Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Defective sampling needles hit the Five States
By Adam Parvey
Naturalists across the entire region are feeling cheated following the arrival of defecting blood sampling kits. The kit manufacture explained that it changed vendors for various products but did not anticipate such a major disruption to naturalists’ work. The new needles used to draw the blood samples have proven entirely ineffective. In many cases the needles simply break while the needles are being inserted. “If I’ve done this once, I’ve done it 1,000 times, I tell ya,” said one naturalist, “so I know I ain’t done nothin’ wrong, these needles are just too weak.” It is just tough pelts the needles are breaking against, but even softer ones. “What kind of needled can’t go through a rabbit pelt without breaking?” one naturalist asked, perplexed, “explain that one to me!” Several naturalists have raised concerns about the animals and the consequences of broken needles being left in the pelt. “Somewhere out there there are animals walking around looking like pin cushions,” said another naturalist, “that can’t be comfortable or good for their long term health, this must be resolved now!”
Some needles were sturdy enough to not break during the sampling process, but proved too short to actually draw blood. “Here I am trying to sample a bison,” said a naturalist from West Elizabeth, “and the damn needle couldn’t pierce through the pelt!” Harriet Davenport, who runs the naturalist program in the Five States, offered no enlightening information. “I am a naturalists, I see to the well being of the animals,” said Ms. Davenport, “if these so-called naturalists have trouble with the provided kits, well they can take their complaints elsewhere and purchase their own supplies!” Authorities in the Five States have made clear that this is outside of their purview. There is some discussion over whether legal authorities should get involved. While it is typically outside of state and federal government’s authority as a private transaction, there is an argument being made that the naturalist kit itself costs gold. As such, if the supplies provided are inadequate, the seller may be in a bad faith situation and subject to fines. For now, the situation is being watched closely.
Stormy weather floods Pike’s Basin
By Wylie Frey
Outlaws holed up in Pike’s Basin were in for a surprise when a sudden storm sent floodwaters into the area. A survivor made it to MacFarlane’s Ranch and told the story. According to the survivor, the horses began getting really agitated before dark clouds rolled in overhead. Several horses that were not tied and secured quickly fled. A few outlaws ran to their own horses, untying them and seeking to ride out. However, most of them were unable to mount the agitated horses and those that did were quickly bucked off. The survivor managed to hold on to his horse and calm it enough to flee. As they fled up the basin, the rain began pouring in.
The survivor reached the top and looked back, watching waves of water flood over the top and into the deep basin. Horses still at the bottom started to swim in the rising water. “I can’t say the same for my fellows,” the survivor said, “they panicked and sunk.” The hands at MacFarlane Ranch offered a dry set of clothes, food, and a roof to offer a sanctuary from the rain. The next morning, a prison wagon arrived at the ranch. The outlaw was given breakfast before he was turned over to state law enforcement.
Poachers murdered in Colter
By Jane Duran
Federal authorities tracked a group of poachers to Colter, where they discovered someone else got to their target first. “We arrived and found several dead bodies,” said one of the federal agents, “it was a massacre, they were ambushed.” All of the poachers had burns and there was evidence of an explosion. “I suspect the attacker started the fight with a stick of dynamite,” said the agent, “then finished off the wounded with gunshots to the head.” The agents seemed impressed with efficiency of the attack. “Poachers ain’t hunters, hell, they ain’t people,” said the agent, “I don’t condone vigilantism, but well, you can’t argue with results.”
The identity of the killer is unknown. The agents also said they found no evidence that could be used to identify the killer. “There was a set of tracks, but could be any cowpoke,” the agent said, “I can’t imagine it will be worth it to dedicate resources toward finding an unidentified gunslinger.”
Rare blue moose killed in West Elizabeth
By Odell Clifton
Moose are a rare sight in the Five States. Many cowpokes go years of their life here without ever seeing a moose. A hunter was roaming Big Valley when it spotted a moose in the distance. “It was the second moose I have seen and I knew instantly I wanted to get it,” the hunter said, “through the scope I didn’t notice its coloring.” After taking out the moose in a single shot the hunter was shocked when they saw the blue fur. “Wouldn’t have mattered if I noticed before, would have hunted it all the same,” the hunter explained, “taking down a moose is about a pride.”
Conservationists were, as expected, upset about the news. “The moose is an exquisite creature,” said well known conservationist and naturalist Harriet Davenport, “that they are not spotted often is proof that they should be protected, not hunted.” Ms. Davenport became to angry to speak when I clarified that the moose’s fur was bluish and nearly sprayed me. Despite the color of the pelt, it brought the same amount of money as a normal moose pelt, much to the hunter’s disappointment.
Ghostly Legend Still Haunts Van Horn Mansion!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
The long shadow of legends tends to get cast relatively far. One need only glance at the ruined mansion near Van Horn to see it. Much has been written about that place, of strange goings on in the middle of the night, of unexplained lights and fires, of inhuman noises heard from time to time. It’s not surprising; it’s not a home that has a pleasant history.
It was once the manor of the esteemed lady Audrey Fairfax, of no relation to me, thankfully. Always dressed in black, like a widowed bride, she built the home many years ago. Locals rarely saw her; many rumors spread about her being a witch or vampire. She employed many servants, who occasionally would go missing.
One day, an older lady ran all the way to Saint-Denis, her dress stained red from blood. Police raided the manor soon after, eventually finding dozens of bodies hidden under the floorboards. The Lady Fairfax continued to proclaim innocence, up to the moment the noose was tightened. Since then, the manor has been laid to rest, literally, if not figuratively. Nobody has ever bought it nor will stay in it.
