Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Elections In Five States mostly a Whiff
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Elections always creep in on you like an unwanted storm, here one moment, gone the next. This election, in particular, felt like it came from absolutely nowhere, and like a seasonal storm, won’t be remembered in equal measure.
There was an expectation things would change, new mayors in cities, new governors and senators aplenty! Those who currently held power were, at best, pessimistic and at worst, absolutely prepared to just hand over the various seats. Yet when the morning dawn broke through, the results were puzzling.
There were minor seat changes in the lower state levels of Lemoyne and New Hanover; West Elizabeth might have a different state senator perhaps, but other than that, pretty much everyone who held power, will continue to hold it. The big-ticket items, like the governor and lieutenant governor of Lemoyne, will remain as was, with a Civil War soldier and a woman sticking around.
The average voter either seemed okay with the status quo, or probably forgot an election was even occurring. Such is the way of life out here; little ever seems to change, even on nights when change is always said to be in the air.
Del Lobo gang increases attacks on merchant trains and caravans
By Alois Burditt
Less than a week after I wrote an article about the federal government considering taking action against the Del Lobo gang, the gang has upped its aggression. Several merchant trains were attacked by Del Lobo gang members, who killed the guards and stole tens of thousands of dollars in goods. The gang has also taken out wagon caravans in addition to to trains. What has been striking to law enforcement groups in New Austin is that the Del Lobo gang has attacked beyond its usual territory. “If I didn’t know any better,” said Sheriff Sam Freeman, “then I’d think they were provoking the U.S. government after last week’s report.” The New Austin Rangers have been working hard to contain the Del Lobo gang, but have been unable to do so thus far. “We have agents working double shifts right now,” said a spokesman for the Rangers, “but it seems the Del Lobo gang just keeps growing.”
Authorities are recommending that transportation of any valuables be accompanied by heavy guard. “Whatever guard you would have had before, double it,” advised the Rangers’ spokesman.
Revenuers have rare success in the Grizzlies West
By Caylen V. Hornby
The Bureau of Internal Revenue thwarted a moonshining operation this week. You do not need to reread that line, I will repeat it. The Bureau of Internal Revenue succeeded in thwarting a moonshining operation this week. The news was as surprising to higher ups in the Bureau as it likely is to you, according to anonymous sources within the Bureau. Though it was only a small moonshining operation, the rarity of success with the Bureau’s operations make stopping even a small moonshining business worth celebrating. The details of the bust remain unknown. No witnesses to the bust have come forward and so the only information we have comes from the Bureau itself. Aside from confirming the successful operation, the Bureau is not forthcoming with details.
WANTED!
Investigators: Travel the Five States and report on what is going on.
Writers: Write the stories investigators find!
Photographers:
To take photographs to be used in the Herald.
Can also do all three!
Paralegal Bar Fight in Blackwater!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Being a paralegal is considered a pretty honorable profession by the average person. You prepare a case, take notes, look up key precedents, and get paid relatively well. You don’t usually think of paralegals as people who would get arrested by police and smash up a bar; well you’d be wrong as of this week.
The Blackwater Saloon was immensely slow this Thursday, with only a handful of regulars on hand ordering drinks. Later in the evening, a group of five paralegals walked in, discussing various cases and legal arguments. They all ordered a drink, which turned into another, and then kept going. They reportedly reached seven drinks before one mentioned how useless torts and case law are. Another said marriage law is the most important. This all sounds trivial, but it was enough for one to throw a punch. The rest soon jumped in.
Before anyone knew it, a table had been flipped, several bottles had been broken, and one of the paralegals was thrown through a window. Police immediately responded and arrested all of them. As of now, they still haven’t fully sobered up; one only hopes they are better at defending themselves in court than fighting each other.
Wild fight reported, but did it really happen?
