Issue XXVI

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To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.

Prostitute Earnings Down Across Five States

By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Freelancer)

Prostitution, the world’s oldest profession.  Some people find it empowering, others demeaning.  But there’s one thing everyone can agree on; its profitability is at an all-time low in the five-state area.  Speaking with various saloon keepers and madams, one has to come to the conclusion that cowpokes all around are drinking and eating, but seemingly have no interest in working girls.  Local Valentine girl Mary Lou Hamilton expressed complete shock at the lack of customers.

“I just don’t understand why people keep ignoring us.  I dress the best I can; I act seductively.  I even mention that I’m very good at giving private baths that aren’t even sexual.  But all these cowpokes just keep on drinking, gambling, and fighting each other.  Soon enough, us girls are gonna be out on the street begging like a homeless veteran.”

Prostitute charity has been a standard answer wherever I’ve gone.  Most of these girls didn’t intend to end up this way.  Most had to find a job to escape poverty; now, it seems they are likely to end up on the street again or worse.  Increasingly these destitute women are turning to other more extreme types of crime.  Countless cowpokes and prospectors have reported being pulled over at gunpoint by saloon girls, usually just desperate for food or money but not willing to beg.  There have even been some notably high-profile examples of prostitutes becoming outlaws.  The infamous train robber Etta Doyle used to be a former madam; her gang was made up entirely of prostitutes who turned to crime once the money dried up. The recent big female outlaw, Myra Rose Hart, is also reported to have worked as a prostitute at one point.

Despite the causes of these brothel girl depression being unknown, many still hold out hope that things will get better.  One girl by the name of Susannah even mentioned a place she knows is flourishing with prostitutes.

“I have a cousin who lives in this here city.  California, I do believe, can’t remember the name.  She says you’ll find working girls everywhere.  In saloons, in hotels, its so packed that many are just waiting on street corners.  She did caution that it’s more violent up there than the Five State Area, but I don’t care!  If I can make enough money, I’m moving there; it sounds like paradise.  But even I can’t well; I hope it gets better for us soon, which I’m sure it will.”

Military style gunfight in Tumbleweed
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Freelancer)
This week in Tumbleweed, citizens witnessed a gunfight unlike most.  In was at dusk and an unknown woman was on the outskirts of town, looking at a map.  As she studied it, four heavily armed cowpokes showed up and told her to leave.  Sheriff Samuel Freeman immediately took notice and tried to calm posse.  Things appeared to calm down when the posse leader drew his navy revolver.  Suddenly the woman pulled out her two revolvers and shot the leader squarely in the face.  She then turned and shot a second member of the group three times in the chest.  She then ran for cover amongst the rock formations just outside of town.  The sheriff in vain tried to maintain order but most of the town simply looked on in sheer amusement.  It was at this moment that the gunfight became more of a military engagement.

Rather then simply charge at the girl and kill her, the two cowpokes split up.  They knew charging across the open desert was suicidal, so they planned accordingly.  One hid behind a rock and kept her pinned down with Lancaster rifle gunfire.  The other attempted to sneak around and shoot her.  It almost worked, if the woman hadn’t put her large feathery hat on a cactus as a decoy.  The lady then herself snuck from rock to rock until she had a clear shot, one bolt action round went clean through the cowpokes throat.  He quickly bled out among the rocks. 

The last posse member was by then close enough to run at her with a bowie knife, she just took out her revolver, flipped a switch and shot him in the leg.  He didn’t know it was a LeMat until it was too late.  She then reportedly starred at the man with a smirk before stabbing him with the knife.  She then called for her horse and rode off.

The identities of all the gunfighters remain unknown.  The prevailing theory is that the four cowpokes were off duty soldiers, since common bandits would never use such clever tactics.  Whatever the case, it appears to be a gunfight likely to go down in Tumbleweed history.

Train stolen near McFarlane’s Ranch
Wylie Frey
Trains trek through uncivilized land far from the law and as such, are often beset upon by bandits. It is rare, however, for attacks to happen near populated settlements or for the train itself to be stolen. Both of those things happened this week. The train made its usual stop near MacFarlane’s Ranch, where many cowpokes catch the train and ride it into west New Austin. While making that stop, a cowpoke killed the engineer and drove the train away. A few lawmen had been at MacFarlane’s ranch, resting and having a meal before heading back out on the road. They sent a couple of riders out to get back up and pursued the train. However, the train picked up speed and the lawmen were unable to pursue.

A few lawmen who had camped in northern Hennigan’s Stead saw the train go by. However, they did not see anything out of the ordinary and so they did not pursue. The train was found later abandoned in Armadillo.

