Bird frozen in flight leads some to wonder if the world is broken
By Jose Chavez
It seems like it was just yesterday when it was suggested that the barrier between worlds was thinning. Right around the Halloween holiday, reports of strange occurrences sky rocketed. Attacks by doppelgangers, monsters, and spirits were all widely reported. An expert, Dr. W. Bishop, said these things would stop once the barrier between worlds was restored. The restoration was said to be natural, something that would occur once the Halloween season came to a close. “Halloween didn’t cause the occurrence, you see,” said Dr. Bishop, “Halloween was created to mark the occurrence and to survive it.” However, a new report indicates that something new is occurring in the world: a frozen bird.

“I saw the bird up there, not moving at all,” said the witness, “I thought of photographing it realized it wouldn’t make a bit of difference.” They described the bird as not only not flying, but not even flapping its wings. “This is a strange thing,” said Dr. Bishop, “though I am not entirely certain that it has to do with parallel universes.” Dr. Bishop explained that, “unless the other universe has birds that don’t flap their wings, then this is the result of something else.” As is usually the case in the unexplainable, the group the Respawners have a simple explanation and the same one they have repeated over and over: the world is fake. Mr. Johnny Gamache, a member of the religious code said, “in a fake world, anything and everything could go wrong.” The creation of the fake world is imperfect, according to the Respawners, which results in things breaking. “The unmoving bird was broken, nothing more,” said Mr. Gamache. This explanation did not satisfy Dr. Bishop, “that, that isn’t an explanation, it’s an assertion!”

Crazy man claims to be protecting the Ambarino snow
By Jane Duran
Several witnesses have claimed to be assaulted by an old man swinging a shovel while traveling in Ambarino. Reports from Grizzlies East and West suggest that the man travels the rural state, or that the reports are of different men. In one of the more civil confrontations, the crazy man allegedly said, “this time of year someone steals all our Ambarino snow and spreads it everywhere else, even the desert!” I traveled through the snowy state myself and after several weeks I finally ran into the man. My encounter was much less civil. He responded to no questions and just yelled, “leave my snow alone and get out of here!” while swinging a shovel wildly above his head. I did what any sensible person would do and I ran. It is certainly impossible for Ambarino’s snow to be taken and spread around the other four states, but he seemed to believe it wholeheartedly. Double the usual amount of caution when traveling through the snowy state.

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Santa Claus in Blackwater?
By Odell Clifton
The first day of December brought a story of Olde Saint Nick. Residents of Blackwater were shocked to see Santa Claus in their town. According to townsfolk, children flocked to Mr. Claus to tell him what they wanted. Mr. Claus was said to be as friendly as expected and laughed and played a game of ‘tag’ with the children. “He wasn’t quite a good runner,” said a witness, “but the kids all had fun.” Mr. Claus even went to the general store and bought candy for the kids, before disappearing as night came.

Other witnesses agree that Santa Claus arrived in Blackwater but claimed to see him in nefarious activity. “Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus were fighting on a rooftop, if you can believe it!” said a witness. The fight was allegedly part of a rooftop fight club. Witnesses, who asked to remain anonymous due to the grey legal nature of the fight club, said that Mr. Claus was fighting Mrs. Claus. “I know couples sometimes have disagreements,” said one witness, “but a full on fist fight?” The fight is said to have gone on for several minutes, with Mr. and Mrs. Claus dodged and weaved until Mr. Claus connected with more hits and put Mrs. Claus down. Another witness who did not see the fight itself, did say he saw the couple in the Blackwater Saloon enjoying a drink together. They were described as looking “banged up.”

According to multiple witnesses, Mr. and Mrs. Claus were spotted leaving Blackwater in a red wagon that looked like a sleigh being pulled by several reindeer.

