Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Congress announces funding for new projects in the Five States, BHTC to distribute
By Adam Parvey
All across the Five States residents rejoiced at the announcement that Congress has not forsaken the Five States. The Bureau for Hurdling a Tarrying Congress (BHTC), once adversarial to Congress, sent a representative to join Congressional leadership during the announcement. Though the announcement was vague, it is clear that Congress is still invested in the success of the Five States and this is good news for residents who are likewise still invested in the region. The BHTC has confirmed that part of the funding will be used to establish a new job in the Five States. “We’d be fools to ignore the changes happening to our natural world so we aim to create a job with these funds to explore the natural world and learn its secrets,” announced a BHTC spokesman. It is said that Miss Pearl Kemper will be offering as much support as she can to this new role.
It was also hinted that Congress and the BHTC have come up with a solution for the many bugs that plague the Five States. “We’ve been listening to the people and we know the problems Five States residents face,” said the spokesman, “we will be addressing those concerns.” However, some residents say any effort to kill off bugs can have disastrous unintended consequences. “Other bugs could come in to fill the void, bugs more harmful to the Five States,” said naturalist Thaddeus Smiley. “Still, I suppose it’s good they are trying to do something…” Mr. Smiley added, slightly unconvinced. The BHTC also made it clear that this investment will be an ongoing process, with improvements made across the Five States for weeks to come. This includes support for at least one existing job in the Five States.
The folks at Wheeler, Rawson, and Co. also announced a third “Outlaw Pass” to arrive this week. In the past, these passes offered cowpokes exclusive items for a large upfront payment of gold. Cowpokes who took advantage of the club membership of the Outlaw Pass were able to more than get their money’s worth. The contents of the upcoming pass were not revealed. For some folks, this is all too late, their frustration from a lack of communication having already driven them out of the Five States. “They could have told us a month ago that they had not forgotten about us, so I’m not interested in their secretive habits,” said a former resident. Others echoed the sentiment.
While the details remain to be seen, Five States residents will not have to wait long. This new phase of investment in the Five States is set to begin this week, in just a few short days. How this changes the landscape of the Five States is unclear, but at least folks finally have something new to do.
Disappointed cowpokes stare across the San Luis River longingly
By Alois Burditt
Following the announcement of another job expansion and increased funding to the Five States, several complained that Congress should be working on a way to reopen the southern border. They gathered all over southern New Austin to protest any funding in the Five States that does not include a path to Mexico. “You can’t please everyone, it seems,” said a spokesman for the BHTC, who will be handling the fund provided by Congress. Reopening the border with Mexico is not something that can just be done, according to the spokesman. They did hint that discussions with Mexican diplomats may be underway, however.
Bounty hunter Nathaniel Cross arrested!
By Wylie Frey
Nathaniel Cross was stopped at a Revenue Agent checkpoint, where a search of his wagon was conducted. Cross was alone and according to the agents, was not cooperative. Witnesses from nearby MacFarlane’s Ranch said they only started paying attention after hearing the sounds of gunfire and noticing a wagon on fire. Agents claimed Cross set the wagon on fire himself to destroy evidence, however, Cross claims it happened when tense agents started shooting without warning. While authorities are certain there was alcohol in the wagon, it is impossible to say if the alcohol was illegally manufactured and so Cross was released soon after.
Residents protest lack of camping locations in Ambarino
By Caylen V. Hornby
Another group of Five States residents has been bitten by the protest bug. Many are coming forward and asking Congress to free up land in Ambarino to be used as campsites. Much of Ambarino is protected by a patchwork of state and national laws, preventing its use as campsites for travelers. Fines for getting caught are so high that nobody dares challenge the laws. Recently, hero of the Spanish-American war and former Senator, Thaddeus Waxman, has used his influence to ensure the land remains protected. “How many fellers die because they can’t camp?” asked one cowpoke who believed opening the land up was better than protecting it.
Another highlighted that the punishment for camping in non-authorized locations is much more severe than a high fine. “I saw a couple folks camping by Lake Isabella, federal officers charged in firing!” The witness, who wished to remain anonymous, described federal authorities taunting the campers until the witness intervened. “I killed ’em all,” they told me. Congress did not respond to comment on this article and the BHTC has said it is outside of their influence.
