Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Improved vision and less waiting to enter the Five States unexpectedly experienced by many, but not all
Reports are coming in from across the Five States that are perplexing experts. Long time residents of the Five States are claiming that the world looks clearer and smoother than ever before. These residents are unable to explain why their vision is suddenly better. Further, Valentine doctor Ben Calloway says there is no way to explain this. “Vision just doesn’t get better,” Dr. Callowway explained. “You can wear glasses, but it just doesn’t improve over night like this.” However, several residents are contrasting those reports with statements such as, “the world don’t look any different than yesterday, maybe these folks are on drugs?”
Authorities are also concerned about these reports overlapping with reports of privileged access to the Five States. It has long be documented that entering into the Five States can be a time consuming process. Indeed, several times in the last year entrance was near impossible as bugs were so prominent all you could see was black. However, now residents are claiming to get in faster than ever before. “It was strange, I mean I was coming in with my friend and well, they waved me through first. But she got in line to come in before me!” one traveler said. So far, everyone who has reported either better vision has also reported being admitted into the Five States faster, and vice versa.
While the improved eye sight is being called a mass medical miracle, many are concerned about some being allowed faster entrance into the Five States. “If some people are getting in ahead of me, even though I got in line first, then won’t that mean I have to stay in line longer?” one concerned resident asked. Travel authorities have stated, however, that so far no resident has reported longer wait times.
Hostage rescue in Hennigan’s Stead
By Wylie Frey
A man was rescued from certain death this week. He reported that he had been kidnapped by three men. He further claimed that he had no idea why they kidnapped him. The abductors hogtied the man and took him a bit off the road to set camp. “They said they needed to rest a bit before the long ride to wherever they were taking me,” the victim said. Fortuneately for him, he never made it to their destination. “I just heard a horse ride up and then heard a man get off that horse, couldn’t see nothin'” the victim explained. The kidnappers greeted the man suspiciously and the next thing the victim heard was the sound of three gunshots silencing the kidnappers. He was then untied by the shooter.
“He was wearing all grey and black, had a black mask over his eyes and I saw him mount a strong looking dark grey horse,” the man described. “It didn’t occur to me until he left that I had just been rescued by the Grey Cowboy!” Though the man admitted being afraid for his life, he seemed to be overall satisfied with the experience of being rescued by the masked vigilante known as the Grey Cowboy.
Naturalist survives dangerous encounter with rare elk
By Alois Burditt
A man with “no intention to harm” fired several tranquilizer bullets at an elk before it turned around and charged him. “I know animals get aggressive, but I was just trying to help, you see,” the man explained. As a naturalist, he believes in the study of animals to better understand them and that requires putting them to sleep to get blood samples. “I wake ’em up before I leave, every time,” the man defended himself. In this case, he was tracking the legendary Ozula elk. After firing off two tranq bullets, the Ozula stopped fleeing and charged. The man said his horse immediately turned to avoid the beast, but the momentum of the change in direction sent him flying from his saddle.
“My gun was knocked out of my hand and he stared at me,” the man said, “and I knew in that moment what it was like to be that animal.” The elk charged and knocked the naturalist to the ground before fleeing. The naturalist was mostly unharmed, save for a couple of bruises and his pride.
Frustrated hunting expedition ends in explosive fashion
By Xavier Phillips(Freelancer)
Hunting is of course an endeavour requiring patience and skill, with many a
hunter having their efforts frustrated for one reason or another. Unlike a recent incident on the Dakota River, however, such frustration isn’t usually punctuated
with dynamite.
Wyatt Lomax, a miner from Annesburg, had come by way of Cotorra
Springs as he rode to visit his sister in Valentine when he witnessed the scene at
the north end of Cumberland Forest: “There were two fellas, one driving a
wagon and the other on horseback. They looked to have been hunting up in the
Grizzlies, judging by their load of carcasses. They were crossing the Dakota from
the north, at a spot where the river’s narrow but deeper than it looks.”
The pair of hunters discovered this fact too late as they tried to cross the
river only for their wagon to become stuck and partially break apart in the deep,
fast-flowing water, the attached horse bolting as the majority of the wagon’s
load was carried away by the current, the angry driver wading to the south bank
to join his mounted partner there.
“They weren’t happy, that’s a fact,” Mr. Lomax said. “They talked for a
time, the driver called his horse back but there didn’t look to be much chance of
saving what was left of the wagon or game. Still, I was about to head down
there and offer to help but the driver, he was real irate at the situation, he
pulled a stick of dynamite from his satchel, and you can bet that made me think
twice.”
Mr. Lomax watched as the frustrated driver lit the dynamite and hurled it at the wagon, where it landed and then exploded, completely destroying the vehicle and what little remained of its contents. As the boom echoed into silence the hunters rode south, the unseen Mr. Lomax keeping a wary distance before continuing on towards Valentine.
