Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
New residents finding it difficult to shake bored cowpokes intent on ruining life for others
In the Five States, everybody has a complaint. While few would argue that the loudest complaints are regarding the lack of new jobs in the Five States, a common and related complaint is that newcomers often arrive with aspirations to be gunslingers in a lawless land. This has led to many instances where long time residents reported getting attacked by newly arrived cowpokes. A new complaint, however, has been heard with increasing frequency. That complaint paints the newcomers as the victims and certain long time residents, bored over a lack of things to do or as a result of psychopathic tendencies, as the villains. “A poor fella seems to be getting harassed everywhere he goes by a persistent posse of scum,” said a Blackwater policeman, “came seeking help but once he left the city limits we couldn’t do much for them.” Others have similarly complained about being unable to make a living in the Five States as a result of long time residents disrupting all of their jobs.
“I once had a group of fools come and cost me a bounty,” said one green bounty hunter, “had the sucker tied up and on my horse when the showed up and engaged me in a gunfight, letting my bounty escape.” Another complained of a much more mundane disruption. “I was fishing and these bastards started running and shooting in the water, scaring all the fish away,” the cowpoke complained, “I was told until I can pay for a job, fishing is a good way to make money but these villains won’t let me fish!” Authorities across the Five States are unsure of how to respond to the complaints, given that they mostly occur outside of cities and towns. In times where the crimes are committed within their jurisdiction, they send lawmen in but the law breakers are usually gone. “In a worse case scenario, these folks are armed better than my deputies and gun them down,” said Sheriff Malloy of Valentine, “so often I prefer to keep my men in Valentine, keeping the townsfolk safe instead of getting gun downed by heavily armed gunslingers.”
One cowpoke has taken to asking other gunslingers if they could help out. “I offered my help, I’m a fair shot and more wily than most,” said one cowpoke, “I could give most groups a challenge.” Others also offered assistance. Whether rounding up a posse to fight the attackers will end the harassment remains to be seen, but we will watch develops around this topic closely.
Another crossover from the “other world”
By Jose Chavez
Despite assurances that the barrier between worlds was restored and keeping worlds separate from each other, reports of strange occurrences keep coming in. This week, a bounty hunter in New Austin spotted a horse and rider appear out of thin air. “I was in pursuit of wanted me on a train, and the train was moving fast,” the bounty hunter said. They explained that as they brought their horse to a sprint, they saw the strange occurrence. “Out of the corner of my eye I saw it, a horse just appeared about 15 feet above the ground!” the bounty hunter said. The horse had a rider, who was described as looking both shocked and horrified. Gravity of course took its effect and the horse and rider crashed to the ground. “I rode on, I had bounties to catch,” the bounty hunter said, explaining that they had little time or interest in investigating what happened. The whereabouts of the horse and rider, including whether or not the survived their short fall, are not currently known.
WANTED!
Investigators: Travel the Five States and report on what is going on.
Writers: Write the stories investigators find!
Photographers:
To take photographs to be used in the Herald.
Can also do all three!
Cowpokes set out to document the natural beauty of Abarino
By Delphia Atwood
While many lament that Ambarino is a quiet state with not much to do, others lament the possibility of too much civilization coming to the mountainous state. “Ambarino is simply beautiful, one of the few places you can come to to get away from civilization,” one cowpoke said, “you know what I mean?” Others agreed with this sentiment, believing that if too much development comes to Ambarino then the state will lose much of its character. “The fate of Colter is certainly sad,” another frequent visitor to Ambarino said, “and part of me would love to see a vibrant community here, but that means progress and civilization.” They explained that progress and civilization are not bad in and of themselves, but they are not the appropriate route for Ambarino. They remarked that, “Ambarino should stay wild and free.” A minority of the cowpokes wanting to keep civilization away from Ambarino have taken to attacking travelers and lawmen in the area on sight. “Not that I am one of them,” said a cowpoke with a wink, “but I hear some like to attack folks to remind them Ambarino ain’t a place for city slickers and lawmen.” While no official statement could be obtained, an anonymous lawman from Strawberry confirmed that deputies are advised not to travel in Ambarino with their badge on display. Whether such tactics will slow down the civilizing of Ambarino remains to be seen.
