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To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Era of Protest Ends Without a Whimper
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Sometimes it feels like history just leaves you in the dust. You expect something big to happen, and it never happens, all the while, something ends, and you don’t even notice it. For weeks it’s been a big deal that people have protested about a lack of job security and payment. Yet it seems this era of anger has already passed; what does one make of that?
Jobs didn’t suddenly appear; in fact, the market looks even worse, yet it seems most workers have accepted their lot and moved forward. Is that daring and brave or foolish? It began with a bang and yet now ends without a whimper. There were hundreds in the streets this morning; there’s only one left at the time of writing.
Will life improve? One hopes it will, but none can say. Have we all just casually accepted our fate, that we can only do so much and sometimes only the lord above can make change? It’s truly stunning; such an important event died without anyone noticing and so quickly. I’d write a eulogy if only I knew what it all meant. The protest movement went out looking upward at the sky, the lights going out of its eyes before it could ever find the right words.
Shootout in Gaptooth Ridge
By Alois Burditt
A couple of hunters reported a large shoot out in the southern tip of Gaptooth Ridge, near an area locals call the Scratching Post. “We were tracking some pronghorn when the shooting started, which spooked the herd we were following,” said one of the hunters. With their targets now scattered, they carefully climbed a small plateau nearby and to get a look at the fighting. “I used my rifle’s scope to get a look and saw a lot of folks with guns,” said the hunter. They described the situation as chaotic, stating that it was difficult to tell who was aligned with who. “Except of a few clear moments of folks shooting at each other,” one of the witnesses said, “I couldn’t much tell if there were two sides to the fight or if it was a free for all.”
That become more clear as the dead bodies started to pile up. The witnesses said that there were two or three people on foot defending themselves from a “dozen or more” attackers. In addition, two other cowpokes fought the attackers from behind a wagon. “When the shooting was over, the wagon folks drove the wagon in and the other defenders took it, after handing something over,” said one of the hunters. It seems likely it was a trade deal nearly disrupted by outlaws that the two witnessed. “Soon as I realized it was over, I put my rifle away,” said the hunter, “wouldn’t want them to see the glint of my scope and get the wrong idea, you know?”
Wanted man takes own life to avoid capture
By Delphia Atwood
A bounty hunter was forced to bring in their target dead. “I hadn’t intended for him to die, I meant to knock him out,” the bounty hunter said. The man snuck up on his target and struck him in the back of the head. However, the wanted man responded by pushing the bounty hunter away and then leaping down the mountain. The dead man was turned in and a bounty was collected, though it was less than what the bounty hunter wanted. As the bounty hunter considered retirement, the Sheriff Jones of Annesburg said, “sometimes a man would rather die than be caged, ain’t nothin’ you can do about it but know you removed a villain from the world and saved his future victims.”
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Nature vs. man, aggressive cowpoke mauled by bear
By Odell Clifton
A cowpoke minding their own business in in Big Valley was the victim of an unprovoked attack. They quickly navigated their horse through the dense forest, which offered some cover from the assailants gunshots. What the attacker did not know was that their intended victim was not just running away, but loading them weapon with a special incendiary round. “I take no pride in it, but I had to put the horse down,” the defender said, explaining that they fired the round at the horse to end pursuit. “A dishonorable man like that likely doesn’t care much for their horse,” they reasoned, “probably doesn’t take care of it so killing it was an act of mercy.”
The attacker fell to the ground, smacking away the flames caused by the incendiary round while yelling out has he burned. He managed to free himself from beneath his fallen horse and grabbed his rifle that had fallen out of his grasp. However, just as he stood up a massive grizzly bear was upon him. “The fella didn’t even have time to aim his gun at me,” the attacked cowpoke said. As they rode calmly from the scene, they said the bear was enjoying its meal. “It’s not terribly often a bear gets a cooked meal,” the cowpoke said.
