Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Letter from the Editor
Dear Readers,
It has been quite some time since I have taken to the pages of the Herald to write to you all. Yet, with Christmas just days away, I felt it was time to offer a message once again. With weather befitting the season, I am sure we are all feeling a little more festive. The Five States has never been so alive. However, do remember there are certain winter bugs one must look out for! A few that can have you blacking out while you’re trying to work or simply repeating the same actions over and over.
However, bugs are not the only thing to look out for! The snow brings a certain peace and calmness to the Five States, I admit. But under that pure white snow is still the wildness the Five States region is known for. Violence has never been higher, as the federal government attempts to reign in on tax evaders, who merely want to be left alone. It is an uncertain time, folks. So stay warm and stay well, but most importantly stay sharp and keep your gun at the ready.
From everyone at the Herald, Merry Christmas!
William Warrington III, Editor in Chief
For residents of the Five States, it looks like this year will be a White Christmas
By Adam Parvey
An unexpected wave of cold weather has hit the Five States region, resulting in snowfall. All five states are seeing snowfall, however some more than others. Kids and cowpokes young at heart have been enjoying the snowfall by engaging in snowball fights as well as building snowmen. Some just enjoy the cool weather. “I finally get to wear this winter outfit I put together months ago, but I never go up north where it’s cold enough. So this is great!” exclaimed one cowpoke I spoke to as they smoked a cigarette under the light snowfall.
However, it is not all fun and games for everyone. “Driving a wagon through snow ain’t easy,” said a trader I spoke to. “Some folks think it ain’t a problem because the snowfall ain’t so thick. But it gets the ground all wet and muddy. Gotta go slower and more carefully. Takes up more time.” Yet, these this cowpoke and other traders continue to drive their wagons in this harsh weather. To stop is to allow the competition to gain an advantage and so, nobody stops.
Other folks face different snow related challenges. “Have you ever looked for flowers in the snow?” a collector said. Many flowers native to the Five States region do not do well in the cold. Those that survive the harsh weather are harder to spot. Despite the snowfall, the landscape of the Five States is still covered in camps. Many cowpokes are still making their living out in the wilds, in defiance of Mother Nature and her challenges. “Ain’t easy keeping snow out of my tent, but I ain’t changing my life because it’s cold,” said a wandering cowpoke who allowed not only me to take shelter at his camp, but an old man with hardly any clothes on as well.
Entertainment or a challenge, the snow will surely not last forever. The U.S. Weather Bureau projects the snow will last until the end of the year.
Gunfight in Stillwater Creek
By Wylie Frey
A gunfight was reported by a pair of ranch hands on their way back to MacFarlane’s Ranch from Blackwater. The gunfight took place at Stillwater Creek as the ranch hands were driving two wagons of goods accompanied by an armed escort of cowpokes. “The fight didn’t involve us so we just pushed through faster,” one of the hands said, “though I think one of our shotgun messengers wanted to fight.” There is no official report of the gunfight, which is typically the case when the fight is the result of illicit activity. My sources tell me this particular activity was moonshining.
New Austin police rarely go into Stillwater Creek, if they come near it at all. Content in attempting to keep the Del Lobos contained in Thieves Landing, New Austin Marshals have given the area a wide berth. The conflict was likely between rival moonshiners. According to my source, once it was realized that there was a market for high quality, untaxed liquor, many tried to get in the moonshining business. As these moonshiners struggle to establish a foothold, these types of conflicts will likely continue.
Owlhoot family spotted in Gaptooth Ridge
By Alois Burditt
Months ago the Owlhoot family came out of hiding in New Austin. Their boastful move was not a strategically smart one. Long established as one of the most wanted gangs in the Five States, once the Owlhoots were spotted, bounties went up on every bounty board available. It was not long until bounty hunters were forming unplanned caravans of wagons, each bringing in members of the Owlhoot family. Most of the caught Owlhoots were “cousins” or “siblings” while a few brought in an “uncle” and an “aunty” or two.
One bounty hunter did bring in the two leaders of the gang, called “daddy” and “mommy.” The identities were confirmed, however, it is believed that other high ranking members of the gang have taken over those roles. It is believed that the Owlhoots went back into hiding while the new leadership took over. Why they have decided to reveal themselves once again is a mystery. What is known, however, is that Gaptooth Ridge is more dangerous than usual. In response, bounties for the group have been reissued.
