Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Protests Break Out Across Five States!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
After months of lack of jobs, lack of governmental response, and outright mockery, the citizens in the Five States have had enough. From Saint-Denis to Tumbleweed, cowpokes, citizens, travelers, even a couple of outlaws are marching in the streets. They demand money; they demand jobs; they demand decent human respect.
Hunters have stopped shooting bucks and beavers. Collectors have stopped digging for hidden treasures. Bounty Hunters sit around near wanted posters. Moonshiners have returned to society sober. It’s a sight without comparison, so many huddled masses yearning for a better life. Police and lawmen have so far done little to hold back the crowds even though the protests have disrupted traffic and trade.
The protests have mostly remained peaceful, although there have been scattered reports of robbery and attacks on assumed government officials. The response from people that can actually make a change is muted at best, despite increasing pressure from various newspaper organizations.
This story is still developing as we report on it. For all we know, things could suddenly improve, or it could backslide and get even worse. I wish I could read the tea leaves, but I can’t; I can only hope for the best.
Bounty hunters attempt to take Nathaniel Cross and die in the process
By Alois Burditt
Nathaniel Cross was camped outside of Tumbleweed this week when a group of bounty hunters attacked him. Cross has been afforded protection in Tumbleweed, but often spends his time outside of the town. The bounty on Cross is controversial. A successful bounty hunter, Cross was accused of being the Grey Cowboy, a vigilante that killed outlaws before they could stand trial. The accusation was made in court, while another man stood trial as the Grey Cowboy. That man was merely framed, however. A bounty was issued on Cross and he fled to New Austin.
The New Austin state government has since pardoned him and Tumbleweed lawmen protect him. The bounty, however, was issued by the BHTNC in cooperation with the Five States governments (excluding New Austin, of course). As such, it is considered legally valid, assuming Cross could be captured and removed from New Austin and turned in elsewhere. Lawmen in Tumbleweed heard the gunshots and rode out to see what was going on. When they arrived the bounty hunters were dead and Cross was busy stiring a pot of stew. “He’s a class act, you see,” said one of the lawmen, “let us have some of that delicious stew before we left!” The bodies of the bounty hunters were sent to Blackwater, along with envelopes of money for their families.
Another revenuer checkpoint wiped out
By Jane Duran
The Bureau of Internal Revenue continues to suffer setback after setback. With their reputation still yet to recover after it came to light that agents often drink the confiscated moonshine, the Bureau has been embarrassed once again. A checkpoint was taken out with such ease that the competency of the Bureau’s agents is being questioned. The checkpoint in question was attacked from long range, possibly by multiple attackers. A single agent survived by hiding in the back of a wagon after he was shot in the shoulder. He was unable to provide a description of the attackers as a result of having not seen them. Before the Bureau sent agents to collect the injured agent, he told local lawmen that, “the shots came from everywhere, there was screaming and I was so afraid.” The Bureau has denied that the agent said such thing, announcing, “our agents know no fear, but are not immune to ambushes by scoundrels.” The Bureau then suggested that they may start providing sniper rifles to their checkpoint teams.
Boating posse sunk by attackers from the shore
By Odell Clifton
Three cowpokes enjoying a day on Iron Lake were attacked from the shore south of Blackwater. The cowpokes had casted off from the Blackwater dock and had been floating around the lake for awhile when the attack happened. Witnesses saw the cowpokes panic and then saw “geysers of water erupt from the boat.” It appeared the shooter shot holes in the small boat, causing it to start sinking. Witness said the cowpokes jumped off the boat and tried to swim to shore, but the gunman continued to fire. Of the three cowpokes, only one made it to shore. The others are believed to have drowned or killed by gunfire. Blackwater lawmen followed the sound of the shots but they did not find the shooter or any evidence that they were there. The surviving cowpoke had their gunshot wound tended to in town and then slept the rest of the day.
WANTED!
Investigators: Travel the Five States and report on what is going on.
Writers: Write the stories investigators find!
Photographers:
To take photographs to be used in the Herald.
Can also do all three!
Valentine sees surge in hostile newcomers
By Donna Deshner
Valentine has always had a reputation as a town fraught with danger. Many cowpokes have opted to test the local lawmen, shooting up the town and killing innocents. Still, the town has persisted and residents have simply gotten used to the danger of the small cattle town. That danger has increased as of late. “We’ve noticed that as long time residents leave, they are replaced by new residents with quick trigger fingers,” said a Valentine deputy. It has been an ongoing trend for over a year now. A trend that keeps getting worse. “I think it’s the BHTNC that is responsible,” said another deputy, “they offer nothing to long time residents to stay while offering big incentives for newcomers.” It is unclear why new arrivals feel the need to shoot everything that moves, but some have their theories.
