Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Animal populations rebounding after private investors “stock” the Five States with new wild life
By Frederick Vannesse
Last week private investors announced a plan to boost and stabilize animal populations across the Five States. The announcement was met with a great deal of skepticism. In attempt to satisfy the skeptics, the investors hosted a Wild Animal Hunt competition. That competition was considered a success. Soon after, the private investors began releasing animals into the wild across the Five States. This was a method attempted in the past to boost declining animal populations, however this time it was done on a much larger scale.
Previous attempts focused on regions such as Big Valley, the Heartlands, and Scarlett Meadows. Moreover, the previous attempt released very few predators into the wild. The cost of this endeavor was not stated, a spokesperson for the private investors merely said that they, “had extra money sitting around doing nothing and decided to do something with it.” Many have pointed out that over-hunting will likely lead to near extinction again, possibly in the very near future. Long term proposals have included the adoption of hunting licenses to restrict who can hunt and setting off areas across the Five States as game preserves, where hunting would be illegal. Either method would allow animal populations to grow according to conservationists.
While most cowpokes are seeing more animals than they have in the past several weeks, many are still wandering the untamed lands in search of something to hunt. “Big solutions take time, but we think we have the right of it this time,” said are one of the private investors. The investors are releasing animals into the wild at a controlled rate, hoping to counter the over-hunting. “It’s important that there are viable animal populations without there being population explosions. Folks see lots of animals and they hunt more, we need there to be just enough animals,” the private investor (who refused to be named in this paper) continued. The investors are also working on a breeding program to breed the animals in areas just outside of the Five States, which would be an effective game preserve without action from the states’ legislatures.
Cowpoke recovers stolen wagon
By Alois Burditt
A resident of Gaptooth Ridge had their wagon stolen early this week. The resident reported the crime to Sheriff Freeman, however it was out of Freeman’s jurisdiction. While the “out of my jurisdiction” response is typically used as a legal excuse to avoid doing anything, Freeman would prefer to take action. The law as it is simply prevents that. There is also a practical matter that Sheriff Freeman must consider. “Tumbleweed is a town in the middle of nowhere. And nowhere is where the bad guys hang around. I send my deputies chasing every bad guy and ain’t nobody gonna be in the town to protect these folks.”
Sheriff Freeman instead hired a freelancing cowpoke. “A bounty hunter just turned a man in, so I asked, wanna make a buck or two?” The cowpoke took the job and was able to recover the wagon with minimal casualties and with great speed. The bad guys, likely assuming they were far enough away to no longer worry about being chased, were casually driving the wagon north of Tumbleweed when the cowpoke came upon them. “The cowpoke earned his couple of bucks, which is all I promised,” said Sheriff Freeman.
Gunfight near Window Rock, roaming gypsy watches it all
By Jane Duran
A traveling cowpoke headed up to Window Rock, investigating rumors that the wandering gypsy Madam Nazar had made camp there. “I had a couple of sets of collectibles to sell and headed up to her last known location,” said the cowpoke. When they arrived, they noticed another cowpoke handling business with Madam Nazar and thought nothing of it. The cowpoke took care of their business, selling their collections and purchasing various items including herbs. As the cowpoke packed up, however, the other cowpoke fired his gun. “I heard the shot and my horse reared up,” said the cowpoke. The first shot clipped their shoulder, but did not cause serious damage.
After turning around to face the attacker, the cowpoke noticed the attacker was taking refuge in a house. “I chucked a few bottles of toxic… well, something to make it hard to breathe, anyway,” the cowpoke stated. As the clouds of noxious fumes filled the small building, the attacker came out coughing. The cowpoke tackled and hogtied the attacker before leaving, “I ain’t a killer,” said the cowpoke. Madam Nazar witnessed the entire event and merely said, “If they spend more time collecting and less time shooting, they’d make more money.”
