Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Legend of the West Real or False?
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Wander into any saloon, and you’ll hear a tall tale about a legendary man. Perhaps someone from the founding of America, maybe someone from the war with Mexico or the Civil War. Most likely, it will be a story of a great gunslinger or outlaw, people like those stories most of all. A popular tale is of a gunslinger named Red who had a special revolver capable of killing anything alive. He fought giants, circus acts, the undead, and other strange creatures before getting his revenge on the people who murdered his family alongside a cowgirl, a native warrior, and a British sharpshooter.
Believe it or not, this story was taken uncritically for years. You would hear this tale around the campfire constantly, and people would look on in pure wonder. Well, lately some historians have begun to poke holes in the tale. Obviously, stuff like fighting the undead didn’t happen, but the other aspects of the story don’t make much more sense. A whip-wielding prostitute outlaw queen? I think someone would have written about that at least once or twice. When you look at the legend critically, it begins to look more like the overlong rambles of a drunk.
Perhaps there are nuggets of truth. Maybe a child witnessed his family be murdered by criminals and grew up to avenge them. Maybe he knew a few colorful folks who helped along the way. But this doesn’t make a good story; a good story requires creativity and the willingness to bend the truth to make it fun. That is probably what happened when people talk about the legendary Red Harlow.
Two men face off against a pack of cougars
By Jose Chavez
Two naturalists got more than they bargained for while obtaining a cougar blood sample. One of the two managed to sedate a cougar, and after retrieving the blood sample they woke the beast back up. “It slowly walked away, obviously still a bit dazed,” the naturalist said. His friend, however, was not so lucky. “I heard growls and saw another four or so cougars,” the man said. He immediately began firing sedative rounds at one of the cougars while his friend was attacked. The cougar wrapped itself around the other naturalist as two more cougars surrounded him. The attacked naturalist managed to fight the cougar off of him, just in time for his friend to fire off another couple of sedative rounds at the aggressive beast. With two cougars on their way to dream town, the naturalists managed to both escape. The attacked naturalist was taken to Blackwater, where he was tended to. Though his wounds were bad, it was not a fatal attack. Despite the near death experience, both naturalist have no regrets. “We were in the cougars’ domain, we expect them to defend,” the attacked naturalist said, “they have no way to know we are trying to help so I hold no grudges.”
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Farmer laments the lack of state police
By Jane Duran
A man living in Ambarino has filed complaints with the Ambarino legislature regarding the lack of lawmen in the area. While federal lawmen do patrol Ambarino, they are few and far between. Moreover, they only have jurisdiction over federal laws, not state laws. This has complicated life for one farmer who happens to grow the only known Alaskan Ginseng field in the Five States. “Ginseng grows naturally all over the Five States,” said the man, “but I am the only one who manages a field of the stuff.” Alaskan Ginseng is a popular herb, used in several curative recipes. It is so popular in fact, that Dr. Ben Calloway of Valentine said that folks rarely sell the Ginseng to him. For over two years folks have trespassed on the farmer’s property in order to pick from his bountiful supply of Ginseng. He has no local law enforcement to turn to.
The closest town, Valentine, is part of another state entirely. “We just don’t have jurisdiction to respond to crimes committed in other states,” said Valentine Sheriff Curtis Malloy. The farmer’s struggles highlight one of Ambarino’s most significant shortcomings for those desiring a bit of law and order: an absence of state police. The sparsely populated state has struggled even more than New Austin to establish order, leaving residents to defend themselves. “It ain’t so easy, you see,” said the farmer, “these folks taking my Ginseng are armed and I ain’t a great shot, that’s why I’m a farmer and not a gunfighter!”
Curious death raises only a single question: how did the horse get on the roof?
By Odell Clifton
A cowpoke attempting to defend the town of Blackwater died in a brutal and sudden fashion. While posted on rooftop, the man came under attack. He fought off his attacker only to be kicked by a horse. The kick had sufficient force to knock the man clear off the building. The Blackwater defender, unfortunately did not survive the fall. The attackers were thwarted, having been fought off by the remaining defenders. However, the unexpected death brought tragedy to the celebrations. Many questioned how a horse managed to get on the roof of a building anyway. “Horses, of course, cannot climb ladders,” said a Blackwater policeman. However, a traveler passing through Blackwater who happens to be a Respawner, said, “the fake world generated a horse on a roof, who knows why?” The Blackwater Police Department dismissed this notion
Man found dead at Revenue Checkpoint
By Nick McCrary
After yet another attack on a federal checkpoint near Blackwater, the body of an unaffiliated stranger was found amongst the carnage. We went out to the scene and spoke to Deputy Johnstone about the findings.