Bounty hunter claims to have touched the barrier between worlds
By Odell Clifton
A bounty hunter reported a strange experience after turning in a wanted man. According to the bounty hunter, they dropped the outlaw off in a cell and when grabbing their payment, they were suddenly, “thrust into a strange place where I was falling nonstop.” The bounty hunter said it felt like they had been falling forever, when suddenly they came to a complete stop. “I didn’t hit the ground or nothin'” they said, “I was just standing on the ground outside of Strawberry.” Strawberry Sheriff Hanley was able to verify part of the story. “They was here, yes,” Sheriff Hanley said, “I gave them their pay and they disappeared, if you can believe that.” Where the bounty hunter went cannot be verified beyond their story. Dr. W. Bishop, who has become an expert on the barrier between worlds, hypothesized that, “they never traveled beyond the barrier, but remained within it!”
“Imagine, if you will, a wall between to places,” Dr. Bishop explained, “and now, imagine, the wall is intangible and you can fall through the wall itself, well that is what happened to this poor bounty hunter.” Dr. Bishop explained that whatever the barrier is made of may have cushioned the fall. “It seems they hit the bottom and instead of going splat like a dropped a glass of malted milk,” Dr. Bishop laughed, “they returned to their proper place.” The bounty hunter did not describe anything but darkness, having seen nothing of the other side. “Of course, there is another possibility,” Dr. Bishop said with concern in his eyes, “that the bounty hunter was from another world and fell into ours.”
Irish Witch to Live Again on Stage!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Alice Kyteler, the Irish witch and presumed husband killer, is expected to live again in a couple of weeks, metaphorically at least. Despite a looming legacy in Ireland, nobody has ever played the so-called sorceress of Ireland. Whether out of disinterest or some fear of her not taking kindly to a depiction is unclear at best. But life goes on the way it does; what is sacred eventually becomes commonplace, and the life of Dame Alice will be acted out on the stage.
Details are still emerging on how the play will be staged. It is reported that rising star Kathleen O’Shanassy is expected to play the title role, fresh off of playing Lady Macbeth in what is now the first recorded performance in modern times. There are also talks that the play might be effects-driven. One popular rumor is that moving paintings will be used to depict the passing of time, and extensive makeup will push the 25-year-old starlet to eventually look like she’s 61.
If true, this might be the most expensive play on record, costing an ungodly number of pounds. With any luck, they might have enough spare money to resurrect Alice herself for an encore. The show must go on after all!
Exploration of the Five States reveals hidden areas
By Donna Deshner
An explorer managed to travel where others have not. They did not specify their path, but found a way northeast of Annesburg to escape the known map entirely. Where as most use the Lannahechee to trade beyond the Five States, this explorer found a way to go far beyond the river to a place they called the “Glass Lake.” “What I found most shocking, was that the Glass Lake hid an entire forest,” they explained, “the lake just kind of dropped into a small water fall into a hidden forest.” The area they explored looked like it would be difficult to live in, but did say that a small mountainess region existed near the Glass Lake, in addition to the hidden forest. “I can’t imagine living in the hidden forest, what with the constant water falling in,” they said, “but there were clear patches of land on the small mountain could be perfect for a small home.” Unfortunately, there is no means to build a home there or anywhere. The Five States region does not have an established way to tax building materials and prebuilt homes, meaning the federal government will not take kindly to any new building. While it seems unlikely that the federal government could find untaxed building supplies in an area hidden to most, it would be wise to never question the power of the taxman’s nose when sniffing out unpaid taxes.
Gunfight at the Rhodes Parlor House
By Emeline Vickroy
This week we commemorate the 3 year anniversary of the famous Gunfight at the Rhodes Parlor House. And we have uncovered more details surrounding the events that transpired.
Our readers will remember how a group of masked desperados were chased into the town of Rhodes, where they made their stand against the posse of bounty hunters in the town’s famous brothel.