Renegades held off by trader and guards
By Nick McCrary
The group called the Renegades continue to harass traders across the Five states and around West Elizabeth in particular. This time the defending trader showed that the Renegades are not unbeatable. The trader was racing to Blackwater when the Renegades set upon him. He sped up as quick as his heavy trading wagon would let him go. He also proved to be an adept shooter and along with his guards, they were more than enough to hold back the Renegades. According to a witness, the key to the trader’s success was focusing on the Renegades’ horses. Focusing on their horses led to the Renegades being unable to keep up with the trader, no longer having a horse to ride. One Renegade stole a horse from a nearby rider, however, he quickly realized the trader was now far too close to Blackwater. The police heard the shooting and had already moved into position to intercept the attackers.
Curiously, the Herald was contacted directly by the Renegades a day after the failed robbery. The telegram came from someone calling themselves Psycho Chronicus, a name that nobody at the Herald quite understood. His note was short, “you win some, you lose some.” It seems the Renegades read the Herald and have noticed that they have been, well, noticed.
Ten Years Later, London Fiend Still Not Caught
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Freelancer)
Ten years ago, the world’s eye was on a small section of London called Whitechapel. If anyone had been asked what it is a year before, nobody would know. Even native Londoners didn’t think much of the place. But in 1888, the streets of Whitechapel ran red, in an event called the Autumn of Terror. Five destitute women, some say they were merely poor, some say they were prostitutes, were savagely murdered. The police tried there best, but no man was ever arrested. As soon as he appeared, he suddenly vanished like an evil spirit. He may not have a face, but he has a name.
During the terror, letters were sent out to the police, signed with the name Jack the Ripper. Ten years later and the mystery still seems as unknowable as it was in the cold autumn months. Police officers with spare time and curious everyday citizens alike still try to solve the case every so often. There is now a cottage industry of merchandise and even tours where the murders took place. Retired Chief Inspector Samuel Abberfan, who led the case, is both disgusted with how people are profiting off of misery and with all the myths that come with it.
“I worked that bloody case the best I could. We truly tried our best, and this is how people look back at it. Not as a tragedy, but as a tourist attraction, making money off the dead. People all over the world think it was some genius, upper-class doctor. If that had been true, we would have found him.”
Abberfan also added that the famous letters were probably sent in by unscrupulous journalists looking to make money, and not by a killer.
“It’s all wrong, murderous doctor, letters, everything. What we had was a low class, low intelligent brute. Why he hated women, I cannot say, but whatever he was, he lashed out at the fairer sex.”
Hundreds of people have been suspected of being the mythical Ripper. Doctors, butchers, barbers, and shoemakers. Natural born citizens and immigrants. Actors and royalty. Rich and poor. Perhaps Abberfan is correct; it wasn’t some brilliantly damaged person, but an aggressive, disorganized psychopath. Regardless, he was and likely will never be found. Whether he even still draws breath is a debated question. But the image of the top hat-wearing, knife-wielding killer will likely persist long after we’ve all returned to dust. Before leaving, Abberfan had this to say.
“It’s human nature to believe the most interesting version of a story. We’re merely billion-year-old carbon; we don’t change. When our history is written, it will be the legend, only because the truth is so dreadful.”
Valentine doctor sees massive selling of herbs needed for medicine, residents will benefit greatly
By Emery Cosberry
The Valentine Doctor nearly went broke this week as cowpoke after cowpoke entered his office to sell herbs. “I’m one of the few doctors in the Five States, only one in New Hanover. I don’t have time to go about picking herbs,” said the doctor. Cowpokes often show up to sell their extra herbs to the doctor and as an incentive, the doctor rewards cowpokes with an exclusive belt buckle available nowhere else. This week saw an increased number of sellers. “I haven’t sold herbs in quite sometime, already got me the belt buckle,” said one cowpoke. They continued, “But when I heard the doc’s special of half a gold bar for five herbs sold, I couldn’t pass it up.” Unfortunately for the doctor, most cowpokes sold herbs he did not need. “I got a lot of violet snowdrops, more than I can do anything with,” said the doctor.
