Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
No new jobs for the New Year, who will Save the Five States?
By Adam Parvey
The New Year is now upon us and the hopes of long time residents were crushed with the BHTNC’s latest announcement. The BHTNC, or the Bureau for Harmonious and Tenacious Negotiations and Capitalization, is a private group of wealthy citizens who fund enterprises in the Five States. When they formed (then as the Bureau for Hurdling a Tarrying Congress, or BHTC), they announced themselves with a splash. They funded a robust bounty hunting payment system, built up an infrastructure for trading, and brought in a collector of exotic items to monetize the many artifacts buried and hidden in the Five States. Since then, their efforts in the Five States have been severely lacking, according to many residents. Their last major investment was an attempt to monetize the collection of animal samples from the region, a program headed by the naturalist Harriett Davenport. Miss Davenport’s arrival, however, was controversial for many reasons.
Residents have held on to hope that the new year would bring a renewed commitment to the Five States. That appears to be lacking. Instead of announcing the hoped for new jobs, the BHTNC announced discounts for various licenses required to partake in the existing jobs they funded years ago. In addition, they are offering other bonuses in the form of “Deadeye cards,” collectibles that long time residents already own. “Can you believe these fools?” said a resident, “What good is a discount to a license I already own? Or a Deadeye card I don’t need?” Most residents I spoke to had similar complaints, with only a few excited about the discounts. Those few were not long time residents of the Five States, but cowpokes who arrived within the last year.
Of course, the folks of the Five States are made of stern stuff, and so they have not lost hope. Instead, they have rallied to the call of “Save the Five States.” Petitions have spread around the region and cowpokes have signed in mass, all asking for the BHTNC to invest in the Five States. “Seems like a missed opportunity, so many of us waiting to for something new, waiting to invest in the Five States,” said one cowpoke, “if only they’d invest in us!” The “Save the Five States” rallies have even been picked up by news agencies outside of the Five States. Doers and Doings, a financial magazine based in New Jersey has covered the story, giving national press to the issue. It is unclear how the BHTNC, or the local governments, will react to the unfavorable coverage.
Bounty hunt turns into class between local deputies and federal police
By Alois Burditt
Nathaniel Cross, wanted across the Five States for vigilantism under the name ‘The Grey Cowboy,’ has enjoyed legal protection in New Austin as a result of being pardoned in the state. This protection is especially true in Tumbleweed, where Sheriff Sam Freeman and his deputies have defended Cross from federal police in the past. As a result, the federal pursuit of Mr. Cross has been almost entirely stalled, given that he resides in Tumbleweed. This week, however, federal lawmen took advantage of Mr. Cross being outside of the Tumbleweed town limits. Mr. Cross was in pursuit of two wanted men, who both had been convicted of murder, when federal lawmen made their presence known. According to Mr. Cross and another witness, the federal lawmen ambushed Cross near Gaptooth Breach. The witness said, “they went straight for Cross, didn’t even pay the folks he was chasin’ any mind at all!”
Mr. Cross was forced to give up pursuit of the wanted men to fight off the federal lawmen. Cross tossed a bottle behind him, which, according to one of the pursuing agents, left the ground “thick with fire.” Mr. Cross fired back on the federal lawmen, wounding at least two of them. The agents gave up the pursuit when Mr. Cross reached Tumbleweed. Sheriff Freeman said, “if any of the agents are still alive, it’s ’cause Cross chose to leave them alive, which should tell you all you need to know about him.” The federal government is adding assault on federal officers and attempted murder of federal officers to Mr. Cross’ list of charges.
Extinct wolf spotted in Ambarino?
By Delphia Atwood
A cowpoke and their posse were beset upon by wolves they could not see. “It was broad daylight, no place for them to hide and yet we couldn’t set them,” said the cowpoke. The posse ran across a railroad bridge to escape when they finally saw something, but wished they had not. “It was huge, much larger than any wolf I’ve ever seen,” said the cowpoke, “and I’m an experienced hunter.” The group continued to flee as the wolf described as being the size of a bison, pursued them. At least one of the cowpokes was killed in the attack, the others escaped with treatable injuries. Based on the description of the beast that attacked them, experts have suggested it may have been a dire wolf. The dire wolf is an ancestor to the modern wolf and believed to have gone extinct at least 10,000 years ago. Other experts have said it is unlikely that a pack of dire wolves survived into modern times. Still, new expeditions are being planned to find the elusive, but very large, wolf.
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Man Scratches Revolver, Chaos Followed!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
A man’s firearm is his livelihood; without it, he’s just asking for a death sentence from an animal or human. Unsurprisingly, some people are very protective of their guns, as the citizens of Blackwater found out this week.
