Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Is the world coming to an end? Reports of “vanishing doors” come in from across the Five States
All across the Five States residents are reporting mysterious ‘vanishing doors.’ The term is a bit poor as a way of describing what is happening. The door itself does not vanish, but the people going through it do. “I just thought I would see a show at the theater when I saw this fellow walk into a door and just disappear!” said a theater goer. The event was odd enough that the theater goer left, not wanting to watch a show at a haunted place. Such occurrences have also happened at banks and other doors that were previously locked. Vanishing cowpokes, however, is not the only thing these does are responsible. Witnesses have remarked seeing cowpokes suddenly appear in the middle of a road, often times nearly ran over by a horse drawn wagon. The only way we know the vanishings and sudden appearances are related is because of personal witness accounts.
Emma Rugg reported that she entered the Bank of Rhodes, only to walk through a door that sent her through a “hellish passage, full of darkness and the lack of hope,” only to suddenly realize she was standing in the middle or Rhodes. Another cowpoke said he walked through such a door and reappeared in front of a trolley. “Had it not been for my quick wit, I would have been ran over,” said Leon Collins. Authorities have begun investigation the ‘vanishing doors’ but so far, have no theories on how they work. They advise caution when using unfamiliar doors. “What we are afraid of most,” said a spokesman for the BHTNC, “is that folks will go through these doors and never return to the Five States.” The BHTNC went on to promise a full report on the ‘vanishing doors’ within the next few weeks.
The ‘devil’ spotted outside of Armadillo
By Jose Chavez
New Austin residents and travlers through the state have reported spotting the devil all over the desert. In particular, several witnesses noted that the devil was outside of Armadillo for quite some time. “It looked like a normal person, wore clothes like regular folks,” one witness reported, “but it had a beastlike head and horns so large they curled along the sides of the beasts head. No witness reported the devil partaking in illegal behavior and so no lawmen ever searched for the creature. As a result, no evidence of the monsterous beast exists. One witnesses attempted to take a photograph of the devil, but when it looked his way he panicked and put the camera away before fleeing. Many have wondered if the appearance of the devil near Armadillo is a bad sign for an already struggling people.
Man watches friend die when they jump into a hot spring
By Caylen V. Hornby
Two friends were riding near the Cotorra Hot Springs, when one said he wanted to fish a bit. Cas Dobson, who is rather new to the Five States, said his friend and longtime resident Allan Mullany, said the Cotorra Hot Springs once had fish. “I told him that was impossible, but he swore it ws true,” said Mr. Dobson. The pair went to one of the springs and Mr. Mullany tosses his line in. After several hours of no bites, Mr. Mullany became frustrated. He said, “I’ll jump in and show you, bet I can find some dead ones at the bottom!” Mr. Mullany jumped in and according to Mr. Dobson, immediately began screaming. “He was too far from the edge, I couldn’t reach him, ” said Mr. Dobson. Mr. Dobson tosses his rope to Mullany, but Mr. Mullany was unable to grab on before sinking to the bottom. When he floated back up he was dead.
Hunter spotted acting odd
By Nick McCrary
A hunter was arrested and brought in for questioning after a traveler saw him acting oddly. “A man came into my office and said a hunter was putting dead animals on his, then taking them off and putting another dead animal on his horse,” said Blackwater Chief of Police Oswald Dunbar, “it didn’t seem to be harmful but with all the weirdos out lately, we looked into it.” The man was brought into the police station to see if he was of normal mental constitution. In his interview, “he seemed like a normal fellow, so we let him go,” said Chief Dunbar. The reporting witness, who lives in Blackwater, apologized but said, “can never be sure in the Five States.”
Ominous Warning from Bogeywoman
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
It has been many months since the infamous Myra Rose Hart has been seen or heard from. Her name may have been kept alive by reports about her last high-profile escape, but even that trail eventually ran cold. Nobody was ever proven to have helped her escape her execution, although people still believe this was the case. Law enforcement is pretty sure local mafia figures were involved, but that’s about it. It only raises more questions since the last interaction between that organization and the Black Rose was a massacre with a prototype self-loading firearm.
Just as people were starting to move on, the silence was broken. This week, a package was sent to a local Saint-Denis paper. The box contained a dead crow, the bullet still stuck in its head. Alongside its wing was a folded rose painted black. No letter was found in the package, but the message speaks for itself.
A dead bird is sometimes associated with organized crime, and that little rose has been her calling card for quite a while. She’s coming back, even with the heat still on her. The US government didn’t suddenly forget that a national criminal, who tried to kill a sitting US president at her height, is still on the loose. But does this mean she will be hanging around Saint-Denis specifically? That she’ll be doing the bidding of Italian criminals? Nothing good can come from this.