Phantom music heard in the Grizzlies
By Jane Duran
Ambarino is a large, but empty, state. One can ride for days before seeing another traveler. There are no flourishing towns or areas to gather in Ambarino. Despite this, there are reports of music in the Grizzlies. Near Cattail Pond, many travelers have reported to hearing not only a lively band but murmuring and shouting. “I fish in this pond a lot, it isn’t a sound I’ve heard before. I mean, I don’t dislike the music but it’s kind of creepy, right?” a traveler told me. Indeed, the travelers who have heard it have promptly left the area. A few have been increasingly worried this weekend as the phantom band has repeatedly been playing the song “Jingle Bells.”
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Strawberry Mayor cozying up with revenue agents
By Daisy Fairman
Reaction to the sudden appearance of federal revenue agents has mostly been negative. Residents are not fans of the checkpoints and harassment around saloons; while state and local officials are not keen on the federal government throwing its weight around in what they see as local issues. However, Strawberry Mayor Nicholas Timmins has welcomed their arrival. “They will have my full cooperation,” said Mayor Timmins. “I understand that the revenue agents are only going after illegal alcohol operations. Well, all alcohol operations in and around Strawberry are illegal!” Mayor Timmins ignored my question regarding his authority outside of Strawberry.
The mayor has offered lodging and food at no charge to revenue agents at the Strawberry Visitor Center. He has also volunteered the service of Strawberry deputies. “Our job is to protect Strawberrians. That’s what I was elected to do,” said Sheriff Hanley, “I was not elected to help revenue agents.” If it is Mayor Timmins hope to turn Strawberry into a resort town, he may want to consider ways of reducing tension between himself and his lawmen.
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Revenue agent checkpoints across the Five States frustrate residents
By Caylen V. Hornby
The big story across the Five States is not the snow or the coming of Father Christmas, it is the arrival of revenue agents in the Five States. The agents have set up checkpoints in each state across heavily traveled roads. This has resulted in long lines of wagons and delayed arrival of goods. “I haven’t seen long lines of wagon like this in a long time,” said one trader waiting to go through a checkpoint. At a checkpoint near Blackwater, revenue agents yielded to well known bounty hunter Nathaniel Cross, who was driving a wagon through the checkpoint and refused the search.
According to witnesses, Cross cited the 4th Amendment, which prohibits unwarranted searches. The revenue agents and Cross had a “heated discussion” about whether they had the authority to search his wagon. Another witness claimed Cross had his right hand on his pistol. However, a shootout in this case was averted when other folks at the checkpoint began supporting Cross. “I don’t know if it’s true or not,” admitted a trader, “I just wanted to get through and Cross is well known in these parts, good man, so I put my hand on my own rifle. So did others. The agents just shrugged and let everyone pass.” However, not all situations have ended peacefully.
In Lemoyne, revenue agents were beset upon by a posse of cowpokes. These cowpokes were not trying to get anything through the checkpoint, they were there to kill the agents. According to a man who had just gotten past the checkpoint, the cowpokes came riding out of the bayou and opened fire on the agents. No innocent bystanders were hit and while it is safe to assume most residents in the Five States do not condone murder, those who had been stuck at this checkpoint celebrated the actions of the cowpokes as if they did not just murder a dozen federal agents.
Similarly, a checkpoint was attacked by an unknown number of snipers in New Hanover. The revenue agents never stood a chance and a few retreated, abandoning the checkpoint to save their lives. The federal government is sure to crackdown if tension and shootouts continue. It is clear that the revenue agents are not respected in the Five States, but will an iron fist increase respect or just encourage more disobedience?
Brandywine Drop host to mishaps and shenanigans
By Van R. Seldon
Several cowpokes received an invitation to visit Brandywine Drop this week. Some chose to ignore it but those that went were provided entertainment of the most curious kind. Men and women were leaping off the waterfall into the Kamassa River below. While some simply dived in, some attempted the trip in a canoe or stuffed in a barrel. “I showed up because I found a map that showed a hidden treasure in this region,” a cowpoke said. “But after watching a barrel break and a half broken man float out, I just left.” Treasure can wait, or can it? Either way, this cowpoke valued their life more than their material gains. No word on what inspired the odd behavior of those who visited Brandywine Drop this week.
Wanted man found just outside of Valentine
By Emery Cosberry
A man with a bounty on his head named Foster Cooper Junior was found by a bounty hunter just outside of Valentine. Sheriff Malloy had this to say about the close proximity of a wanted man, “100 feet or a 100 miles, doesn’t matter. If it’s outside Valentine, it’s outside of my jurisdiction. So don’t come in here trying to paint me and my deputies as lazy.” The bounty was posted in Blackwater and it is unknown how long Cooper was staying near Valentine. The bounty was brought into Valentine, where the bounty hunter immediately went to the bounty board and ripped another poster off. “They take their job real seriously,” commented Sheriff Malloy, “didn’t say a word to me. Just took the money and off to another job.”