Ryan Howard ordered a special made Cattleman revolver several months ago. When he finally received it, he couldn’t stop bragging about having the most excellent gun in the city. He kept showing it off to neighbors and friends without exception. The day looked bright for this young man until he accidentally ran into a man while crossing the street.
Whether by intention or accident, the stranger knocked Howard’s revolver to the ground. He picked it up and realized in horror that the cylinder had been badly scratched. What happened next is a matter of debate.
Some witnesses said the stranger mocked Howard and went for his revolver. Others say he offered to help pay for the damage. Regardless, Howard drew his revolver and emptied all six bullets into the man. He then immediately surrendered to lawmen.
Could a man really love his gun enough to kill someone over it? Have you met anyone lately in the Five States? If you ask me, the answer is pretty clear.
Frightening creature spotted in Valentine
By Donna Deshner
Valentine residents were woken up to yells and gunshots one night this week, though very few know what happened. According to a couple of ranch hands who left Keane’s Saloon rather late, a large dog like beast was in the sheep pens. “It was like a dog, but really big, like a bigger than a horse,” said one of the men the next day. When they first saw the creature, they did not believe their eyes. “It wasn’t until we talked to each other that we knew we weren’t just seeing things, we were plenty drunk, you see,” the other man said. The men then ran, or stumbled toward the sheep pens firing their guns in the air. Other residents were startled and soon came out with their own guns in hand. By the time several residents made it to the sheep pens, the creature the two men claimed to have seen was nowhere to be found. “They were drunk and saw something that wasn’t there, simple as that,” said Sheriff Curtis Malloy, “there were no tracks in the area that lead me to believe anything but the sheep and the drunkards were in that area.” The men swear by their story, even after sobering up, despite the evidence to the contrary.
Cowpoke demand to know when the Théâtre Râleur open
By Emeline Vickroy
Saint Denis residents are confused by the demands of a lone cowpoke. That demand is to know when the Théâtre Râleur will open. The venue is known for hosting a variety of acts, from the dramatic to the comedic. The locals are confused because, according to them, the Théâtre Râleur is open. “I just saw a show there, funny guy backed by dancers and such,” said one resident. Another resident said that she saw a “wonderful singing performance,” at the theater just days ago. However, cowpokes and travelers to Saint Denis are never able to purchase tickets for a show. The apparent locals only rule seems to upset the cowpokes who do notice. However, Gregoria Haskens of the Respaners has an explanation. “The Théâtre Râleur and the locals are part of the fake world, they don’t go there they just think they do,” said Miss Haskens, “in fact, there is no theater or shows at all, at least not yet.” We reached out to the owner of the Théâtre Râleur, but they did not respond to our request for a comment.
Next Step in Law Enforcement?
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
For the longest time, lawmen have enforced the laws in frontier towns across the country. Then cities began creating official police forces to better maintain law in urban environments. Now the next major step is just around the corner, special units inside of police departments.
Military forces have always had special units for specific tasks; they are often the big stars of dime novels for a good reason. They are highly trained and highly efficient at a particular task. This type of unit is what police departments are experimenting with as we speak.
Now police in places like Blackwater and Saint-Denis are not about to militarize and patrol the streets with high-powered rifles, but special task forces or rescue teams are precisely what the law needs. Sometimes an officer isn’t enough, as has been seen time and time again in major Five State cites.
Specific tasks that are being discussed include not just hostage situations but sharpshooters, riot control, and quasi bounty hunters for high-level outlaws. Will these units be approved anytime soon? Probably not due to training and budget reasons, but eventually, such law enforcement stars will become the norm, mark my words.
Modern lightships continue to impress as warnings of the incoming coastline
By Frederick Vannesse
A year ago lightships began being operated along the west coast. San Francisco’s famed whistling buoys were among warning devices replaced with lightships. So far, their success has been praised. Lightships have a lower upfront cost than lighthouses and are clearer warnings than whistling buoys. Federal authorities are considering adopting lightships across the entire coast of the nation.
Gabriele D’Annunzio’s new play debuts in Rome
By Ivy Seager
Gabriele D’Annunzio, a well known poet and playwright in Italy, has debuted his latest work. The Sogno d’un mattino di primavera, translated as The Dream of a Spring Morning, has sold out all of its showings. No summary was provided nor were early showings conducted for reviewers. Thus, theater goers have had to rely on the reputation of Mr. D’Annunzio alone, which seems to have been enough. The theater has met the high demand by promising those who have no yet purchased a ticket that more shows will be added.
The Five States Herald 