Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Military Find Serious Flaws in War Wagon
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Most Five States residents are probably well aware of the war wagon, the top-of-the-line armored wagon designed by Friedrich Yaeger. Despite the current negative reputation due to the ongoing Bounty Hunter war, the wagon had noble intentions. Originally it was designed to prevent stagecoach robbery and save lives. Instead of being used in this capacity, the US army quickly bought several prior to the war with Spain. With the war wrapped up, the military has released several reports on the performance of Yaeger’s wagon. The report was overseen by Senator Thaddeus Waxman. The results are mixed to put it gently.
Of the ten wagons used by the army in places like Cuba, none were lost to combat, and most of the onboard crews survived. Despite this, the military is demanding several corrections to perceived weaknesses. The most notable weakness is the design of the carriage in front of the rotating turret. Almost every gunner complained that the carriage is so large, it makes shooting from the front portion impossible. Anyone can freely attack the wagon head-on with no fear of being mowed down.
Worse yet, all fatalities involved with the war wagon were driver related. The carriage ironically offers little protection to the driver, and the two horses used to pull the wagon were easy prey to marksmen. At least half of the ten wagons were left stranded after either the driver or horses were shot by Spanish soldiers.
Mr. Yaeger has taken the complaints in stride, promising improved models that hopefully fixes the errors. When asked if he still plans on selling the wagon to private owners in the Five States, he promises he will. The military was merely a secondary market for such a vehicle. Whether cowpokes want them or not, the war wagon is still coming.
Man murdered near San Luis River
By Alois Burditt
A ranch hand that works at the stable in Tumbleweed was the sole witness to a murder. The ranch hand was fishing when he heard a heated argument. He did not say what he heard, only that both men sounded angry. As he looked over in the direction of the arguing, he saw two men facing each other. One pulled out a handgun and shot the other in the forehead. Local authorities investigated the scene and found much as the ranch hand had described. Tracks of two people approached the area where the dead body was found, only one set of tracks left. The ranch hand said he was unable to get a good look at the shooter. The victim had several newspaper clippings about the serial killer the Smoking Gun on his person.
“This fella was probably one of those self styled detectives, thinking they can do our job better than us,” said a Tumbleweed deputy. “More than likely he was following dead ends and some ne’er-do-well found a way to make quick money,” he explained, “wanna be detectives pay for information without know hot to tell if it is good or bad. They get robbed sometimes.” Supporting the robbery theory, the victim had no valuable items on their person. Authorities believe anything of value was likely taken by the killer. The witness reported looking away after the killing and did not see any theft.
Family saved from criminal by passing bounty hunter
By Caylen V. Hornby
A bounty hunter riding through the Grizzlies found a wanted man holing up in an isolated cabin. The occupants of the cabin at Barrow Lagoon were held hostage in their own home. The bounty hunter in question was riding through the area looking for clues, having heard the criminal may be in the area. The bounty hunter spotted a horse that matched the description of one rode by the outlaw. They then tracked the outlaw and captured him, freeing the family and restoring their home to them. Nobody was injured.
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Federal agents descend upon West Elizabeth
By Nick McCrary
In support of the Bureau of Internal Revenue, federal agents from other bureaus have come to West Elizabeth. Local law enforcement have resisted cooperation with what they view as a federal takeover of local duties. “If the local law are so upset, they should have done their job right these last several months,” said a spokesman for the federal agents. Their duties are limited to the hunting of the Great Plains Sniper and the dismantling of any moonshine operations that are located. The first few days saw several casualties among the federal agents as a result of sniper fire. Though they have yet to catch the Great Plains Sniper, they believe their swift response has him on the run.
“As each day passes, he makes less attempts on the lives of government agents,” the spokesman elaborated. “We believe it is because we react so quickly he has had to run hard and scared, too afraid too act least he be finally brought to justice.” Innocent residents have reported being harassed by the federal agents however, causing more tension. “Damn fools had the nerve to ask why I had a sniper rifle. Have they never hunted big game?” one resident said. The federal spokesman refused to comment on what they called “general interactions with the locals.”
Lack of new clothing items causes stir among Five States residents
By Adam Parvey
Tailors and general store operators across the Five States have come under significant criticism this week for not updating their catalogues. While residents are used to going for months long stretches without new clothing items available, it does not typically happen so soon after the BHTC and the states’ legislatures expand investment in the region. “After the last several investments, new clothes and other items arrived weekly,” said one resident, “it’s something to look forward to, you know?” Another resident echoed similar disappointment, “I couldn’t believe that I arrived at the tailor only to learn nothing new arrived, I never wanted to leave the Five States more.” Some have accused residents complaining of being upset over nothing, but others recognize this comes after a string of other disappointments, including the modification of a well liked loyalty program and a new type of bounty hunter license costing more gold bars for the privilege of continuing their work.
The BHTC has remained silent on this topic, as have each of the five state legislatures. Loyal residents, however, continue to look forward to this oncoming week in hopes of new clothes or even the return of some classics. “It’s been getting real cold, could use me a winter shotgun coat,” said on cowpoke I spoke to. Others expect new warm clothes to fight against the cold winter and expected snow in the coming weeks. Only time will tell if these expectations will be met with satisfaction or more disappointment, though one cowpoke had encouraging words for fellow residents, “don’t expect much and you’ll never be disappointed.”
