Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Traveling Songwriters Thriving in Five States!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Songs are once profoundly personal and impersonal. It takes a special kind of person to bear their soul via spoken word and sell it for profit, for those who never look inward rarely ever make a quality song. But few things in life are simple, and an added wrinkle has been added to the song-making formula.
Over the past months, songwriters have slowly entered the Five States. Not to sell songs or to experience life in order to make them, but to write them for others. There are people who are making a living, by writing songs for people who cannot write. Once the process is complete, the writer is paid, and on they travel once again.
Some may see this as a betrayal, inauthentic people paying others to write about things personal to them, but some see it as a naturally valid way to spread the vocal gift of gab. Among the most popular is an older woman going by the name Harland, often seen in Valentine just talking with people and writing things down on a notepad.
Music never stays static; things are constantly changing, whether it’s the genre or the people who perform them. Something like paying a writer to make a song may feel archaic, but odds are it’s the way of the future whether you like it or not. Besides, what truly matters, did you like the song?
Shootout over who gets a dog’s treasure
By Wylie Frey
Three cowpokes heard a dog barking and began searching for it only to find each other as well as the dog. A standoff began almost immediately as each cowpoke realized only one could claim the dog’s treasure. The single survivor claims to have been more lucky than skillful. “I just wanted whatever the dog was hiding,” the survivor said, “didn’t feel like dying but had to reach for my gun all the same.” The shootout itself was quick. “I jumped to the ground when the shooting started,” the survivor admitted, which allowed him to survive. When he stood back up the other two had shot each other and were both on the ground dying. The survivor then approached the dog and followed it, leaving the other two cowpokes to die. “I ain’t terribly worried about strangers, I ain’t no doctor so I couldn’t have helped anyway,” the survivor said, explaining their choice. “I won, they lost, simple as that,” the survivor said. What did they win? A robbery. The survivor followed the dog into an ambush and had their valuables stolen. “Still, no regrets,” the survivor said.
Another failed bounty on Mount Hagen
By Delphia Atwood
Mount Hagen has long been considered a “cursed” place by bounty hunters. This is not a mystical curse, of course, but a natural one. “Hagen is just as unfriendly as natural terrain gets,” said a bounty hunter, “at least for those doing the hunting.” Mount Hagen provides a remote hideout for those wanted by the law. It is far removed from society and requires a treacherous journey up a narrow path. Most Mount Hagen failures include a prison wagon, a heavy steel wagon designed to hold multiple prisoners. There is little room to maneuver a wagon on Mount Hagen, let alone one as heavy as a prison wagon. This story, however, had only a single wanted man but it goes bad from the start. Rollin Hauer, an experienced bounty hunter, woke up at the bottom of Mount Hagen with a dead body next to him. According to Hauer, the bounty he was after died while trying to escape. “I wrapped him up in a bolas,” said Hauer, “but the fall was pretty far and he hit his head on a rock, died instantly.” It was during the attempt to bring the body down the mountain that it all fell apart.
“A dead bounty is still money,” said Hauer, explaining how he tried to walk the dead body down the mountain. However, Hauer slipped and fell, sliding down the mountain. Hauer survived the fall. “I woke up feeling groggy with my bounty next to me,” Hauer said. Though Hauer survived, they were unable to turn in the dead body. “The damn bounty had expired,” Hauer explained, “all that work and nothing to show for it.”
Boater catches a straggler on the way to Blackwater
By Odell Clifton
Hillard Drak is a Five States resident who makes a living ferrying goods up and down the Dakota River, trading goods between Valentine, Strawberry and Blackwater. Mr. Drak works with wagon drivers who pick up the goods from the shores of the river and take them into Valentine and Strawberry, while he is able to dock directly with Blackwater. This week, Mr. Drak was shocked to pick up a traveler during his travels. “I was just passing beneath Bard’s Crossing when I heard a loud ‘thump,'” Mr. Drak explained, “I looked up and there was a man lying on my boat.” The man slowly got up and then stretched, shockingly surviving the long drop without any injuries. “I had thought he was gonna try to steal my boat, but he just stood there,” Mr. Drak said, “I think he was just as amazed as I was that he was alive.” Mr. Drak remained on course and dropped off his unexpected passenger in Blackwater. “I was headed there anyway,” Mr. Drak said, “but maybe I should have charged him?”
