Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Has the “thinning of the veil” caused doppelgangers to appear?
By Lucien Privitt
Reports have come in this week, more each day, that mysterious doppelgangers have appeared all over the Five States. Witnesses claim these doubles do not just dress the same an look similar, but look exactly alike. One cowpoke shares their experience, “I returned to camp and saw my trade partner in a fight, so naturally I prepared to assist,” the cowpoke said, “only, I couldn’t tell which one was my trade partner!” They said two versions of his trad partner yelled, punched and shot at each other without ever acknowledging that they were the same person. “I couldn’t do a thing,”the cowpoke admitted, “I just hope my trading partner is the one that one the fight…” If any of our readers thought that this could be the story of a long lost twin brother returning, think again, as some have claimed to see doubles of their own horse.
“I rode my horse out of the stable, having just finished getting my horse’s mane and tail dyed and styled,” said a man, “and to my shock, I saw my horse standing ten feet in front of me!” The man explained that the other horse looked exactly like his horse, “not just he same breed, but the exact same color and styled hair!” Unable to curb his curiosity, the man dismounted his horse to investigate his horse’s unexpected twin. “I found out this one wasn’t my horse, it was mean!” The doppelganger horse reared and ultimately turned around and kicked the man in the chin, knocking him to the floor barely conscious. He remarked that the doppelganger horse had one thing different about it, “it had a mustache.”
Still not convinced something is afoot in the Five States? There have been countless reports of cowpokes encountering their own doppelgangers as well! In Valentine, a woman stepped out of the general store only to run into a twin she did not know she had. “She had the same outfit, same hair, same face, same walk!” the woman said. She was attacked by her doppelganger, but she fought it off, “it was strong, but I’m stronger!” Another cowpoke said they ran into their doppelganger while at their camp. “The son of a bitch tried to shoot me, but I was the quicker,” the cowpoke said before asking, “you ever had to kill someone looked like you?” There have also been reports of cowpokes acting out of character, leading some to suggest that cowpokes are being replaced by alternate versions of themselves.
“I gotta friend that is a true naturalist, wouldn’t hurt a fly,” said a witness, “then one day she is hunting almost non-stop, killing any animal she seen.” A Saint Denis man remarked, “can you explain how my drunkard friend is suddenly sober and looking for government employment?” Some have suggested the doppelgangers are creations of spacemen. Abductions by “grey men from space” have been reported throughout the nation, could they have been working on creating doubles of humans? Equally as preposterous, one man suggested the doppelgangers come from a a “parallel universe.” “It’s really quite simple, you see,” said Dr. W. Bishop, “there are an infinite number of universes with an equal number of versions of us!” When asked if the thinning of the barrier between the worlds of the living and dead could effect these parallel universes, Dr. Bishop said, “that is quite curious, perhaps it was never the worlds of the living and dead that collided, but two different universes overlapping being interpreted as spirits returning to the world!” Dr. Bishop went on, “after all, if there are versions of us, it stands to reason there are versions of our loved ones who we have lost but may still live over there. We see them, we think its their ghost but it is someone else entirely, sort of.”
Whatever the explanation, travel safely readers and remain aware at all times. Danger in the Five States is at an all time high for the next couple of weeks.
Following an aggressive attack, cowpokes rally to the MacFarlane family ranch to rebuild
By Wylie Frey
Several weeks ago bandits pushed out of West Elizabeth assaulted the modest ranch owned by Drew MacFarlane. However, the outlaws were able to cause a significant amount of damage before a posse could be rounded up. “Folks came and helped us push the bastards out,” said one of the MacFarlane ranch hands, “but we lost livestock, supplies, and nearly lost a few buildings.” With the ranch hands busy repairing and securing new supplies and livestock, cowpokes have stepped up to fill the void. “I heard of their troubles and also heard there was pack of wolves harrassing a trade route,” said a cowpoke, “so I took the job off their hands.” Others are reported to have road with wagon trains leaving the farm and others secured wagons coming in. “We’ve been quite moved by the generosity of others,” said Mr. MacFarlane’s daughter Bonnie. While the ranch recovers, those who were lost in teh ranch’s defense will be forever remembered adn honored. “We wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for those willing to lay down their lives,” said Mr. MacFarlane.
Bounty hunter killed pursuing Nathaniel Cross
By Alois Burditt
A bounty hunter named Maurice Feenan made a bold move in Tumbleweed and paid for it with his life. Feenan had been in Tumbleweed for two days when he followed Nathaniel Cross out of the town saloon. Cross, wanted by the federal government for crimes committed as the Grey Cowboy, was issued a pardon in New Austin. Feenan, was acting on behalf of the federal government. Witnesses say he put the barrel of a shotgun into Cross’ back, announcing that he was taking him into custody. However, before Cross could react a Tumbleweed deputy shot Feenan in the head, killing him instantly. Sheriff Freeman said that as the bounty is not recognized in New Austin, the killing was justified. With the protection of local law enforcement, Cross may be safe as long as he stays in Tumbleweed.
