Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Unsavory meat trade exposed in the Five States
By Lucien Privitt
A strange report was made through the postal service that a Five States supplier had made a strange request: human flesh. “I have a supplier I work with regularly who works on the barter system, I get supplies in exchange for animal carcasses,” the trader wrote, “but this last time he said he had something special in mind and had me go to a specific location to find something ‘plump and full of itself.'” The trader said when they arrived they saw a man camping in the wilderness by themselves. There was not an animal in sight. “I did the reasonable thing and returned to my supplier, told them I needed to know what kind of animal he wanted,” the trader explained, “but he looked angry and said he told me something ‘plump and full of itself,’ which apparently meant the man camping.” After a bit of an argument, it became clear to the trader that their supplier wanted the man dead and his carcass returned in exchange for supplies.
Deputies in Blackwater were stunned when they received the letter. “At first I thought it was a hoax, you know,” explained one of the deputies, “and it was my instinct to throw in in the trash.” Blackwater Chief of Police Oswald Dunbar had a different take. “The description of the supplier and the locations of the Five States were quite descriptive, I had a good idea who they were talking about,” said Chief Dunbar, “truth be told, we had received similar reports in the past though had not taken them seriously but now I was quite interested, and serious.” The man in question was Oral Sears, a supplier who works all over the Five States but lives in Blackwater. Chief Dunbar then led several deputies to Mr. Sears home and in the cellar, found human remains. Mr. Sears was promptly arrested, though he said he had never killed a single person. “I ain’t ever killed no-damn-body,” said Mr. Sears, “I can say that knowing it is the complete truth, you’ll see!” Mr. Sears did not explain how the human remains found their way into the cellar.
Investigators were only able to confirm the remains of at least one person. However, small bones were found around the cellar, but further investigation is required to confirm if they are human bones. As for the trader who mailed in the letter that led to Mr. Sears arrest, nobody knows who they are. “They didn’t identify themselves or leave contact information, for obvious reasons,” Chief Dunbar said, “it is quite likely the reporter is the killer, at least of the recently killed man, and did not want to implicate themselves.” Other traders have been questioned about requests made by Mr. Sears, but so far, none have admitted to bringing Mr. Sears dead human bodies.
Drunkard says something big is coming
By Jose Chavez
A traveler stopped in Tumbleweed this week and after getting completely drunk, began telling a bizarre tale. “I noticed it while looking through my coupons,” the drunkard said, “I’ve had ’em for years now but, they all expire March 31st of this year, so why now?” The coupons in question are largely remnants of the abandoned ‘Outlaw Pass’ promotions previously ran by the Wheeler, Rawson, and Co. through their catalogue. While the promotions have ended, remaining coupons are finally expiring. This led the drunkard to believe something big was coming on that date. “It ain’t the end of the world, or nothin’ like that,” they said, “but those Wheeler folks gotta have something planned, right?” They went on to explain that they believed the ‘Wheeler folks’ would be doing something special around March 31st of this year. “They ain’t bringing new jobs or nothin’ like that,” they said to the other drunk patrons who would listen, “but I think a new sale, maybe new items, maybe even a new pass thingy!”
I contacted Wheeler, Rawson, and Co. but they refused to comment on “the ramblings of a mad person.”
Mysterious home found in the Grizzlies
By Jane Duran
Explorers found a strange home in Grizzlies East this week. The home appears to be built into a hill, earning it the name ‘Mysterious Hill Home.’ “We reckon nobody saw it because it blends in pretty well,” said one of the explorers, “though it is clear folks have been here, so this can’t be said to be a new discovery, exactly.” As for why nobody has publicly discussed this hill home in the past, it likely has to do with cultish origins. One of the few clues about the building is the Chelonian symbol drawn into the roof. The Chelonians are small religious group in the Five States, seeking to bring about the utopian society of Chelonia. Little else is known about the Chelonians, other than that they hold turtles to be sacred.
It is not known if the Chelonians built the house or found it and used it. The door was jammed and unable to be opened, preventing further exploration. Teams are already coming together to discuss ways of getting the door open without using explosives. “We’d like to preserve the home and its belongings,” said one of the explorers, “otherwise, how will we ever learn anything about the strange little house?”
Confederate Soldier Dead in Bizarre Accident!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
The Battle of Antietam claimed thousands of lives. One can understand the urge just to run and hide as the bodies piled higher. Cecil Starkey was one such soldier; he was an artillery gunner who panicked and fled his post at the height of the battle. Everyone else in his unit was killed later in the day; his captain was mortally wounded and died late in the night at a field hospital. Before he died, he reportedly told a nurse, “Starkey…the cannon you desecrated will yet find ye…”
By God’s grace, Starkey managed to survive the entire Civil War. He soon moved out west, perhaps hoping to get away from the horrors of war, and of supposed curses. He lived out a quiet life in Blackwater, hunting on weekends and slowly becoming friends with some local hunters.