What became of the unfortunate hunters following their Dakota debacle is unknown, although if nothing else, their loss at least acts as a reminder that whether through wildlife or water, just as Mother Nature gives, so can she take away.
Revenuer checkpoints pop up south of Strawberry
By Nick McCrary
The Bureau of Internal Revenue is in the middle of restructuring. Sources indicate a new head of the Bureau will be named imminently, with several individuals being consider within and outside of the agency. One of the big changes it eh Bureau intends to work with local authorities more. “It is well known that local authorities often make our job difficult, and that’s our fault so we need to repair that relationship,” said an anonymous source. While many local governments remain suspicious of the federal agency, the Mayor of Strawberry has embraced the Bureau. Mayor Timmins has provided funding for an increased number of checkpoints on roads going into Strawberry. Further, he has ordered Strawberry deputies to assist in Revenue Agent tasks, an order that has so far been ignored. Witnesses have confirmed the increase in checkpoints, however, many have not confirmed an increase in competence. I spoke to a man who claimed to be a wanted bootlegger who slipped right by the checkpoint, “with 20 bottles of hooch in my wagon!” Neither the Bureau of Internal Revenue nor Mayor Timmins responded to our request for a comment for this article.
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Southern Belle Claims Relation to Napoleon, Nearly Causes Conflict
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
This week, a minor diplomatic incident between the United States and France occurred. A local woman from Lemoyne by the name of Diana Devereaux was at a ball and proposed marriage to an American diplomat from Washington. He flatly turned her down, having already expressed his love for a woman in Blackwater.
Well, the next day Miss Devereaux returned and made a complaint to a French diplomat present in Saint-Denis. She claimed to be the illegitimate daughter of an illegitimate son of an illegitimate nephew of the legendary Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte. Naturally, as the French do, they were amused and horrified that a diplomat would treat someone related to such an important French hero so poorly. It wasn’t long until the president of France was calling on President Alfred MacAlister to do something or trade will cease between the nations or worse.
Calmer heads eventually prevailed, and the matter was resolved peacefully. The American diplomat apologized to Miss Devereaux, and she herself quickly married a wealthy Frenchman. President MacAlister privately is reported to have said he really hopes this incident doesn’t end up defining his term in office.
Gun modifying business booming Valentine
By Emery Cosberry
Valentine gunsmith R.L. Dalton a surge of gun owners coming in for gun modifications. “Wasn’t too long ago that I sold more guns than ever before, and now the modification business is booming!” Mr. Dalton said. He claims to have seen over two dozen guns in a single day, including a few rare guns from the Civil War era. While Mr. Dalton was excited about working on so many unique guns, he was shocked at the lack of gun care. “Most of the guns had to be cleaned before I could work on them, and I mean deep clean,” Mr. Dalton explained. “In fact, nearly everyone who visited me had crumbs on their hands, smelled of almonds.”
Cliff Smithfield, who runs Smithfield’s Saloon was able to explain the almond dust covered hands. “Well, lots of folks came by and just ate the complimentary almonds,” Mr. Smithfield said. “They didn’t order drinks or even get a haircut, if you can believe it!” No explanation was suggested for this behavior by Mr. Smithfield, nor did any patrons say much. “Only thing I heard was one fella say to another, ‘gotta eat three servings of complimentary snacks.'”
Collector says he is in dire straits
By Van R. Seldon
A man who asked not to be named, but did claim to be a formerly very wealthy collector, has found himself, in his own words, “in the poorhouse.” The man claimed to be in possession of a magical map that, according to him, led him to exact locations of rare items. This is not the first I have heard of such a map, but it is the first time I laid my eyes on it. Indeed, it seemed to have a mystical aura about it. The collector said he used this map to find rare collectibles and make a lot of money. however, recently the map has stopped working effectively. “It tells me where things are, but I think the magic has weakened,” the man explained, “because it no longer guides me to specific items.” As a result, the man went from making “hundreds of thousands of dollars” daily to making just thousands daily. “I think I’ll need to get a new profession.”
Lemoyne Election Brings Change and Normalcy
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
After a tense week of counting and later recounting ballots, Lemoyne has elected its governor. On the night of the election, it came down to the wire. A mere 200 votes separated the controversial sitting governor, Franklin Bufford, from Suffragette heroine Eleanor Rockwell. The count surprised many professional politicians, who believed Bufford had nothing to worry about. Bufford may have held the lead, but a result that close meant a recount.
