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To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
With nothing new to do, nearly two dozen cowpokes go for friendly horse ride
It seems like every week a new issue of the Herald is published and new murders and thefts are uncovered. If you are tired of reading about the horrors of the Five States, this is the uplifting story you have been waiting for. Several posses of cowpokes gathered in Valentine, not to shoot up the town, but to prepare to ride together. In what is being called the largest peaceful gathering of cowpokes in the Five States since the clown protest marches, tension gave way to levity. The riders began their journey by heading to Strawberry. One participant described crossing the Dakota River with two dozen others as a remarkable experience. “You should have seen the water splashing as we rode,” they said, “not a care in the world.” The narrow paths of Diablo Ridge and the forest surrounding Strawberry proved more difficult to manage, however, the blob of riders turned into an organized line and they made it through just fine. At Strawberry, the group purchased food and drink before heading onto the last leg of the journey: Blackwater.
The ride into Blackwater was much easier, with less narrow rides limiting the large group. However, stumps and rocks did prove challenging, however experienced riders guided the less experienced riders through the difficult terrain. A witness not taking part in the ride remarked that when the group hit the Great Plains, the ground seemed to hum, announcing their arrival. “They were spread out across the horizon, looked like a hundred fellers from far away,” said the witness. Blackwater Police made their presence known when the riders made it to the growing city, but it proved unnecessary. “They were as peaceful drunk as they were sober,” said one of the policemen on duty that day. Organizers of the ride are now considering a bounty wagon rider up Mount Hagen. The announcement was met with an odd mix of cheers and groans.
Captured outlaw dragged to the sheriff’s office
By Alois Burditt
An outlaw was brought into Tumbleweed near death this week after a bounty hunter lasso’d him from his horse and dragged the outlaw to the sheriff’s station. The man was barely conscious and full of bruises and bloody scrapes. The bounty hunter in question made comment about the bounty’s physical state. Witnesses say he rode into town with a trail of dust behind him, dismounted his horse, then hogtied the groggy outlaw before dropping him off at the jail. The outlaw was wanted for several crimes of which he had already been found guilty of, including theft and murder. However, this is not the first time a bounty has been dragged across the state to be brought to justice.
Many reports have been made regarding bounty hunters dragging captured outlaws all the way to jail. Official reports of such complaints are nonexistent, however, there are records of several outlaws having injuries that could be attributed to being dragged. The most common injuries reported in these records are bruises, cuts, scrapes, and head injuries. Additionally, such reports are accompanied by descriptions of outlaws being full of dirt and grime. It is easy to write the last detail off as a result of the hard life outlaws live, however, it should be noted that this is not a typical level of dirt. In fact, the outlaws are dirty enough to make a note of it, indicating it is more than usual. I was able to confirm one report of an outlaw brought to jail in such a condition who had died before being transferred to police custody. The BHTNC did not comment specifially on the accusations, but did not that outlaws with official bounties have been found guilty of their crimes. “These are not folks awaiting their day in court, these are folks who have been found guilty of their crimes and managed to escape justice,” the spokesman said. Local jailers said nothing of reporting guidelines they follow. “We report it the way we see it, simple as that,” said one jailer, “outlaws lie so we don’t report lies.”
South African to break Ambarino Speed Record
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
In the Five States, towns are pretty spaced out. Lots of range to ride and fish, or kill if that’s your thing. To pass the time, it’s not uncommon for people to try and see how fast they can reach an area. It’s just bragging rights, nothing more serious. A prevalent race is the Coulter to Strawberry route. Simple enough, start in the snows of Ambarino, and reach West Elizabeth soon as possible.
This week, a man from the South African Republic named Manie Moreau is scheduled to attempt the route. Moreau is a new immigrant to America, and well known for breaking various speed records in Africa. Races to mountains, to lakes, one story said he outran a lion. Running fast is Moreau’s way of life.
