Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Viking Sword Used in Deadly Attack!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
The Viking Age ended, by most estimates, in 1066. It’s been nearly 1000 years since that date; you would be forgiven if you assumed there would be little left from those days that could hurt or kill. Well, you would sadly be mistaken.
It was a calm morning in Saint-Denis; the market was full of people, the sound in the air was of conversation and stall owners hawking wares. But a loud sound interrupted somewhere around midday; it sounded like a bloody war cry.
From out of nowhere, a man wearing an iron helm, a cloak, some kind of chest armor, and thick boots ran into the crowd. He was armed with a large sword. He proceeded to hack at anyone close by, wounding some, and killing others.
Local police eventually responded, and the assailant was rapidly gunned down, but only after killing at least nine people. His identity is still unknown, but his outfit is quite striking. It seemed to be a cracked Viking helmet, a reconstructed armor, and an ancient yet still sharp sword.
There have been stories of a Viking burial in the Five States, although nobody noted any swords still in good shape. The best guess at this time is that this man stumbled across the tomb and, for some reason, repaired the material well enough to use, and went on a killing spree. Even 1000 years isn’t enough time to fully put the Viking permanently in the ground it seems, what a tragedy that truth is.
Iguana hunting goes too far, says naturalist
By Wylie Frey
Harriet Davenport recently toured New Austin and was shocked by what she found. Several dead iguanas were found everywhere she went. “These poor, noble lizards, dead, killed and skinned!” Miss Davenport exclaimed, “then they are just left in the sun, skinless, wasted!” Miss Davenport elaborated that she does not believe in the killing of any animals but finds it especially troubling when the animal’s parts are discarded. “If you are going to kill an animal, at least use it all up,” Miss Davenport complained, “leaving the carcasses on the ground is just a way to waste a life completely.” Traders I spoke to mentioned that demand for iguana skins jumped suddenly, resulting in an increase in lizard hunting. “I ain’t one for hunting lizards, usually, meat just ain’t tasty,” said one hunter, “but folks pain gold nuggets for skins? count me in, I’ll hunt those little fellas all day!”
The gold nugget payments the hunter mentioned came from an unknown source. The gold nugget payments came from a third party, who said they had no connection to the payer except being contracted to trade gold nuggets for iguana skins. Harriet Davenport vowed to fund a search for the iguana skin collector, but she shifted attention the next day to a cowpoke who accidently ran over a skunk and killed it.
Bounty hunters found dead at Lake Isabella
By Jane Duran
A posse of experienced bounty hunters rode out to Lake Isabella this week, tracking a group of wanted men. The bounty hunters stayed in Strawberry for a night, where they shared their plans with a few locals. They had tracked the men to Lake Isabella but did not want to head out there during the dark night. After riding out the next morning they were never seen again. A few days later a rescue posse rode out, thinking they may have got caught in an avalanche or other accident. The group found no sign of emergency and followed the path all the way to Lake Isabella. There, they saw remnants of an abandoned camp. In the center of the abandoned camp was three dead bodies. They recognized them as the posse of bounty hunters.
The investigation yielded a few clues. First, none of the bounty hunters weapons were fired. Second, there were several bolas spread about the campsite. “It seemed the bounty hunters tried to use nonlethal means to subdue the outlaws,” said one of the investigators. There was evidence that the bolas had successfully secured at least two targets based on impressions in the snow. However, there were several tracks of men on horse, indicating back up arrived at some point, catching the bounty hunters off guard. “These were not ammeters, they were experienced gunslingers, good shots all of them,” said the investigators, “it’s like, for some reason, they attempted to catch the bounties without killing anybody, guards included!” The bodies were collected to be buried.
Cowpoke takes residence at abandoned ‘stilt shack’
By Daisy Fairman
One of the more curious buildings in West Elizabeth has to be the so called ‘stilt shack, built in Big Valley.’ The shack, literally built on sturdy stilts, was constructed by an unknown party. It remains unknown what inspired the bizarre design, but that has not stopped folks from guessing. “I thought of the Bible story about the tower or Babel, first time I saw it,” said one hunter who frequents Big Valley, “like they were trying to get closer to God but just stopped a few feet into the air.” Others have suggests cult origins, claiming the design may have symbolic meaning. However, nothing has ever been found in the area to suggests such an origin is true. The most likely, and most simple explanation, is that a hunter built the cabin on stilts to avoid predator animals. “Ain’t no wolf gonna climb up a ladder, right? Probably not a bear either!” said one hunter, “so one can sleep relatively safely, so long as ain’t no bad folks around!”