Most of the information surrounding this event came from the bounty hunters who laid siege to the Parlor House, due to the fact that other witnesses have been notoriously reluctant to talk to the press, but we are pleased to inform that we have successfully obtained more details about what happened inside the famous saloon.
On a quiet clear morning, in a place north west of Southfield Flats, a group of bandits prepared an ambush. They were told that a stagecoach carrying the payroll of a nearby oil field was going to pass through that area. As the outlaws waited in hiding, one of their outriders approached them in all haste with disconcerting news. A large number of armed riders were headed straight to their position. It was a trap.
Unable to outrun this posse or to mount a defense without being quickly surrounded in the open grasslands, the outlaws chose to withdraw into the town of Rhodes.
It was early afternoon and the Parlor House saw its fair share of action with its usual patrons, when masked outlaws burst in and started to overturn tables and block the doors.
New information about what happened inside has been revealed to us by an anonymous witness. The outlaws started to take their positions by the windows, aiming their guns towards the streets. The hostages were terrified at first and the situation was tense, until one of the bandits put money in the pockets of the barkeeper and the pianist and had the girls serve everyone drinks, after that booze flowed even throughout the ensuing gunfight, with some of the outlaws being notoriously drunk. Music and laughter ensued. The outlaws sent away some of the most terrified hostages but most of the girls agreed to stay, there was. These bandits had a peculiar way to inspire friendship on the locals.
After surrounding the town, the bounty hunters finally marched towards the saloon and took their positions, accompanied by an anxious sheriff Gray. One of the bounty hunters shouted for the gang to surrender. They shot his hat off in response. The trigger happy bounty hunters that were taking cover behind took this as their queue to start blasting the windows and walls with no regards for the hostages inside. The bandits shot back.
Their attempts to storm the entrances failed. Many bounty hunters laid dead, but their numbers were still great and their resolve strong. They had been offered a lot of money to kill the men and women in this gang and they aimed to do so at all cost.
After being repelled, the bounty hunters tried to start a fire, but sheriff grey and some of the townsfolk angrily argued against it, due to the hostages still inside and the fact that the Parlor Hose was a Gray Family investment.
Things became very tense on the streets of Rhodes, the bounty killers were violent and uncouth, they had no qualms threatening violence against the onlookers. Some of them were nothing but trigger happy paid killers. Some of the townsfolk went home and came back armed.
Sheriff Gray lost all control of the situation and rode off to Caliga Hall to get more Gray men as reinforcement to attempt to pacify the situation.
In the dead of night, a second attempt to storm the Parlor Hose took place, but it was also repelled. As the bandit’s defense held.
Defeated again, the bounty hunters busted into the hardware store and looted as much dynamite as they could carry, they planned to blow up the barricades in the entrances. However, the promise of payment was not enough for the shopkeeper, who drew on the bounty hunters after being ignored about the money they owed him, but was shot on the shoulder by a faster gun. The locals outside the Parlor Hose realized what was happening and rushed the bounty hunters to wrestle the dynamite away from their hands. A gunfight then started on the streets, and quickly shots were fired from the saloon windows aimed to support the locals against the bounty hunters. Chaos ensued.
While all of this was going on, two of the outlaws, a young man and a blonde woman, sneaked outside during the commotion and retrieved the gang’s horses. They also scattered the bounty hunters’ horses.
The masked bandits busted out of the saloon, some of them forming a line in the front and shooting at the now disorganized bounty hunters, while the rest mounted horses on the back. Once mounted the outlaws charged against the bounty killers through town and rode off. The group that stood its ground mounted up next and went in the opposite direction.
It took too long for the bounty killers to mount the scattered horses in numbers, and the pursuit that followed was fruitless. Reportedly, the shootout ended with more than 30 dead bounty hunters and about a dozen of local Rhodes residents wounded in the brawl a d shootout. All hostages came out intact.
Our witness claims that the gang, which made a successful (and drunken) escape ,did not leave unscathed, apparently 3 of their members were wounded but were able to get on a horse due to the presence of a man with medical training amongst them.
The bounty killers who came forward claim to not be able to confirm the identities of the outlaws. They were not given descriptions or names by their mysterious benefactor (or benefactors), they were only told to prepare an ambush in a specific location using a stagecoach as bait, and to kill every single one of the would be assailants, assuring the bounty hunters that they were dangerous criminals.