Double murder and robbery witnessed near Moonstone Pond
By Jane Duran
Two men were murdered in East Grizzlies, just west of Moonstone Pond. The murder was witnessed by a man hiding in the bushes. A cowpoke rode up to the two men, who were too involved in their discussion to take notice. The witness paused as the cowpoke drew two pistols and killed both men with shots to their heads. “They looted the bodies and then took a piece of paper from the chest,” the witness said. The cowpoke read the piece of paper right there before folding it and tucking it in their pocket. They rode off without noticing they had been watched the whole time. The witness said it was too dark to make out any of the cowpoke’s features. When asked what they were doing there, the witness shrugged and said, “I heard a rumor about a rare recipe in this region. Guess I got beat to it.”


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Revenue agents clash with Blackwater police
By Nick McCrary
The Great Plains has played host to more than its fair share of revenue agent checkpoints. Nearly every crossroads has hosted a checkpoint at some point and at least one hosts a checkpoint at any given moment. However, revenue agents have not been finding what they are looking for. Wagon after wagon is waved through, while the occasional wagon is inspected. Many of those are waved on their way as well. On the rare occasion that they spot a wagon with moonshine, the bootlegger usually gets away (leaving many dead revenue agents in their wake). This level of failure seems to have brought morale down. Three revenue agents decided to leave their checkpoint and head into Blackwater, where they harassed the local bartender about the origins of their alcohol. “The agent said something about a wagon he saw pull up near the back, said it looked suspicious,” said a bar patron who witnessed the beginning of the fight.

The local police showed up and reminded the revenue agents of their jurisdiction, setting off a heated argument over bureaucratic procedure and authority. “If there is liquor here avoiding federal taxes, it’s our jurisdiction,” said one of the revenue agents. The local police proved to be adept at the law as well. “Maybe that’s so, but if you don’t have a warrant you can’t be checking for liquor here, now can you?” Many patrons returned to drinking, disappointed in the lack of a fight and uninterested in a debate over legal authority. However, as it became increasingly obvious that both sides were merely repeating the same arguments over and over, one of the local policeman said, “So everyone knows you’re all just taxmen, right? I mean, it’s alcohol you’re focused on now but you got something to do with all kinds of excise taxes that these fine people have to pay, right?”

Being reminded about paying various taxes roused the Patriot in every patron. A tension came over the bar, according to those that were there. It was suddenly quiet and though nobody seemed to have moved everyone knew that everyone else had a hand on their gun. The revenue agents took the cue and retreated from the bar. The bartender offered a round of alcohol on the house once the agents were gone, an exotic liquor called Agarita Sunrise.


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Caravan attacked north of Owanjila in attempt to bring in four wanted men
By Daisy Fairman
A cowpoke camped in Big Valley watched a posse of bounty hunters apprehend four targets with unexpected efficiency. “The road from Owanjila to Little Creek River is a bit narrow, with trees on both sides it isn’t easy to maneuver a wagon. These guys knew what they were doing and knew the area well,” said the cowpoke. The first thing the camping cowpoke saw was two “metal wagons, you know like they use transport prisoners.” The drivers parked the wagons in the middle of the road where trees were dense one one side and fallen over on the other. “I wasn’t sure what I was witnessing until the other wagons showed up,” said the witness. A caravan of coach style wagons and a few mounted gunmen moved slowly up the road. When they came across the two wagons blocking the road they knew something was going on.

The members of the caravan took up defensive positions and looking around in a panic. “I kept myself low, didn’t want them thinking I was involved in this,” said the witness as he watched through his binoculars. Gun shots rang out next from all sides. A couple of cowpokes came up from the rear while one came from the left and right of the road. As the caravan members began to scatter, one of the wagon doors opened and a fourth cowpoke came out shooting. In a few moments many gunmen were dead while others were hogtied. The witness counted four men tied up and struggling thrown into one of the wagons. “They saw me, them bounty hunters, as they rode by. That’s how I knew they were bounty hunters,” said the witness. Not interested in another gunfight or potentially killing an innocent man, one of the cowpokes rode up to the witness to inform him that they were legally licensed bounty hunters bringing in wanted fugitives. “Hell, they could have Respawners collecting sacrifices. I was on my lonesome, wasn’t about to try and fight them!”


Are you awakened by strange noises in the middle of the night? Do you experience dread when criminals hide in your basement or attic? Have you or your family ever seen a criminal or crime? If the answer is yes, don’t wait another minute. Get to your nearest telegraph to contact the professionals at the Herald today! Our courteous and efficient staff is ready receive your telegram 24 hours a day! No matter how unbelievable the story, we’re ready to believe you!