He will attempt to run the route by foot, a unique choice. Most people prefer the horse, it’s also safer that way. It’s no secret that many people have died doing this route. Most die from frostbite, but the occasional bear has been known to snack on would-be runners.
Moreau doesn’t have any family to cheer him on, but he’s excited all the same. The average citizen of Strawberry doesn’t seem to care, but perhaps that will change. Anything is possible in this land of opportunity
Man shoots another man in the arm, then immediately provides first aid
By Jane Duran
Len Kellerman had been minding his own business when a stranger shot him in the shoulder. Kellerman fell off his horse and due to being shot in the shoulder of his shooting arm, he was unable to fire back. “I felt the world growing darker, like I was in between life and death,” Kellerman said. Shooter then dismounted and according to a surprised Kellerman, provided aid. The attacker bandaged the wound and gave the Kellerman some alcohol for the pain. “By the time I had come to my senses, he was long gone.” Kellermand described the attacker as tall man with a clean shave, wearing dark colors and bright white hat. There were two other reports in the area of similar attacks followed by first aid treatment by a man that matched Kellerman’s description. Authorities were unable to identify the attacker.
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Family saved in Tall Trees by a ghost
By William Cormac (Freelancer)
Early this week a wealthy family from Spain arrived at Strawberry wanting to “live the wild west experience.” They visited various places in West Elizabeth ending in a stay at the manzanita trading post, however, next morning the family started traveling to Blackwater. Shortly after they departed the road was filled with fog and the trip almost ended in tragedy when the patriarch of the family received an arrow in the shoulder and realized that an ambush had started, from what the authorities later deduced were Skinners.
The family quickly hid under the wagon where the only thing they could hear were the arrows and gunshots that were hitting the wagon and the laughter of those savages, after several minutes the shots and laughter stopped and the family’s restlessness only grew until the youngest daughter was dragged out of the wagon and laughter began once again, and began to echo through the forest again, with the family patriarch injured and the eldest son of the family being a 13-year-old boy it seemed that everyone’s fate was sealed, but to everyone’s surprise the laughter of the savages and the girl’s screams of horror slowed down and instead were replaced by the screams of pain and horror from the Skinner brothers followed by gunshots and the noise of metal against flesh, the confrontation as described by the patriarch of the family was quick and brutal ending with one last Skinner in sight which was holding the girl hostage threatening to cut her if the attacker approached and didn’t throw his weapons, the attacker agreed and threw his weapons to the side of the road, the skinner then decided to throw a knife at his feet and ordered him to kill himself, to which the attacker replied he would do it if he could smoke first, the skinner confident that this was a dying man’s final wish agreed.
Slowly he put his hand in his coat’s right pocket from which he pulled out a lighter. Then he moved once again his other hand to the left pocket but this time quicker than the family could see, he pulled something out and pointed it to the Skinner’s face. A loud noise was heard and the Skinner fell with a hole between his eyes. Only then the family saw the rusted Mauser in the man’s hand. “Well I still don’t like it, but it gets the job done” the man said, and put the gun back in his pocket along with the lighter.
Then the attacker approached the girl and asked her if she was all right to wich the girl didn’t knew how to answer since she didn’t understood English, so the man checked out the family and told them that it was safe to come out now. And that was when the family was able to finally glance at their savior and to everyone’s surprise, he looked like someone just rised from an unmarked grave and run to the family’s aid, from what the family man told us his savior was of average height, covered in dirt with a worn out attire full of bullet holes, cuts and mud, he had long black hair, a beard and a poorly maintained stalker hat which covered his eyes making it impossible to see his face, in the end the so called ghost escorted the family to the plains and disappeared in the mist as soon as the forest was ending, leaving the family wondering if they savior was a man or otherwise.
After reporting this to the police the family head agreed to being interviewed as long as his name and his family’s was left out of the article.
