Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Poison or Pleasure: Absinthe.
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
It’s the most infamous drink in the United States and perhaps the world. It has been associated with everyone from high society to literal devil worshippers. Some call it a delicious drink; others believe it is the drink of madness, blindness, and death.
There are certainly a lot of opinions on Absinthe; it’s almost impossible to discern truth from sensational tales. We do know that it’s quite popular in France, and that some of the ingredients can be dangerous if not handled properly. Little more can be definitively said; stories of hallucinations and madness are difficult to parcel out. Some people have most certainly died, but do people die from drinking it at a higher rate compared to other drinks?
This is worth looking into as Absinthe bottles have been sold in the Five States. Not in a large quantity, but some cowpokes have been seen carrying and even drinking it. There are rumors Congress will ban the drink, spurred on by the Temperance movement. If so, I would like at least someone to rigorously test how truthful all the accusations are. I don’t intend to drink and find out, but I have strong suspicions that there are rather large exaggerations at play.
Fort Mercer becomes a temporary tourists attraction
By Wylie Frey
Fort Mercer was a strategic military location for the United States during the Mexican-American War, which took place from 1846-1848. The nearby Mercer Station was built solely to keep the location stocked during the war. At the war’s conclusion, the post was deemed to costly to maintain having lost its strategic value and abandoned. The train company no longer staffed or stopped at Mercer Station, letting it fall into a state of disrepair. The fort is now frequently taken over by the local Del Lobo gang. This week the gang was thrown out of the fort and the New Austin Rangers maintained it for a day, allowing for tourists to visit and learn of the fort’s history. Several visitors passed through the fort, though, at this point only the walls are truly original.
The fort is mostly adorned with the abandoned belongings of squatters. That has not stopped historians from showing up to discuss the history of the fort and the region. A few military personal showed up as well, observing the fort and, according to witnesses, taking notes with particular focus on the walls. Speculation is that the fort may be revitalized if hostilities between the U.S. and Mexico continue to escalate. The U.S. government denies that hostilities are on the rise between the two nations.
Prehistoric remains found
By Delphia Atwood
A recent wind storm unveiled a shocking discovery: the remains of an ancient elephant. Elephants are not native to the U.S., let alone the Five States. But in prehistoric times ancient elephants, called Wooly Mammoths roamed the United States. The creatures were much larger than today’s largest elephants and their skin was covered in thick fur, giving the name of Wooly Mammoth. The tusks of the mammoth were said to be longer than three grown men standing head to toe with each other. The traveler who found the remains said they saw the tusks poking up through the snow and dug out the rest.
A team is being put together to check the area out for more fossils. The mammoth skeleton will be relocated piece by piece to be studied. It will eventually be housed in a museum.
A hostile band annoys folks in the Great Plains, claims several victims
By Nick McCrary
Coyotes are not often treated with the same level of respect one may treat a pack of wolves or a bear. They are often ignored by hunters, no more a threat than a darting rabbit. Those traveling through the Great Plains have learned otherwise, however. A vicious band of coyotes has been roaming the Great Plains and attacking solitary travelers. While most travelers have escaped with their lives and just minor bite related injuries, there have been a few documented deaths.
The first documented death was an unidentified body found east of Blackwater. The body had been attacked by several small animals, with one particularly deep bite around the neck blamed for the man’s death. The second death was originally a survivor, a woman managed to escape the band of coyotes only to succumb to her wounds several days later. Since then, at least two other dead bodies were found that showed evidence of being attacked by coyotes. This band is said to be particularly aggressive, shooting your gun into the air does not scare these coyotes. “If you come across coyotes getting too close, getting all yippy and such,” said a Blackwater lawman, “you better shoot them too kill, because they ain’t afraid of you anymore.”
Several buildings have been repossessed without warning
By Adam Parvey
Several buildings have been repossessed by local banks, however, the legality of the repossessions is under investigation. Victims of the surprise repossessions have claimed they own the buildings in question. Not a single one rents and none of them are still making payments to any entity. Yet, banks in West Elizabeth, Lemoyne, and New Austin have taken possession of several buildings they allegedly do not own. The cowpokes who say they own the buildings, and who have also provided proof ownership, say they have been locked out of their own property. The banks involved did not respond directly to my question about the repossessions. The Bank of Saint Denis said it issues several property loans annually and has never pursued a debt that did not belong to them. They would not confirm if any of the buildings in Lemoyne that were repossessed belonged to them, however.
The federal government is involved with the investigations now. As expected, the investigating agents have received push back in Lemoyne. “Our investigators have, for the moment, exited Lemoyne after a few encounters with the Lemoyne Raiders,” said one investigator, “we are currently gathering reinforcements to conclude our investigation in the state.” Two the investigators returned after they were captured by the Raiders, along with a third agent who was killed. Residents do not care about the details, they merely want access to their property restored.