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Shocking murder of coal mine mogul to send shockwaves throughout the mining industry, has the Smoking Gun’s ambition grown?

By Ela Q. Asken

I was prepared to leave Annesburg. My search for the Smoking Gun still ongoing but with no new information gained. It was with great frustration that I prepared to board an early morning train out of Annesburg. However, a scream loud enough to pierce the ambient noise of Annesburg changed my plans. A murder had taken place and I was to be the first on the scene. Lucus Kerkwood, coal mine mogul, was found dead in his own office. He was tied to his own chair and gagged. His death brought about by a single gun shot to the center of his forehead. In the ashtray were half a dozen cigarette filters, none of which were from a hand rolled cigarette.

Kerkwood had recently begun letting workers go. In the last several years he expanded rapidly, purchasing the mining rights to any land he could. Unbeknownst to those close to him, Kerkwood had resorted to taking loans to continue purchasing new mining rights. Some of his mining rights proved profitable, however the vast majority of the deeds he purchased were for mines long dry or with less ore than claimed. The rapid terminations of employees were supposed to set his finances straight, however, time was not on his side. His debtors were tired of waiting so their Smoking Gun came to collect their pound of flesh.

The ropes used for the bindings, the single shot to the head, victim swimming in debt, all the signs pointing to the Smoking Gun. A worker came by Kerkwood’s office after putting in several overtime hours, however Kerkwood never answered the door so the worker left. The worker did not look inside the office, having “no reason to think anything bad happened to him.” One witness did admit to seeing something, though they did not think it was important at the time.

While taking a stroll through the cool night a witness saw a well dressed man wearing a flat cap walking away from the general direction of Kerkwood’s office. “He turned a corner, kind of appeared out of nowhere,” said the witness. “He struck a match on the wall without slowing, lit a cigarette and tossed the match on the ground.” The witness was close enough to make out a mustache and green eyes that stood out in the dark. “I heard the sound of spurs as he walked and I just felt he wasn’t someone I wanted to cross at night, you know? So I kept to myself and went on my way.”

The Smoking Gun had been in Annesburg at the same time as me. He had been staying in the same town. We may have eaten at the same places. Was he watching me and waiting for his next kill? While it seems I am no closer to the Smoking Gun than a week ago, I now know another immutable characteristic. He has green eyes, a trait not so common. Mr. Kerkwood’s properties will be auctioned off to pay off his debts.

Bison allegedly spotted in the Heartlands
By Emery Cosberry
A cowpoke claimed to have spotted a bison in the Heartlands near Heartland Overlow. They were more excited about the materials that could be gained from hunting the lone bison than taking a picture of it. However, they did provide a bison horn as evidence. This was not convincing on its own and so I followed the cowpoke to their camp, where they said the bison pelt was stored. Unfortunately, their trading partner had already cut the pelt up and I was unable to verify if it was indeed from a fresh kill.


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Braithwaite interests in Roanoke Ridge attacked, no official report made
By Van R. Seldon
A source has confirmed a rumor that a Braithwaite operation in Roanoke Ridge was sabotaged. Further, the source suggested it was a moonshine operation. The Braithwaites have claimed such accusations are false and stem from their feud with the Gray family. “The Grays have long used their position as lawmen in Rhodes to legitimize their claims that we run illicit businesses. Our businesses are all legal. The Grays merely envy us because they cannot succeed without abusing their authority as lawmen,” said a member of the Braithwaite family. According to my source, an unknown number of cowpokes assaulted the moonshine operation. The attackers were never seen. Patrols began finding dead bodies, suggesting the attackers killed their way through the operation. The victims were killed with arrows, explaining how the attackers moved through the area silently.

Those still alive took up defensive positions and then searched the woods, but could not find the attackers. My source indicates that initially the Braithwaites thought it was a random attacks by the Skinner gang, who sometimes use bows and arrows. However, the Skinners are not methodical and are more likely to charge in with abandoned than silently kill their targets. Further, my source has informed me that part of that batch was sold afterwards and the buyers reported being poisoned. The Braithwaites allegedly destroyed the rest of the moonshine due to some kind of contamination.

Animal killing competition brings hunters not interested in winning, just keeping carcasses
By Mathilde Orry
Early this week a group of private investors hosted an event to celebrate their efforts to repopulate the Five States. The event was dubbed The Wild Animal Hunt, a title that certainly is descriptive if a bit unexciting. “We have worked hard, and spent a lot of money, to repopulate the Five States with wild animals. You’ll see later this week that we mean business, but this event is to get everyone excited for wild animals again!” said one of the event organizers. Wild animals were released in Scarlett Meadows and judges scored cowpokes for killing the beasts.