“Well the body of the fella was found about here,” he said, indicating the middle of the crossroads. “Obviously from the way he’s dressed, he wasn’t with these folks. Based on the holes all these fellers have, seems they was killed with revolvers and this guy is no different. Big ol’ pile of spent revolver casings behind that rock up the way. You ask me, I think he tried to run in here and help kill some federals and got himself mistaken for one of them, or caught in the crossfire.”
When asked if the federal Revenue Agents are expected to be a continuing presence throughout West Elizabeth, Johnstone had this to say:
“Who knows if they ARE even federals? Could easily be a local gang playing dress up with stolen uniforms and robbin’ folks. We sent a telegram askin’ for some kinda verification but those government sumbitches are as tight lipped as ever.”
In an attempt to get an eyewitness account we spoke to Frank Rollins, a man who owns an unassuming little cabin in the woods not 150 yards from the site of the massacre. He answered the door (looking none too pleased to see someone there) and indicated he hadn’t been in the area at the time of the shooting. We thanked Mr. Rollins for his time, but could not help remarking about the two long-barreled revolvers he wore on his belt. They were remarkably similar to ones that local lawmen suspected were used in the assault. His response was curt:
“Can’t speak to that. Common enough firearm round these parts.”
The look in his eyes suggested that further questions or comments were not welcome.
Shock and awe in Valentine when man’s head is blown up by a punch
By Donna Deshner
Valentine residents were stuck in a state of complete shock this week when a saloon fight ended in the most unexpected fashion. Witnesses could not identify what started the fight, other than to say that the two men had been drinking a fair bit before the argument. It seemed that one attempted to cool off by heading upstairs, but he was pursued. The man who walked away from the altercation initially was identified as a Mr. Melody. Mr. Melody refused to speak to about the fight or comment on his raw strength. However, multiple witnesses described what would surely be considered impossible had it not been for the multiple corroborating stories and the physical evidence at the scene. The unidentified man walked behind Mr. Melody, but before he could attack Mr. Melody was already responding. “He turned around and smacked the man with his gun,” a witness said. The attacker took a stop back, moving away from Mr. Melody almost immediately. “It looked like he didn’t wanna anymore of the fight, but it was too late,” another witness said. Mr. Melody quickly swung back, backhanding the attacker with his gun hand when the impossible happened.
“You ain’t gonna believe this,” a witness said, “but that fellers head blew up.” As shocking as this sounded, multiple witnesses confirmed it. “It happened so fast that nobody had a chance to flee the place, you know?” a witness remarked, “so we all saw it happen and once we saw it, we just couldn’t move, so shocked we were at the power of that man’s strike.” Further evidence was the body of the now dead man: headless with nothing but blood and pieces of his head around him. The saloon operator did not see the fight, but did not report any gunfire either. Rhodes lawmen investigated and confirmed that Mr. Melody’s weapon had no been discharged. “All the bullets were accounted for and there was no evidence that Mr. Melody shot his attacker, though if he did, that would have been just fine,” said Sheriff Leigh Gray. Mr. Melody was allowed to leave after it was determined he merely defended himself. A deputy who wished to remain anonymous added, “a man that can punch like that ain’t a man you wanna mess with, even if you have a badge on your chest.”
Woman arrested when she is found among several dead bodies
By Emeline Vickroy
A Ms. Inber was arrested in Saint Denis, having been found among several dead bodies. Ms. Inber claimed she had just came across the dead bodies in her travels. Saint Denis police, however, asked why she would just walk onto private property in her “travels.” Police found three dead bodies at the scene, two being unidentified women and one being an unidentified man. Police at the scene said, “there was no sign of another person aside from the victims and Ms. Inber.” Further, “there was definitely a break in, likely by Ms. Inber as there were tracks going into the home but none going out,” the policeman said. Ms. Inber insisted on her innocence, but did not protest the arrest. “You’ll see that I am innocent, you have no evidence that I’ve done anything wrong,” she is reported to have said.