Indeed, a hunter recently took up residence in the home after finding it abandoned. “I love Big Valley, best game in the Five States,” said the squatter, “I camp out here often but I have to be wary of predators hunting me while I rest!” The hunter explained they saw the stilt shack abandoned and moved in. “I brought in a few things, so now I can eat, drink, and sleep in safety,” they explained, “and I have a pretty decent platform to hunt on if I feel the need.” As the the true owner of the property is unknown and unaccounted for, there is no legal reason the hunter cannot stay there, say legal experts. At least until someone pushes them out by force to squat there themselves!
Lantern Show goes Awry!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Moving pictures and lantern shows are for many, seen as the next frontier of entertainment. Well, it shall be a world with new ways to make mistakes; that much is certain.
J.J. Riggins titular Travelling Magic Lantern Theatre outside Valentine has become quite popular, with numerous little programs being created for viewers. This Thursday, Riggins was showing off one of the more popular shows, Mr. Bears First Winter. The Audience was ready to have fun, but things didn’t go as planned.
The entire program was besmirched by terrible quality slides; the picture was said to be nearly pitch black and occasionally with the color contrast broken. The audio was either too loud, too quiet, or looping at the wrong time. The final slide was missing altogether, and the lantern even turned off at one point before turning back on after five minutes of fiddling around.
Needless to say, everyone who paid good money for the program, asked for the money returned. Riggins did not fight back; he conceded before shutting down the tent for the night. These were all technical problems nobody was seemingly aware could happen. Well, it stands to reason, if these problems are only just being known, one can imagine things will get more chaotic as the technology becomes more complex.
Trolley accident has Saint Denis residents questioning the transportation system
By Aloysius Levron
Saint Denis was home to a tragedy this week. A trolley driver had a seizure while at the controls, causing him to speed up the trolley. Passengers screamed as the trolley sped down a busy and narrow street. Horses, properly tied off, became agitated, moving just enough into the street to be hit by the fast moving vehicle. People walking panicked, running into the path of the trolley. Policeman chased the vehicle and used their whistles to get the attention of the driver. The first policemen to react to the situation operated under the assumption that the driver had gone mad. A few mounted policeman caught up to the trolley and one readied their pistol to shoot the driver. However, they saw several of the trolley’s riders trying to tug the driver away and so he could not take a shot. Other passengers jumped of the trolley.
Eventually the driver came out of the seizure, allowing the trolley to be brought under control. The driver was promptly arrested, as policemen still believed the driver had willfully ran over several people and horses. Passengers statements however revealed the truth and so the driver was given medical attention. While he may still need to pay some form of restitution, his medical care is being put first. His license to operate a trolley has been temporarily suspended. All said and done, 3 people died, 2 horses died, and over a dozen people were injured.
Man leaves the Five States after falling off a bridge
By Adam Parvey
A cowpoke headed to the Five States border, on foot, and announced that he is leaving forever. The man said he once had a horse, but his horse was something of an asshole. “I was crossing a bridge and the damn horse, would you believe it, threw itself of the damn bridge with me still on it!” the cowpoke complained. According to him, he is an excellent horse rider and takes good care of his horses. He had no idea why his horse would veer off to the side and throw them off the bridge. “That damn horse was so damn stupid it cost itself its own life,” the man said, “I survived, just a little hurt, not by the betrayal, but by physical pain!” The man said he received a check up from the doctor in Valentine before heading toward the border.
“I can’t say I did not enjoy my time in the Five States, to an extent,” they explained, “but things have been bleak lately and this was the last straw, finally a reason to justify leaving this place behind for good!” Other residents who overhead the man complaining had a good laugh. “Fella can’t control his horse and so he blames the place,” said one resident trading at the border, “just walk, or hire a wagon driver!” The man tried to defend himself, saying the Five States is full of various insects and bugs, preventing his enjoyment of the area. His defiant horse was simply what finalized his decision. Nobody saw him board a train to leave and so there is no confirmation if the man actually fled the Five States or swallowed his pride and got horse riding lessons.
U.S. soldiers being called back into service
By Frederick Vannesse
After the Spanish-American War ended, several soldiers were sent home. Though many remained to help stabilized and maintain peace in former Spanish colonies, primarily the Philippines. The move to call soldiers back into action comes as the Philippines has formed its own government and the Filipino people become more insistent on U.S. forces leaving. While it was not confirmed, the reauthorized forces are likely headed to the Philipines.
Australian colonies meet to discuss confederation
By Ivy Seager
Leaders of six Australian colonies are planning to meet today to consider confederation. Such a move would unify much of Australia, turning it into a proper nation in its own right. There is some resistance, however. Several localities are not ready to give up the freedom they currently have. A confederation would only weakly unify the colonies, though a federal government may end up with more power than the colonies are happy to give it. The move would, however, make Australia more powerful on the international stage, a stage that is rapidly growing!
The Five States Herald 