Cowpoke spotted riding a horse with flaming hooves
By Donna Deshner
Multiple reports came in of a cowpoke riding a horse that was on fire. Specifically, it was the hooves of the horse said to be on fire. What was strange to the witnesses, was that the cowpoke and horse seemed completely unaware. “That horse had no idea its feet were on fire,” said a witness, “it just ran along like it was normal!” When a witness managed to inform the cowpoke of the flaming hooves, they were taken by surprise. According to witnesses, at first they were concerned with their horse’s welfare. But as it became clear that the horse was no in pain, the cowpoke trotted the horse around, showing off the strange phenomena. People who touched the flaming hooves reported no damage or pain from the flames. Fortunately, the phantom flames did not start any real fires. The phenomena, at present, remains unexplained.
Cowpoke files complaint against Lannahechee and Midland Rail Company for running over their horse
By Emeline Vickroy
The cowpoke in question admits to crashing their horse, sending both it and them to the ground. When the horse attempted to stand back up, it moved too close to the train and was killed. However, the cowpoke claims the train had not yet picked up speed and could have braked. The conductor said whether they could have braked or not is irrelevant. “I didn’t even know a horse had been hit, let alone fell near the train,” the conductor said. The Lannahechee and Midland Rail Co. says they are not responsible. “There is no case here,” said the company spokesman, “based on witness accounts the train was already in motion and it was impossible for the conductor to prevent the horse’s death, the rider, however, could have.” The company lays the blame on the cowpoke and has warned them that they will pursue legal action to protect their brand. When I spoke to the rider, he seemed unwilling to pursue the matter further, only saying, “I just miss my horse.”
Madam Nazar disappears, collectors panic
By Adam Parvey
One of the major investments that was made the BHTNC, the private investor group responsible for bringing jobs to the Five States, was bringing Madam Nazar to the region. Madam Nazar specializes in the trade of rare and unique items, a skill she employed to make a small fortune. That fortune funded her endeavors in the Five States, where she buys rare items from licensed collectors. Those collectors were suddenly unable to sell their found treasures because Madam Nazar disappeared. “The BHTNC offered bonus gold nuggets to anybody selling items to Madam Nazar, but I couldn’t find her,” one collector said. Others echoed this, saying that they traveled to all of her frequented locations.
Just as the uproar seemed to be peeking, Madam Nazar was found. “I think they were just using a bad map, because I knew just where to go to find her” said the cowpoke who discovered her location, “I use a, um, special map that showed me where she was and so I didn’t even know she was missing when I supposedly found her.” When asked about this special map they got cagey, refusing to tell me more about it or let me get a look at it. They did, however, tell me where to find Madam Nazar. When I met with her, she seemed surprised that people thought she was missing. “I was never lost,” Madam Nazar said, “they were clearly blind.”
School Topics Polled for the First Time!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
The school of yesteryear is slowly but surely falling into distant memory. The small classroom is becoming larger, and the teachers are better equipped to deal with a broader range of subjects. But what topics remain popular, and what is still dreaded?
Although a concrete answer remains elusive, new polling seems to get a pretty good view of what children like and hate. Generally speaking, history is quite a popular topic for youngsters. Perhaps a desire to better understand what once was to figure out what will be is taking hold. Science fluctuates heavily depending on where you ask. It’s either the way of the future or a tool of the devil forced upon heathens. Writing also is a mixed bag; some people really want to be a new Walt Whitman, others don’t even want to be James Fennimore Cooper.
Lastly, and this is least shocking, math is nobody’s favorite. Dealing with numbers and complicated algorithms isn’t worth the time and effort to most; hell, I’d be lying if I said I knew how to work specific formulas into day-to-day life. Will this list of popularity change? Almost certainly, although don’t expect math class to become a social hangout.
Richard Strauss’ Don Quixote to debut in Keulen this week
By Ivy Seager
Richard Strauss, a German composer and playwright, as adapted the Spanish novel Don Quixote to the state. The task was deemed impossible, given the wide ranging themes of the novel and its movement through time. Critics say these challenges make it difficult to adapt to the stage, particularly the story’s movement through time. One critic said, “how do you make an actor older that convinces the eagle eyed audience?” Even the suggestion of using different actors for different time frames is dismissed. “Want to confuse your audience? Change the actor to a character they have already fallen in love with!” said the same critic.
Mr. Strauss, however, was undeterred. He has said that his adaptation is faithful to the source material while also making the necessary changes to fit the stage. The first showings are already sold out, though the hosting theater has promised to host more shows if the play’s popularity remains high.
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