He died earlier this week, in what can only be described as a bizarre accident. One of his friends claimed Starkey saw an elk and fired, but instead of a bullet, a 12-pounder cannonball flew out of the musket. It bounced between several trees before returning to its maker, decapitating the poor man.
Whether it was a curse coming true or a misremembered accidental discharge, the end result is the same. A man haunted by his past lies dead after trying to escape it for many long years.
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Strange human copies spotted in the Heartland
By Donna Deshner
A cowpoke rode into Valentine in a panic, the kind of panic saved for those moments when you stare into the unknowable. They claimed to have seen two dozen or more people standing in the Heartlands. But this was not just some gathering of hunters. Every single one of the people spotted looked exactly the same as each other. Even more startling was that the people did not move or respond to anyone in anyway. “The folks just stood there, looking toward the West,” said the witness. Their lack of response is what sent the cowpoke into a panic. “I felt, well, afraid,” the cowpoke admitted. They fled the scene as fast as they could.
After sharing their story in Valentine a few deputies rode out into the area but they did not find anything strange. “We tried to find this standing copies, but we saw nothing,” said one of the deputies. When asked about photographic evidence, the cowpoke said they were just too afraid to take the time to take a photograph. “What if they didn’t want to be photograph?” the cowpoke asked, “what if they suddenly responded by attacking?” No other similar reports in the region were made.
Anthony Foreman arrest, then freed, due to lack of evidence
By Mathilde Orry
A gunslinger walked into the Rhodes Sheriff’s Department and said they had just been commissioned to assassinate a man. The deputy taking the report at first thought to arrest the gunslinger, however, another deputy overheard the discussion and intervened. “It ain’t a crime to take a job to kill a man, I don’t think,” said the deputy, “I mean just taking the job ain’t killing them, and anyway, they reported it to us, so we after the real bad guy.” That ‘bad guy’ turned out to be Anthony Foreman, a local believed to be involved in criminal activity. Mr. Foreman has been reported multiple times for connection to criminal activity but no evidence has ever been strong enough to warrant an arrest. This time, however, the Rhodes Sheriff had a witness and authorized the arrest.
Mr. Foreman did not resist, but denied all accusations. Hours later, however, Mr. Foreman was released. The sole witness could not provide any concrete evidence aside from their testimony. Further, a search of Mr. Foreman’s home in Rhodes failed to turn up any evidence. Sheriff Leigh Gray admitted to having no evidence and released Mr. Foreman with an apology. Mr. Foreman said, “I knew I was recent, was never worried. I don’t blame the fine deputies in Rhodes, just keeping us all safe.”
Lost Submarine Still Missing 34 Years Later!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Technology is said to progress faster in times of war than in peace. This was no truer in the Civil War, where advancements in medical knowledge and weaponry went hand in hand. On the seas, wooden boats were slowly replaced with iron fortresses, impossible to sink during normal battle. Such an advancement led to devices being built to counter the so-called Ironclads.
Underwater vehicles were by themselves not new, but a device used to sink a ship? That was unheard of in its day. The Confederates thus created a vessel known as the G.E. Dixon, named after its commander. It was a long cigar-shaped vessel with explosives attached to the front of it.
It attacked a Union ship barely 34 years ago today, sinking the target, but then mysteriously disappearing not long after. It hasn’t been seen since in that 34-year timeframe. Many theories have been thrown about, that it blew up alongside the Union ship, that it sank, that the crew deserted. People still look for it, but the answer still eludes us.
People like advanced technology, people like adventure, and people like a good mystery. The loss of the G.E. Dixon, contains elements of all three and thus will probably continue to fascinate long after we have all turned to dust.
Lightships deemed a huge success
By Frederick Vannesse
Last year whistle buoys were replaced with lightships. The whistle buoys relied on sound to let ship captains they neared the coast. Though they were moderately successful, whistling sounds while out at sea are not completely uncommon. During particularly rough nights the whistle buoys had little distinction. The lightships replaced them, small ships that were well lit and anchored in the ocean. The visibility of the ships has led to a significant decrease in ships crashing at port. The lightships have not come without their own problems, however. Several lightships burned down when the fire used to project their light broke containment and spread. So far, nobody has died of a lightship related fire and so the risk remains allowable. Engineers are looking at ways to improve lightships to reduce fires.
British forces make headway in South Africa
By
Recently installed Field Marshal Lord Frederick Roberts has already had success in South Africa. Shortly after his arrival he organized British forces to defend their current position more efficiently. Lord Roberts then pushed back Boers forces, expanding British control in the area. While unconfirmed, a source on the ground in South Africa has learned that British forces will be in a position to rescue captured soldiers. Boers forces are said to be in retreat presently and the British forces are prepared to pursue the guerillas. Lord Roberts may be signaling the end of Boers resistance in South Africa.
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