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To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Increased reports of supernatural occurrences across the Five States
The week before Halloween saw a significant rise in supernatural occurrences. This rise comes even as the early weeks of October brought us stories of undead, giants, and even evil doppelgangers from another universe. These previous weeks experienced the laws of nature bending, but this last week witnessed the laws of nature as we know them completely breaking.
In Saint Denis a cowpoke was trying to catch the train when their friend offered an assist. “I threw out my rope and lasso’d him, figured I’d give a quick pull assist onto the train,” said a cowpoke. What happened was unexpected and unexplainable. “They went flying up,” the cowpoke said. “I found myself soaring over Saint Denis, which was a great sight, by the way,” said the flung cowpoke, “landed on a roof and lived, though I expected to die.” Nothing known can explain how this cowpoke was launched nearly half a mile across the city or how they survived. However, that is not the only way the natural laws have broken down.
“That which we know as solid, has been less solid,” said Dr. W. Bishop, adding, “and has made things a bit strange.” In the Great Plains, a horse wrangler was out plying their trade, pursuing a rather spirited horse. “It was fast and quick, seemed to always know exactly when I was ’bout to throw my lasso out and would shift direction,” the wrangler said. Then, unexpectedly, the horse turned toward the wrangler. “I was prepared for a collision and the horse went right through me!” the wrangler said. The pursued horse continued running after passing through the wrangler and their mount. This intangibility was on a larger display during a trade route run. Several traders banded together to protect a train carrying their collected goods when the train became “semi-solid.” “I was running to the other side to deal with some attackers when I saw folks halfway stuck in the train car and then I sunk into it myself,” said one of the defending traders. The horror of the situation was realized when some fell completely through the car, only to be ran over by other parts of the train that remained solid.
Another man reported that the laws that govern life and death collapsed, in his favor. “I was struck by a tomahawk, right in the head,” the man said, “it hurt something fierce and I thought I was dead.” He was wrong. “I opened my eyes and was alive, though my view was obstructed by a tomahawk stuck in my head!” he said. Medical personal were completely baffled by this occurrence. Dr. Ben Calloway of Valentine traveled to New Austin to examine the man. “I’ve not seen anything like this, and not sure how to remove it,” Dr. Calloway admitted. Respawner Avatar Gregoria Haskins dismissed concerns that, “some imaginary barrier” is becoming thinner. “Complete hogwash, the barrier between what is real and what is false doesn’t thin in such away,” Miss Haskins explained, “though sometimes we are more perceptive of it, it wouldn’t caushe such strange things to happen.” Miss Haskins elaborated, “the real cause is that the code in which the false world rests upon is corrupted.” According to Miss Haskins, the strange things will not stop when Halloween passes because “the code” will remain the same.
If you experience something strange, you are encouraged to remain still and calm. Close your eyes and attempt to restart your life in the Five States and things might be set right. Or they might not.
Traveler observes odd behavior
By Jose Chavez
With not shortage of bizarre occurrences being reported across the Five States, a rather mundane one comes from New Austin. “Look, I know it ain’t walking dead or weird lights,” said the witness to the strange event, “but it was still very strange and may mean something.” The witness said that while riding peacefully in New Austin, two cowpokes rode up beside him. “They seemed in a mighty hurry, as they just rode fast past me,” the witness said. They put some distance between themselves and the witness when they did something strange. “Well, they kind of jumped off their horses into each other,” the witness said. He said the impact was loud enough that he heard a thud as the cowpokes collided. The witness said they rolled in the dirt, creating a small dust cloud around them. “I check on them, make sure they were okay,” the witness said, “seemed they were.” The cowpokes dusted themselves off, whistled for their mounts and then rode off. “I don’t know why they did it, but there is something in the air lately making folks to weird things,” the witness said of the strange behavior. The two cowpokes were not identified and as a result, they could not be found to be questioned for this story.
Bounty hunter loses money when bounty is killed… by a wolf
By Delphia Atwood
The bounty hunter program has been called a great success, encouraging talented gunslingers to hunt wanted outlaws, making society just a little safer. To ensure justice is carried out with due process, bounty hunters are encouraged to bring bounties back alive by offering a larger payment for living bounties. A bounty hunter attempting to bring in two targets alive had everything under control. “I walked one down the mountain, left him hogtied while I grabbed the other,” the bounty hunter said. However, as they arrived where the hogtied bounty had been left, they bounty hunter was shocked to see a lone wolf. “The wolf is chewing at my bounty, eating the poor fella,” the bounty hunter said. The bounty was still hogtied but now dead. The partially eaten bounty was thrown into a wagon with the living bounty. “He didn’t like that much, but I told him if he throws up I was gonna clean it with his face,” the bounty hunter remarked. It is unknown if the man was dead or alive when the wolf started eating.
