Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Tourist Guide of 1898 Released!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
It finally came after a long hard wait. There were long waits at general stores, occasional pushing, and the air was filled with discussion. When the time came, all copies were bought within minutes, such a spectacle occurred numerous times across the nation. The Tourist Guide of 1898 had finally arrived!
Written by Irish-born Frank McCormick, the Tourist Guide has been appearing in stores since 1875. What was originally a small-scale way to pass the time, has become an industry standard, inspiring similar books in Austria, Russia, and Spain.
This issue of the Tourist Guide has several mentions of the Five States; it’s the most extensive discussion of the region yet. McCormick at some point must have visited within the past six months; he wrote about even minor details as the fish in Flat Iron Lake. He did speak negatively of the slums of Saint-Denis and of the various outlaw’s gangs and criminals, but overall, it paints a relatively positive image of the lands.
It wouldn’t be a surprise if this issue leads to a decent number of tourists entering the Five States in the coming weeks. Such an uptick would be most welcome.
Disappearing outlaw has bounty hunter stunned
By Jose Chavez
Is magic real? Most people would say no. Magic is the stuff of fantasy stories. Though the Five States has seen its fair share of supernatural events, most people are not willing to accept magic as part of reality. One bounty hunter, however, believes differently after the unexplainable occurred to him. “I caught this bastard, gave me a good fight too,” said the bounty hunter, “and I get him into my wagon and close the door, and suddenly, he’s gone!” The bounty hunter described a ‘poof’ sound and looked through the bars to see the outlaw vanished. “I opened the door, thinking it was a trick,” said the bounty hunter, “but they weren’t there, no tracks or anything to tell me where he went!” Few people believed the story, saying the bounty hunter merely failed in catching his man. The bounty hunter did not stray from his story and it was the same every time he told it to someone else. A couple of cowpokes rode out to the area and said there was evidence of a catch.
“I immediately noticed tracks in the area, in particular, a disturbance in the dusty ground that indicated someone had fallen there hard and squirmed, likely hogtied,” said one investigator. They explained that the tracks leading from the impression in the dirt were deep, indicating the hogtied body was likely carried to the wagon, as the bounty hunter said. The only tracks found around where the wagon had been was the bounty hunters. “We found no evidence of an escape,” the investigator said, “so we cannot say what happened.” One of the deputies believed the bounty hunter let the outlaw go somewhere, then came up with the story to save face. The bounty hunter denied the accusation. No further evidence could be obtained to verify the story.
Flaco Hernandez spotted at Cairn Lake
By Jane Duran
A cowpoke says he spotted Flaco Hernandez, member of the Del Lobo gang, in Cairn Lake. Not only did he spot him, but he interacted with him. The cowpoke said he was held at gunpoint after walking into a cabin at Cairn Lake unannounced. They believed they were about to be killed right there, until he agreed to do a job for Flaco. He did not reveal the details of the job, but said he did perform it as agreed. Then they promptly hurried to Strawberry and reported the sighting. A posse of deputies rode out with two Ambarino State Rangers to investigate the cabin. It was found deserted.
“It looked abandoned, stuff thrown about as if looters had went through the place,” said one of the Rangers, “but it seemed like it was deserted recently.” The investigation was unable to confirm if Flaco Hernandez was the occupant. Authorities attempted to reach out to the reporting cowpoke to get more information but learned he had died a few days after he had made his report. The cowpoke was found face down in the Dakota River. Authorities said smelled of alcohol and believe he passed out while fishing and drowned. His death has been ruled an accident. The investigation into the cabin has been officially closed.
WANTED!
Investigators: Travel the Five States and report on what is going on.
Writers: Write the stories investigators find!
Photographers:
To take photographs to be used in the Herald.
Can also do all three!