By Lucien Privitt
Several Five States residents gathered in various places across the region to discuss a fight that many claim to have seen and yet may have never actually happened. That fight was one between the naturalist Harriet Davenport and Madame Nazar, the traveler who pays collectors for various goods. The two women have been the topic of several discussions. Many have wondered how Madame Nazar knows the things she does, with many collectors remarking about her deep insight. “Every time I see Nazar, it’s like she pierces into my soul!” said one collector. Naturalists wonder if Miss Davenport has a similar power to see into the souls of people. “I do my best to not kill any animals,” said a naturalist, “but sometimes I run one over with my horse and somehow, Harriet always knows!” The discussions that have been taking place all over the Five States centers around the two women allegedly getting into a fight. Some say that it was Madame Nazar who held the upper hand.
“Nazar is just out of this world and seen it all,” said one witness, “she can see weaknesses you didn’t even know you had!” Several others agreed with this, saying that Nazar was too fast and fought as if she knew Miss Davenport’s every move. Others, however, said that Miss Davenport had powers on her own to call on. “It might be true that Nazar is a bit more physically intimidating than Harriet,” one naturalist conceded, “but Harriet has animal allies.” Several witnesses reported wild animals descending upon Nazar, growling and swiping with massive paws and claws. “There was a grizzly, some ‘gators, a cougar, a pack of wolves, and a clan of badgers!” said another witness. However, before the fight could be resolved, Nazar disappeared without a trace.
It was during the follow up for this article that I learned, however, that the witnesses may have all been victims of some kind of mass hysteria. “I was no no such fight with.. what did you say her names was, Harriet?” Madame Nazar responded, “I know of now woman and have no reason to fight such a woman.” Miss Davenport told a similar story. “I am more interested in the plight of animals in the Five States,” Miss Davenport said, “I do not care about the actions of some gypsy unless she is attacking animals, which to my knowledge, has not happened.” During my interviews with both women, I did not see any physical evidence of any fight. Miss Davenport was a bit of a mess and had a few scratches, but her explanation made sense. “Not all animals are eager to receive medicine!” explained Miss Davenport.
Though many witnesses claim to have seen the fight, the accounts all vary wildly. Neither Madame Nazar nor Miss Davenport appear to have been in a fight and both denied the accusations. What causes the mass hysteria? Nobody has a reasonable explanation. But know this, readers, the fact is a fight never happened.
“Bear-man” fights off attacker in Smithfield’s Saloon
By Donna Deshner
Valentine “bear-man” proves to be as hardy as many believe when he was attacked this week. The bear-man of Valentine has been a regular at Smithfield’s Saloon and contrary to the nickname, locals know he is only a man. “We aren’t superstitious, we know he’s a man with a bear skin coat,” said another Smithfield’s regular, “but he don’t talk much and looks as sturdy as a bear, so bear-man is the name we gave him.” This week as the bear-man was enjoying a drink, a man walked in with ill intent. He eyed the bear-man and pulled out two pistols. The bear-man was already on the move when the attacker fired, but he was not quick enough. “He took a couple shots, I’m sure of it,” said a witness, “but that bear skin coat is thick and protected him.”
The bear-man then pulled out a double barrel shotgun and fired both shots quickly. The first shot went wide, narrowly missing the piano player, who continued playing despite the spontaneous gunfight. The second shot found its mark however, and the attacker fell to the floor. The shot hit him square in the chest, and though he did not die instantly, he did not last long. By the time the town doctor came to look at the man, he was dead. The bear-man sat back down and had another drink. All of the witness statements confirmed that the bear-man was only defending himself, and so local lawmen did not arrest him. The attacker remains unidentified.
Bounty hunter immunity criticized after Saint Denis rampage
By Emeline Vickroy
The long standing policy of granting bounty hunters legal immunity while on a job is coming under fire after Saint Denis policemen watch a bounty hunter rampage all over the city. The city’s policemen have refused to provide any identifying information about the bounty hunter, other than verifying they were on a legitimate bounty hunting job. “While it may seem inconvenient, the law is the law,” said one Saint Denis lawman who asked not too be named, “bounty hunters do this city a service and if we start interfering, then well, we are helping the bad guy, aren’t we?” Residents of the town, however, are now wondering who the “bad guys” really are. “That damn bounty hunter ran around the city just punching and beating the hell outta folks!” said Randall Rudolph, a resident of Saint Denis, “I tried to help some poor lady he was attacking and got a whooping myself, no policeman would do a damn thing about it!”
