Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Trial of the masked vigilante the Grey Cowboy to begin this week
By Adam Parvey
The man most know as the Grey Cowboy is a man named Mark Gull. Authorities managed to identify the man despite his refusal to cooperate. “He has maintained his silence when questioned except to claim innocence, however, two days after arriving in Sisika, a guard recognized him from a previous prison term and said he was called Mark Gull,” said Agent Danford Schofield, who oversaw the transfer of the vigilante. Gull’s long criminal record was then discovered. He had previously been in prison for vandalism, attempted horse theft, and other violent crimes. Gull never denied his previous crimes, but maintained that he was not a vigilante and that he had never been one. The bounty hunter who captured Gull, Nathaniel Cross has not commented on Gull’s claims and has not indicated rather he would be at the trial. Attorneys for the government are hoping Cross arrives as he is the only known person to have caught Gull while disguised as the Grey Cowboy. “Truth is, without Cross the case falls apart,” said one of the attorneys on the condition of anonymity.
A summons was delivered to Tumbleweed, however, Nathaniel Cross has not been seen in the town for at least a week. Sheriff Sam Freeman said while he has not heard from Cross for several days, he expects that he will be at the trial. “Cross is as good as they come,” Sheriff Freeman said, “he won’t miss the trial if it means the bad guy walks.” This statement seemed to be a change of opinion for Sheriff Freeman, who previously referred to the Grey Cowboy as a hero and now refers to him as a ‘bad guy.’ Sheriff Freeman would not elaborate on why he changed his opinion. The trial is expected to be short whether Cross shows up or not.
Wanted man found at Oddfellow’s Rest
By Wylie Frey
A bounty hunter traveling to Tumbleweed came across a suspicious man at Oddfellow’s Rest. “He was acting odd, like trying too hard to look like he wasn’t doing anything,” the bounty hunter said. He got off of his horse to investigate and the man dropped a shovel and quickly tried to leave. “As he got close I recognized him as a wanted man,” the bounty hunter said. He quickly punched the man before tackling and hogtying him. “I suspect he was in the middle of grave robbing,” the bounty hunter explained. Oddfellow’s Rest is a regular target for grave-robbers because the graveyard is far from civilization and it is the kind of place where the bodies of the forgotten are dumped. During the ride to Tumbleweed the alleged grave-robber claimed to be innocent, saying he was visiting a long lost loved one. “The shovel was for my lost friend, he was a grave-ro… I mean he was a ditch digger so thought I’d leave a shovel by his grave…” the man told the bounty hunter. “You can’t believe what wanted men say, they just trying to free themselves,” said the bounty hunter. A swing strike to the head silenced the alleged grave-robber for the remainder of the trip.
Ambarino residents overjoyed by the sudden surge of assistance
By Jane Duran
Cowpokes from all over the Five States traveled to Ambarino to offer their assistance to the hardy folks living in near isolation. Sadie Adler, who lives in Grizzlies West, east of Colter, offered extra gold to those who helped her out. Mrs. Adler, along with her husband Jake, often pay travelers to do jobs on behalf of Grizzlies West residents. In recent weeks, however, the jobs have continued to pile up with nobody coming to take them. “We’re pretty remote out here so sometimes we go for weeks without seeing a soul,” said Mrs. Adler, “we needed a way to bring folks out here to get these jobs done.” Several wagons were finally recovered and aggressive animals were hunted down. A few folks finally got their mail delivered and a captive was rescued after being held for three weeks. “They weren’t so bad after awhile,” the captive said, “gave me food and even played cards with me.” Still, the man was happy to be free. Mrs. Adler said all the pending jobs have been taken care of, for now, and that she can rest easy knowing, “the good folks of Ambarino are taken care of.”
WANTED!
Investigators: Travel the Five States and report on what is going on.
Writers: Write the stories investigators find!
Photographers:
To take photographs to be used in the Herald.
Can also do all three!