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What does the summer bring to the Five States?
By Adam Parvey
Summer is once again upon us. The summer is guaranteed to bring one thing to the Five States and it is not hot weather. “Believe it or not, but temperatures do not really much in the Five States,” said a meteorologist, “no matter the season, the temperatures are fairly consistent, even when it snows!” So what does the summer bring? Anticipation. Residents of the Five States are already wondering what the summer will bring to the Five States. “I am hoping for new jobs, we haven’t had a new one of those in awhile,” said one resident. Another resident remarked, “I hope we can finally purchase property.” Not everyone is hopeful, however. A resident who has been in the Five States longer than most said, “we’ll be lucky to get discounted cans of beans.” With the BHTNC now defunct, all eyes are on the governments of the Five States. “There has not been much action in any of the state legislatures,” said Chloie Thomas, a political advocate who watches the region’s government, “they don’t seem to be interested in making positive change in the Five States, instead content to let the region dwindle into obscurity.”
Past protests and letter writing campaigns have failed to result in meaningful change. Recently, a member of the New Hanover state legislature said they are well aware of frustrations among the region’s residents. Despite this awareness, however, the legislator did not announce any plans to address that frustration. Predicably, this led to increased frustration, adding to the cycle of anticipation and disappointment that has been a hallmark of the Five States for the last two years.
Hunter arrested for morbid hunting technique
By Donna Deshner
New Hanover state police arrested a successful “varmint hunter” this week. The hunter named Duff Crull is known across the Five States, but most frequently hunts in New Hanover. Crull is known for his specialty, hunting small creatures often called varmints. “Ole Crull earned his nickname as ‘The Varmint Hunter’ by bringing in top quality racoons and opossums,” said the Valentine butcher. Others have purchased varmint hides in bulk from Crull. His secret, however, was discovered by state police this week, which led to his arrest. “We had heard that Crull used unsavory tactics,” said a state lawman, “so we followed him and were stunned to learn the truth.” Crull, unknowingly under the observation calming parked his wagon on the side of the road before pulling out a dead body. “We thought to arrest him immediately,” said the investigator, “but as the vicim was already dead we decided to see it through.” The lawmen waited until Crull dropped the dead body away from the wagon and then sat on the wagon while watching the body.
“Sure as flies are drawn to horse shit, damn critters were drawn to that dead body,” said one of the lawmen, “soon he began shooting those varmints and so he didn’t hear our approach.” Crull protested, claiming he was not a murderer. The body, however, appeared to have been killed within the last two days. “There was no dirt or much decay,” said the lawmen, “so no grave robbing, but we can’t be certain who killed the poor fellow before he became food.” Crull was arrested for indecent acts conducted on a dead body. The state of New Hanover is conducting an investigation to link Crull not just to the body, but to the murder as well. “If this is the same tactic he has used to establish his reputation as ‘The Varmint Hunter’ then he may very well be a serial killer,” lead investigator Springer Kendrick said. Mr. Kendrick did say that Five States residents are safe, as Crull is locked up and not going anywhere.
Temperance Movement Massacre!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Saint-Denis is drowning in blood! Following the horrific explosion in the harbor that has killed an estimated 270 people, if not more, the city was hoping for some peace and healing. Alas, it was not to be. A local chapter of the Christian Women’s Temperance Union decided to do a large memorial service while reminding locals not to drink. It was meant to be a solemn occasion, a march from the docks to the police station. It was, in the end, none of these.
