Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Sympathy for the Cannibal?
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
The only thing scarier than outlaws or brutal animals in certain parts of this country, is the temperature. A snowstorm rolling into camp can be deadly, with subzero weather being reached within hours. Food runs dry; animals die, the dying embers of a fire all that remains. The intense craving for anything to eat, no matter the cost. It’s no surprise cannibalism has been reported in these isolated areas from time to time. Albert Pritchett was one of those souls.
In a storm many decades ago, he came through Ambarino with a party of 5 friends. He reached Valentine alone; he merely said the friends stayed behind. Days later, they were all found shot and stabbed; they were also missing limbs. Pritchett changed his story multiple times before admitting he ate them to survive. He was quickly arrested and taken to Blackwater; his time in court was quick. He was initially meant to die, but it was changed to 40 years in prison. That was in 1870; now, there’s talk of early parole.
He claims to have changed and won’t even eat meat again; some people believe it, others think it’s just a lie. It’s also claimed he is in poor health and might die soon anyway. What fate is to befall the Ambarino Cannibal? A brief life outside a cell? Or condemned to live and die behind bars? I don’t rightly know to be honest. The law itself can only decide, and the law is as flawed as we humans often are.
Trader makes shortest delivery of all time
By Jose Chavez
A trader said he found the best customer ever. “You may think I am exagerating, but I ain’t,” said the trader, “this customer paid me $500 to deliver bulk goods about 50 feet!” The trader was not complaining, but rejoicing over the easy delivery. “Lots of competition, so can’t raise delivery rates, you see,” the trader said, “but the faster I can get things done, rather the hunting or the delivering, the more profit I make.” The customer explained that they were not insane, they were well aware of the short delivery distance.
“I ain’t got a wagon,” the customer said, “and it would have taken me a couple hours to walk the goods back to my home.” The delivery on a wagon took less than a minute. “It took more time to load and unload than to actually deliver the goods,” the trader said. They celebrated their good fortune by inviting the customer to their camp, where they shared a few beers together.
Sleuth of bears roaming Ambarino
By Jane Duran
A group of hunters was attacked by bears while hunting in the Ambarino wilds. Only one survived. The survivor described the attack as surprising. “We spotted one of the bears, thinking it was the only one,” the survivor said, “but it had friends, which ain’t common.” Bears typically live solitary lives, paring up for mating but rarely travel in groups. The survivor said he took aim at the bear as it rushed their friend, but before they could shoot the other bears showed up close behind. “I found myself in a wrestling match for my life,” the hunter said, “I missed my shot and had no choice but use my rifle defensively!”
While the rest of the hunters were being mauled, the sole survivor managed to fend the bear off. They did not escape unscathed, however. “Doc spent an hour patching me up, bandages and stinging medicine,” the hunter said. They only escaped when the managed to scamper up a tree and then light a stick of dynamite and dropped it down. Though the dynamite did not actually injure or kill the bears, it startled them enough to send them running. “I fled quickly, got to my horse and fled after confirming that my friends were dead,” the survivor said. Authorities have sent out a warning, stating this was not the first report of a sleuth of bears roaming Ambarino. They advise caution and to treat any bear sighting as potentially multiple bears.
Child gored by bison
By Nick McCrary
A family from Saint Denis wanted to learn more about the wilds of the Five States. They started their journey with a boat ride to Blackwater, a place not too far from their typical comfort level. Their first exploration beyond the town, however, ended in tragedy. The family hired a local to guide them through the Great Plains. The family survived an encounter with a cougar, which never came close to the group. “They listened well at that point, I said a cougar ain’t a cat like they are used to,” the guide said, “and so they respected it, didn’t try to get near it.” The family was far less respectful of the next wild beast they said: the bison.
“The young boy was in awe of the size of the bison,” the guide said, “I couldn’t stop him, he just jumped off his dad’s horse and ran to the heard.” The guide described the family as calm, clearly not realizing the danger their son was in. The young boy jumped up and pet the bison, caused the bison to turn toward the boy and gore him in self defense. The family then panicked, but the herd was already reacting and started a stampede. “We had to flee and couldn’t get to the boy,” the guide said. Fortunately, the boy was found alive, though wounded. The bison gored the boy in the shoulder, leaving a blood injury, but the boy was miraculously spared during the stampede. The family boarded a ship back to Saint Denis as soon as the boy was healthy enough for travel.