After this story we asked the police chief Dunbar if he was going to do something about this ghost, to which he replied “if a man is capable enough to enter that place and hunt those bastards down then he is someone who is doing me and my boys a favor in a place where we are ill equipped to act and as far as I am concerned he is no danger to decent folk but if that where to change then we will have to think of some way to deal with another killer in those woods”.
Tall Trees is a place where news like this rarely come out but if we find more about this so called ghost we will let you know.
Farmers across the Five States complain about cowpokes sedating their livestock
By Frederick Vannesse
An old complaint has resurfaced as farmers claim their complains have gone unheard. “Nearly a year ago I told the sheriff that folks were coming and sedating my animals,” said one farmer wishing to remain anonymous, “that worthless son of a bitch said there is nothing they can do!” After speaking to many lawmen across the Five States, I uncovered many reports of “animal sedaters.” In some cases, these animal sedaters have been known to wake the animals back up. “I heard some fussing and came out with my shotgun, the feller was leaning next to a cow,” a farmhand for Emerald Ranch said, “but before I could shoot, the cow started to get up, blocking my shot.” They reported that the assaulter fled and the cow was groggy for at least an hour. Many farmers have had to resort to hiring more gunslingers to guard their land, however, this has proved to be an expensive solution. “Most of the time they are just standing there and nobody comes,” said an owner of a small farm in New Austin, “so I send ’em home and then the villains strike!”
One farmer found a unique solution, however they requested the location of their farm not be shared. “I bought me an aggressive bull,” they told me, “I mean the type that only the most experienced farmhands can handle!” The solution seemed to have worked, as the first time animal sedaters showed up after purchasing the aggressive bull, one of the sedaters was gored to death and the other ran off. “We buried the worthless bastard,” the farmer said, leaving no evidence behind to identify the man. Reports of a missing cowpoke in the area could not be obtained either.
Cowpoke comes across ‘abomination’
By Emery Cosberry
A cowpoke hired to obtain two stolen horses was surprised to find one of the horses completely un-ridable, such was the extent of its deformities. “The poor beast had four legs, but none where they were supposed to be,” began the cowpoke’s description, “it’s head was in its body, I don’t know how it breathed!” The legs were described as going in “all different directions” and the cowpoke knew there was no riding this horse away. “It couldn’t move, just rolled around, sort of,” they said. According to horse breeders I spoke to about the horse, deformities are not completely uncommon, but it is rare for a deformed horse to make it to adulthood, especially when the deformities are so extreme as to prevent regular movement. How this horse made it to adulthood, and why anyone agree to buy it, is unknown.
Collectors find way to celebrate in Annesburg despite the lack of a saloon
By Van R. Seldon
Annesburg is known as a working town, but one without a saloon to service the hard working folk who live there. It has long been the custom of workers to make the trip south to Van Horn to wind down the day with drink. However, a posse of collectors were tired of riding and in sore need of a drink. “We saw a saloon and restraunt, but it was close and nobody could tell us why,” said one of the collectors. Another mentioned local recomending Van Horn. Instead, they reached into their bag and brought out a few bottles of antique alcohol they had collected in their travels. “We had just scoured Roanoke Ridge, we didn’t want to ride to Van Horn, so we enjoyed the literal spoils of our work,” one of the collectors said. It did not take long for the posse to become drunk, claiming their antique drinks are all the stronger from time. However, another traveler who claimed to have experience brewing alcohol said liquor does not work that way and the collectors were just lightweights. The posse did not start any trouble while drunk and eventually passed out peacefully in their rented room.
Alligator Attack in Saint-Denis!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Alligator attacks in Lemoyne are sadly just a fact of life. Anyone living or working in the bayou knows it’s always a risk. But Saint-Denis isn’t well known for such attacks, until today anyway.
Early in the morning, a French dockhand was pulled into the water by a giant alligator. Witnesses described it as either having bright red eyes, or dark black eyes. It quickly tore the worker apart before fleeing northward. It was repeatedly struck with high caliber bullets, but didn’t seem hurt by it.