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Stranger rescued near Blackwater
By Nick McCrary
A stranger was found hogtied in the Northern Great Plains, just south of the Upper Montana River. A passing good Samaritan intervened, however, and rescued the stranger from their doomed fate. It was learned that the victim was staying in Thieves Landing, where they were escorted by their rescuer. Criticism has been launched at the Federal Bureau of Revenue, as a moonshine checkpoint had been setup nearby. The Bureau offered an explanation, “if there is no tax law being violated, we cannot act. Simple as that.”
Disclaimer: Claims of the above ad regarding the Great Plains Sniper cannot be verified.
Man mauled by pack of wolves
Van R. Seldon
A man was found ravaged and almost completely devoured near the Kamassa River. Nearby was a nest with several broken eggs that appear to have been eaten. According to investigators, the man was likely looking to collect the eggs himself before being attacked. The bite marks and tracks nearby indicated the attack was by wolves. “Many folks don’t know this, but wolves eat eggs when they can’t find meat. These wolves probably came for the eggs but found the man. Nearly a complete breakfast,” the investigator said dryly.
Tycoon War Escalates
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
The industrial conflict between Abigail Meredith Tremaine and Leviticus Cornwall, dormant for some time, has roared back to life in dramatic fashion. This week, an oil refinery owned by Cornwall in California has gone on strike. The workers demand better pay and more substantial safety standards.
Cornwall is reportedly furious, yelling that these workers have been corrupted by vile anarchists who want to destroy him personally. He further alleges that Miss Tremaine herself hired anarchists from Russia to spread this disease of the mind.
Tremaine herself has publicly stated this accusation isn’t true, although she sends her best to the workers. This statement is highly ironic as many workers for the Pacific Union Railroad Company have reported horrific conditions and near slave-like wages.
One accusation Cornwall has thrown at Tremaine that is confirmed is her recent actions with the infamous Pinkerton agency. Just before the strike, Tremaine conveniently hired all Pinkertons in the state of California and subsequently ordered them to protect the workers. Cornwall promises he’ll hire more of them, but this is blatantly a setback for the oil titan.
Whether Miss Tremaine is actually behind this strike or not, it’s impossible to deny that she benefits from this event, and her actions have been suspicious at best. Whatever happens in the coming weeks, my heart is with the workers and not the industrial giants who play with their lives like pawns on a chessboard.
Cowpoke wanted for murder after killing unsuspecting folks going to see Valentine doctor
By Emery Cosberry
No town has the reputation for wanton violence like Valentine. It seems every other night there is a shootout that engulfs the town and threatens its residents. This week, however, a cowpoke sought to avoid a massive shootout and focused on specific targets: visitors to the Valentine doctor. “The doc don’t always get a lot of folks stopping by these days, but on occasion he offers gold nuggets for herbs and it brings in lots of unpredictable people,” said Sheriff Malloy. A cowpoke rode into town with a bandana covering their face, which did not raise many alarms given the common use of face coverings to prevent various airborne plagues. However, moments later, a gunshot was heard and a man fell dead in front of the doctor’s office. Deputies searched for the shooter but found nobody. The body was taken away and all was quiet until a women fell dead on her way into the doctor’s office an hour later.
“She had a knife in her neck,” said Sheriff Malloy, “the kind you throw. Good throw, too, if I’m being honest.” A search for the killer went on for several hours, disrupted only by another dead body. “I couldn’t believe it, we were searching for the bastard when I heard something whiz through the air,” said a deputy. That something turned out to be an arrow, which ended up embedded in the back of another cowpoke’s head. At that point Sheriff Malloy ordered the town to be locked down and the deputies went about getting everyone into buildings so they could search for the killer. “In hindsight, it wasn’t a great plan,” admitted Sheriff Malloy, “the masked man was our likely suspect, but he was dressed like everyone else and we didn’t see anyone with a similar bandana. Unmasked he looked like everyone else.” Sheriff Malloy concluded that the killer either left before getting caught in the lockdown or simply evaded being captured by dropping the mask to blend in. Two more cowpokes were killed before nightfall. The killer was never found.