Nathaniel Cross spotted in Saint Denis
By
With federal agents focused on New Austin, it seems that Nathaniel Cross has made it to Lemoyne. The bounty hunter turned vigilante was spotted in Saint Denis this week right outside the city’s police station, of all places. In fact, Cross was said to be turning in a bounty at the time. “It’s true, Cross turned in a bounty here,” said a Saint Denis policeman who asked his name to be withheld, “he is still technically a licensed bounty hunter and also not wanted here in the state of Lemoyne.” Officially, Chief Lambert said Cross had not been paid but that the man he dropped of was detained. Federal lawmen are not happy with the local police, with on lawman going so far as to accuse the Saint Denis police of protecting Cross. An accusation that was denied by Chief Lambert. Where Cross went after that is unknown.
Disappointment expressed by many over lack of new items available for purchase
By Adam Parvey
Though the BHTNC seems to have a renewed focus on the Five States, residents have pointed out that it seems to be the minimal amount of focus possible. “With the rise in outlaws, it’s good that the BHTNC worked to get posses together to defend towns from those that wish to do harm on others,” said one person I spoke to, “I just wish the local economy wasn’t so stagnant, you know?” They cited the lack of new items available in stores or by mail delivery. “You know how many different kinds of guns are out there?” one woman asked me, “certainly more than what is made available to us here.” This complaint was very common in towns like Valentine and Tumbleweed. However, it was not the only item cited to be far too limited. In the town of Saint Denis, known for its fashion sense, many expressed frustration with the lack of new clothing. “How long can these clothes really be in fashion?” a man asked me rhetorically, “Saint Denis is supposed to set trends and yet we fall behind because only old styles are available to us!”
“The last new item I bought was a bolas with spikes on it and let me tell you , they were a disappointment,” said a bounty hunter I spoke with, “have you tried riding a horse with one these strapped to your hip?” He held up the bolas and it looked medieval and not something I would have wanted to carry on a bumpy horse ride. This very paper has covered how international fashion is moving forward. Worse, one woman claims, “fashion seems to be progressing in the world around us but here in the Five States we are trapped in the past!” The BHTNC refused to comment on the lack of items available to the Five States. As the group is made up of the largest business interests in the Five States, it is likely they have the answers as to why some businesses have grown stagnant. We at the Herald will keep digging.
Flurry of activity as Washington, DC post office opens
By Frederick Vannesse
A new post office opened in Washington, DC this week and a small army of clerks descended upon the city. Over one hundred clerks from the Treasury Department were transferred to the new post office. Their task will be to tabulate war bonds, a task so that is seen as so large that another 300 clerks are expected to join the force. Despite not carrying out their work in a bank, a spokesman said the work will be carried out just as diligently as if they were in a bank. Additional security will be made available while the work is carried out. To ensure a thorough job, clerks are required to have balanced their books before leaving.
The response to the war bonds was greater than expected, signifying that many common folks across the nation were eager to take part in the loans, which were backed with a 3% interest promise. An official number for the war bonds was not released, however, it was reported that war bond subscriptions of $500 and less significantly blew away internal expectations. It seems patriotism is strong in the US, or folks just want to make some extra money.
Man-Eaters Terrorize Railroad in Africa!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Kenya is a country not often talked about here in the United States. Not surprisingly, the life and politics of that British colony rarely intersect with the interests of our nation, but life always has its exceptions. For the better part of the year, a series of brutal attacks have gone on near a railroad bridge crossing the Tsavo River.
The attackers are not humans hoping to rebel against the British; the enemy is nature itself. Man-eating lions have prayed on the construction crews, primarily Indian workers. Dozens have been brutally killed by the creatures, and they aren’t being eaten. The lions are seemingly killing for the fun of it, and nobody can seem to catch them.
Sure, professional hunters have been paid to hunt them, but they inevitably become the hunted. The pay is good, but the price is just too steep. It’s gotten so desperate that the British military has been called in to take care of the problem. Even they can’t seem to find them.
A small group of lions has halted the largest empire on the planet. There’s perhaps a message of hubris in there somewhere.
The Five States Herald 