Collectors travel in mass to Ambarino to search for ancient fossils
By Caylen V. Hornby
Ambarino Rangers noted an increase in travelers to Ambarino this weekend. Observations made by different rangers seem to align to tell an odd story. The collectors were universally said to be intently focused, undeterred by rangers’ presence. “I tipped my hat at a fellow who was busy staring at a map, never noticed me,” a ranger said. Another common observation was how long the collectors stayed. “Now I didn’t watch them the whole time, but I saw one riding out looking a bit pleased,” said another ranger, “I had a little talk and learned they found three fossils and decided they were done.” Other rangers reported similar conversations regarding the number of items found. Why so many collectors stopped at just three items is a mystery none will solve. Already, some people familiar with the story have claimed the collectors were possessed by the spirits of collectors no longer attached to their mortal coil. As nobody appears to have been harmed by this wave of strange behavior, no investigation will be conducted.
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Great Plains Sniper returns?
By Nick McCrary
Masked outlaws learned that Blackwater is protected from more than just taxmen. A posse of masked outlaws attempted to rob the Blackwater general store, however, they found themselves unable to finish the deed. “I was busy reading the ingredients of a can of beans when the masked fellows charged in,” said a witness who was shopping when the attempted robbery took place. “One of the masked men shouted at the clerk to handover the money,” said the witness, “but the clerk just said, ‘no guns allowed in here.'” The masked posse grew frustrated when they found themselves unable to draw their weapons on the clerk. “Not sure what mystical power the clerk had, but he never seemed threatened,” the witness remarked. The masked outlaws then fled the store and began shooting anyone in sight. Blackwater Police responded, but the masked outlaws proved to be difficult to hit while having near perfect shots themselves. The police were forced to fall back, focusing on getting townsfolk to safety where they could.
The outlaws then turned to the west and appeared ready to flee. Witnesses then say a rifle was fired in the distance, followed by the explosion of one of the masked outlaw’s heads. Before the outlaws could react a second shot was fired and another outlaws fell off their horse dead. Then a third, and a fourth. The last member of the posse rode south and nearly made it out of the town but was stopped by a fifth shot. The shooting came to an end when the last masked man fell. A man was seen standing on a hill, a bandana over his face and a sniper rifle in his over his shoulder. Local police did not pursue him. “We think that was the first sighting of the Great Plains Sniper,” said a Blackwater Policeman, “he saved a lot of lives today.” Why the Great Plains Sniper returned is unknown, but one Blackwater resident suggested it may have something to do with the recent novel that was published chronicling their exploits.
Crisis on the Five States railroads!
By Frederick Vannesse
The train companies servicing areas of the Five States have filed grievances with law enforcing agencies, both federal and local. On Saturday, several reports came in about conductors being thrown from their trains, in some cases killed. The reports indicated that the attackers then steal the train. “All day long we saw trains just ride through train stops at full speed,” said a local train station employee. Lawmen responded to the reports by pursuing the trains. On some occasions lawmen reported resistance. “There were some folks on the last car, firing on us whenever we go near,” said a lawman, “making pursuit difficult.” In other cases lawmen found the trains completely abandoned. “Oddly, in no case was there any missing items reported,” said an investigator with knowledge of the case. “The strangest thing about the case is that most of the recovered trains were found about 5280 feet away,” said the investigator, “and even more curious was other trains were found 10,560 feet away and even 21,120 feet away!” There was no explanation for these intervals.
Though goods were left intact and the trains no damaged, conductors were harmed and in some cases, killed. “We are demanding that our employers higher guards to keep us safe!” said the Five States Railway Union. The FSRU has received the support of Eugene Debs, who had founded the American Railway Union, which dissolved in 1895 when Mr. Debs was arrested. Mr. Debs recently revived the ARU as the Social Democrat Party, a move that former members of the ARU have been divided over. The FSRU has threatened to go on strike. Leviticus Cornwall, owner of Cornwall Tar & Kerosne has said, “the recent train thefts prove that anybody can drive a train and that anybody will for a much lower wage, they will strike at their own risk.”