Trader and bounty hunter nearly come to a shootout
Van R. Seldon
A trader had been tracking a perfect buck in Heartland Overflow. Just as the trader took aim, a snake spooked their horse which in turn spooked the deer. The trader gave chase. Unbeknownst to the trader, a bounty hunter was searching for a bounty in that same area. The buck moved into some bushes and a man came running out. The trader reacted quickly without processing that it was a man and not a deer that came out of the bushes. The trader fired and killed the man. The bounty hunter ran toward the sound of the gunshot.
Before the bounty hunter could see what happened, a buck (perhaps the same one the trader had been chasing) charged the bounty hunter. The bounty hunter jumped to the side the buck ran on. When the bounty hunter arrived to the scene of the dead man, he was shocked and annoyed. “I prefer to bring ’em in alive and this feller killed him. He cut into my profits,” said the bounty hunter. The trader said it was an accident, “I reacted on instinct. It wasn’t my aim to kill a man, but at least it was a bad man.” The two cowpokes nearly entered into a shootout. However, the trader offered the bounty hunter a spot on his next delivery escort, which diffused the situation. According to the trader, that is a job that will pay over $300 to make up for the dead bounty.
Family Burned Alive and Cattle Mutilated by Unknown Criminal
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Freelancer)
The Meade family was as of last week, a reasonably reputable cattle farm in western Lemoyne. They had no known enemies, and everyone who worked with them said Francis Meade, his wife, and two young daughters were fine people. So it was utterly shocking when this week, the family property was set alight, with the Meades still in their beds. It was first reported around midnight by a traveling cowpoke that a large distinctive light was coming from the Meade farm. Neighbors went to check and saw an out of control fire, destroying the main house. The front and back doors were blocked with furniture. Another peculiar site was all the cattle, dead and skinned. During the commotion, a local Saint-Denis fire brigade was brought in, which thankfully put out the fire in record time.
By the time the fire was put out, a small crowd had developed, hoping against hope that the local rancher had survived. It was for not sadly, Francis, his wife Helen, and the two girls had passed on. The brigade members all reported that the bedroom doors were blocked with chairs, similar to the front doors.
Local law then turned their attention to the cattle. All ten prized cows had been shot and skinned, in a fairly rudimentary fashion.
Sheriff Albert Donahue had an interesting theory.
“It’s no secret that animals had been fairly hard to find as of late due to overhunting. Perhaps what we have here is someone getting creative in a rather gruesome fashion. I think it was one person, cattle rustler or poacher. This individual locked the family in and started a fire as a cover to kill the cattle. They can’t fight back if the family’s already dead.”
Although it’s not known who started the fire, it is clear he or she displayed an unfathomably low level of morality. So much so that it reminded local citizens of another infamous monster. Cecil Tucker used to set houses on fire, murdering whole families.
While he was killed months ago, it’s not impossible to say his crimes didn’t influence this ghastly event.
For now, western Lemoyne mourns, all while sheriff Donahue politely reminds anyone that four murders and ten counts of poaching are more than enough to hang for eternity.
New “soft” drink rebranded
By Adam Parvey
American pharmacist and inventor, Caleb Bradham has officially changed the name of his new beverage, Brad’s Drink. The original name lacked distinction and zeal. Mr. Bradham has renamed his “soft” drink Pepsi-Cola, clearly aiming to compete with the popular Coca-Cola. Those who prefer Coca-Cola have said that Bradham’s dreams of competing with the popular “soft” drink are insane and that no drink could be as tasty, addictive and have medicinal qualities. Pepsi-Cola’s fans however have said Pepsi-Cola is just as addictive, twice as carbonated, and has medicinal qualities of its own as a digestive aid.
SS La Bourgogne sinks after colliding with another ship
By Ivy Seager
The SS La Bourgogne has sunk south of Nova Scotia. Details are scarce, however it is known that the ship the Cromartyshire was the other ship involved. The fog was dense at the time and the Cromartyshire had been blaring its fog horn when the collision occurred. The SS La Bourgogne used whistles and signal rockets to indicate their position however the crew of the Cromartyshire claimed to have mistook these signs. They believed the La Bourgogne had been offering assistance, when it had in fact been sinking. 549 people lost their life in the accident.
The Five States Herald 