Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Farewell Letter from Black Rose?
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Myra Rose Hart is the talk of the town once again. Instead of having volts of electricity shot through her body, she’s out and about doing what she loves best, causing misery. I undoubtedly expect to find claims of a red-haired woman kicking cats or pushing old ladies down a flight of stairs. But for a week, she has been oddly quiet. Until this afternoon, when a letter addressed to a local Saint-Denis paper was received. It was hers alright, only a woman of her kind kisses an envelope with what could charitably be called ravish me red lipstick. Instead of boasting, it almost reads like a fond farewell.
“Dear Five States, I didn’t think I was going to write another letter. But Death seems to have had some fun with my hourglass. This wasn’t a learning experience, would that I could, Saint-Denis would burn. I’m sure you will send your finest after me, perhaps raise my bounty to the size of the Manhattan Life Insurance Building. Oh, wouldn’t it delight you if some housewife shot me in the back, I could see the magic lantern show already. I’m afraid this will be the last correspondence between us for some time. I don’t plan on retiring, but I feel it’s time to lay low. If I feel up for it, I will indulge my violent delights, but you won’t know it’s me. When I make my grand entrance again, there will be no doubt that I will have returned. Until we meet again. Black Rose. PS, give my love to mother. She wasn’t the cause of me, far from it.”
In other news, the electric execution device made by Mr. Andrew Bell has apparently broken down during testing. The local judiciary quickly cut ties with him, seeing how there’s no use for a grand demonstration. Investigations into how the Black Rose escaped are still ongoing. Police don’t recall anyone visiting Myra at any point during the trial, but there was a noticeable lack of guards in the building. Bribery cannot be currently ruled out.
Several outlaws dropped off dead at the home of Nathaniel Cross
By Alois Burditt
In a odd twist, the dead bodies of several wanted men were found stacked outside of the room occupied by one Nathaniel Cross. Cross has been renting a room from gunsmith Roscoe Brenner for the last several weeks and just recently took the lead on the hunt for the Grey Cowboy. No witnesses saw the bodies placed in front of the room, however one witness did say they saw someone riding through the town on a wagon late at night. The butcher, who runs his stall 24 hours a day, saw the man on the wagon too but did not see him move any dead bodies. “It didn’t happen far from where I was, but I had been busy dealing with customers and that damn stray always trying to get my meat!” the butcher said. It was quickly suggested that the bodies were likely dropped off by the Grey Cowboy as a challenge to Nathaniel Cross.
Cross moved the bodies to the Tumbleweed jail, but did not accept a bounty. Afterwards, Cross took a leisurely approach to his preperation. “I expected him to ride out into the desert in a hurry, but he just had breakfast, cleaned his guns, walked around, just seemed very relaxed,” said a witness. Eventually Cross did ride out into the Gaptooth Ridge desert. He was gone for several hours before returning with a cougar carcass and several animals skins on his horse. When asked if he found any clues about the Grey Cowboy, Cross shrugged and said, “who?” The entire incident is said to have shaken the BHTNC’s faith in Cross, however at this point there is no effort being made to replace him as the leader bounty hunter this early in the hunt. Cross, despite speaking with Herald reporters in the past, ignored my request for a comment.
Federal agents retreat from Ambarino
By Jane Duran
Agents on the search for hallugenic drugs have pulled out of Ambarino. The federal government’s sudden crackdown on hallucinogenic drugs has already gone awry. The agency is not commenting on the withdrawal from Ambarino, but an anonymous source cites the lack of finding the targeted herb and the extreme weather as the reasons. The hallucinogenic herb they are trying to combat is found in several states and many observers said will be impossible to limit or contain. While the federal government appeared to be serious about the task, this may be the first step back and potentially, a full retreat. “The higher ups are realizing that containing a naturally growing plant is no easy task,” said my anonymous source, “particularly when state authorities are fighting them the whole time.”
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Man killed in bison stampede
By Nick McCrary
A man picking flowers in the Great Plains was killed when a hunter spooked a herd of bison. The hunter managed to kill two bison, though the gunshots sent the herd stampeding away. It is likely the man heard the gunshots, but may not have reacted to the sound that is all too common in the area. The man was found with flowers still clutched in his fist. Investigators believe he died quickly from a blow to the head. “He was likely knocked to the ground quickly, may have fell into a panic, before a bison stepped on his head,” the investigator said. He believes his head being stepped on is what ended the man’s life. “Probably better for him, the reset of his body was crushed and mangled, recovery was likely not going to happen,” the investigator stated, “better to go quick than suffer for a few days.” The hunter said she felt bad and offered to help pay for funeral expenses. The man’s family did not wish to be interviewed, but did state that they do not hold the hunter responsible.
Strawberry General Store owner angrily challenges town butcher over “hogging the customers”
By Daisy Fairman
Chip Cooper, owner of the Strawberry General Store, came out of his store yelling and throwing pieces of bread at the town butcher. Mr. Cooper claimed that the butcher was stealing all the potential customers with his location. “We are all supposed to benefit from the BHTNC’s gold nugget bonus incentives,” Mr. Cooper said, referencing the gold bonus for visiting a shop in Strawberry that ran this past week. However, given the butcher’s location, several cowpokes merely visit the butcher and then leave. “I want the BHTNC to require a damn purchase to get the gold bonus,” Mr. Cooper suggested. The BHTNC did not comment on any proposed changes.
