Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Kidnappings reported across the Five States, as inattentive cowpokes find themselves in places they did not remember traveling to
Lawmen across the States are reporting that bizarre kidnappings are occurring in their jurisdictions. “A normal kidnapping is usually reported by a loved one who has some suspicion, sometimes a witness sees the abduction and reports” said a lawmen in Valentine, “but it ain’t so common for a fella to walk into the sheriff’s office to report their own kidnapping. Yet, this type of story seems to seems to be occuring quite frequently. “I man walked into the department demanding to speak to the Chief,” said a Saint Denis policeman, “said he was kidnapped and woke up next to a dead alligator that scared him half to death and made him soil is pants!”
In New Austin, a man said he had been taking a rest when he woke up feeling a vibration and hearing a loud clanking sound. “I was on a damn train, but when I dozed off I was in Armadillo,” the man claimed. Another cowpoke claimed to have not even been asleep, but in a state of “deep meditation.” “When I came out of my meditation I heard something, birds,” the man said, “and I realized I was inside of a chicken coop!” In all such cases, the victims were completely inattentive to what was happening. They either slept heavily or were so lost in their own thoughts they did not feel a stranger hogtie them and abduct them. Very few of the victims had a physical description of the their attacker. “I interviewed multiple folks who claimed to have seen the attacker after the fact,” said Police Chief Benjamin Lambert, “but there was not many similarities and so no pattern emerged.”
One victim claimed to have killed their attacker after waking up in a house full of dismembered body parts. However, the abduction reports continued even after that man was killed. The working theory by authorities is that the abductions are committed by a large network of mischief makers. “Or it very well could just be random,” said an Annesburg deputy, “I don’t know if you heard, but their ain’t much to do in the Five States, so the abductions may be a fun way for some to pass the time, seeing as nobody is getting hurt.” Lawmen are advising residents to remain attentive to their surroundings and to only take naps in safe places.
The Owlhoot Massacre
By Wylie Frey
In yet another anniversary of the mysterious events that surrounded the brief and brutal reappearance of the notorious outlaws known as the Owlhoot Family, this humble reporter dares to explore the known facts of this story that is still subject to much debate. It all started with a series of robberies on local homesteads which were quickly attributed to the ruthless Owlhoot Family.
The sudden and brutal reappearance of this group of bandits culminated in the kidnapping of one of Tumbleweed’s more stern and strict deputies, one John Compton, who had been instrumental in cleaning up the Gaptooth region alongside Sheriff Freeman. In broad daylight, a group of Owlhoots rode into Tumbleweed and caused a ruckus; and when mr. Compton made his appearance to deal with the situation, he was lassoed and dragged outside of town. A pursuit ensued when a posse of deputies rode hard, heading east, to catch up with the criminals, but they were ambushed in Ridgewood Farm, where another group of Owlhoots had taken everyone in the ranch hostage and received the deputies with a hail of bullets, and threats of the mutilation of all hostages, which forced the deputies to withdraw.
When they finally mustered up enough forces, and now accompanied by Sheriff Freeman at the helm, the posse of lawmen re-entered Ridgewood but found the Owlhoots long gone; but, surprisingly, everyone in the ranch was still alive and well, only tied up and scared. This newfound sophistication in strategy and apparent mercifulness shown by the Owlhoots befuddled everyone, since this particular gang had always shown nothing but mindless ruthlessness and pleasure at killing everyone unlucky enough to be at their mercy.
Even more confounding was what happened next. Sheriff Palmer of Armadillo, who does not have a reputation of being particularly brave, or even honest, claimed to have tracked down the Owlhoots and ridden alone to the known lair of outlaws by the border of West Elizabeth called Thieves Landing.
After (allegedly) killing dozens of Del Lobos singlehandedly, another gang that plagues the deserts of New Austin, Palmer found and rescued the traumatized deputy.
John Compton was no longer himself after he was found, his spirit was broken and suffered from terrors, his nerves were shattered and every noise and shadow frightened him, but besides a pretty bad fracture on his shooting hand, and some bruises from being dragged, he was otherwise physically well. Compton had no longer any desire to work for the law, traveled east to seek a quiet life.
The tales of his captivity sparked outrage, Sheriff Palmer indignantly demanded the Governor that a substantial bounty be placed on the heads of the Owlhoots, to which he complied.
Not long thereafter, a group of bounty hunters eradicated the last few Owlhoot camps and substantial bounties were paid to them. Times have surely changed since the days of Bart Love or Landon Rickets, nowadays gunslingers seem to want to remain anonymous after some tremendous feats of gunmanship. The mysterious group of avenging bounty hunters who put an end on the Owlhoot threat apparently vanished after getting paid.
Much of what happened during these events remains a mystery. The atypical behavior of Owlhoots, the involvement of the Del Lobos, the unbelievable actions of a sheriff of little to no renown, and the identity of the group of gunmen who executed the Owlhoots will continue to be subject of much speculation. One thing that we can say for sure is that after all these incredible events happened, moonshine started to flow abundantly in this here State.