Local trader gives away bowls of stew
By Emery Cosberry
A trader took it upon themselves to feed the starving this week when they set up a camp just outside of Valentine. The trader offered anyone interested the opportunity enjoy a bowl of stew in the safety of their camp. “There are lots of new folks in the Five States still trying to make their way,” the trader said, “they ain’t got much to eat so I offered them a hearty meal and a bit of respite from danger.” Several cowpokes took the trader up on their offer. “That stew was delicious, slow cooked the way my momma used to do it,” said one guest.
Over the next several hours, the camp was filled with visitors. They were drawn by the stew but stayed for the atmosphere. “Wasn’t anybody trying to prove anything or get violent,” said another guest, “just folks having a good time on full bellies.” An impromptu poker game broke out but the goodwill was maintained. “Folks got beat, taken for a bit of cash, but no gambling fights!” said another cowpoke who stopped by. Not everyone was new to the Five States, however. “I’ve been here since the beginning, the real beginning before the beginning,” the cowpoke said, “and while there was a wild period then, friendliness was the rule, not the exception.” Several other cowpokes discussed the ‘old days,’ some with fond memories some with less than fond memories. “You couldn’t do a damn damn without getting attacked!” one visitor exclaimed, “it was like an announcement went out to everyone in the Five States that I was doing a damn job!” As the night went on, the stew disappeared. Eventually, it was no longer refilled and folks left. The trader tipped their hat, packed up and went on their way. Valentine residents say the friendliness remained in the atmosphere for the entire next day.
Protest for Lowering Work Hours Planned in Saint-Denis
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Change is in the air, as they say. Now what change smells like, that depends on who you are. It’s either the cheers of hundreds, or the roar of gunfire. Within a few weeks, we’ll probably find out which one dominates the headlines.
Over the past few years, workers across the land have demanded better rights, better working conditions, and fewer work hours. Some people have reported working as many as 16 hours a day; that is too many, it’s practically unlivable. The proposed standard is eight hours; it’s pretty popular among the working class. One such protest is being planned in Saint-Denis as we speak. Industrialists like Leviticus Cornwall and Abigail Tremaine, of course, see it differently. They say outside influences are trying to poison the working mind and that such changes would damage the country economically.
It’s also been pointed out that these rallies have been a hotbed for anarchist attacks. One cannot forget the events in Chicago over a decade ago, where one bomb thrower turned a protest into a bloody street brawl. Police in Saint-Denis are bracing for anything, as are we journalists. We only hope the event goes unremarkable, rather than remarkable.
Witches in the Five States?
By Lucien Privitt
We are nowhere near Halloween, yet the bizarre seems to have already arrived in the Five States. Just recently a report of a disappearing outlaw spread across the Five States, though many did not believe it. However, this week, seeing was believing. A coven of witches was seen walking around the Five States in broad daylight. Several residents reported seeing the coven and gave the group a wide berth. Reports indicate that nearly two dozens women made up the witches coven. The group did not speak to anybody except when they walked into a saloon and ordered drinks. Though towns and taverns were not the only place the witches were seen.
A hunter in Big Valley spotted several women riding horses. Though the hunter did not describe the women as witches, he did say they were robes and pointy hats. “They seemed a strange bunch, I mean, not strange, just had a feeling of foreboding, if you know what I mean?” the hunter said. The women then rode through Big Valley but did not hunt or bother the hunter. “I left anyway, they didn’t threaten me but didn’t seem the animals were around anyway,” the hunter said, explaining why he left the region. Nobody is sure what the witch coven is doing in the Five States but for now, they do not seem to be much harm.
New shoe technology promises increased comfort
By Frederick Vannesse
Shoes are an invention that allowed people to walk on even the most unforgiving ground. They provide safety and some comfort, at least in the short term. Modern boots contain soles and heels made of various materials from leather to bark to flax. These unforgiving materials may be better than walking on the ground barefoot, but only barely. After walking a fair distance one starts to feel the pain of walking on such unforgiving materials. A new technology just recently patented claims to solve the problem of discomfort. That new technology is rubber heels. Rubber is a more forgiving material, giving a bit under the wearer’s weight, rubber heels will provide a more comfortable walk. The patent holder believes rubber heels will be hitting shoes and boots as soon as this year.
Sydney or Melbourne?
By Ivy Seager
That is the question facing Leaders in Australia, who are debating where the capital of their nation should be. Sydney and Melbourne remain the two most popular candidates, though supporters of each are nowhere near an agreement. The closest to compromise both sides have gotten was a proposal that would see the capital in neither Sydney nor Melbourne. Both sides have agreed to not win so long as the other side also loses. The tentative agreement would see the capital in New South Wales and be 100 miles from both Sydney and Melbourne. The government will operate out of Melbourne for the time being.
The Five States Herald 