Friendly race turns to fist fight, to shoot out, to friendly drinking, to saloon brawl
By Daisy Fairman
A posse of friends had a friendly race from northern West Elizabeth to southern West Elizabeth that turned out to be a wild ride of ups and downs. The friendly race got competitive quickly as two of the friends began bumping and elbowing each other. When the race concluded, the winning friend bragged about the victory until they were pushed by their friend. The two then reportedly got into a shoving match that led to a full on fist fight. “They fight all the time, so wasn’t too much of a surprise,” said another member of the posse who did not get involved in the fight. The two fighters decided a fist fight was not going to settle the dispute and opted for a shootout. According to their friends, the two took several paces a part and dueled. The winner of the race was shot in the shoulder, making them unable to shoot back.
The quick escalation was quickly followed by a realization that one friend nearly killed another. The rest of the group quickly bandaged the gunshot wound and the feuding friends quickly became friendly again. They celebrated by drinking at the Blackwater Saloon. Witnesses at the saloon reported that the drinking ended when the friends began arguing again. The arguing turned to fist throwing and soon the entire saloon was involved a massive fist fight. The bar tender made a quick exit and called the local police. The local police managed to break up the fight, but the instigators of it were no where to be found. A witness said he saw a group of cowpokes leave the saloon leaning on each other and laughing, but could not confirm that it was the group the started the fight.
Monarchies Pledge Visit to Five States!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Following the phenomenally successful visit of the Romanian noblewoman known best as Lady D, it seems every one of noble birth in Europe doesn’t want to be outdone. Next month, princes and princesses from Italy, Greece, Germany, and Russia are scheduled to visit.
Each of these royal families isn’t even trying to hide the jealousy; they have all made several mentions of how popular Lady D has become and intend to become just as beloved.
A fool’s venture, if you ask me, trying to corner the beloved nobility market isn’t something that can be grabbed at gunpoint. Also, the families in general are unlikely to gain much traction due to the long shadows they cast. The Russian Tsar isn’t quite what I’d call popular; the German Kaiser has only been around for a few decades, to name just a few examples. The success of that Romanian woman is both a mixture of the mysterious unknown, and creative self-marketing.
I’m not going to say no to these attempts, however. They are likely to bring more attention to the Five States, which is usually not harmful. At worst, it will cause political problems in their own countries, not here. The many fine folks who live here do not care for international politics; they see rich and fancy people.
So please visit our fine lands! We promise we won’t shoot back mostly.
Woman walks into Valentine Saloon and admits to being a moonshiner
By Emery Cosberry
An unnamed woman was arrested after she walked into the Valentine Saloon and informed everyone there that she was a moonshiner. Witnesses report that she was already stumbling and carrying two jugs with her. She placed on counter on the bar and then started telling anyone who would listen how skilled of a moonshiner she was. “She said that you could tell she was a good moonshiner ’cause she was drunk already after only a couple drinks,” a witness said, “heard it was tasty from some fellas who tried the jug she set down, o’ course as a law abiding man I didn’t try it, you see.” The woman’s behavior and stories soon brought the attention of a federal agent staying at the Saints Hotel just across from the saloon.
According to witnesses, the agent took a seat in the saloon and listened to the woman’s wild tales, which included a detailed account of her hidden moonshine still. Once he heard enough, he arrested the woman without issue. “She was too drunk to know what was happening, she just walked with him like they was friends,” a witness said. The Bureau of Internal Revenue announced that in addition to the arrest, the moonshine still was discovered and the entire operation ended.
Horse Race Turns Bloody!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Two riders, names currently unknown, were at the head of the pack in the Sunday morning race. One of the riders crashed into the other, causing a sizable pile-up. The two riders were thrown from the horses and landed rather unevenly near the stands. One rider got up and, in a rage, upholstered a revolver and shot his rival dead. He proceeded to empty the other five rounds into his body. He was still kicking the body when police arrived; he was dragged away not long after.
There was an intense fear that the amount of violence would rise with horseracing becoming more popular, and it appears the worries are sadly confirmed. More riders means more questionable people are joining, and nobody can search each rider before a race. It seems this is sadly going to become a common occurrence, gunfights, and death while racing for money. It’s probably a good thing the United States lacks a monarchy, as all the monticules would have snapped at the thought!