Points varied depending on the animal and on occasion, predators were released that were worth more points. While most of the participants mounted their horses and hunted to win, others remained skeptical of the organizers’ claims and acted accordingly. “These folks say that animals are coming, I don’t believe ’em,” said one cowpoke. “But I did see a lot of dead animals for the taking.” Many cowpokes chose to put away their guns and instead skin the animals killed by those playing to win. A few even loaded up wagons with dead carcasses. Event organizers took this unexpected behavior in stride. “I understand why they would not believe us, they’ve been burned in the past, yes? But that was the government. We are private industry and we succeed where they fail when there is a profit to be made,” one of the organizers told me with a not so subtle wink.

Court trial to determine identity of Rudnab child has begun
Aloysius Levron
The Rudnab family is hoping to be another step closer to reuniting with their son. Having lost her child six months ago while vacationing in the bayou, Mrs. Rudnab spotted a boy she claimed to be hers. The trial to determine custody of the child is underway. The judge will have to determine who has a likelier claim to the being the child’s guardian. The boy was found with a man who admitted to not being the father, but said the boy’s actual mother willingly gave him the child. That woman is, however, missing presently. The woman claims he looks just like what her son should look like six months older. A decision is expected to be reached this week.

Shootout near Emerald Ranch in another bounty hunt gone wrong

By Donna Deshner

Bounty hunting is a profession that only certain types of folks can do successfully, but pretty much anyone can try their hand at. All over the Five States wanted men and women hide among innocent folk, making bounty hunting a practice in discretion. Some bounty hunters do not have time for that level of discretion, however, and resort to shooting up any location they find their target in. Such bounty hunters came to Emerald Ranch this week hunting one Charles Doucet. Doucet fled into Emerald Ranch hoping the bounty hunters would fall back instead of engage in the populated area.

The bounty hunters continued their pursuit and began firing on Doucet. Witnesses report that Doucet began weaving his horse between farm hands with great ease despite the speed at which he traveled. Using the farmhands as human shields was a successful tactic for Doucet, but left many dead at the hands of the bounty hunters. Doucet managed to jump through a window of a nearby building and take cover. It is here that this story takes a surprising turn. While I did speak to witnesses concerning this event, I learned of it from a letter from Mr. Doucet himself.

Doucet noticed a farmhand where he had taken up a defensive position. If the farmhand noticed Doucet, he did not seem to indicate it. The man, who Mr. Doucet referred to as Edward Drivens, continued his work despite the bounty hunters’ bullets flying by him. Doucet, in an effort to scare the bounty hunters off, began tossing dynamite out of the window. This was not enough to distract Mr. Drivens, who remained hard at work. Mr. Doucet took a moment while he was being fired at to take a picture of Mr. Drivens (provided below).

Eventually, the bounty hunters decided the cost of bringing in Mr. Doucet was higher than the bounty on him. The bounty hunters rode off, leaving Mr. Doucet in near silence. As the sound of the gunfire and explosions disappeared, Mr. Drivens’ labor was all that kept the silence at bay. Mr. Doucet used the opportunity to flee and later write the Herald with how impressed they were with Mr. Drivens’ work ethic, which Mr. Doucet described as, “of such magnitude that he payed no mind when I had to shoot one of those bounty hunting rats in the head not so much as two paces in the front of him.”

Repairs in San Francisco started
By Frederick Vannesse
Earlier in the year an earthquake rocked San Francisco, leaving many hurt or dead. Buildings also took a considerable amount of damage. Enough of the debris has been cleared now that assessors can come in and determine the cost of repairs, which officials say is the first step in actual repairs. The various assessors work for different private companies, who will bid on repairs based on reports. The city spokesman has said that so far bids total for as low as $100,000. However, I spoke with a few assessors who said modest overruns should not be unexpected.

United States Navy captures Spanish merchant ship
By Ivy Seager
It was reported that the United States and Spain officially entered into a state of war last week, however it was far from clear that the two nations were formally at war. In the confusion, a Spanish merchant ship was caught in the U.S. blockade. The ship was taken in and its goods confiscated. U.S. Navy officials have not commented specifically on this ship being captured, but did state that any ship in violation of the U.S. Navy’s blockade restrictions would be captured and its goods seized under the assumption that such ships are illegal blockage runners.

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