Flying shooter said to be terrorizing Big Valley
By Odell Clifton
Hunters in Big Valley have reported something that any other time of the year would be rejected as hallucinations. But this time of year, with a rise in supernatural occurrences, it cannot be so easily dismissed. “I had just arrived in Big Valley and not a minute had gone by before I was suddenly under fire,” the hunter said. She took cover, a sensible choice when you cannot locate who is shooting at you. “I looked all over from behind a tree, but I couldn’t see anything,” she said, “no glint of a scope lens, no flash of rifle fire, nothing.” However, shots kept raining down on them, so the hunter looked up and was shocked. “The man was flying high above me!” the hunter said, “and I found myself unable to aim my gun at him!” The hunter fled, taking a bullet to the shoulder. She arrived in Strawberry with rare timing, the doctor was in his office and not fishing. The bullet was removed and the hunter is said to be well on her way to recovery. Other travelers in the Big Valley region have also reported being shot at by, “a man in the sky.”
Poison spitting man reported in Van Horn
By Donna Deshner
A fist fight broke out in Van Horn this week, not in itself a odd thing. Witnesses reported a masked individual in a dress attacking a man with a knife. With no lawmen in Van Horn, the man was left to fend for himself. The attacker slashed furious with their knife, forcing the man to back up and take evasive action. “He dodged as best he could, but I’m pretty sure he got cut at least once,” a witness said. Then the attacker go more than they bargained for when the man blocked a knife strike and countered with a “toxic” headbutt. “It was a nice move, perfectly timed,” the witness said, “but this strange mist came from the mans mouth, like nothing I had seen before.” The witness reported that whatever the mist was, it made the area around the fight nearly inhospitable. “My eyes watered, I was coughing and short on breath,” another witness said. As a result of the toxic mist, the conclusion of the right is unknown.
“I had no choice but to leave the area, it was too potent, too stingy,” a witness said. Neither the masked individual nor the man they attacked were seen again. “It is likely the masked individual is just another outlaw taking advantage of people’s increased fear this time of year,” said a New Hanover state lawman, “likely the witnesses just imagined this ‘mist.'” The lawman could not explain, however, why multiple witnesses not only reported the mist but also had lasting damage. Two of those witnesses were taken to Valentine to see Dr. Ben Calloway. “I am not certain what caused it, but both men were quite damaged, likely permanently,”Dr. Calloway said. One witness had his eyes “burned,” which hampered his sight, which was not a problem previously. The other witness reported breathing too much mist, resulting in difficulty breathing. Perhaps the masked outlaw ran into a truly supernatural creature? Just another reason to be cautious out there, folks.
Human Skull Found in Pumpkin!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
It’s All Hallows Eve, and it’s time for the children to enjoy a few scares and for everyone else to think about lost loved ones and the horrors beyond this world. Of course, one shouldn’t forget about the horrors that still inhabit our world.
In Saint-Denis, pumpkins can be found from block to block. A cheery reminder of the ongoing celebrations. One local police officer was patrolling a path and noticed one pumpkin looked a little strange. It looked like the sides were pushed in, and the carved smile looked strangely lifelike. He looked closely at the pumpkin and immediately fell to the ground and ran for help.
Inside the pumpkin wasn’t the usual burning candle; it was a human skull! The person’s identity is unknown; they seem to have been killed quite some time ago. The jaw was still hanging open, likely the same pose it held at the moment of death. There was an apparent knife wound through the left eye socket, the likely cause of death. Who placed this human skull in a pumpkin is unclear, police suspect Myra Rose Hart, but they presume she does most crimes when an obvious suspect isn’t at hand.
Thankfully the family who owned the pumpkin were unaware of the nasty surprise, and no child was psychologically harmed. A creature comfort, but you take your victories when you can.
Wanted man makes daring escape on a train!
By Emeline Vickroy
Two bounty hunters pursued an outlaw to Rhodes Train Station, where the outlaw was hiding and likely waiting for the next train to arrive. However, one of the bounty hunters spotted the wanted man and had a bolas in the air before the wanted man knew he had been spotted. A witness at the station said, “that feller went down like sack of rocks, right off the platform and near the tracks.” The timing could not have been worse as the train was arriving at that moment. The conductor, reporting later that he feared for his and his cargo’s safety upon seeing men with their weapons out at the station, did not stop but sped the train up. The outlaw managed to free himself from the bolas and grabbed the side of the train as it sped by. “He seemed to be laughing a bit, cursing at the bounty hunters,” a witness said. However, the daring escape was not meant to be. The lifeless body of the outlaw was found about a quarter mile up the track. The conductor did not see what happened and had no idea he picked up a temporary stowaway. The outlaw’s body was crushed, his fingers cut and mangled. “My guess is he grabbed a moving part while trying to hold on, got his fingers crushed, fell, got his body crushed,” one of the bounty hunters said. They took the lifeless body to the Rhodes sheriff office.
New hero arrives when the Five States needs him most!
