Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Flame-throwers appear all over the Five States!
A new trend has law enforcement and other safety agencies on edge. This is not teenagers eating soap to fit in, but a trend with far more dangerous consequences. More troubling, the trend has no known origin nor have authorities figured out how to stop it. The trend: everything becomes a “flame-thrower.” One of the first reports was initially written off as a joke. “This fella came up and said some other fella ‘fart fired,'” said a Saint Denis policeman who seemed annoyed by the compliant, “and though I did not believe him, he insisted I follow and so I did.” What saw, he was not at all prepared for. “The man was bent over with a stream of fire coming from his rear!” the policeman exclaimed, “he was also screaming something fierce and it seemed liked no amount of water would put the fire out!” Other claims had the stream of fire coming from the rear of a horse or even livestock. The flames are not limited, however, to living creatures.
“I was just getting ready to leave town when I saw one of my wagon wheels start shooting a hot flame!” a cowpoke said, “I got on my wagon and the damn thing kept flaming even as I rode it forward.” He continued on, flame visible for nearly a mile. So far, the “flame-throwing” incidents have not led to massive fires. Authorities cited the Chicago fire of 1871 as a reason to be concerned. “What happens when one of these people sets a building on fire, then that building ignites another, and so on and so fourth?” a government official asked, “are we to just sit back and let the Five States burn?” So far, authorities have yet to formulate a plan to address what they are calling ‘Sudden Onset Flaming Attacks,’ or SOFA. “These SOFAs are really really bad,” said another government official, “cause all kinds of pain in one’s ass!”
Homestead rob in the middle of the night despite heavy protection
By Jose Chavez
An unassuming New Austin homestead was used to temporarily house valuable items. The items in question were to be transported through New Austin to Saint Denis, where they were to be displayed. However, that display will never happen. Details about how the valuables were taken are not available. It is known that there was a heavy guard presence. Nearly a dozen guards based on some statements. At some point after the sun went down, one or more attackers managed to silently kill the guards before retrieving the valuables. The defenders were found dead, throat slit or stabbed in the chest. Their guns all still fully loaded, not having fired a single shot. “It suggests the attacker or attackers, were careful and quiet,” said Tumbleweed Sheriff Sam Freeman, “they were professionals, you see.” Investigations suggest that there was likely only one attacker. Only a single pair of tracks was spotted outside of the camp and were consistent with impressions made when one is walking in a sneaky fashion. The identify of the thief, or thieves if they had help, is unknown and likely to remain so, as there were no witnesses left alive.
Frightening howling heard in the cold Ambarino night
By Jane Duran
Cowpokes camping in Ambarino were spooked by the sound of “other-worldly howling.” The group was camping in Ambarino after a successful hunting trip. They had just eaten and were preparing to get some reset when the howling started. “I’ve hunted and camped in these words for years,” said one of the hunters, “but I never heard that sound before in my life.” The group initially decided to sleep in shifts, with two members of the group awake at all times with their rifle. After the howling continued unabated for hours, the group decided to pack up and head out. “We figured it was safer to get on the move rather than stay there for whatever that creature was making the sounds,” one of the hunters said. They made it out of the Grizzlies alive and well, camping in Big Valley where they heard no howling at all.
Others who frequent the area said the howling was not some unknown creature. “Look, I camp out there all of the time, and I hear the ‘howling’ frequently,” the cowpoke said, “it’s the wind blowing through the trees and mountains!” The hunters, however, remained steadfast in their original claim. “It wasn’t no damn wind, I know the wind,” said one of the hunters, “and that sound wasn’t the wind.”
Man claims to have seen a ghost
By Odell Clifton
As we enter a month known for spooky happenings, stories have already begun to poor in about unexplained phenomena. This week a man said he saw a ghost in Tall Trees. “It was odd, they were there but see through,” the man said, “they even moved around but had no obvious features aside from a man like shape.” He walked around the ghost and even reported that the ghost began moving as well. “Then, just as soon as I had gotten used to its presence, it disappeared in a bright flash of lights,” they said, “those little lights swirled and then disappeared.” Dr. W. Bishop investigated the claims and said based on the description, it was no ghost. “Ghost? No of course not, ghosts aren’t real,” Dr. Bishop said, “other dimensions are of course real, and this was a situation where the barrier was once again thin.” The barrier between dimensions, Dr. Bishop explained, is oddly thin this time of year. “Sometimes peering into another dimension is simply an accident, a fluke, but given the bright particles described, I think this was intentional!” Dr. Bishop said, though he could not elaborate on who it might be that would do this such a thing. “I cannot say who would do this, that would require supernatural ability,” Dr. Bishop said, “though whoever did it likely has access to technology that we do not, perhaps a timeline that is ahead of us.” Dr. Bishop has vowed to continue investigating the area to determine how best to repair the thinning barrier and prevent such occurrences in the future.