“Look, I know folks ain’t too happy about the policy,” said Saint Denis Chief of Police Benjamin Lambert, “but do you understand the paperwork that follows interfering with a lawful investigation? How can we know if the folks a bounty hunter attacks ain’t part of their investigation?” By the end of the bounty hunter’s rampage over a dozen residents were harmed, none were dead. The city doctor said most of the injuries are unlikely to be fatal, though one victim suffered broken ribs and has difficulty breathing as a result. That victim is expected to survive, but they have a difficult recovery ahead of them. Though eventually the bounty hunter turned in their target and ended their period of immunity, they could not be arrested for anything done while still benefiting from legal immunity. A small group of residents did gather together to take the fight to the bounty hunter, however, one look at the victim’s of the rampage broke the group up quickly.
When the young guide the old
By Adam Parvey
The Five States has become an increasingly difficult place to thrive in. Cowpokes have become increasingly aggressive and there have been more reports of random attacks than ever before. This week, however, a much more hopeful interaction occurred. A cowpoke who has been in the Five States for a long time came across an older gentlemen unable to secure a pronghorn during a hunt. “I noticed he was trying to lasso the pronghorn but continued to miss,” the long time resident said, “I also noticed his array of weapons and tools was severely lacking.” It turns out, the older gentleman had just arrived in the Five States within the last few weeks. He had set out to start a new life and though he was enjoying life in the old west, he was having a tough go of it. The younger man befriended the older gentleman and taught him a few tricks he had learned in the Five States. “I took him to a gunsmith, got him a new gun,” the younger man said, “I taught him a few things about shooting more accurately, with the kind of precision that would increase the damage to the target.”
The two ended the day by sharing a round of drinks at a saloon. The encounter, however, will not be a one time incident. “We made plans to continue wandering the Five States together,” the younger man said, “I’m going to show him the ropes and how to trade, make real money.” In a part of the nation where violence seems to be the rule, the exceptional story is a beacon of hope.
“Jerry coupler” sees widespread use under patent pending application
By Frederick Vannesse
The “Jerry coupler” is not a brand new invention, but a name given to an improvement to the knuckle coupler made by Andrew Jackson Beard. The knuckle coupler, though you may have never heard of it before, is a common part of many folks’ lives. It is the device that holds train cars together. Though the current knuckle coupler works well enough, many inventors have examined the device to make improvements. Beard’s improvements stand above those made by other inventors. The change to the coupler made by Beard improves the safety of connecting two train cars together. The current knuckle coupler requires a pin to be inserted manually to hold the cars together, which can be risky. Beard himself lost a leg while trying to connect two cars together, perhaps spurring his imagination for an improvement. His new coupler does not require a manual pin insertion, with the pin inserting automatically as the cars come together. The train ride is remains uneffected by for workers, this is a significant improvement. The coupler is being tested out across the U.S.. If all works out, a full patent could be issued as early as next year.
“Floradora” hits London theaters
By Ivy Seager
Theater goers in London were treated to the debut of “Floradora,” an Edwardian musical comedy. The comedy is product of several writers. The book was written by Owen Hall, but the music was written by Leslie Stuart, with Paul Rubens providing additional music for the play. The show stars Evie Greene, Willie Edouin and Ada Reeve, whose performances have been praised over the weekend. Early word of mouth reviews are building momentum for the play, with New York theater houses already looking to book “Floradora” some time next year. One of the most frequently praised parts of the play is the chorine, or chorus singers. Dubbed the “English Girls,” the chorine is made up of tall, “gorgeous women,” in pink costumes and black hats. Several theater goers left the theater singing the catchy tunes. Only time will tell how popular the play gets.
The Five States Herald 