By Lucien Privitt
Regular readers of this publication know very well that the masked vigilante the Grey Cowboy, also known as Nathaniel Cross, has been unable to put down masked outlaws as forcefully as usual. “Last Halloween, when the weird happened and masked folks attacked, The Grey Cowboy really put it to them and saved a lot of people,” said Valentine Sheriff Curtis Malloy. However, Cross has limited his work to New Austin, where he received a pardon and the support of local lawmen. Fortunately for residents of the Five States, a new hero has arrived: The Green Turtle. Aside from adopting a color coded nickname and penchant for fighting evil doers, it is not believed that the Grey Cowboy has any connection to the Green Turtle. His arrival, however, is welcomed all the same.
The Green Turtle first showed up in Annesburg, where he made short work of a posse of masked outlaws terrorizing the town. “These outlaws have gotten really good at pinning us down,” said a Annesburg lawman, “but they don’t seem to be very well equipped to battle it out with skilled gunslingers.” Witness stated that the Green Turtle first showed up and warned the outlaws to flee or face justice. “They laughed, can you believe it?” said a witness. The Green Turtle was un-phased by the mocking, however, and drew his weapon, killed the outlaws before they even knew they were being fired on. The Green Turtle was next seen in Saint Denis, where he is said to have stopped a robbery. In Rhodes, a witness said an outlaw nearly took the Green Turtle out with a wound up punch. However, just as the outlaw’s first was to hit the Green Turtle in the back of the head, his head ducked into his shirt, disappearing from view. The outlaw spun in circles from the force of his swing. According to the witness, the Green Turtle shouted, “I love being a turtle!” before knocking the outlaw out with a roundhouse punch.
Numerous sightings of the vigilante have been reported, far too many to be verified and reported. But what is clear, is that this vigilante shows up where he is needed most. Where Five States residents are threatened by unruly masked outlaws, where good is threatened by evil, the Green Turtle is there. It is unknown if the vigilante has any connection to the Chelonians, though it seems unlikely as that religion is largely pacifist.
Warnings about “tainted” snacks put the Five States as the origin of tainted supply
By Frederick Vannesee
For weeks now authorities have begun sending out warnings to parents: Halloween candy may very well be tainted. The warning does not recommend skipping Halloween festivities, however. “Parents should pay close attention to the candy their children get on Halloween night,” warned federal lawman, “remove anything appearing homemade, tampered with, or just ‘not quite right,’ if you understand my meaning.” The “not quite right” refers to packaging meant to mimic other brands. For instance, there have been packages of cookies that look like those sold by the National Biscuit Company. Authorities warn that this kind of “mock packaging” is designed to deceive children. Of relevance to anybody living in the Five States is the claim that the tainted snacks originate in the Five States.
Harrietum Officinalis, an herb discovered by Harriet Davenport and found in abundance in the Five States, is a known hallucinogenic herb. Cowpokes have used it to experience “life as an animal” and to see spirits while relaxing at their camps. The herb is not outlawed in the Five States or anywhere else in the nation. However, warnings have been issued that devious parties have infused regular snacks with Harrietum Officinalis. “The result is a snack that looks and smells like something you may recognize,” warns the government through a spokesman, “but once eating, will take you on a trip like you wouldn’t believe.” While such snacks are acceptable for adults, with fully developed minds and the rationality to analyze risks and rewards, children coming across such snacks may have dangerous consequences.
“Children cannot handle Harrietum Officinalis, and as a result, they should not be allowed to have it,” warned Dr. Ben Calloway, a doctor in the Five States who has seen the effects of the potent herb. Just small doses of Harrietum Officinalis can have fatal consequences for a child. Despite the warnings, an independent baker who creates Harrietum Officinalis infused snacks said, “nobody is giving these infused treats to kids.” They went on to say, “the Harrietum Officinalis infused snacks I cost ten times the amount of a National Biscuit Company cookie,” they elaborated with a laugh, “who is going to give that to a kid?” The anonymous baker went on to say that adults enjoy his snacks because they get the experience of Harrietum Officinalis while enjoying a delicious snack while avoiding the harshness of smoking a burning herb. Use your common sense out there folks, keep your children safe and your special snacks secure.
Soldier Under Napoleon Still Draws Breath!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
The wars of Napoleon still hold great power and interest even after almost a century. One would rightly assume it’s not an event with any participants still alive, but you would be wrong. There is a man who fought with the legendary French leader who continues to live after a century.
Geert Adriaans Boomgaard was born in the Netherlands around 1788. For one reason or another, he joined the army of Napoleon in the 33rd Light Infantry Regiment as a captain. He served in various campaigns and went home when the war was over. He got married, had kids, and lived as a farmer. That would typically be the end of this story, but it’s not in this case.
Boomgaard kept living, he outlived his wife, he outlived all his old war friends, he even outlived his eight children. As of this writing, he is 109 and still lives in the Netherlands. He is probably the oldest living person on the planet, yet he can still converse about his experiences. He has written a lot about the short-lived emperor himself, most positive. The fact a human can live this long astonishes many, and he shows no sign of slowing down. Life always finds a way, as they say, but whoever coined that phrase probably didn’t think life could go on this time.
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