Blackwater city leadership to consider new incentive program
By Daisy Fairman
A promotion meant to increase sells for Blackwater businesses backfired, sparking backlash from business owners. The Blackwater city leadership offered gold nuggets to any traveler who visited a store in Blackwater. Many folks heard of the promotion across the Five States and made their way to Blackwater. The town was full of visitors. The problem was that the promotion promised gold nuggets merely for visiting a store and did not require a purchase. Many visitors had all that they needed already and so merely walked in, looked around, and left. The one business to actually make transactions was the butcher, however, he mostly purchased items and made very few sells. “Folks coming in to get their gold nuggets figured they’d hunt first and make a bit of cash,” said the butcher, “I had to close shop!”
Business owners say this is not the first time such a promotion has been ran. However, in years past it was a region wide organization called the BHTNC that ran the promotions. The BHTNC was made up of private actors, rich folks who funded what they wished. Shop owners had no way to influenced the BHTNC, which is not the case now. Business owners in Blackwater are demanding to know why leadership copied the previous promotion despite the complaints voiced about it in the past. They are demanding that any future promotions require a purchase. Blackwater City Leadership did not reply to our request for a comment.
New trend drives some residents crazy!
By Adam Parvey
A new trend has hit the Five States and not everyone enjoys it. Cowpokes are walking into crowded areas and then proudly yelling, “make assumptions about me based on my appearance!” When the trend started, the few who experienced it thought it was a good laugh. “Some folks seemed to be fully aware that their outfit was less inspiring,” laughed one woman who saw such a display, “but others thought they had the greatest fashion sense and the only thing I could think was that maybe they were blind.” As the days passed, others followed the trend, leaping into public areas and asking for their appearance to be judged.
A fight broke out in a general store one one man was judged as a criminal. “Feller asked for their opinion, and a man said they looked like a two-bit criminal,” said a witness, “but that feller was a lawman and took offense!” The two got into a fist fight until the shopkeeper pulled out a double-barrel shotgun and strongly urged them to take their business elsewhere. Most reactions were much tamer, though by the third day of the trend many had grown annoyed. “I got to the point where I nearly drew my pistol on everyone who walked into the saloon,” said one cowpoke, “so I knew I had to just avoid public spaces for a bit, until the trend passed, anyway.”
By the end of the week the trend had started to slow. Though it was not likely the hostile reactions as much as the decrease of reactions in general. “I tried it, you know, walked in and asked strangers to assume things about me,” said one cowpoke, “and though the saloon was crowded, well, um, nobody reacted, just looked at me then immediately went back to their business.” With fewer people reacting fewer people followed the trend, though as of press time the trend continued.
Woman stops robbery at Smithfield’s Saloon
By Donna Deshner
The cattle town of Valentine has a reputation for violence and crime. Much of that violence and crime occurs at Smithfield’s Saloon. The popular saloon offers alcohol, snacks, a poker table, and barber services. This week, a different kind of violence broke out at the saloon. “Most times is pointless violence, drunk folks not knowing any better,” said the bartender, “but these folks used violence to rob the place!” Witnesses said two men began attacking patrons, taking what possessions they had on them. “They started downstairs, I saw them,” said one witness, “I was upstairs when it happened so I ran out the back and fled soon as I saw them walking up.” While the men were committing their crime an unsuspecting woman entered the saloon. “I tried to wave her away, get her to leave,” said the bartender, “but the men noticed her as she walked in and came down in a hurry.” The men attacked her, but to the bartender’s surprise, she won the fight.
“The men got a few good hits in, but she dodged most attempts pretty easily,” the bartender said, “her counter strikes, well damn, they were perfect.” Once the two men were unconcious, life returned to the saloon. Other patrons came back in and drinking resumed. A friend of the two men even walked in, gave the woman an eye, then immediately backed down. “I thought he was gonna attack, but I guess after she took on both his friends at once he knew he didn’t stand a chance!” the bartender explained. Several people purchased the woman a round of alcohol. She gave her name as Chloe, but did not say her last name, thought several witnesses say she is a regular.