Someone opened fire on the movement as it approached the police station. Somebody armed with an Evans repeater fired wildly into the crowd, striking at least 40 people, 32 of whom have sadly passed on from the wounds. An old Civil War-era hand grenade was also thrown at one point, badly mauling several local police officers who aren’t expected to survive. The assailant was not captured, unfortunately.
Local law is refusing to admit the possibility that this is the grand return of Myra Rose Hart, both in the ship sabotage, and now a wholesale slaughter of women. Perhaps because they don’t want to remind everyone about that one time she was meant to hang from a rope, and they couldn’t even get that right!
Vigilante or criminal? New killer in the Five States
By Lucien Privitt
The Pinkertons have arrived in force following reports of yet another possible vigilante in the Five States. The region has been plagued with masked outlaws for years and in response, masked vigilantes have become increasingly common. Readers of this paper likely recall the Grey Cowboy, a masked vigilante who killed outlaws all over the Five States until his identity was revealed as bounty hunter Nathaniel Cross. Since then, no reports of the Grey Cowboy have been made. However, a string of killings suggest another vigilante is on the prowl in the Five States. Several outlaws operating in New Hanover and Lemoyne have reported being attacked by a man in an infantryman uniform. The reports have not be investigated thoroughly, however. “When a known criminal reports being attacked, it’s given a real low priority,” said Sheriff Leigh Gray of Rhodes, “so long as vigilantes don’t cross law abiding citizens or my deputies, then I don’t care too much about their whereabouts.”
Traders who travel between Valentine and Lagras have noticed a decrease in hold ups and attacks. “I haven’t seen ‘The Infantryman,’ but I have seen far less outlaws on my trade routes,” a trader said, “and I have an associate who claims to have seen The Infantryman and I believe him to be honest.” However, not all reports suggest this vigilante is targeting traditional villains. “For every report of an outlaw killed, we have one of a bounty hunter waylaid or patrolling lawmen attacked,” said Sheriff Curtis Malloy of Valentine. “Sheriff Gray isn’t too diligent, if you want my honest opinion,” said Sheriff Malloy when asked about Sheriff Gray’s comments, “likely just ignores all attacks and pretends they only attack outlaws so he can ignore yet another criminal.”
Sheriff Malloy has put together a task force to investigate The Infantryman. “We’ll soon know if he is a hero or a villain, and if he’s a villain you can bet your last dollar we’ll get him,” said Sheriff Malloy.
Spanish-American War veterans feel like they are still fighting
By Frederick Vannesse
This week marked the anniversary of U.S. troops landing in Cuba, kicking of a mostly one-sided war between the United States and Spain. The war remains controversial with disputed findings regarding the explosion of the USS Lewiston, which ignited the war. While some soldiers remain on the islands to help maintain security, most have come home. However, many Spanish-American War veterans say they often feel like they are still in battle. Earlier this week, on the very anniversay of landing in Cuba, a solider who asked to remain anonymous said, “without warning I felt like I was there again, I was awake but my world was replaced, I was running up the beach taking fire and shooting back and then, I was sitting in my home, wondering where the time went.” Stories like this have caused U.S. residents to question the horrors of war and rather soldiers are adequately supported when their service is over. “So long as they are feeling the horrors of wars past, their service is not over,” said Congressman Bart Walter, “nor should our commitment to them be.”
Harry Vardon wins British Open Championship
By Ivy Seager
This year’s British Open was historic for its number of entries. Golf enthusiasts noted that several “second-class golfers” had signed up for the British Open, resulting in a cutoff rule being employed for the first time. While all of those who entered were eligible to play on the first day, only those within 19 holes of the leader were able to continue. Despite the larger field of competitors, Harry Vardon was able to win the British Open for second time. Mr. Vardon’s performance put him one stroke ahead of Willie Park Jr., who one the British Open in 1887 and 1889. Mr. Park showed that he is still a skilled golfer, however, his comeback was cut short by Mr. Vardon’s superior play. Mr. Park nearly tied Mr. Vardon, but narrowly missed his four foot put. The Jersey native celebrated his victory with friends and family.
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