Man dies in confrontation with another man
By Emery Cosberry
A fight broke out in Valentine that could not be contained to the ground. Witnesses say that a man provoked another cowpoke and then fled upwards. “The feller was messing with another feller and then ran up a ladder to the roof,” a witness said. The provoked cowpoke followed, but his provoker had already jumped to another roof. Another witness reported what happened next. “I had a good view from the second story window and saw it all,” they said, “the man who started it all suddenly ran at the other man, jumping across the roof and tackling him!” Witnesses from the ground gasped at the bold jump, then backed away when the man failed to make fully to the other side. “He knocked over the other guy, but as he stood up he couldn’t find his footing on the roof and fell,” the witness said. The attacker hit the ground and immediately fell unconscious. “Despite being the one to start the confrontation, we made sure to get him to the town doctor,” another witness said. However, the man was already dead. “I suspect he died on impact,” said Dr. Ben Calloway. “I have no regrets,” said the man provoked, “he started the fight and he likely regretted it, just before he died.”
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Old Rivalry Decided by Chance!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
The Civil War tore apart family and friends. It goes without saying that such relationships haven’t mended even after more than 30 years. In Rhodes this week, a clear example of that divide was seen by all who cared.
Two unknown cowpokes were walking through the streets when one of them stopped. He looked at the other intensely before yelling that the man before him was a no-good Yankee dog. They had been friends upon a time, but the war had ended the friendship violently.
The Confederate cowpoke drew his revolver and asked the Union cowpoke if he had any last regards. He responded by taking out a cigar and lighting it. He smoked it before nodding. The Confederate then pulled the trigger… and nothing happened. He had forgotten to load the firearm.
At that moment, the Union cowpoke threw the cigar in his enemy’s face and ran towards the Rhodes Parlor House. He dove and took out his revolver, and when his old comrade entered the main room, he was shot four times.
Local lawmen soon arrived but sided with the Union cowpoke; it was in self-defense. If there were a moral to this tale, it would typically be that old wounds never heal, but it really should be always to check if you’re locked and loaded.
Bug going around the Five States effecting horses’ stamina
By Adam Parvey
Veterinarians are reporting a rise in cases of an unidentified bug spreading among horses. How the bug spreads or its long term effects are currently unknown. The effected horses are being reported as, “losing their will in the middle of a run.” Riders say their horse becomes suddenly exhausted, such that horse medicine meant to increase stamina is proving ineffective. “It is as if their very cores are being drained, making it difficult to replenish and maintain energy,” said one veterinarian. As far as reports could be traced, it seems it is particular stalls at some stables spreading the bug. “We did notice that particular stalls at stables seem to be breeding grounds for this bug, or at the minimum, provide a survivable environment until a new horse takes up residence there,” another veterinarian investigating region wide reports. Effected stables have been notified, however it is unclear if anything is being done. “Better maintenance and cleaning schedules could reduce this bug’s spread, but there is no way to enforce stable owners to incur the extra cost of increased cleanup,” another investigator said. The BHTNC responded to our request for comment, saying, “we are aware of these complaints and are investigating. We will resolve this problem within the best of our abilities.”
“Chicken feed” continues to be a popular candy in the United States
By Isadora Attebery
The tri-colored, kernel shaped candy called chicken feed was invented in 1880 by George Renninger, an employee of the Wunderlee Candy Company. In the years that followed, chicken feed has become an increasingly popular treat, especially during the Halloween season. The popularity of the candy has resulted in new competition. The Goelitz Confectionery Company introduced their own version of chicken feed candy, renaming it “candy corn.” The company believes they will take the candy to new heights of popularity. “So called ‘chicken feed’ is certainly popularity and becoming more popular every year,” said a Goelitz spokesman, “but what human, child or otherwise, wants to eat chicken feed?” In addition to a more appealing name, the Goelitz Confectionary Company says they have improved the recipe. “This is a situaton where being first does not mean being best,” the spokesman elaborated, “but rest assured, there will always be a place for Wunderlee Chicken Feed and that place is in a chicken coop.
The Wunderlee Candy Company responded by saying, “we do not advise feeding candy to chickens, the name is just a play on the appearance of the candy.” Which company will sell more of their similar snacks remains to be seen.
US Military Continues Fighting Abroad?
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
The war with Spain ended some time ago; it’s old news. The victorious soldiers came home, peace was declared, it was over. Yet fighting continues in parts of Cuba, the Caribbean, and South America; people are still dying. Are these holdouts from Spain? No, it’s something different.
The US technically doesn’t own Cuba; it says so in the treaty. But they are occupying the nation, and from the scattered reports, we can’t say they are doing it with good intentions. A key aspect of all this is fruit trading, specifically items like bananas. American companies are seizing the fruit markets from Cuba, leading to instability.
Worse yet is the other nations we are not technically at war with, but fighting continues anyway. Places like Nicaragua and Santo Domingo. These areas are experiencing uprisings, and the US is getting involved somewhat, with the rumor being motivation for profit from fruit trading.
This “banana war” of sorts paints the US in quite the poor picture, having gone from liberators of the oppressed Cuban people to another occupier. So far, President MacAlister has made no comments about these interventions. One wonders how severe will the damage be to US diplomacy in Latin America as a result.
The Five States Herald 