron
More than six months ago the Rudnab family was struck by tragedy when their young boy Bobby went missing. Many believed the boy to be dead, however the boy’s mother was persistent. She found a boy in Saint Denis who she claimed looked just the way she remembered her own child. The man who the child was with was not the boy’s father, and so the case went to a local judge. The judge considered the evidence, of which there was not much. The boy knew nothing of the the man’s claim that the boy was given away freely by his mother. However, the boy did not recognize Mrs. Rudnab either and never remembered vacationing in the bayou or going missing. Moreover, the boy claimed his name was Bruce, not Bobby. Mr. Walters, the man arrested for kidnapping, brought a woman to Lemoyne he claimed was the boy’s real mother.

Reports indicated that the woman, Miss Anderson, had difficulty identifying the boy as her son prior to the trial. This is the evidence that the Rudnab’s attorney relied on primarily to make their case. While the woman later said she was certain it was her son, her previous confusion had already been widely reported. Other witnesses came to the trial and defended Mr. Walters, claiming they had seen the boy with him before Bobby Rudnab went missing. Throughout the duration of the case, the judge was visibly frustrated as he tried to cut through the hearsay. In the end, the judge decided that a true mother “ought to know what her child looks like.” Further, the judge questioned Miss Anderson’s character and asked, “what kind of woman would have three children out of wedlock?”

It became clear how the judge would decide. The Rudnab’s celebrated when the judge awarded them custody of the boy, now legally recognized as Bobby Rudnab. Miss Anderson appeared dejected and did not want to comment on the case. Mr. Walters was subsequently found guilty of kidnapping and taken to jail. He will serve out his sentence in Sisika Penitentiary.

Klan resurgence met with resistance
By Mathilde Orry
Following the end of the Civil War, many Southern veterans joined the Ku Klux Klan. The group sought to reestablish white dominance in the South. The period of Reconstruction in the South, where the United States Army protected newly freed slaves, saw a significant growth in black representation, which infuriated many former Confederate Soldiers and land owners. With the army protecting their rights, freed slaves have been eager to participate in voting and exercise the rights that many say they have deserved since birth. The Klan itself was decimated by the U.S. army chasing Klan members in South until the group disbanded in the early 1870s. However the Reconstruction period ended in 1877. The national government withdrew troops from the South and oppression of black citizens resumed almost immediately.

Though there is no evidence of a national movement at this point, local groups have begun to resuscitate the Klan. Witnesses have seen robed people burning crosses in the dark of night. This week, a story beyond eyewitness testimony occurred. In Scarlett Meadows, a dozen robed white men were found dead. Many were missing limbs, the result of an explosion that happened in the middle of the group. Others further from the center of the group were shot dead. The identity of the attacker, or attackers, is unknown. However, the attack itself is a warning that the Klan will not be tolerated by everybody. More importantly, those less tolerant of the Klan are well armed.

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Trans-Mississippi Exposition prepared to open in coming weeks
By Adam Parvey
Omaha, Nebraska is set to hold the next World’s Fair. With the grand goal of highlighting the Wild West, the Trans-Mississippi Exposition seeks to show how folks live from the Lannahechee River all the way to the California coast. Over 4,000 exhibits will be displayed for five months. Indians are expected to be featured prominently and Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show is sure to draw many visitors. President MacAlister is expected to attend and speak to exposition attendees.

United States takes another decisive step in war with Spain
By Humphrey Harker
Fresh off the naval victory in Manila Bay, the United States moved a portion of its fleet to Puerto Rico. There, the fleet has attacked the capital San Juan. After the attack the U.S. Navy was able to establish a blockade. This may be the first signs of an expansion of this war beyond Cuba. With the U.S. already throwing support behind an independent Philippines nation, many suspect the war will creep that way sooner rather than later.

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