Rumor has it that a guild bounty hunter claimed to have taken part of the shootout on the side of the bandits, before leaving his life of crime for a straight path, and that the law long suspected that a blond girl who bought a very successful ranch in Wyoming, arriving from out of nowhere with piles of cash not long after these events took place, matched the description of one of the bandits, although she adamantly denies these accusations and claims to have received an inheritance. Another rumored participant who wears a distinctive sombrero has since been seen riding with other gangs in the area.
Whatever the truth behind these rumors, one thing remains clear, the identity of this misfit bunch will continue to be the subject of much debate.
Bored naturalist completes their animal field guide
By Lucien Privitt
Over a year ago, leading naturalist Harriet Davenport arrived in the Five States at the behest of the BHTNC, a private group of investors seeking to develop jobs in the Five States. Her arrival was met with excitement, which petered out in the following months. Many naturalists managed to become distinguished in their field without actually collecting blood samples from every single animal in the region. “Miss Davenport rewards repeated samples,” said one naturalist, “so I was deemed ‘distinguished naturalist’ without really becoming a proper expert.” That was the end of the road for many naturalists, who found the job to be unrewarded and little more than hunting with extra steps and no meat to cook. One cowpoke, however, has decided to become a true expert.
“Everyone knows there ain’t much to do,” the naturalist said, “ain’t been no new jobs in awhile so I decided to finally become an expert naturalist.” They set out into the Five States and methodically began collecting information about the creatures. “I sampled them, I killed them, I skinned them, I tracked them, and took photographs of them,” they said. Within months, the naturalist had completed the task they set out to do. Their Animal Field Guide is more complete than most in the Five States. The naturalist was disappointed, however, when Miss Davenport failed to notice the accomplishment.
Chaos in U.S. military leadership
By Frederick Vannesse
An anonymous report was made about poor information management within the U.S. military leading to a chaotic environment that almost saw the reopening of the Spanish-American War. Though not officially confirmed, my source is a high level military official who said he is, “embarrassed at the current state of things and hopefully leaking this will get the military leadership in better shape.” Reports are said to have come in that indicated an explosion of a ship in Cuba. The reports are dated as February 15th and looked to be both new and authentic. No year was on the report and so it was assumed that it was a current report. The military began mobilizing when one officer noted that the ship in question, the USS Lewiston had already been destroyed over a year ago.
In fact, the destruction of that ship had already kicked off an intense, if brief, war between the United States and Spain. The report was double checked the USS Lewiston was confirmed as already having been destroyed and therefore, unable to be docked in Cuba presently. The likeliest explanation is that some low level information analyst flagged an archived report when they saw the date without a year. While that absolves the higher level intelligence officials of some of their duty, it raises questions regarding the competence of low level staff. Thankfully, crisis was averted and the Spanish-American War was left in the past.
Russian Military Flexing Its Muscles in the East
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Russian Tsar Nichols II has started a wave of military exercises and maneuvers this week, but not in native Russia. The empire is doing these maneuvers on the borders of China and in the Sea of Japan. Many are rightfully calling it gunboat diplomacy and showing off military might. Japan has been diplomatically at odds with Russia since the Sino-Japanese War of 1895.
Both empires are expansionist; Japan wants to look tough in the eyes of the world after a rapid modernization policy following the end of the country’s isolationist policies. Russia wants to look tough in Europe after the disastrous reign of Nicholas I, the Crimean War, the violent death of Alexander II, and the uneventful reign of Alexander III. Alexander III, in particular, was known as the Peacemaker for keeping Russia out of any wars his whole reign. His son will probably not follow suit.
The center point of these maneuvers and tensions is Port Arthur, officially owned by China but leased to Russia. Japan isn’t pleased about this; Russia is further capitalizing on it by building railways and establishing mining operations.
Sooner or later, these two will come to blows, and who will win is anyone’s guess. Can a modernized island nation beat the world’s largest country, contained within a slowly crumbling empire?
The Five States Herald 