Cowpoke confused after being arrested for defending themselves
By Donna Deshner
A Valentine resident in a bad mood exited Smithfield’s Saloon just as a cowpoke was entering it. The brief shoulder to shoulder contact was enough for the bad mood resident to react. He pushed the cowpoke and then punched him in the face. The cowpoke, who is a professor by trade and not a fight, did what any other cowpoke would do and defended himself. He fought back and despite lacking fighting experience, gained the upper hand. Just as he was about to deliver the final blow, two deputies arrived and arrested the men. The professor protested, stating that he was attacked and merely defended himself. Several witnesses corroborated the story but deputies were not interested.
“I don’t care how the fight got started,” said one of the arresting deputies, “I care about ending it and ensuring it doesn’t become a damn town wide shootout.” The men were put in separate cells. “It ain’t popular,” said Sheriff Malloy, “but often it’s just easier to arrest both fighters and let them sleep off their frustrations.” Both men were eventually released without any charges filed.
Weapon Lottery Draws Controversy!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
With firearms running rampant, some gunsmiths are using unorthodox strategies to increase sales, sometimes bordering on laws regarding sales.
Kuo Chao & Co is a gunsmith in Saint-Denis; according to local police, they have a large surplus of firearms due to many buyers purchasing guns instead from black market sellers. To make up for sales, owner Kuo Chao has created a lottery of sorts. If one puts a dollar into a jar, the donator’s name will be put into a tumbler, and if their name is picked, they receive a free firearm.
This has resulted in two things: a significant increase in sales from the shop and the intervention of law enforcement. Police think such a system breaks gambling laws; others believe it’s a rigged system. It has been noted that the majority of the winners are people who have been seen with Kuo Chao before, going back months. Chao himself disputes such claims, explaining that such notions are only being spread by people who lost in the raffle. Chao also believes the system is perfectly legal; it’s okay across the Five States to bet on various games and walk away with nothing.
Betting on a horse or a card game is one thing, but a firearm is quite another. I don’t know what the future holds for Kuo Chao & Co, but I suspect he will need to implement a newer system in the near future.
Immigration into the Five States continues to rise
By Humphrey Harker
Residents of the Five States remain confused that the region has been abandoned by the powers that be. The region remains popular for travelers and tourists alike. Tourists often visit the region only to stick around after finding that the Five States is their true home. When the powers that be abandoned the region years ago, private investors did their best to keep the Five States moving forward. Those private investors left as well to invest in a California city. The confusion about the abandonment has reached an all-time high this week when it was announced that immigration into the region continues to rise. “The population of the Five States has grown 10% compared to last year,” said a census official, “the growth is entirely dependent on immigration, as nobody has been born in the Five States in years.”
The federal Census Bureau has tasked several agents with analyzing population changes in the Five States on a yearly basis. The goal is to track the region’s population to determine if local powers are doing everything they can for the local population. Though the Census Bureau clarified that their work will make no policy prescriptions and that they do not have any authority to ask the local governments to enact policy suggestions. Residents expressed further frustration. “We learn that the region isn’t abandoned, that people keep coming,” said one resident, “but nothing changes, stores carrying the same stuff, no new jobs, just nothing.” The governments of the Five States did not respond to my request for a comment.
Chemical company opened in Midland, Michigan
By Frederick Vannesse
Herbert Henry Dow has opened the Dow Chemical Company in Michigan. Mr. Dow rose to fame when he discovered brine samples that were rich in bromine, a common ingredient for medicine as well as a product used in the emerging film industry. Dow refined the process for extracting bromine, creating the Dow process. The Dow process was so efficient that Dow disrupted the bromine market by selling far cheaper than competitors. This is now Dow’s first business in the city of Midland. Years ago he partnered with investors to create the Midland Chemical Company.
Midland Chemical continues to operate to this day, though Dow was pushed out years ago for wanted to expand his process to other markets. Other investors were worried that Mr. Dow’s new projects would drain funds and so he was forced out of the company. That did not stop his process, continuing to provide electrolysis to the extraction of both chlorine and caustic soda from sodium chloride. Mr. Dow’s advancements drew the attention of new investors and now the the Dow Chemical Company was formed in Midland, competing directly with the Midland Chemical Company.
Premiere of the Sorcerer’s Apprentice impresses theater fans
By Ivy Seager
A play based on the poem by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe has been a major success in France. The poem has fascinated readers since 1797, when it was first written. The poem tells the story a sorcerer who leaves his apprentice in charge of cleaning his laboratory. The apprentice takes advantage of the lack of supervision and uses magic behind his skill to aid in his chores. As expected, nothing goes right and the apprentice is left trying to mend his mistakes before the sorcerer gets home.
The play is said to be set to a marvelous soundtrack that includes such instruments as flutes, piccolos, clarinets, bassoons, horns, trumpets, drums, and several string instruments including a harp. Theater fans have already praised the play, with one theater goer describing the play as “magical.” When asked how the play compares to the poem, a theater goer replied, “poem? Who reads these days when they can just watch the play?”
The Five States Herald 