Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Cowpoke assaulted by the undead, is the end of the world upon us?
By Lucien Privitt
After weeks of no new reports of attacks from a “parallel world” it seemed the barrier between worlds had finally mended. However, this week, a new report indicates the barrier is still quite thin. A cowpoke was reportedly assaulted and killed by undead creatures. A witness riding by saw the attack and described it as horrifying. He said the attackers looked strange, saying they were, “more like monsters than men.” They appeared to be decomposing and did nothing but moan. The witness said the cowpoke attempted to defend themselves, shooting at the attackers multiple times. “It didn’t matter, it’s like they had no idea they were being shot at and just kept coming,” the witness said. He removed his own rifle and fired on the horde, but quickly realized he was not having an effect and fled. “Ain’t my proudest moment to leave that feller to die, but what was I supposed to do?” they asked.
Local lawmen are on high alert, with multiple snipers posted in Tumbleweed. The few lawmen in Armadillo say they are not concerned, with one stating, “this here is the town of the walking dead already, what can a few undead do to change that?” State officials have cautioned travelers to be wary, but took a measured approach to the story. “New Austin is a dangerous place and outlaws sometimes attack with such aggression, it is easy to mistake them as some kind of monsters,” an official statement read, “be wary, but know there are no monsters in New Austin.”
Dead body discovered in New Austin after dog leads cowpoke to it
By Jose Chavez
The body of an unidentified male was found in the desert of New Austin. A cowpoke was alerted to the body by what appeared to be a stray dog. “I heard the barking and saw the dog,” the cowpoke said, “when I went to it, it moved away like it wanted me to follow it, so I did.” The cowpoke said they did not have to follow the dog for very long when they found the body. “Must have been the poor dog’s owner, as sad as they seemed,” the cowpoke said. The body was taken away and the dog was taken in by the cowpoke who found it.
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Daring actions of a bounty hunter saves lives of innocent train riders
By Delphia Atwood
Bandits got on the train at the last stop, Wallace Station. Looks “nervous, looking all around and hand always on their gun.” Two riders pursued the train. One bandit took over driving the train and picked up speed. Witness said they nearly got away by going over a bridge and into a tunnel, where pursuit would have been more dangerous. HOwever, one of the bounty hunters made a daring leap at the last minute, grabbing the train just as it moved onto the bridge. Quote from bounty hunters partner “” The bounty hunter moved thorugh the train, killing the bandits and capturing their leader. The wanted man was taken to Van Horn, where he is being held until he is transfered to Sisika Penitentiary.
Posse forms after cougar mauling leaves victim disfigured
By Nick McCrary
A man traveling alone from New Austin to Blackwater was met with misfortune when he was attacked by a cougar. Though he survived the attack, he was left with significant injuries. He said he did not hear the beast, he only felt something large jump on him. After falling off his horse, he tried to fight the still unknown beast off. “I felt scratches and bites, I tried protecting my face but it was impossible,” the victim said. In desperation he managed to fire his pistol off several times, startling the cougar. After managing to call his nearby horse and mount it, he made it into Blackwater. While he was put in a wagon and taken to Valentine to see the doctor, a posse formed to kill the dangerous cougar.
The posse found the beats and identified it as the Iguga Cougar, a very aggressive breed of cougar known to attack humans. The cougar was killed and the profit gained from selling its materials was donated to the victim’s medical treatment. The victim, who is still alive, will need long term treatment as his wounds heal.
Life On Mars, Fantasy or Possibility?
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Stargazing, a grand pastime for countless generations. Looking up at the night sky makes the heart maybe skip a beat, knowing how small it truly is. One can always see the moon, but sometimes you see the big red planet, Mars.
It sometimes looks quite a bit like Earth, making one wonder, does life exist on it? Do Martians look down on us the way we look up at them? Much has been written scientifically speaking on the possibility of life being so close yet so far. Scientists at the moment are mixed on the theory, some see it as hogwash, and others see it as a distinctive possibility that cannot be disproved.
Writers certainly have a clearer consensus: there is obviously life, and maybe they will destroy us one day! One need only walk through a stack of penny dreadfuls to find story after story of scary space creatures in giant tubes or pods wrecking humanity for daring to live!
Even the scientists who believe laugh off such a suggestion that our neighbors would want to exterminate us. Life is scarce in the universe; why take out someone so similar? It makes one wonder, does other life look up and imagine us as alien and foreign? Perhaps one day, we will know.
New Hanover gunsmith pulls a fast one, returns Carcano Rifle to a customer without a scope
By Donna Deshner
A business deal nearly ended in a gunfight when the Van Horn gunsmith returned a Carcano Rifle without its scope. “I took my sniper rifle in for a bit of work and got it back and immediately noticed the scope was missing,” the customer said. They brought up the issue before leaving the store, however, the gunsmith at first denied the existence of a scope. “He said I gave him the rifle to work on without the scope and that I could pay for a scope to bad added to it,” the customer said. The business dispute soon became a heated argument, with the customer threatening the gunsmith. Another customer was able to bring the argument to an end by noticing the type of rifle that had been worked on. “Thankfully, another fellow pointed out that the Carcano rifle is only sold with a scope attached to it,” the customer said. The gunsmith laughed at his mistake and then modded the rifle, reattaching the scope. “I can go hunt from long range again,” the customer said, pleased that the ordeal was ended peacefully. The gunsmith said it was an honest mistake.