It didn’t take long for rumors of women voting or the classic usage of dead people somehow voting. Thankfully neither accusation bore out, but Bufford was unnerved by the entire affair. With the recount still ongoing, he put together a shady backroom deal with Rockwell. On the day the recount was complete, Bufford made a grand announcement. He had indeed won reelection; he also had finally filled the position of lieutenant governor. He then walked out on stage with Miss Rockwell. For the first time in American history, a lieutenant governor’s seat is held by a woman. Suffragettes across the country cheered for this outcome; despite not winning the coveted seat, progress was made. When less than progressive folk were told a woman now held a seat of power, they were politely reminded that the lieutenant governor’s seat is a job where political careers go to die. It holds no real power and can do very little, similar to the vice president’s role. A common joke is that the lieutenant governor checks in once a month to see if the governor is still alive and then goes back to doing nothing.
While all of this is true, progress is progress no matter what. Besides, with how the last governor ended up, nothing is truly assured that something won’t happen to Franklin Bufford. Not that we hope for that outcome. For now, we celebrate progress in a state not normally known for progress; the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step as the old saying goes.
New Austin Ranger returns to service after a 3 year suspension
By William Cormac (Freelancer)
The citizens of Blackwater where caught by surprise when Cornelio Gardel was spotted very early in the morning waiting outside the townhall where he was later seen talking to representatives of the New Austin Rangers before entering the building he later was seen leaving there in the direction of the police station, where he entered and after talking with the police chief Dunbar he waited outside for about two hours and agreed to be interviewed.
I asked him why he returned to the five states after so long?, to wich he replied “well, first of all I was contacted by my old friend Tom Davies where he explained to me how the situation was and how everything was going downhill there, shortly after i decided to read a couple of New Austin newspapers, that combined with my resentment to the Del Lobos were reason enough to return and at least get a bounty hunter license, but surprisingly when I returned they lifted the suspension and I can return to service right now, wich makes me feel sorry for the situation in New Austin and how desperate they are for help to get me back into service after all the trouble my last arrest caused”
Next thing i asked was, “how well are you informed of the situation down there?”
“Well I spent most of the trip reading local newspapers and reports that Tom sent me so I understand how violent the situation got and how much the Del Lobo grew in this past years”
After that i asked “and are you going to do something about the smoking gun or Myra Rose Hart or…”
and he interrupted me saying “look i didint`t came here to make promises if i cross paths with them then sure i will try to arrest them or at least shoot `em but my main focus will be the Del Lobos and the other sick bastards that are unleashing hell, so i wont make any promises i will get to work”
And before i could speak with him a man riding a white arabian followed by a Criollo apperead and called over Mister Gardel, he said his farewells to me and departed with this man heading to New Austin and two days after that it was reported that Gardel and his accomplice (Which I later found out was a bounty hunter and freelancer of our herald, William Cormac, who is known to have worked with Gardel before his suspension ) captured a remnant of the Owlhoot that was raiding a caravan near Fort Mercer.
For those of you new to the five states, Cornelio Gardel was a ranger known for arresting 112 criminals in New Austin (mostly Del Lobos), born in Argentina in 1853 from a French father and Argentinian mother his family moved to West Elizabeth when he was very young escaping the civil war of his homeland, since he was young Gardel loved music and his dream was to bring tango (an Argentine musical genre) to the wild west, and he did it for a while until 1871 when he was kidnapped by the Del Lobo gang and dragged to Mexico, until 1872 where he escaped, little is known of the time he was captured or how he escaped, but what it is known is that it left him full of anger and resentment towards the Del Lobos when he returned.
By 1876 he was already serving as a New Austin ranger and it was reported several times that he used questionable methods, but this was confirmed in 1895 when Ricardo Alcazar (the recognizable leader of the Del Lobos at that time and is believed to have been Gardel’s captor in the ’71) was illegally extradited by Gardel, little was published about this incident, but it is known that he received help from at least two Unidentified accomplices (at least in this side of the border) and it is believed that the government protected him since he only received a suspension and Alcazar was executed the following year despite pressure from the Mexican government to release him, of course such claims where denied but his reincorporation to the New Austin Rangers is either a plan come to fruition or a desperate meassure taken by the New Austin state to control the situation.
“Yell leader” riles up crowd, a new trend in college sports?
By Humphrey Harker
Earlier this month, Johnny Campbell roused the crowd at a University of Minnesota game. Reports indicate that Mr. Campbell fired the crowd up wit ha chant of ‘Rah, Rah, Rah! Ski-u-mah, Hoo-Rah! Hoo-Rah! Varsity! Varsity! Varsity, Minn-e-So-Tah!‘ Those in the crowd then came alive and cheered their team on. Mr. Campbell’s cheers were so successful, that the University has started an official squad of six yell leaders. The six men are expected to lead the crowd in cheering for the team.
Train companies founded in Africa
By Ivy Seager
The British colonial government in Nigeria has finished building the nation’s first railroad. The British government says the railroad will bring a level of prosperity to Nigeria never before seen in the country’s history. Two railroad companies have been formed to maintain and operate trains on the rail. Those companies are the Lagos Government Railway and the Baro-Kano Railway.
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