Gunslingers fight over bag, contents still a mystery
By Mathilde Orry
Folks get into gunfights over the damnedest things. From lost card games to women, and from pride to anger, there is always a reason for a gunfight in the Five States. However, a gunfight started this week over something so odd it surprised even me, a longtime resident of the Five States. A few folks came across a bag on the ground and took interest in it at the same time, resulting in a shootout. The shooters forced each other to pull back, but one daring gunslinger charged in and grabbed the bag and ran. The bag carrier ran while under gunfire, which drew the attention of others. More people joined in on the hunt, eventually catching the shooter and killing them. The hunters then quickly turned on each other.
“Lucky for me, I had my gang with me,” said the man who ended up with the package. Others had fought and grabbed the bag before him, but they were all killed. When he grabbed the bag his gang stepped in to defend him. “I didn’t realize this was a team competition,” said one gunfighter who was on his own and chose to exit the fight. As the new bag carrier pulled back under the safe defense of his gang, others chose to give up and retreat. Some continued fighting. “We hid under a building, where I could get low and the building itself disrupted their clear line of sight at me,” the man said. After everyone either gave up or died, the man declared he had won the bag fair and square. As for what was in the bag and whether it was worth the risk of one’s life? “You’ll never know, unless you wanna take up a gun and take this bag from me,” he warned. I, of course, declined to do so.
Cranes spotted in the bayou
By Aloysius Levron
After two weeks of disapointment, Miss Pearl Kemper was pleased to see several photographs submitted of hawks and cranes this week. The winning photograph, taken by Benjamin O’Conner, is featured above and includes two different types of cranes, the Sandhill Crane and the Whooping Crane, taking off side by side. Miss Kemper was unable to offer many comments this week as she began working with the BHTC to explore how nature could be explored. Announcements regarding future bird sighting contests will be made in the coming weeks.
Debate Over Female Pirate Mystery Rages
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
With Albert Langford having temporarily brought piracy back into the mainstream, the life and legacies of various pirate legends are being discussed. Questions concerning famous criminals like William Kidd and Henry Every dominate the field of history as we speak. But one mystery towers over all others. The mystery of Anne Bonny, the female pirate.
As most people probably know, Anne Bonny was one of the few confirmed women to have been a pirate in the so-called Golden Age of Piracy. Her fate has been a complicated question since 1720. She was captured and sentenced to hang, but no record of an execution was ever found. She herself was never seen again after claiming to be pregnant during her trial. This has spurred countless arguments as to what happened.
The latest argument is between veteran maritime historian Daniel Livingston and the much younger historian Albert Wright. Livingston has claimed for years that Anne was rescued by her family and lived out the rest of her life in North Carolina. Wright claims to have found new evidence that she lived out her life in Jamaica instead. Years before, the most popular explanation was simply, she died in prison.
Livingston’s argument rests on documentation from the supposed descendants of Anne Bonny. He has never shared these documents with anyone, and only recently admitted they were burned in a fire a few years back. Wright hasn’t unveiled his evidence yet; he claims they came from burial records in Spanish Town, Jamaica.
Needless to say, the fighting has been less than gentlemen like. While nowhere near as brutal as William Wilson and Thaddeus Waxman, Livingston and Wright have been at each other’s throats. Each accuses the other of being a liar, looking for just fame and glory and not real history.
Which one is telling the truth? None can say, Wright, says his paper will be out in a few months, but that is subject to change. Ironically, both historians seem to be ignoring the woman’s life in exchange for talking about a mystery. Female pirates were incredibly rare in the golden age; only three were ever convicted. This woman lived an extraordinary life; it would be a shame if it were to be ignored.
Former Confederate General dies
By Frederick Vannesse
The former Brigadier General for the Confederate States of America, John Stuart Williams, has died. Before the Civil War, Williams was a proponent of states rights who held state elected office. He only began to support secession after the election of Abraham Lincoln. He surrendered in 1865 like many other Confederate Generals. After the war, Williams returned to a life of holding elected office and participating in land speculation in Kansas. Williams offered no comment on the recent unrest across the nation before his death.
Biologist discovers how cells “talk”
By Humphrey Harker
Italian biologist Camillo Golgi has made yet another groundbreaking discovery. Earlier this year he, along with other scientists, confirmed which type of mosquito transmitted malaria. Now we learn of Golgi’s latest discovery: a network within cells that “talks” to other cells. Many are celebrating this accomplishment, however, there are also many critics. Some claim Golgi has merely observed an artefact of the staining process he developed. Golgi and his assistant dispute such criticism and believe that as science continues to develop more evidence for his finding will be discovered.
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