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Merriment & Severe Frost in the state of Lemoyne!
By Mickey Z
The season is upon us, dear readers, and the weather outside is proof. I emerged from my room in the Bastille this week to snow and, to my greatest joy, the pianist had taken to playing “Silent Night”. The people were huddled together enjoying cake and bread and stews o’ plenty while singing “Douce Nuit, Sainte Nuit.” in a true display of harmony.
I personally found the whole ordeal a little premature, until I wandered outside to go fetch Jacques from the stables just to be blasted by freezing wind through my duster coat. The Streets were white with snow, the trolley cables adorned with lights red & white, and the stores graced by Christmas trees.
I’d been invited to my uncle Roger’s cafe in the NWA, and that too was covered in decorations. It seems Christmas has come to Lemoyne, and likely the other four states, too.
My esteemed readers, I wish a merry Christmas to you all.
The Smoking Gun is almost certainly alive
By Ela Q. Asken
Two weeks ago a story ran in this paper that was, unfortunately, false. It was ran at the last minute with no opportunity to verify the facts. Given that the unfounded claim that the Smoking Gun had been killed were becoming widespread, the Saint Denis police were reluctant to let me investigate. What should have taken days took over a week but I finally have the answers everyone needs. While the Saint Denis police have been proudly remarking how residents feel safer, the truth is they should not. The Smoking Gun is still very much alive.
It took a week of pestering and leaning on important people to get what I needed: the items the caught killer had on their person when they were killed. Indeed the gun the man had in his possession was capable of leaving similar wounds to those found on the Smoking Gun’s victims. It is also true that this man was a smoker. However, the cigarettes he had were store bought. Premium cigarettes, sure, but still store bought. The Smoking Gun rolls his own. This was a mistake made by the police, who thought the Smoking Gun smoked “high quality” cigarettes. Perhaps they cannot read or do not know what hand rolled means.
So you tell me, loyal readers, what is more likely? That the Smoking Gun simultaneously switched to store bought cigarettes and slipped up and got killed? Or that the man the police killed was not the Smoking Gun at all?
Herbalists flood to Lemoyne and New Austin in such of rare flowers in high demand
By Mathilde Orry
Herbalists across the country have come to the Five States in search for rare plants. Even the traveling gypsy Madam Nazar seeks the rarest flowers in the Five States. Recently the demand for two flowers in particular has increased suddenly. Creek Plum, found in Scarlet Meadows and areas of West Elizabeth, and Agarita, found in New Austin, have suddenly become highly sought after. “I cannot explain what is happening,” said an herbalist. “The Agarita is a useful remedy for nausea, especially after a night of heavy drinking, the Creek Plums are just tasty, but both are in high demand for reasons I cannot fathom.”
Many cowpokes have purchases maps that show locations of rare flowers from Madam Nazar, however most express frustration with the maps. “They rarely lead me to what I am looking for,” said one cowpoke who claimed to be one of Nazar’s collectors. Others have turned to myth and superstition, discussing a map that has all of the rare flower locations across the Five States marked. “It is nonsense,” said Madam Nazar when I asked her about this alleged map. “It would take magic to know the location of everything at once, even I cannot do this. Why would I need collectors if I could?”
Whatever has caused the rise in demand, one thing is clear. The Five States, a place full of hardened cowpokes who fight it out over a stare that lasted too long, is also a place where hardened cowpokes harvest delicate flowers. And its everything in between.
American composer who champion American classical music dies
By Frederick Vannesse
George Bristow has passed away. Bristow was most well known for his composing the 1855 Opera Rip van Winkle. Throughout his career, Bristow championed American music. Many of his contemporaries relied on European produced music, whereas Bristow was intent on showing the world that American music was just as good or even better. His last composition was in 1893.
First Christmas film to debut in United Kingdom
By Ivy Seager
The production of film continues to develop at a phenomenal pace. All over the world there are theaters where one does not watch actors, but films, previously recorded performances. This year, in the United Kingdom, a new type of film will debut. The film, called Santa Clause, is the first film to be made about Christmas. While that will certainly drive many eager to celebrate Christmas in a new and exciting way, others may be interested in the film as a result of its cutting edge double exposure techniques. It is said that Santa Clause is the best looking film to date. Whether for the joy of Christmas, the love of film, or a desire to be part of history, check out Santa Clause at a United Kingdom theater near you.
The Five States Herald 