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To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Elite Bounty Hunter Group Spotted in Five State Area
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Freelancer)
Bounty hunting is a relatively regular sight in the Five State Area. If you travel up and down the land sooner or later, you’ll see someone carrying a criminal on their horse, dead or alive. But it’s hardly a profession filled with people dedicated to hunting down evil. For most, it’s a part-time job at best. Well, as of this week, we have the fortune… or misfortune, of having an actual professional bounty hunter organization patrolling the area. They call themselves the Hangman’s Bureau, and they are made up of four cowpokes, all who carry with them a less than wholesome past. Nobody knows how they met, but they have banded together to hunt others for money and sport.
James Frazer was, for decades, an honest New York police officer. He was well known in the northeastern United States for being able to get any criminal to confess, usually due to a violent technique called the Third Degree. But he had a darker side; he was known to accept assassination contracts from local Black Hand criminals, some even say he took contracts on other police officers. True or not, it led to many calling him Jimmy the Killer, and in 1890 he quit the force… but not violence. Rumor has it that his organized crime associates gave him a coat with iron stitched into the fabric.
In the 1870s, no Apache chief was as feared as Ironclad, a warrior who carried into battle an old Spanish coat of armor. This armor managed to deflect arrows and gunshots alike. Ironclad raided dozens of settlements in New Austin, slaughtering countless soldiers and civilians. When the Indian Wars ended, he converted and tried to integrate into society, with little success.
Morgan Knight, an Australian Bushranger that has been on the run since 1880. He was an associate to the legendary Ned Kelly; Knight personally murdered at least 15 Australian police officers. He left the gang before Kelly’s famous final fight and execution. To honor him, he recreated the battle armor he wore at Glenrowan. Australian officials still demand him to be deported back to his native lands, but that seems unlikely.
Sandra Walsh, the Queen of Hell’s Kitchen. Leader of a Five Points street gang, rumored to file her teeth into fangs and wear bronze claws. When New York’s police began to toughen up, she left, but not before stealing an expensive silk vest from a passing dignitary. She leads the Hangman’s Bureau with grit and tenacity.
If any traveler in the Five State Area sees any of these individuals, clear the way. They have no qualms killing bystanders. We can only pray they leave our fair lands soon enough.
Doctor on Route to Armadillo Kidnapped!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Freelancer)
Its no secret that the town of Armadillo, New Austin, has been suffering from a horrific Scarlet Fever outbreak. Although many citizens across the Five State Area wish they could do something, most don’t. It’s hard to blame them, the disease is easy to catch, and without medical assistance, death is all but assured. Well, one woman from Valentine was brave enough to try. June Caldwell is a doctor’s assistant, often working with the town’s doctor Ben Calloway. Despite the occasional grumble from locals not in favor of a female doctor, she proved to be very good at her job. But hearing about all the misery in Valentine, was far too much for her big heart. She ordered as many medical supplies as she could and set out for New Austin two weeks ago. She never arrived.
Most wrote her off as another sad casualty from bandits or wild animals. But three days ago, a mysterious box was sent to Doctor Calloway’s office. The box contained a letter and a “gift.” In black ink, the letter stated that June was still alive and being held captive. The medicine has already been stolen and sold to illegal buyers, but her life can still be spared… if a ransom of 500 dollars was exchanged near the Flatneck station train tracks. The message ended with a warning not to delay, or poor June won’t be able to play the piano anytime soon. The gift conveniently explained why. It was June’s ring finger, cut off with what looks to be a Bowie knife’s blade. The letter was signed with the name Black Rose, the alias of Myra Rose Hart. Doctor Calloway is reported to have wept after reading the letter.
Valentine’s sheriff department promises that the young woman will be returned safely, hopefully within the week. Local farmer Thomas Downs is currently raising money to help get June back; in this humble author’s opinion, it would be best to help.
Bear fights off pack of wolves
By Jane Duran
A cowpoke came across a remarkable interaction between predators this week. The fellow in question took a job to deliver mail to the hermit of Barrow Lagoon. When they arrived they noticed a bear facing off against three wolves. The two wolves on the side were slowly moving around the bear, preparing to flank the larger beast. However, the cowpoke reports that the bear charged the wolf in the center and killed it in a single blow. A second wolf charged the bear but was batted away with ease. The third ran off as the second limped away. The bear roared victoriously until the witness used their Springfield to take the beast down. “One can never pass up the opportunity to harvest some big game meat and a perfect grizzly pelt,” they said.