Fight club under investigation following fight related death
By Emery Cosberry
A Valentine fight club has come under investigation after a participant was killed in a fight. During the fight in question, the victim allegedly lost the ability to defend themselves several minutes into the fight. Witnesses to the event said it was a good fight until the other fighter slipped through the victim’s defenses with a jab to the nose. “He was as dazed as anyone I ever saw after a hit like that,” said one witness. The victim them struggled to defend themselves, taking several more hits to the face and a few to the body. A final haymaker sent the victim to the ground unconscious. He was taken to the town doctor, but there was nothing that could be done. “He had massive expansion of the brain as a result of a sustained beating,” said Dr. Ben Calloway, “all we could do was make him comfortable and hope for the best.” Dr. Calloway drilled a hole in the victim’s head to relieve the pressure of the brain swelling, but it had no effect. The man was pronounced dead the next day, prompting authorities to investigate the fight club frequently held in the town. Witnesses to the event will receive pardons for coming forward.

Gunfight in Valentine ends with ‘reverse bounty’
By Donna Deshner
A bounty hunter engaged a wanted cowpoke in Valentine, however, the wanted cowpoke and their posse managed to fight the bounty hunter off. While doing so, one of the gunslingers defending their boss noticed the bounty hunter themselves had a legitimate bounty on their head. They went from defense to offense and attacked the attacker. The bounty hunter was brought down when one the defenders got close enough and hit him with the stock of their rifle. When the bounty hunter woke up he was in jail. After serving his time, he was released. According to a deputy, the bounty hunter immediately grabbed a bounty poster upon release and went back to work.

Fist fight ended by man’s horse
By Emeline Vickroy
Witnesses reported a fist fight on the train tracks. The origin of the fight is unknown. The fight was said to be even for some time, until one man took gained the advantage and had the other on the ropes. “The man was surely going down and started to back up,” said a witness. Backing up saved their life. “Backed right into his own horse, which reared up and then kicked the attacker square in the face,” a witness said. The still standing man appeared to be groggy still and did not have the strength to continue the fight and so he pulled out a gun and finished the attacker off. “He then got on his horse and rode away,” a witness said, “man’s life was saved by that horse.” Saint Denis Police did not file charges, saying it was legal self defense.

New York City Bans Bounty Hunting!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
New York City, the grand old city of the United States, is often at the forefront of changes.  If that tradition holds firm, then the changes that occurred this week speak ill of a popular profession out in the west.

The city officially banned bounty hunting.  The city deemed the job cruel and unusual, not fit for society.  The measure was passed without complaint and was active within hours.  It was passed as a reaction to the attempt to fight organized crime in the city via bounty hunting, which more often than not quickly became legalized vigilante mobs.

While this was roundly praised in the east, the reaction was more muted in the west.  Plenty of people live paycheck to paycheck by working as a bounty hunter.  It’s the only thing keeping them from falling into poverty.  While there is no current legislation in the Five States or anywhere close that plans on ending bounty hunting, the move does give the profession a ticking clock. 

Just another sign of a dying era, I suppose.  Whether that’s for the best or not is difficult to judge and say.

Man-eater killed!
By Ivy Seager
A pair of man-eating lions was recently reported on in this paper by our Lead Correspondent Sofia Kathleen Fairfax. Her report exposed how a British railway project in Kenya was brought to a halt by man-eating lions. At the time of that report, the lions were still at large. However, an update has come. One of the man-eating lions has allegedly been killed! The hunt was a difficult one. The shooter, Lieutenant-Colonel John Henry Patterson, said that his first shot was to the lion’s leg. Despite the injury, the man-eating lion managed to escape. Perhaps showing that lions are more like humans than we admit, the beast is said to have returned to the camp at night to stalk Patterson. Revenge was not on the table that night. Patterson managed to get a second shot on the lion from a high powered rifle.

That second shot hit the creatures heart. Knowing a second lion could be a round, Patterson and his fellow hunters remained in the camp and did not peek to confirm the kill immediately. The next morning they went out and found the dead lion. The hunt resumed immediately for the second lion but it has not yet been found.

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