The last reported gator attack was in 1875, and the victim didn’t even die. What caused this long gap in reptile-related violence? Lack of expansion into the bayou? Overhunting? Voodoo? It’s anyone’s guess, really.
The bigger concern is the size of the animal, larger than a horse, so says a witness. The fact it managed to survive repeated rifle rounds is very concerning. Many suspect it will strike again before too long. One sailor asked a local US naval vessel if it will patrol the waters. The captain laughed at the suggestion; it seems the working men of Saint-Denis are on their own.
Bootlegger escapes with flaming wagon
By Mathilde Orry
Agents in pursuit of a bootlegger claim to have been fired on by “ungodly” custom ammunition. According to one of the agents in pursuit, the bootlegger wielded a shotgun that “fired fire at us.” The first agent shot was hit in the chest and fell off his horse, however, while on the ground he combusted into flames. The other agents rode harder despite their fear and the screams of their burning fellow agent. The bootlegger continued firing rounds of “fire” to hold back the agents, but one managed to get close. Before that agent could jump on the wagon the bootlegger shot him. The agent fell forward as a result of his momentum and landed on the back of the bootleggers wagon. The agent quickly fell off but left some of the flaming residue where he landed. The first quickly spread across the wagon. The agents were forced to retreat, both in fear of a burning death as well as to try and save their wounded allies. Other witnesses reported seeing a flaming wagon, but nobody knows of the wagon’s final destination.
Hundreds of cowpokes receive reward for participating in herb picking contest despite not participating in such a contest
By Humphrey Harker
Hundreds of cowpokes woke up one morning this week to find they had received a reward for taking part in an herb picking contest. The reward came in the form of gold nuggets. While no cowpoke is reported as offering to return the gold nuggets, many reported never having taken part in an herb picking contest. “I ain’t an herb picker, okay?” said one cowpoke who was more upset that most, “I’m a bounty hunter and don’t want nobody thinking I’m an herb picking dandy. Others appreciated the gold bonus, but wondered what this meant for overall funding from the BHTNC. “If they are handing out a bunch of gold nuggets in error, then how are they going to keep funding coming into the region?” a cowpoke asked. The BHTNC could not explain what caused the errors but assured folks that no action would be taken to reclaim the gold nuggets that were given out in error. “I don’t care,” said one cowpoke in response to the BHTNC’s comment, “they can reclaim the gold nuggets if they would just offer new jobs and let us buy property.”
Camp Merriman expanded post Spanish-American War
By Adam Parvey
Original commissioned to stage soldiers heading off to fight int eh Spanish-American War, Camp Merriman was expected to be winding down alongside other military camps. However, it was decided that instead of closing down all of the military camps and ports operating in the area, the United States has decided to consolidate. As several camps close, some personal are being move to Camp Merriman. Like other ports remaining open near the San Francisco coast, Camp Merriman will be used as a training ground. While not said officially, informants have spoken to me and said that part of this decision is the result of the new territories the U.S. has taken responsibility for. “The war is over, but if our troops are needed to secure our new territories from external or internal threats, we need to be ready to move,” said my anonymous source.
Second season of Italian Football Federation begins amidst confusion
By Ivy Seager
Football continues to grow in popularity across the world. Not to be confused with another sport growing in popularity in the United States also called football, most use football to describe the sport of using your feet to kick a ball across a field. That is surely an oversimplification, but contrast with the U.S. version where the ball is carried across the field. Fans of the Italian Football Federation were confused when the second season of the sport started this week. “Everything was the same as before, same teams, same game, same score!” said on fan. Many fans showed me flyers from last years first season, clearly marking the year as 1898. They then would show me this year’s flyer for the start of the second season, also clearly marked 1898. “How can the first and second season take place in the same year?” one fan asked. Despite the confusion, fans found a way to enjoy the game they claim to have already seen played: drink plenty of alcohol.
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