Woman blows herself up and sets Valentine Saloon on fire
By Donna Deshner
The Valentine Saloon was set on fire this week. Authorities say it is possibly the 100th time this year. Miraculously, the building was not brought down by the fire or the explosion that started it. A woman identified only as Ms. Yurek, was spotted by a witness walking into the saloon with a jug in her arms. Witnesses inside the saloon said she walked directly to the heater in the middle of the saloon and dumped the contents of the jug over it. “Smelled like moonshine,” said a witness. It did not take long before a series of unfortunate events took place. It is believed that the moonshine ignited while being poured over the heater, which in turn led to a flame entering the jug.
“Moonshine is real volatile stuff, flammable and the fumes are explosive!” said the saloon operator. The explosion sent Ms. Yurek to the floor and flame flying across the saloon. It did not take long for the fire to quickly begin to spread. Panic erupted and saloon patrons ran outside. A volunteer fire brigade arrived hastily, having been parked near the saloon as a result of regular fires there. A few saloon goers were injured by flames, but nobody died. Ms. Yurek, who had believed to have died in the initial explosion was spotted standing near the Valentine hotel watching the flame consume the saloon. As soon as the flames were put out, the saloon reopened and Ms. Yurek is said to have rejoined the drinking festivities as if nobody at all remembered that she nearly brought the building down.
Reddit Story: Ms. Yurek
New group of vilgilantes spotted in the bayou
By Emeline Vickroy
A group of colorful individuals was spotted in Lemoyne this week. The group, calling themselves the ‘Power Rangers’ are believed to be the latest crop of vigilantes popping up in the Five States. Each member dresses themselves in a certain color, with red, blue, pink, yellow, black being the most frequently cited colors and some witnesses also reporting white and green as well. “Kind of strange, saw the green fellow and then next day saw the white fellow, looked to be the same person,” said a witness. The claims of the group being vigilantes, is at this point, unfounded. Authorities assumed such based on their “colorful attire and theatrics,” which authorities now associate with vigilantism. A statement from any member of the ‘Power Ranger’ group was not obtained.
Hitched Skirt, Helpful or Lewd?
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
It’s summer, so the heat is rising, and the rain is falling. The land is getting muddy, and it’s challenging to walk through it without getting your clothes dirty. The average cowpoke probably doesn’t think much of this, what with the long pants and such they often wear. For women, it’s a little different, as our skirts are often quite long. It’s difficult to avoid dragging the fabric through dirt and water, forcing us to spend the rest of the day cleaning them.
There is a solution, however, the popular hitched skirt, which does as it says; it’s a skirt that is pulled up enough that movement isn’t restricted, and getting it dirty is less likely. Unfortunately, it’s not seen as the type of clothing a polite woman wears. It exposes so much of your legs; it’s often seen as the dress of harlots and fallen women. One lady was even kicked out of church earlier this month for daring to wear such a piece of clothing.
In my honest opinion, I think it’s high time people get over puritan beliefs. I’d rather be called a woman of the night than suffer through the mud and blood of the summertime. Of course I don’t write the social rules of the Five States, I merely report it.
Confusion in the Capital when President MacAllister announces signing of bill to annex Hawaii
By Frederick Vannesse
President MacAllister was met with blank stares when he announced that he was signing the bill to officially annex Hawaii into the United States of America. The confusion comes from the fact that Hawaii has already been annexed into the union. In fact, the annexation of Hawaii was covered in fourth issue of the Five States Herald. MacAllister became even more bewildered when this fact was mentioned. Witnesses state that a copy of the original signed bill was shown to MacAllister and he still was unable to remember signing the bill. This has led to some in the President’s orbit to believe that he may not have the mental capacity to continue in his job. However, Respaner Avatar Gegoria Haskins has an alternate explanation. “This false world is stuck in time, even as the real world continues to move forward,” Ms. Haskins explained, “so what we are seeing is that a year has in fact passed, but not within the Five States and as a result, MacAllister thinks it’s the appropriate time to sign the bill again.” This explanation was equally as confusing as MacAllister’s confusion, as Respawner explanations normally are.
Belgian Crew views sunrise at 4PM
By Ive Seager
The crew aboard the RV Belgica witnessed the impossible: a sunrise at 4:00PM! They journey to this historic moment was full of trials, however. Having set off in 1897, the crew headed to the Antarctic but was delayed after crashing into the Belgian Royal Yacht. Eventually the Belgica was able to to continue its journey, however due to disciplinary problems among its staff, the crew was forced to dismiss several sailors before the final stretch to Antarctica. Things got tougher for the Belgica when the already undermanned crew lost another sailor, as Carl Wiencke was lost overboard in Janurary of this year. The crew named an island in his honor. In February, the crew finally crossed the Antarctic Circle, though their bad luck was far from over. The crew had become stuck in Ice, unable to be freed they had no choice to to winter in the Antarctic Circle. They overcame scurvy, eating penguins and seals and during this trial watched the sun rise when most expect it to begin setting. Once freed from the ice the crew left the Antarctic circle and sent in a report as soon as they found a dock. Though crew members remarked that the afternoon sunrise was amazing and perplexing, the trial of poor health, blistering cold, and losing fellow sailors was hardly worth it.
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