Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Lady D to Visit Five States!!!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead correspondent)
The woman who took over European fashion by storm earlier this year is actually coming to the Five States! The enigmatic woman known only as Lady D is visiting Saint-Denis and several other major US cities sometime this week.
Many suspect she is interested in increasing sales of her famous hat, which still fetch a high price despite debuting months ago. Although, there is a popular rumor that she just wants to see the United States out of pure curiosity.
Not only is she visiting, but she even posed for a photo! This will no doubt please her many admiring fans and would-be suitors. The photo depicts her wearing one of her signature hats, but also a long flowing white dress that you’re hard-pressed to find in the Five States.
Hopefully, the many arguments and fights over her attire will not follow her from Europe. England, in particular, is still reeling from a particularly vicious bar fight caused by someone spilling beer on a woman’s Lady D hat. This one instance led to a massive battle that damaged several buildings in Piccadilly Circus.
The fact so much violence has happened over fashion is a bit silly, although it’s nothing new. Back in the 1700s, it wasn’t uncommon for riots to occur over an opera performance. We people are such fickle things. Also, yes, dear reader, I will probably try to get one of those hats for myself. I’m only human.
Masked outlaws suddenly start showing up in Gaptooth Ridge
By Alois Burditt
Gaptooth Ridge was hit by a string of burglaries and murders this week, all conducted by masked outlaws. A few of the masked outlaws were captured by bounty hunter Nathaniel Cross. Cross has made Tumbleweed his home for the last month and is the lead bounty hunter searching for the Grey Cowboy. The surge in crimes being committed in the area led Cross to shift his focus from the masked vigilante to masked outlaws. One of the captured men was drunk at the time of his arrest and while in jail said he and others wore the masks to mock the Grey Cowboy. “That feller thinks he’s a good guy, but got a bigger bounty on his head than any of us,” the drunken outlaw said through slurs, “we are here to draw him out, help the bounty hunter man catch him!” There were no reported sightings of the Grey Cowboy, however, several masked outlaws were found dead around Gaptooth Ridge. Authorities have speculated that the Grey Cowboy may have been involved. Nathaniel Cross did not report coming accrossed the Grey Cowboy in his travels, noting that Gaptooth Ridge is a large area and it would be easy for the two men to miss each other.
When the drunken outlaw was informed that several dead bodies were found near Rathskeller Fork, he swore that he had been there just before being captured. Cross claims to have found the man alone, much further traveling on a road headed toward Tumbleweed. The outlaw denies being captured there, but also admits to being too drunk to be certain.
Posse of bounty hunters brings in wanted outlaws, tramples henchmen
By Caylen V. Hornby
In a story that seems too strange to be true, bounty hunters admit to trampling their enemies. As they tell the story, the bounty hunters tracked the outlaws to the abandoned mining facility Ewing Basin. There, they found their targets as well as several other outlaws protecting the wanted men. A gunfight ensued. The bounty hunters, bored or daring, decided to use their guns to clip their enemies, shooting them in the arms or shoulders to make shooting difficult to impossible. The bounty hunters then began trampling the outlaws. The wanted men broke from the group and one of the bounty hunters followed, securing both with the use of her bolas. She returned to Ewing Basin to screams of anguish as outlaws laid all about, moaning and unable to move. The bounty hutners left them there. “Wanted or not, those other men defended criminals found guilty in court and shot at us, I feel no regret for handling it that way,” said one of the bounty hunters. No posse was formed to investigate the area, as authorities reasoned that the injured outlaws were likely to be dead before a posse reached them.
WANTED!
Investigators: Travel the Five States and report on what is going on.
Writers: Write the stories investigators find!
Photographers:
To take photographs to be used in the Herald.
Can also do all three!
Man rescued by passerby
By Nick McCrary
A man was mistaken for someone else and nearly lost his life this week. “These outlaws just lasso’d me and hogtied me. And they beat me and said they were gonna kill me,” the victim said. However, fate appeared to be more on his side than he at first realized. A heavily armed cowpoke rode through the area and saw the man hogtied and helpless. “I quickly realized this man was innocent and recognized one of the captors, a man connected to kidnappings in the area,” the cowpoke said. Seeing that he was out manned, the cowpoke was sure to not be outgunned. As he tells the story, he stumbled up to the group as if he was drunk. The captors let their guard down and the cowpoke kicked the fight into full gear by pulling out a pistol in each hand and killing the closest outlaws. Before the others could respond he emptied the clip of his mauser automatic pistol, killing most of them. Before the surviving outlaws aimed their guns, however, the cowpoke pulled out a lever-action shotgun and finished the job. He freed the hogtied man and refused to take payment, though the freed man stuffed a ten dollar bill in his rescuer’s vest pocket all the same. “I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for him, had to pay him something!” the rescued man said.