Residents across the Five States report crashing as they try to reenter the region
By Frederick Vannesse
It seemed just an unfortunate story of a man down on his luck, but soon turned to a trend no rational person could explain. The first occurrence of a resident crashing while trying to enter the Five States caused quite a bit of riotous laughter. “I saw the man, he was just ahead of me, riding his wagon into the Five States,” said another traveler. As the man got closer, however, the horse pulling the wagon became agitated and pulled the wagon off the trail and caused the wagon to crash. While there was no report of a serious injury, the wagon driver did seem a bit groggy. Eventually he managed to get his wagon moving again and get into the Five States. However, this was not the only such story this week. Several other cowpokes have reported also crashing while trying to get into the Five States, though the circumstances are often different. One woman was nearly hit by an oncoming wagon and was forced to suddenly veer to the right, causing her to crash just before entering the Five States. Another cowpoke said they had waited for a long time to be allowed into the Five States, stuck between a line of slow moving travelers. However, right as he was about to cross the border into the Five States, a wheel from their wagon suddenly fell off, stopping them in their tracks. As the pattern of travelers crashing before getting into the Five States was clear, explanations were lacking. So I did what any reporter would do when there are no rational explanations: I turned to the Respawners.
Gregoria Haskins, a Respawner who has contributed to this paper many times, said that the crashes are easy to explain if you accept her explanation that we live in a false world. “The false world is a creation,” said Ms. Haskins, “and creating a complex and false world sometimes comes with unexpected problems.” She then explained that there is a loss of information between the resident entering the Five States and the Five States itself. “It’s like the resident is trying to see a tree, but no matter how much they squint, the tree is never visible, kind of,” Ms. Haskins stated, seemingly unsure if her analogy was to simple to convey the complex problem causing the crashes. “Eventually you get tired of squinting and pass out,” Ms. Haskins said, “or in this case, the horse pulling the wagon cannot see the path into the Five States and turns away in fear, or wagon breaks.” As is usually the case when speaking with a Respawner, the explanation made no sense. Authorities have advised residents if they have problems getting into the Five States, it is likely their own fault. “The roads into the Five States are perfect,” said a spokesman speaking on behalf of New Hanover Governor’s office, “any problem getting in is on the travelers end and we advise travelers to just keeping trying.”
Fred Herd claims easy victory in US Open
By Rutherford X. Downing
Two Scotsmen led the pack as Fred Herd beats fellow countryman Alex Smith by seven strokes. Dominance of the US Open by Scotsmen is no shock, though Herd was not the favorite to win. Herd is acknowledged as a skilled golfer, however, it is also known that he is a heavy drinker. His drinking habits were of such a great concern that the United States Golf Association has refused to give him the US Open trophy. The USGA has offered Herd the opportunity take the trophy with him should he offer a security deposit. Officials in the USGA are concerned that once Herd spends the tournament purse of $150 on alcohol, he will sell off the trophy to feed his habit. As such, his victory is overshadowed by his drinking habits.
SS La Bourgogne sinks, champion wrestler the “Terrible Turk” among the dead
By Ivy Seager
Tragedy struck when the SS La Bourgogne collided with the Cromartyshire as a result of low visibility. A dense fog blanketed the area and the captain of the Cromartyshire stated, who survived, said he heard the La Bourgogne’s whistle but did not see from which direction the ship was coming. The collision occurred while most passengers were sleeping. Of the 726 people onboard the LA Bourgogne, 549 were unaccounted for and believed lost at sea, including the wrestler Youssouf Ishmaelo , better known as the Terrible Turk. Ishmaelo dominated all challenges during his tour of the United States and demanded all of his winnings be paid out in gold. Ishmaelo then deposited the gold into a belt he wore around his waist, reasoning that nobody would be able to steal from him given his physical strength. However, a survivor said they say Ishmaelo rushing to a lifeboat when he fell overboard. A friend of his jumped in after him, but Ishmaelo was quickly sinking. The money bet was believed to be holding $10,000 worth of gold coins. An investigation is underway to determine if mistakes caused the accident and to determine the accuracy of witness claims that the crew of the sinking ship prevent passengers from being rescued by stabbing at them with oars.
The Five States Herald 