Fist fight ends with a kick, from a horse
By Emery Cosberry
A man and a woman got into a fist fight outside of Smithfield’s Saloon. Witnesses were not sure of what started the fight, but said the woman was quick and wily, dodging and striking with great precision. “Every time he punched, she dodged and then hit right back,” a witness said. The fight came to an end quicker than anticipated, however, when the woman finally put the man down with a hard strike to the jaw. The woman did not leave unscathed, as her own horse, spooked by the fight, kicked out and struck her in the chest. “She got up though,” said a witness, “so she still was the clear winner of the fight.”
Saint Denis Parade? No, just police chasing an outlaw
By Emeline Vickroy
Saint Denis residents were caught unprepared for what they thought was yet another parade being held in the city. Many residents still recall the streets being filled by cowpokes in clown outfits, marching in protest through the city. This week, however, it was not clowns, nor was it a protest, that brought uniformed men onto the city streets. It was an outlaw. A cowpoke was attacked while riding through Saint Denis, however, when he defended himself he missed and shot a local policeman. The response was instant. Whistles started going off all over town and the Saint Denis police gave chase. The cowpoke ran down the street, not shooting back but not wanting to be arrested either. As he ran toward the town stables, more police joined the chase. Soon, residents described a “wave of blue men” chasing a “dusty cowpoke.” “The person being chased looked like they were whistling, but they were drowned out by the police whistles,” a witness said. Several policemen took shots at the cowpoke, themselves missing and hitting innocent bystanders. Eventually a horse came running to the cowpoke, who quickly mounted it to escape the city. “This villain shot a policeman and then was responsible for five deaths that were the direct result of their actions,” the lawmen said, placing the blame for the bystanders they shot on the outlaw. The outlaw was pursued beyond the city, but they managed to escape.
Cowpoke registers a complaint with the Wilderness Outfitters over the lack of cover provided by their “covered tent”
By Adam Parvey
The popular supplier of camp goods, Wilderness Outfitters, has come under criticism this week. A cowpoke recently purchased a “covered” tent from the company’s “hobo line” and was stunned to find that the tent was not covered at all. “I get the hobo line is supposed to be a bit more ‘travel lightly’ than other lines, but why call it covered if it isn’t covered in the slightest?” the cowpoke asked. The Wilderness Outfitters responded. “We continue to be the most popular supplier of tents and camp goods,” a press release read, “we have received no previous complains about the hobo line before.” “Most popular supplier?” The offended consumer asked, then added, “more like only supplier.” We reached out to a real hobo and showed him a picture of the “covered” hobo tent. The hobo said, “I find cover wherever I can, but what hobo is paying $700 for a tent?”
Man plans to run the entire United States!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Many of you have likely run quite the distance to increase your stamina and lose weight. I certainly have; it’s always good to stay in shape. Some people have even walked or raced across the Five States as a challenge of sorts. Well, one man wants to take it even further; he wants to run from coast to coast!
Sidney Washburn is a tall fellow from San Francisco, a notoriously difficult city to walk due to all the hills. For some reason, he thinks he alone is qualified to walk from the Pacific to the Atlantic. Instead of telling him how silly this idea is, his family has cheered on his suggestion.
He has no timetable on how long such a journey will take; an optimistic estimate is several months. The danger is self-evident; outlaws, wildlife, nature itself all are threats to survival. Washburn is so confident in the kindness of strangers he intends to make his walk without a weapon, just a pack of food and some personal items.
He intends to begin tomorrow in the morning, I have some grave doubts he’ll make it, but I would love to be proven wrong.
Sudden growth of vegetation in Mexico?
By Humphrey Harker
A few explorers have traveled south of the border and claimed Mexico is suddenly more alive. “I’ve been going to Mexico for several years now and just recently I have noticed far more vegetation in the country,” said an explorer who asked not be named, given that travel to Mexico is legally prohibited at this time. Others have supported this claim, some claiming to off photographic evidence. That evidence, however, has been laregely dismissed. “What is seen is two different pictures of different areas, one with more vegetation than the other,” said a critic of the claim, “they do not represent a change in time as alleged.” Other critics say that vegetation has remained the same in Mexico. “The nation is still barren, one may even mistake it for letting more than a prop setting,” said Coralie McGrath before elaborating, “what Mexico seems to be missing is people, like the state was set but the actors were never hired.” Miss McGrath is a member of the Respawners, and says that Mexico will never be more than a visual mirage. “Don’t hold out hope, this part of the false world will never be fleshed out,” she warns.
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