Many flock to Owanjila Dam to celebrate American ingenuity
By Daisy Fairman
Cowpokes from across the Five States traveled across the country to visit Owanjila Dam over the last several days. In order to boost travel across the Five States, the Bureau for Hurdling a Tarrying Congress (BHTC) has begun issuing gold nuggets to cowpokes willing to travel to specific destinations. This week, the BHTC focused on encouraging folks to visit Owanjila Dam. “Owanjila Dam is a fine example of American ingenuity. Good ole American grit and know-how tamed nature, funneling this lake into a manageable river,” a spokesperson for the BHTC said. They continued, “Narrowing the river united the two halves of West Elizabeth and provided fertile land for folks to live on. And we have a beautiful, bountiful lake to show for our hard work as well!” The many visitors took the time to stand on the dam and stare down the Upper Montana River as it flowed away from the dam.
To make the most of the opportunity, the BHTC also issued gold nugget rewards for those who caught Muskie in the Lake Owanjila. Folks were admiring the dam or fishing, but everyone was having a great time according to attendees. However, as all good things must eventually come to an end, so to did this good time. “A feller pulled out his bow and started shooting the muskie before others could catch them. Then he tossed a stick a dynamite in the water and scared the fish and the people,” said an attendee. Following the explosion, another attendee pulled out their own gun and shot at the person who threw the dynamite. Then trigger happy folk who did not know who to shoot pulled out their guns and just started shooting. The chaos ended when the group of people dispersed. A few disgruntled cowpoke reported not getting their gold nugget rewards as promised.
Are you awakened by strange noises in the middle of the night? Do you experience dread when criminals hide in your basement or attic? Have you or your family ever seen a criminal or crime? If the answer is yes, don’t wait another minute. Get to your nearest telegraph to contact the professionals at the Herald today! Our courteous and efficient staff is ready receive your telegram 24 hours a day! No matter how unbelievable the story, we’re ready to believe you!
Revenue agent checkpoints targeted in the Great Plains
By Nick McCrary
As Agent Reid Hixon increases the aggression in which his agents approach their jobs, at least one resident is responding in kind. Great Plains residents have taken to calling this person the Great Plains Sniper. It seems that wherever the revenue agents set up their checkpoints the sniper follows. I spoke to an agent who only agreed to speak on a condition of anonymity and he confirmed that many agents are nervous when assigned to Great Plains checkpoints. Residents, however, see the Great Plains Sniper as a folk hero and are not afraid in the slightest.
Barroom brawl ends in shootout
By Van R. Seldon
Five residents of Van Horn are dead after a barroom brawl got out of hand. It started when two cowpokes came to Van Horn to deliver some goods. The pair, one male and the other female, then made their way to the saloon. “They ordered a bottle and a round for everyone in the saloon, said they were celebrating,” remarked the saloon owner. After some time, the male walked up to another patron and, “punched him in the face, totally unprovoked,” according to the saloon owner. The female then took a swing at another patron and the fighting was in full swing.
While the two cowpokes did start the fight, it was a Van Horn resident who escalated situation. A resident pulled out a gun and shot the man who started the fight. The shot was not fatal, however, his partner pulled out her own firearm and killed the shooter immediately. The escalation complete, the two cowpokes shot their way out of the bar. Van Horn has no sheriff station, however these cowpokes soon learned that no sheriff does not mean no justice. Other residents heard the gunfire and despite not knowing who started what, took aim at the two strangers. “It took a few minutes, but we ran them bastards out of town,” said one of the first responding residents. The pair rode south, likely to Saint Denis to visit the doctor.
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Man found dead in Elysian Pool
By Emery Cosberry
The Elysian Pool is a place where death is not so rare, though usually it is not a human death. It has been long documented that the pond is the source of the malady that has overtaken much of the wildlife in the area. Mangy creatures not fit to be skinned are often seen frolicking about the area. While one can fish in the Elysian Pool, they are best off not trying to eat the fish they catch. This week a man was found partially submerged on the shore of the pond. The identity of the man is unknown, as is the reason for the man’s visit to the Elysian Pool. Many assumed that the man died as a result of whatever poisons the pond, however, it seemed unlikely that the assumption held water. For one, the animals around the region are still alive despite being poisoned by the pond, thus it does not seem to kill that quickly. However, no signs of a murder were discovered at the scene. The doctor in Valentine was able to determine the cause of death by applying pressure to his chest. “There was water in his lungs, the man drowned in poisoned water.”
Luxurious ship not allowed to dock in Saint Denis, communicable disease believed to infect passengers
By Aloysius Levron
A ship full of wealthy passengers has been denied docking privileges in Saint Denis. The ship is a “pleasure barge” that picks up wealthy residents along the East Coast. This particularly voyage included many international passengers who only recently arrived in the United States. As the ship was nearing to dock, a visual inspection revealed haggard looking passengers and a ship covered in vomit. “It was obvious something was wrong. The crew wouldn’t let the ship remain in such a state of disgust under normal circumstances,” said a man who was at the dock when the ship arrived. Docking privileges were immediately revoked. “There is a plague in New Austin and we hear rumors of other infectious diseases in other parts of the world, better to act as if the rumors are true,” said the Saint Denis mayor. Supplies are being gathered to deliver to the stranded ship until authorities can figure out what to do with it.
