Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
No Christmas cheer on Five States trade routes
By Lucien Privitt
The problem of rogue traders disrupting railroad trade routes has long been reported in this paper. For some people, working toward their own success is not enough, they must work toward someone else’s misfortune. Some traders were hoping for a Christmas season truce, but their hope was dashed this week. A train carrying goods across Bard’s Crossing was shaken by a series of explosions. Rogue traders began throwing dynamite all over the train, damaging goods and forcing other traders to jump from the train or die. Several traders were left behind as the train continued across Bard’s Crossing without them. One trader who managed to avoid the rogue traders and see the route to the end had a word of advice for fellow traders. “You really need to stay in the covered cars when these clowns start acting up,” the trader said, “I saw too many traders on the cars’ roofs, which makes them easy targets.”
The Five States Traders Association has been unable to curb rogue traders disrupting train trade routes, one of the biggest complaints traders have. “What’s the point of joining these trade routes when increasingly, rogue traders are there to prevent our gains?” asked a trader. However, it seems a new trader hero has arrived. A man identified as one of the rogue traders by multiple witnesses was found bound at the ankles and tied to the back of a train that arrived in Valentine. The town doctor announced that he was dead on arrival, but based on the man’s injuries, the doctor said, “he likely didn’t die immediately and had a bumpy ride before succumbing go his wounds.” Who performed the vigilante killing is unknown and authorities have no leads.
Doppelgangers reported in New Austin!
By Jose Chavez
Originally believed to be the result of Halloween, the barrier between world was thought to have repaired. A new report, however, indicates that the barrier is still thin and in places, completely broken. Dr. W. Bishop was stunned of the report, but said, “I suppose this means Halloween was just a coincidence of timing and something else is causing the barrier to thin!” He explained that it was far too early to identify the true cause, but said that he does have some theories. The most recent report comes from a posse of four, who claimed their doppelgangers appeared in front of them without warning. “They seemed unaware,” said one of the cowpokes, “but we heard stories and knew we needed to shoot first.” The gunfight lasted seconds. The corpses of the doppelgangers are being examined by Dr. Bishop.
Wild men protecting Ambarino and “reclaiming” its snow
By Jane Duran
Weeks ago we reported at least one old man described as crazy, who warned others that Ambarino’s snow would be stolen and distributed across the Five States. The multiple sightings across Ambarino suggested that there were multiple people trying to stop the theft of Ambarino snow. As snow spread across the Five States, the group was silent. However, several witness accounts report run-ins with such people. “I had a man literaly knock snow off my wagon and off my hat, yelling that I was stealing it,” one traveler said. Another cowpoke claimed to have come across a man shoveling snow into a wagon and driving it back north while mumbling, “taking the snow back to where it belongs…”
Impromptu Christmas Eve feast at Blackwater Saloon
By Nick McCrary
Several cowpokes arrived in Blackwater within minutes of each other, each heading to the bar and ordering a drink. Patrons say the arrival brought a significant amount of tension. That tension nearly snapped when one cowpoke reached into their coat and two others pulled out their guns in response. The cowpoke with their hand in their coat, however, said they did not want any trouble and pulled out a couple of canned food products. The others returned their guns to their holsters and one pulled out bread while the other produced cooked meat that was wrapped in their satchel. Other cowpokes joined in and provided produce and herbs to the spontaneous feast. After the feast the cowpokes formed a posse together, with one cowpoke saying, “that’s all my dailies!”
Witnesses say the posse of strangers rode out of the town and were not seen again. Reports from the Great Plains and Big Valley indicate the posse rode all across West Elizabeth together.
The most popular toys of the season! Die cast soldiers of the Spanish American War!
Lack of Boots causes Fight!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Finding a good pair of shoes can be a real pain in the Five States. Stores never are consistent with inventory, orders show up late all the time, and sometimes finding a fitted pair is a nightmare. For one Valentine resident, it was all too much at once.
Miss Donna Winters is a decently paid, decently working lady. All she wanted was a decent pair of boots for a dance, nothing more, nothing less. When she saved up enough money, she went to the general store expecting to find something suitable. Instead, she constantly pestered about premiere shoes and showed lots of low-rent damaged boots. She didn’t want to buy an expensive pair of stocking shoes, but the owner wouldn’t stop bringing it up.
When she finally found a pair she wanted, Donna was flatly told it would take weeks to order and the cost would be twice as much. That was it; she had enough. She took out a revolver, hit the owner on the head, and walked out. Local lawmen soon arrested her, but even they felt bad for her. A local girl sits in jail for being a slave to fashion, truly a shame.