Hunter fends off wolf attack
By Delphia Atwood
A cowpoke hunting in the snowy Ambarino mountains almost became the hunted. They said they had been tracking the Inahme Elk all day and after findig it and successfully killing the beast, they had settled down to do a bit of cooking. After they ate their meal, they heard a noise in the bushes. “I expected a deer,” they said, “but came face to face with two wolves.” The wolves showed no fear and attacked. The cowpoke crippled one with a panicked shot from their rifle, while the other grasped his arm with a firm bite.
The cowpoke managed to fight the wolf off and shot it in the chest, killing it. The crippled wolf recovered by this time, and the cowpoke just barely managed to dodge as the beast jumped through the air. “We circled each other for a second before it charged again,” the cowpoke said. They managed to dodge again and hit the wounded wolf with a firm kick. The kick stunned the wolf enough for the cowpoke to lineup a perfect shot, killing the wolf. After recovering what resources they could, they rode to Strawberry to sell their goods. The town doctor looked over their wounds, remarking that they were lucky to leave the attack relatively unscathed.
The Great Plains Sniper remains unidentified, but is now an official policeman!
By Nick McCrary
Following the lead of the defiant Tumbleweed, New Austin, Blackwater Police Chief Oswald Dunbar has announced that the Great Plains Sniper is now an officially recognized Blackwater Policeman. Chief Dunbar said he was inspired by Sheriff Sam Freeman, who has offered legal protection wanted man Nathaniel Cross. “The federal government has gotten itself involved in local affairs far too often,” said Chief Dunbar, “and so I have hired the Great Plains Sniper as a special officer.” The Great Plains Sniper will not undertake regular police duty. “They will not patrol the town or arrest drunks,” Chief Dunbar proclaimed, “instead, he will be an officer with the special duty of keeping the damn feds out.”
The announcement came as the federal government has increasingly involved itself in local and state affairs. With New Austin and the highest authority in southern West Elizabeth taking such bold actions against eh federal government, some are worried a between the federal government and the states will erupt. A spokesman for the Bureau of Internal Revenue said, “I cannot speak for the whole of the federal government, but we have no interesting in warring with any of the states.” The situation remains tense, however. An anonymous source inside of the Bureau said that their leadership is, “very bothered by a known killer of our agents being given a license to kill our agents.” Chief Dunbar dismissed those concerns, “if federal agents limit themselves to their Constitutionally prescribed duties, then they will have nothing to worry about.”
WANTED!
Investigators: Travel the Five States and report on what is going on.
Writers: Write the stories investigators find!
Photographers:
To take photographs to be used in the Herald.
Can also do all three!
Crashed ship spills treasures all along the Dakota River
By Daisy Fairman
The Sealion, a ship that travels the Lannahechee River and Flat Iron Lake, trading goods between Saint Denis, the Roanoke Ridge, and Blackwater, was caught in a storm after disembarking from Blackwater. The ship was pushed up the Dakota River, where it wrecked in the shallows. It did not take long before word broke out and several cowpokes and thieves arrived to collect the goods that were spilled out. While many outlaws attempted to loot the rare collectibles for their own needs, some were collecting the items to return them. “I plan to return them to their rightful owner,” said one cowpoke, “for a proper collector’s fee, of course.” By the time lawmen arrived to get control of the scene, most of the thieves and collectors were gone. The few that remained ran off when the law arrived. Nobody was arrested.
Legend of the Kentucky Cannibal Still Looms Large!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Almost 40 years old, a depraved human was snuffed out like a candle. He was most unlike anyone else who has come before or since. Long before there was a Myra Rose Hart, there was a Levi Boone Helm. A name you probably don’t know, his reign of terror predates even Otis Miller, yet he lives on as The Kentucky Cannibal!
His story began small in Missouri. Boone Helm, as he preferred to be called, was aggressive and cruel, fighting with anyone. He took his first life when he was still a teenager, a neighbor he stabbed with a bowie knife. For most people, that would be the end, but it wasn’t. He escaped an asylum he was sent to, giving him time to head out west and raise hell. HE did just that, from state to state, county to county. His man-eating nickname was given to him after surviving a terrible winter only by feasting on his comrades.
He was at several points a homicidal maniac, an assassin, a gunslinger, a road agent, and an outlaw; perhaps the Black Rose herself was inspired by him. Thankfully his tale came to an end far up north at the end of a rope. One only wishes most criminal stories had such a neat and tidy ending.