Rampant Crime Puts Pressure On Saint Denis Police Force
By: William Crook (Freelancer)
A recent wave of heavy crime in the past week has citizens anxious about the exact effectiveness of the Saint Denis Police Department. Saint Denis has been experiencing a crime wave these past few weeks, with 24 murders, 15 thefts, 7 shootings, and 32 assaults in the past month alone. Staggering numbers of this magnitude have citizens on the edge. One citizen, Matthew Jackson, has something to say about these past few weeks of discord, “In God’s good time, I have never seen anything oh these likes in this fair city. I cannot walk down to the tailor without hearing the splitting noise of a police whistle chasing after one vagrant or another. This insidious cascade of criminal activity is outrageous. We must put an end to this madness.”
Some citizens of Saint Denis have gathered together to take action. A group of 130 concerned adults gathered in and around the police station to petition the Chief of Police to recruit more officers to end the crime wave. These citizens included some top-dollar names, like James Tyler, head of the Bureau of Indian Affairs, Kathleen Waters, president of the Saint Denis Women’s Suffrage Movement, and Bishop Robert Sims, the Bishop of Saint Denis. The petitioners gathered around the station for six hours, making their demands heard. While this group of protesters had simple demands, other groups had more, shall we say, extreme petitions to end this crime wave. Some of the demands included: repealing all weapons in the city, giving the police more militaristic armaments, giving the homeless free money, but the craziest idea is the most popular idea. And the most popular idea to solve the Saint Denis crime wave is: bringing in the Hanover Hero.
Many cowpokes across the Five States report “losing time”
By Frederick Vannesse
An odd phenomena has struck the Five States. It has effected many, but curiously, not all. While going about their business in the Five States, many cowpoke have claimed to have suddenly become overwhelmed with the sense of loss. “I aimed my rifle and lined up a shot on a bison when I was just overcome with, I don’t know. I lost my sense of time. Like I just lost an hour of my life,” said one effected person. One woman never felt the time disappearing, but felt it after it happened. “I was late. An hour late!” the woman exclaimed. “I was sure it was 10:00AM while I leisurely made my way to the tailor, but it was 11 and so I missed my appointment!”
Many reported no problem at all. They had only become aware that anybody lost time when asked about it. “What do you mean have I lost time? Where would it go?” asked a man. Fortunately, I found someone who could explain what was happening. Gregoria Haskins is a socialite and Avatar of the Respawners. Avatars, as Miss Haskins explained, are esteemed members of the Respawners. A member who not only is aware of what they call the false world, but are also aware of what is going on in the “real” world. Avatars are rare, so says Miss Haskins.
“They are experiencing daylight savings,” Miss Haskins said. Before I could ask her what she meant by this, she continued. “Benjamin Franklin first advocated for it, did you know that? Of course you didn’t. Daylight savings is both before and after your time, kind of.” Up to this point, I was more confused than when I started. “Mr. Franklin recognized the utility of having extra daylight, but it won’t be until Mr. William Willet revisits the idea that it catches on. You won’t have daylight savings until the early 1900s,” she said, confusing me further though she did not seem to mind. She elaborated that in the “real” world, daylight savings is when the time is changed so that the day will have more daylight. The confusion only went further, who can change time?
Alas, I gave up trying to understand it. Miss Haskins said that not everyone in the “real” world lives in a place with daylight savings, which explains why not everyone is effected by the loss of time. This discussion of moving and losing time was enough for me to feel fatigued. If this “real” world does exist, I am happy to not live in it.
Author finally in jail after two years on the run
By Adam Parvey
Author O. Henry, who is known for writing stories with surprise endings, has been sentenced to five years in prison over embezzlement. The author’s actions were discovered two years ago, however, O. Henry, real name William Sydney Porter, fled the country instead of facing his charges. While little of his two years on the run are known, it is known that he spent some time in Honduras after a short stay in Saint Denis. According to those at the trial, O. Henry also admitted to befriending known train robber Al Jennings. Perhaps his two years on the run will be worth his five years locked up if they produce new stories for O. Henry to sell.
Hungry demonstrators killed in Italy by own government
By Ivy Seager
While the United States and Spain engage in warfare with each other, General Fiorenzo Bava Beccaris commanded an attack on his own people. Italy has been plagued with food shortages in the last year and those effected the most started to protest and demand the government solve this problem. The demonstrations turned into riots and General Bava Beccaris responded as a general does, with force. It is believed that dozens of Italian citizens were killed, however the government is only officially recognize the deaths of two Italian soldiers at this moment.
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