Woman flees Van Horn to be arrested in Annesburg
By Van R. Seldon
A woman new to the Five States was surprised to find out that Van Horn is not a town to act like a fool in, despite the complete absence of law enforcement. The woman came riding into Annesburg screaming about nearly being terrorized and shot at by the residents of Van Horn. So afraid for her life she was that as she was telling the local sheriff her story, she admitted to starting it all. She had walked up to a resident walking on the street and punched him in the face, knocking him out. Then she quickly tackled another resident and hogtied them before “everyone in the town” started shooting at her. The sheriff was not terribly shocked by the story, though he was a bit surprised at her admission. “Folks often think they can getaway with shenanigans in Van Horn ’cause there ain’t now law there,” a Van Horn depute explained, “but they are mistaken. Ain’t no badges but the whole damn town is the law as far as they are concerned.”
The woman was arrested for assault, disorderly conduct, filing a false report with a peace officer, and for discharging her gun in a public area. She is to be held at the Annesburg jail until her trial, which is not expected to go long considering her admission of guilt.
Hunter harassed by miscreants near Eris Field
By Mathilde Orry
A hunter was busy plying their trade, filling their newly purchased hunting wagon, when they were beset upon by a posse of outlaws. “I ain’t been in the Five States long and my trading business is still just starting, this was a major setback for me,” the hunter said. The miscreants circled the hunter firing their guns in the air for several minutes. This of course scared away the wildlife, making hunting impossible. “I had thought about shooting them, but I was outnumbered,” the hunter admitted. They tried to steer their wagon in a different direction, but the outlaws adjusted their course as well. The outlaws circled and fired, screaming and laughing the entire time. Just as the hunter thought it could not get worse, one of the outlaws tossed a stick of dynamite under the wagon.
“I barely made it off in time,” the hunter said.” He jumped from the wagon and rolled on the ground as the dynamite exploded, destroying his wagon in the process. They stared at the flaming embers and stored carcasses as the outlaws laughed some more before riding off. “At least the horse survived,” the hunter said, remarking that the horse ran off. Eventually they caught the horse and attached it to a new wagon. “I can’t do nothing but try again,” they said, riding a brand new wagon, “you know, I’m starting to think this whole insurance thing ain’t such a scam after all.”
Shipwreck Novella Enthralls Thousands in England
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
This week, up and coming author Morgan Robertson released his latest book, simply titled The Wreck of the Titan. This book has become an unlikely success; copies were being bought hot off the presses. The novella tells the story of the titular ship Titan, a luxury passenger liner that, in the middle of April, strikes an iceberg in the Atlantic Ocean. Sadly, there are not enough lifeboats to save everyone, leading to many passengers and crew dying in the frozen waters.
The reason this book is selling so well requires understanding the mindset of seamen in Britain right now. Lately, it has been something of an arms race between the major shipping companies. Everyone wants to make the largest ship, the fastest ship, and the safest ship. Every new ship is called the fastest vessel afloat! The largest ship ever created! The unsinkable ship! Some people who work in this industry are probably fearful that such claims, especially the unsinkable ones, are almost asking for trouble. Perhaps this story speaks to the many working-class men on everything from fishing boats to ocean liners.
The response from actual shipping companies has been muted at best. One company spokeswoman outwardly claimed that quote, “while the novella is beautifully written, the situation is preposterous. The very notion that a grand sailing vessel could strike an iceberg and sink is the stuff of dreams, not reality.”
Said shipping company is currently building a new class of passenger liners, expected to be named after Greek gods. Rumor even has it that one of these ships is going to even be called the Titan! If true, then there is no better example of a company daring the heavens to strike them down in the most dramatic fashion. We can only hope that such a situation, like those depicted in Wreck of the Titan, never comes to pass.
South Dakota Governor makes gambling and prostitution against the law
By Frederick Vannesse
Governor Arthur Mellette adds a provision to the state constitution, effectively banning gambling and prostitution. The state legislature is silent on the issue, letting the Governor receive the praise and criticism for this decision. Al Swearingen, who has for decades operated a brothel in the mining boomtown of Deadwood, laughed at the new laws, “bastards been trying to contain the freeman since the beginning of time. It’s never worked before, won’t work now.”
Automobile speed record set in France
By Ivy Seager
La France Automobile, a new magazine developed for automobile enthusiasts, held a competition this week that made history. During the competition Count Gaston de Chasseloup-Laubat completed the flying kilometer in 57 seconds. This results in an average speed of 39 miles per hour! This speed still comes short of the full running speed of a horse, but faster than the average dog. La France Automobile claims this is just the beginning of pushing the automobile to its limits. Indeed, rival motorist Camille Jenatzy of Belgium has promise that this record will not stand long. Casseloup-Laubat, who drove an electric automobile of his own design called the Jeantaud to set the record, expressed an eagerness to be challenged and defend his record.
The Five States Herald 