Trade route goes off the rails
By Van R. Seldon
A group of traders joined together to move their goods along the railroad safely in New Hanover. Such trade route agreements have proven to be unstable accords, with some traders opting to disrupt others. Reports of dynamite being thrown around or traders being lassoed and thrown off the train are common. However, the story about this trade route is unique and quite frankly, unbelievable. After passing Emerald Station, the train took an unexpected route. “I couldn’t believe my eyes,” said one of the traders, “the damn train turned toward the unfinished line of tracks!” According to mulitple witnesses, some traders jumped from the train to avoid a massive derailing train being the final chapter of their story. Their fears, however, turned out to be unfounded.
“The damn train didn’t derail or crash or anything,” said one rider, “it just kept going thought forest like there was still a track beneath it.” It was not just the lack of tracks that proved no barrier to the moving train, but also trees proved no obstacle. “The train went right through the trains!” one trader remarked. The train driver said he did not notice anything different. “I was just driving the train as usual, never missed no track,” the conductor said, “if I missed the track well, then I wouldn’t be here to speak to you at all.” The trade eventually arrived at its location in Annesburg without any problems. A local Annesburg resident who belongs to the Respawners religious group heard the stories and said it was not surprising. “The trains move because the false word demands it, the track need not be there at all, it is just,” he paused, “a visual display to make us believe the world is real.” The traders on the train cared little for the explanation, simply being happy that their goods were delivered.
Saint Denis shops report a spike in traffic over the weekend
By Aloysius Levrong
To those who live in the Five States, it has become quite clear that the economy has been on a downturn. With no new jobs coming to the region and very little in new luxury goods to buy, cowpokes often have no reason to visit local shops. “I own the clothes I want and the guns I need, which I clean myself,” said one cowpoke, “and I hunt for the food I eat, so not much reason to go visit a store.” Others pointed out that even when they do need something, they can use the mail order catalogue. “Why waste time looking around a store and dealing with a shopkeeper belittling me as if I have no gold to spend when I can order from a catalogue and have it delivered to me?” one cowpoke asked. “I would go to the stores more often,” another cowpoke said, “but so much stuff is given to me freely for one reason or another and so I don’t have to buy anything.”
Businesses have accused the BHTNC’s giveaways as damaging the economy. The BHTNC, a private group of wealthy investors, took it upon themselves to invest in the Five States when the various governments ignored it. These days their investments seem limited to subsidizing some goods and giving others away. In response to the criticism that the BHTNC’s tactics were ruining local economies, the group issued a payment of gold nuggets to anybody who visited a store in Saint Denis, a city hit harder than others given its many stores. The promotion brought a spike of visitors, but very few customers. “I just had lookers, looked at stuff then left,” said a the owner of the general store. The city’s butcher said people just ran by him without even stopping. The Saint Denis tailor was especially annoyed, “dirty people came and tried on my nice, high class attire as if they were going to buy,” the tailor said, “but they just left my goods dirty.”
The one store that did see an increase in customers was the one store that did not need the help. The Bastille Saloon was full of drinking customers, like every other night.
Moral Decency of Western Shows Called into Question!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
It doesn’t take a genius to know the era of the West is ending fast. Some people accept this, some fight it hard, some even are gleeful to see it all end. But many people are doing their best to preserve history in their own unique way, western shows!
Inspired by a fellow from Iowa, western shows have proven to be quite popular. Staged theatrical events recreating various famous events from the West, including featuring famous surviving gunslingers and outlaws. But lately, the trend has been called into question on moral grounds of exploitation.
Various famous native figures work in these shows, seeing it as a better alternative than living on a reservation. But the shame and humiliation remain; the crowd still boos them and occasionally throws food. It’s the same for gunslingers and former criminals; they are forever frozen in time, not allowed to age or act any differently than they did decades ago. People want to see a specific version of the West, and many are claiming it’s distorted. It’s like doing a recreation of the Revolution but making the British the heroes.
Will these shows stop? Of course not! They make a lot of money and are undeniably popular. I at least hope that if you go, remember that people can change and evolve; history is never static.
Relations with Liberia continue to be difficult
By Ivy Seager
Owen Smith, ambassador to Liberia, has had difficulty improving relations between the US and Liberia. When Mr. Smith took the position, he knew it would not be easy to bring the two nations closer together. Liberia was founded by freed slaves, but its intentions have been criticized by abolitionists. A group called the American Colonization Society organized the former slaves as part of their effort to improve the lives of former slaves by returning them to Africa. Abolitionists have called this another form of segregation. “Whether their intentions are good or not, I cannot say,” said one abolitionist, “but undoubtedly it is not in former slaves interests to be taken to a continent they have never known.”
Other accusations include the way the nation has dominated the locals and displayed them as a “look at African culture.” As the US continues to fight to improve its own image after ending slaver 33 years. Its relationship with Liberia, with all of the criticisms that have been made of its founding, further stains that image. Abolitionists say the US should take a more aggressive position and demand better treatment for Liberians, both the locals and the former slaves. However, the current strategy appears to be to take it slowly and avoid any action that appears overly aggressive.
The Five States Herald 