Man whistles too many horses into existence, so he claims
By Emerry Cosberry
In a story that may be ignored as impossible by most papers, a man in Valentine claimed to have summoned dozens of horses. “I whistled as I do and saw my horse coming, but it was going a bit slower than I wanted,” the man said. He whistled again and to his shock, a second horse arrived. He whistled a third time and sure enough, he claimed a third horse showed up. It went on like this for several minutes the man said, ending up with dozens of horses surrounding him. “The damnedest part about it?” the man asked before answering his own question, “they were all the same horse. They were all my horse!” Other witnesses supported this claim, though local authorities have explained it as the ramblings of several drunk cowpokes. An independent investigator did confirm that the tracks of several dozen horses were clearly visible where the man said this all occurred. However, the investigator also admitted there was no way to confirm that these tracks were truly the same horse. “I don’t see how it’s possible,” the investigator said, “you can’t manufacture a horse the way you can manufacture a gun. You can’t have dozens of the same horse.”
As with all situations that seem to be unexplainable, I turned to the Respawners, those who believe we live in a a false world and “respawn” over and over. I was fortunate to speak with Miss Georgia Haskins, a Respawner Avatar, which as some readers may recall is a high ranking member of the group. “You always ask and we always explain, the false world is confused,” Miss Haskins said, “the world is made up of words and numbers we cannot see and they sometimes get jumbled, as words and numbers do.” However, she elaborated that when the false world’s “code” gets jumbled, odd things happen, such as multiple versions of the same horse existing in the same place at the same time. Though her explanation seemed simple, as always, I need a few drinks after getting the rundown from a Respawner.
Lagras Bait and Tackle Shop sees more visitors
By Aloysius Levron
Recently the BHTNC has offered several gold nugget bonuses for cowpokes willing to travel to Lagras. While many simply go to Lagras, claim their gold nuggets and leave. Many of these folks are not eager to ride around in alligator dense swamps. “Could be a ‘gator in the mud,” said one cowpoke, “so I get to Lagras and then back out as soon as I can!” Others have taken to exploring the region a bit more. “Did you know there was a bait shop run by a kind old lady?” one cowpoke asked. The Lagras Bait and Tackle Shop has been a staple in the small region for as long as anyone can remember. The bait shop has seen far less visitors in the last year, with bait and tackle available at general stores in nearly every town as well as by the convenience of delivery. However, many have found that the quality of bait from the Bait and Tackle Shop is much higher. Moreover, it is one of the few locations that sell live crayfish, both as bait and as food. Additionally, the Bait and Tackle Shop offers various provisions, prepared fresh at the location. The increase in visitors is appreciated, but the shop runner says it is also unnecessary. “Make plenty of money on the day to day,” she said, as if completely unaware of the BHTNC’s gold nugget bonus bringing more people to the area.
Valentine Man receives Straw Beard, very Unhappy
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Most people are content when they receive something in the mail. It might be something excellent or just average at best. It’s not often that you get a customer so angry that he threatens a company.
Alan Ross, a native of Valentine, had sent away for a custom hunting rifle. Wheeler and Rawson do allow for mail-ordered firearms; that’s nothing new. Mr. Ross, however, didn’t receive a hunting rifle. He received a novelty straw beard. This sent him into quite the rage. His neighbors reported shouting and banging noises for hours. He later stormed off to the post office and wrote an official complaint to the catalog company, threatening to sue for wasting his time.
A straw beard has been one of the more recent items available from Wheeler and Rawson. It’s not exactly been popular, but never has anyone gotten this mad about it. Why he took offense is anyone’s guess; likely he believes the money he stowed away to purchase a rifle has gone to waste.
It’s pretty unlikely he will follow through on that threat of suing, but Wheeler and Rawson likely don’t appreciate the bad publicity. Then again, the owners just as likely sleep on a bed made of money, with a house built from gold. Owners of a company this successful do not care what you think.
April Fool’s day brings fun for many, insults for a few, and murder for one
By Frederick Vannesse
Journalist William Cowper Brann was killed when he took his aggressive nature too far. Mr. Brann had a history of making inflammatory statements, primarily from the newspaper he created and funded called Brann’s Iconoclast. Unlike most papers, Brann’s Iconoclast did not emphasize objectivity, but was merely a platform to share his opinions unfiltered. Mr. Brann’s targeted tirades against women, Black people, the British, Episcopalians, and Baptists brought 100,000 subscribers to his publication. His tirade against Baylor University, however, brought an end to his life. Before Mr. Brann was killed, he had run ins with members of Baylor University before, including being kidnapped and beaten. April 1st, after Mr. Brann renewed his printed attacks on Baylor University, an unnamed assailant believed to be the father of a former Baylor student shot Mr. Brann in the back six times. Mr. Brann managed to use his own weapon to shoot the attacker back. Both men died from their wounds. Mr. Brann was buried just two days later. His grave was vandalized the very next day.
Conflict ends in hearty shared meal
By Ivy Seager
Several groups collided late Saturday night over the “true meaning” of Easter. One group claimed the true meaning was to worship the Goddess Eostre, while others said it is about the renewal of Spring, still others said it was to celebrate the resurrection of the Christ, and finally a fourth group said it was about Passover. The groups argued over how the holiday should be celebrating and critically, what should be emphasized. Thankfully, the groups came to an important understanding. They all focused on the idea of renewal. Whether it was the plants regrowing, a god being brought back to life, or about the liberation of a people from their oppression, renewal was key to all. This understanding allowed them to share a meal and leave each other’s company in good spirits.
The Five States Herald 