The dead may pass on, but the legends linger. Perhaps people are seeing something in that old home. Whether from the living or the dead, it merely just adds to an idea that cannot be killed. The simple notion, that when you pass by a decaying home, you best keep on moving.
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Road repairs demanded in Scarlett Meadows
By Mathilde Orry
Residents in Scarlett Meadows are demanding that state authorities address road conditions after a shocking accident was reported. A wagon hit a bump in the road and according to at least one witness, was launched sky high. “I don’t know what happened, I saw them and looked away for a second,” said the witness, “then out of know where, I had a wagon, a couple men and two horses falling down on me.” The witness pulled their wagon over to the side of the road to assess for damage. “Luckily, my wagon wasn’t hit so all was good for me,” the witness said. The other two men, however, were not so lucky. One was dead at the time the witness investigated the carnage, believed to have died instantly as a result of blunt force trauma to the head. The other man survived, but was banged up. They had several bruises, cuts, and scrapes but will survive.
Investigators followed the witness to the road to evaluate the cause. A few bumps and rocks were found that may have been the cause. The deputies kicked the rocks away but refused to fix the larger bumps int he road. “This here part of the road is managed by the state,” one deputy said, “it ain’t my job as a local deputy to fix a road, the Lemoyne government will need to send some workers to fix it.” While the witness managed to ride through that area without crashing, there is still concern that the incident will be repeated before authorities can fix it.
Overdressed Man in Bar Beaten!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
To everything, there is a time and a purpose under heaven. Words to live by, especially if you’re a wealthy man in Saint-Denis, who made a mistake he won’t soon regret.
Frank Anderson is a ship captain, a wealthy one at that. He is the captain of a passenger liner whose home port is New York. But with his prized vessel, the Adriatic, currently in drydock for repairs, he decided to visit Saint-Denis for a few weeks to pass the time.
Mr. Anderson came to town on Monday, with a nice top hat, long coat, fancy shoes, plus a suit and tie. He looked like he was about ready to meet the mayor, not go out for a drink. A few associates told him this was an unwise choice, but he marched on proudly anyway.
For reasons we do not fully understand, Mr. Anderson went to Doyle’s Tavern for a drink, instead of the classier Bastille Saloon. After taking a seat at the bar, he ordered a fancy whiskey. All eyes were on him, and within ten solid minutes, some gang member grabbed him, beat him senseless, and robbed him.
Local police were called, but nobody put in much effort to find the culprit; most of the officers were amused that a rich man had dared go to Doyle’s Tavern.
If there’s a lesson to be learned, it’s don’t overdress when going to a sleazy bar; try to pretend you aren’t filled to the brim with money. It might spare you the headache.
Moonshine likely beyond the feds ability to control
By Lucien Privitt
Moonshine, liquor brewed in secret and sold in private to avoid federal taxes. Years ago you could only obtain alcohol at licensed saloons or general stores. The alcohol was plentiful, tasty enough, and taxed by the federal government. Then, almost overnight, moonshiners hit the Five States. Bootleggers started smuggling untaxed moonshine across the region, to both homes and saloons. Demand for the moonshine increased, a result of both its strength and flavor. The federal Bureau of Internal Revenue made stopping moonshine in the Five States a priority, sending agents into all five states to both shut down moonshine operations and catch bootleggers traveling with moonshine. Special Agent Reid Hixon was tasked with taking on the moonshiners, though he was killed. Since then, several Special Agents have been put in charge only to be killed as well. The head of the Bureau, Nathan B. Scott, has allegedly hinted that moonshine operations in the Five States may not be soo widespread that it can no longer be contained.
Indeed, this weekend rumors of underground “moonshine parties” were rampant. These underground saloons served moonshine “straight from the barrel” to anyone willing to take the risk and party. Those that preferred to take less risks opted to visit saloons, which were also well stocked with moonshine, sold at a premium price. There were also a rise in reports of saloon fights between alleged moonshiners. In such cases, the fighters were jailed overnight to sober up. Federal agents, however, were not seen. In recent months federal agents tried to crackdown on moonshiners and bootlegging, and showed up to investigate anything with even the most remote connection to untaxed liquor. This decline in federal interest may be a hint that resources are being moved around to focus on other areas of tax evasion. The Bureau of Internal Revenue did not respond to our request for a comment.
U.S. expansion continues in the Pacific
By Frederick Vannesse
Following the annexation of Hawaii and the acquisition of both Guam and the Philippines, the once isolationist United States has now claimed Wake Island. The island offers little in natural resources but is considered a strategic location that will help the growing U.S. Navy. Wake Island will be used as a telegraph cable station to modernize communication in the Pacific while also serving as a coaling station. The coaling station will serve the U.S. Navy and ensure that Pacific forces will remain stocked with fuel to operate in the area. The move comes as the U.S. expansion in the Pacific has raised concern from those that call the region home. The U.S. government has assured locals of the area that they will not impact their way of life and will only seek peace and safety of the people in the Pacific region.
New republic to be established in the Philippines
By Ivy Seager
The Filipino people have only been free from Spanish forces for a short amount of time. In that time, United States forces have taken over Spain’s role, though claiming it is a temporary solution. The Filipino people, once firmly allied with the U.S., have grown impatient with the U.S. and more suspicious of their motives. To hurry the U.S. promise to leave the region, the Filipino people are planning a new republic. The Philippine Republic will replace the current Revolutionary Government of the Philippines, which has oversaw the war with Spain. Emilio Aguinaldo is expected to be elected president when the nation’s constitution is ratified. Though there is no agreement that the U.S. will leave the Philippines once the Philippine Republic is established, it is expected to put pressure on the U.S. to do so. Representatives for the U.S. government did not submit a comment for this article.
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