Shocking animal spotted in Valentine
By Donna Deshner
Valentine residents were stunned this week when an animal they did not expect showed up in the cattle town. It was not a reindeer either, but a zebra. Zebras are equines from Africa and are not known to live in the United States naturally, let alone live in the Five States. Though they related to horses and donkeys, they are a rare sight. This zebra belonged to a wealthy resident who moved to the Five States from Pawnee County. Zebras known to be suspicious of humans and not entirely friendly, but no attacks were reported. Residents enjoyed the rare sight until the PC cowpoke rode away on their zebra.
Christmas Tree Survives Fire!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
A Christmas miracle, a commonly trite story often passed around to make others feel better. That’s how a down in the dirt person sees it; I like to think more people are a bit less pessimistic. Well, I found such a story this week that is quite miraculous
In Saint-Denis, a family took home a fresh Christmas tree as tradition. They all went to sleep, expecting to find something under that tree in the morning. Instead, the morning came early; at least that’s what the intense heat and burning light felt like.
This family’s home was firebombed by some local hooligans, presumably due to the family not paying dues to a local black hand thug. The father managed to get the family out of the home quickly, but the entire place was engulfed in flames. When they returned upon daylight breaking through the clouds, they discovered the house mostly intact, with the tree and gifts still standing. Firemen have no rational answer for how this happened; it all should have been turned to ash.
Let this be a lesson to you all; even in the darkest times, things can still turn out well.
Christmas delivery brought to an end by a train
By Adam Parvey
A posse of well meaning folks were in he process of deliverying Christmas gifts in West Elizabeth. “We had planned to take some to Strawberry, some to Blackwater, and then to continue into New Austin to deliver the rest,” said one of the cowpokes. However, the delivery of goods was cut short. “We tried to take a short cut across Bard’s Crossing, as we often do,” said one of the wagon drivers, “but our scout either didn’t see the train coming or thought it would be funny to make us shit ourselves when we saw it.” Unfortunately for the two wagons of goods, the drivers were trapped. “We were on the tracks still, far to high to get the wagon off but also unable to back up to escape the train,” one of the cowpokes said. The train came through and destroyed both wagons and killed both horses. THe goods were spread out under the railroad track. What was not damaged was collected but they were unable to recover enough to deliver anything into New Austin.
The surprising origin to the department store Santa
By Frederick Vannesse
While the term “department store” may seem strange to Five States residents, it is common place in regions of the nation that are quickly urbanizing. Such stores are similar to general stores in that they offer a variety of goods, but differ in both the size and the vastness of goods on offer. They are like many small stores under one giant roof, where each section offers goods of a particular demand. For instance, an entire section for toys and another section for produce and yet another for guns. A growing trend among department stores around Christmas is for Santa Claus himself to make an appearance. Families line up so their children can visit Santa Claus and make their Christmas requests in person, and maybe shop while they are there. But where did this tradition start? With a Scottish immigrant named James Edgar. While living in Boston, Mr. Edgar, who owned Edgar’s Boston Store, walked through his store dressed as a clown on Christmas to bring joy to children at the store. After a few years dressed as a clown, he created his own custom red suit and the department store Santa Claus was born. Now nearly every department store in the United States advertises a Santa Claus of their own, though children seem to only know of their local department store and so the magic and mystery of Santa Claus remains alive.
Polish composer passes away on Christmas Eve
By Ivy Seager
Eugeniusz Pankiewicz died in Warsaw this week, bringing tragedy to his friends and family when most people across the world were preparing celebrations. Mr. Pankiewicz, was a local composer and music teacher, who began taking music lessons in 1863 in Lublin. After relocating to Warsaw in 1875 he attended the Instytut Muzyczny. The Pankiewicz home became a cultural focus in Warsaw, as residents would flock to the home to watched Mr. Pankiewicz play. Mr. Pankiewicz would go on to become a teacher himself at the very institute that he trained in. In 1889, Mr. Pankiewicz won third place in a composition competition. Fans of Mr. Pankiewicz say that the world never appreciated his genius. Indeed, it is said that his published compositions is but a fraction of the compositions he created, with most of them being rejected. He had a nervous breakdown in 1894, resulting in a short stay at a mental hospital. Unfortunately, Mr. Pankiewicz’ health continued to decline and he returned to the mental hospital in 1895, where he stayed until his death.
The Five States Herald 