Saint Denis residents complain about pandhandlers
By Aloysius Levron
Saint Denis is known as the most developed settlement in the Five States. Where most towns still have one step in the past, Saint Denis is considered the city of the future. Modern paved roads, public transportation, shops for your every need, and a respect for law absent in most towns. However, with modernization comes people. Saint Denis is the most populist city in the Five States and not everyone that comes to Saint Denis has a plan for survival. As a result, so called panhandlers have taken over the streets.
“I can’t go shopping for a new hat without facing some beggar asking for money!” said one resident, “I refuse to give money to some fool who refuses to help themself!” Local police have made arrests, but it has done little to curb the rise in beggars. “I find that most times, they are happy to sleep on a bed and get a bite to eat,” said a shop owner, “so I don’t even call the police anymore, I just shew them away myself.” Residents have increasingly pressured the city government to do something about it. The mayor’s office has stated that beggars have a right to use public areas same as anyone else. This is one problem likely to get worse before it gets better.
Bright light shines on a dark Five States night
By Lucien Privitt
Many cowpokes were stunned when the dark night gave way to a bright flash of light. One cowpoke thought he saw lightning, but the sky was clear. “I have seen bright flashes like that before, usually lightning,” said the cowpoke, “but not a clown in sight and n sound of thunder!” Other witnesses had a different explanation: aliens. “I know this is difficult to believe, but it was aliens,” said the witness, “they come around to investigate us, see if we are threats or learn from our habits.” They went on to explain sometimes the aliens fly close to the earth and their flying machines become visible. “Roundish, with a bunch of lights, you know, to see in the dark,” the witness said, “sometimes they just come by in a flash and flee as quick as they came.” Not everyone believes the bright flash of light was visitors from space.
The Respawners, a religious group that believes death is a temporary setback until one “respawns” back into the world, say that though they cannot explain the flash of light they are certain it was not aliens. “Try to follow along, but there are no aliens in our world, they just weren’t added,” said Respawner Avatar Gregoria Haskins, “there is a version of the Five States with aliens, but it isn’t the one we share together, it’s one where we live the life of another, alone.” Still confused, I went to Dr. W. Bishop, an expert on the unknown, for answers. “Ah yes, visitors from another world, in a way, I suppose it was,” Dr. Bishop said, “but not in the manner you think, it was a meteorite, a space rock, entered our atmosphere and burned up, resulting in a bright light.” Other meteorologists confirmed that the description of the sighting matches that of a meteor entering the atmosphere. Though frightening, the flashing light offered no threat.
Uproar Over Newspaper Changes!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Can you hear the people shout? From coast to coast, the people protest a grave injustice! For this week, the nation was faced with the most dreadful of crises… the New York World changed its font and paper layout!
In a move that has brought shame to this country, the New York World, without warning, changed its front from a 12 Times New Roman to an 11 Sans-serif! They also rearranged the paper, and now the crossword puzzle is right after the obituary! There is much grief in this world but this new triumphs over all!
In all seriousness, there has been a noticeable pushback at these changes, as the font is much harder for the elderly to read, and they make up a prominent number of readers. Much anger has been thrown at the paper, for nobody has suggested such massive changes. The editorial board has admitted the change would be controversial but assumes most people will eventually come around to it. Rival reporters from other New York-based papers have mostly mocked the changes and hope readers will instead branch out to other venues.
I must confess, it’s not the most important of news, but as an avid reader of the World, this change annoys me nearly as much as it does some 80-year-old man in New Jersey!
Former Priest dies, leaving fate in question
By Ivy Seager
Charles Chiniquy, a former Catholic Priest has passed away. Mr. Chiniquy had been a Priest for over 50 years in Canada before leaving the Catholic church, but staying in Canada. Mr. Chiniquy then converted to Presbyterianism. Mr. Chiniquy traveled the nation denouncing his former faith. He accused the Catholic church of being little more than modern paganism. He criticized what he called worship of the Virgin Mary, saying it was anti-Christian. Mr. Chiniquy’s criticism did not stop there, however. He claimed that the Vatican was behind the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. Mr. Chiniquy passed away peacefully surrounded by loved ones at the age of 89 years old.
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