Man Destroys Telegraph Machine in Protest!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead correspondent)
Months ago, jobs offered by telegram were advertised as the next big thing in the Five States. Well, after a decent batch of good-paying jobs, the offers dried up quick as a tomato in New Austin. There were widespread protests and anger held, of course, but the most personal vendetta against this injustice happened in Valentine this week.
Frank Bishop is a man who herds cattle and sheep for a living. He has always aspired to work a better-paying job, so when he heard about the telegram service, he put all his money together and bought a personal telegraph machine to keep up to date with job offers. He felt he would soon be the richest man in Valentine.
On Tuesday, Bishop was seen dragging the machine through the Valentine mud, pouring alcohol all over it, and throwing a cheap cigarette on it. Lawmen did nothing to stop him, probably because they sympathized. He then spent the rest of his money on whiskey before wandering off.
One does hope that new job offers arrive soon, but one almost hopes they aren’t here too soon. Otherwise, the poor fellow is going to sorely regret his actions.
Train robbers make great escape from Saint Denis jail
By Aloysius Levron
Thomas and Ross Kilgore escaped from the Saint Denis jail earl this week, just days after being arrested for robbing a train. The pair managed to successfully rob the train, however, the train was brought to a stop passing through Saint Denis. The engineer said he was frightened but knew if he kept driving the train then he was “as sure as dead.” The two outlaws tried to flee when the train stopped, but Saint Denis police were on the scene quickly, preventing their getaway. The pair were were being held at the Saint Denis Police Station when the escape happened. Details about the escape are unknown. The policeman on duty at the time said he was hit on the back of his head, knocking him out. By the time he woke up the Kilgores were gone.
He quickly sounded the alarm and a search was immediately started. The policeman was unable to confirm how long he was out and so how long the Kilgore’s headstart was remains unknown. The city was temporarily locked down, but authorities quickly came to the conclusion that the Kilgores were likely already out of Saint Denis.
Another weekly update from the BHTNC that hardly qualifies as an update
By Adam Parvey
It is official, the BHTNC is once again one of the most highly criticized groups in the world. They have made it an effort to publish weekly updates so residents of the Five States know what is coming and what to expect of the future. The updates, however, are viewed as disappointing. “We know what’s coming, a lot of nothing,” said one cowpoke. Another remarked, “I’m looking for new stuff to do, not bonuses to stuff I’ve already done over and over.” Many residents who have recently fled the region have indicated that they have no plans of returning no matter what the BHTNC does. “I don’t care if they allow us into Mexico, it’s all too little too late at this point,” the cowpoke said.
The BHTNC has gone silent, aside from the weekly updates. Many have taken this to mean the future of the Five States is bleak. Other cowpokes have remained positive, saying, “don’t matter if they [the BHTNC] support the Five States, we support each other.” They pointed out several events that cowpokes have started hosting, from new sports to long trail rides. “The Five States will survive,” the cowpoke said, “though it’s fair to wonder who will still be here at the end.”
San Francisco approves city charter
By Frederick Vannesse
The city of San Francisco has officially become a charter city. Though the city has a long and storied history, it is only now making itself an official charter city. This move allows the municipal government to claim ownership over utilities. City officials have long debated the usefulness of privately owned utilities, stating, “these utilities are barriers to essential things like food and water, they should not be profited off of.” An official charter, officials claim, also will allow the city to expand on its already growing port trading business. In the last several years both Levi Strauss and Domingo Ghirardelli have moved to San Francisco, opening up a dry goods and chocolate business respectively. With city officials now able to guide port trade policies and provide utilities services residents, many expect the city to continue its rapid growth.
Tension builds in the Phillipines
By Ivy Seager
While many in America and Spain celebrated the end of the Spanish-American war, those who live in the form Spanish colonies have had little reason to do so. American officials are citing the overthrow of Spanish colonial rule as the reason the native peoples should celebrate. However, an informant in the region has stated that little has change for the people native to these islands. In particular, the people of the Philippines have shown some resistance to replacing on colonizing power with another. Emilio Aguinaldo has rallied many other Filipinos in calling for full fledged independence. While Congress and intellectuals continue to debate whether or not the Philippines can handle independence, Aguinaldo has said it is not the choice of non-Filipinos. My source stated, “he [Aguinaldo] believes that readiness is irrelevant, that the Filipino people should be allowed to succeed or fail on their own merits.” So far, peace has been maintained in the area but tension continues to grow as Aguinaldo gains more support.
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