“I think it’s to show they ain’t weak,” said a deputy, “show up in a rough place like the Five States and they feel they instantly gotta prove they are tough.” Another deputy remarked that even if that were true, “we don’t respect them as tough, just think of them as desperate and dumb.” Another suggested that they are all coming from the same place, a region of the nation that is already prone with violence. “A few of them are confirmed to have come from a developing town called Los Santos known for wonton violence and murder,” said a deputy, “and it is likely that they all, or at least most of them, come from that dangerous place too.” A few residnets I spoke with seem to think the explanation is much simpler, “they think that’s how it’s done ‘roudn here. They think it’s the wild west and they gotta be a rootin’ tootin’ cowboys. But they gonna be a rootin’ tootin’ dead men. Or women.” The BHTNC did not respond to a request for a comment on the current incentive structure in the Five States.
Man Attempts to Rob Bank with Maxim Gun!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Robbing a bank, the one great score, the great of most outlaws and would-be thieves. Sometimes attempted, but rarely successful. Many have tried unique methods such as disguises or explosives; well, someone this week attempted a different approach.
A horse and cart rode up to the Lemoyne National Bank in Saint-Denis. The driver got out and put on a hood. He then walked to the back of his cart and pulled out a maxim machine gun; he was walking with it!
He walked to the door and demanded to be let in; he wasn’t aware the bank hadn’t opened yet. He then proceeded to open fire on the bank while cradling the gun barrel. People walking by just gazed in shock at the sight. Eventually, the man either lost his grip or was struck by a ricocheting bullet, for he fell backwards, and the gun landed on his chest.
Local police soon rushed to the bank and arrested the fellow, who didn’t even try to put up a fight. He’s currently in jail, although some are saying probably not for long since he never got into the bank and didn’t hurt anyone but himself. He is, however, an embarrassing failure.
Missing cowpoke said to have been “deleted”
By Adam Parvey
A great tragedy has occurred in the Five States, though few are talking about it. So say the friends of a missing woman. “One day, she was riding with us and exploring the countryside and then one day, she was acting really weird and then she was gone, never to be seen again,” said one of her friends. Her friends explained that she began acting very childish and running around as if she did not know what was going on. “It was like she had never been in the Five States, running around strange like and she was silent the entire time, never spoke to us,” another friend said. Then, as their friend was standing there doing nothing, she disappeared. “She was no longer part of our posse, it was like she didn’t even exist,” a friend said. They waited several days but she never returned. They filed a missing person case, but there was no evidence that woman in question went anywhere. “We tried to find a trail,” said a federal investigator, “but there wasn’t one, nor was there even a record of her existence.”
The friends’ story has been dismissed as made up, however, the Respawners have a possible explanation. Lorene Sipherd, a Respawner who believes the world we all live in is a “false” world, says the woman was “deleted.” “This world, it’s designed and created, we only enter it,” Miss Sipherd explained, “we can remove ourselves from it, or someone can remove us forcefully.” Either way, she explains, someone removed from the world through a process called “deletion” means they are completely gone. “Their, um avatar, if you will, dies completely and utterly and mostly painlessly,” Miss Sipherd said, “but their essence survives on somewhere else and may even return to the Five States in a new form.”
Attempted theft by a child thwarted by observant shop owner
By Frederick Vannesse
Robert Palmer, owner of a furniture store in New York, reported that his store had been the target of, “a most underhanded attempt at robbery.” Mr. Palmer said that he observed two women and a little girl talking just outside of his shop. “I’ve been a victim of theft before, I know what to look for and they looked very suspicious,” said Mr. Palmer. He watched the three for a good while when the child grabbed a doll stroller from its display in front of the store and began pushing it back and forth. As Mr. Palmer watched, the women suddenly walked away and the little girl followed. He hurriedly pursued and managed to stop one of the women, though the other quickly walked away. Mr. Palmer confronted on the woman about letting the child steal his goods, to which she replied, “I do not know the child,” before walking away. Mr. Palmer then took the child to the local police station, saying he did not want to press charges but wanted to scare the girl’s parents. The girl remained at the police station until 10:00 PM that night, when a woman identified as Kate Kelly picked the child up. When questioned, she said she had been out with her sister when she lost track of the child. She was required to pay a fine and allowed to take her child home.
French artist, Henry Matisse, gets married
By Ivy Seager
The talented sculptor and draughtsman married Amélie Noellie Parayre this week. Mr. Matisse started his working life by training to be an attorney, earning his qualification and taking up a job as a court administrator. His interest in painting only occurred after Mr. Matisse was forced into a bed ridden state as a result of an attack of appendicitis. Mr. Matisse went on to study art at depth, painting in the traditional style. However, two years ago, Mr. Matisse’s style changed after being introduced to the art of Vincent Van Gogh, an artist who died eight years ago penniless whose paintings are now starting to gain interested from the art community as a whole. Mr. Matisse’s recent work has been much more colorful, having ditched his earthen tones for a more vibrant palette. His wife, now Mrs. Matisse, comes from a modest family who served the French heir of American Robert Crawford, Thérèse Humbert. The ceremony was privately attended.
The Five States Herald 