More ritualistic behavior spotted in the Five States
By Nick McCrary
The ritual gathering and mutual firebomb throwing reported in weeks past is apparently just one recent occurrence of ritualistic behavior. This week, a man escaped and ran into Rhodes claiming he was nearly burned to death. “They caught me and some other fellers, said we was to be sacrificed!” the man screamed, “they said our sacrifice will kill off the bugs and bring new jobs to the Five States.” He claimed to see several others, both men and women, hogtied and bound on the floor. In time, each was thrown onto the campfire and left to burn and scream. “I was so afraid I could barely hear their screams, but I could see the fear on their face,” the man said. Before it was his turn, a few wild boar ran by the campsite. “The fellas chased after it, said they were hunger and needed some animal fat,” the man said. Then he quickly got to work. “I rolled over and put my hands in the fire, let the robe burn,” the man said, “it was painful, surely, but worth the price of freedom.” He then fled in the opposite direction he saw his captors ride off. By the time he arrived in Rhodes and a group of deputies was dispatched to investigate, the people were gone. “All the remained as the campfire, barely lit, and several burned bodies left laying on the ground.” said a Rhodes deputy. The victims could not be identified and likely headed to a Potter’s Field to be laid to rest.
Wanted outlaw spotted in the Heartlands
By Donna Deshner
The Van Der Linde gang is as notorious as they come. Led by a man called Dutch, the gang is known for targeting the rich, which led to their Robin Hood like reputation. Authorities, however, have warned against such romanticism. “Stories are all fine and well,” said one lawman, “but the Van der Linde gang is dangerous, no matter what you may have heard!” This week a cowpoke took a photograph of someone who looked like known gang member Arthur Morgan. Morgan is thought of as the gunslinger of the group, according to law enforcement agencies. “Morgan is known to be a good shot,” said a federal agent, “but also known to be quite quick, as if the rest of us are stuck in slow motion.” That view of the hardened gunslinger contrasts with the witnesses claim of what he saw. According to the witness, Morgan was playing a guitar for a dead bird. Was he offering the bird peace? Perhaps reflecting on the price of hunting? We may never know, just as we may never know if it was truly the outlaw Arthur Morgan or some imposter.
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Federal authorities praise man who killed bootlegger, state authorities arrest him
By Emeline Vickroy
The fight between the federal government at the the Lemoyne state government continues, unabated. Despite losing a war over the right to own slaves, Lemoyne has clung to the philosophical idea of states rights. The federal government, while respecting some domains as belonging to the state, has become increasingly energetic in state business. One such effort as been the Bureau of Internal Revenue, which largely seeks out distillers and suppliers of untaxed alcohol. Revenue agents have had significant difficult in upholding those federal tax laws, as locals and state officials have largely opted to ignore and resist them. This week, a bootlegger was shot and killed by a random resident. The man quickly reported to local revenue agents, citing the fact that the man he killed was transporting illegal moonshine. The federal agency quickly rewarded the man and thanked him for his service against “the horrors and abuses of untaxed liquor.” Authorities in Lemoyne, however, have sung a different song. The governor issued an executive order, declaring that no jail in Lemoyne will house the murderer. “If the feds want him,” said Benjamin Lambert, Chief of Saint Denis police, “they can keep him, house him, and feed him, who they can just give up.”
The revenuers eventually released the man, though the circumstances of the release are unclear. According to Chief Lambert, the revenues did not want the trouble of protecting someone who may be found guilt of murder. Bureau agents, on the other hand, claim they did not release the prisoner but had him stolen. “Those Lemoyne Raiders showed up in force,” said a revenuer, “we were offered the choice of surrounding the murderer or getting in a gunfight. The decision was an easy one.” The revenuers opted to not fight and released their prisoner. Which story is untrue remains unknown.
Rare earwig proven to be the problem faced by stablehands
By Lucien Privitt
It has been reported recently that a wave of bugs has infested the Five States. Along the time of this insect expansion, stable goers began complaining about being locked in the stable when trying to make a purchase. The stable hands were unaware of their actions and it was found that each had a strang earwig insect in their ear. Following the removal of the bug, the stable hands remember everything they had done, though they described it as “foggy.” “It was like I was awake, but asleep, when I did those things,” said the stable hand. To confirm that the earwigs were responsible, Doctor Ben Calloway placed the bug into the ear of other individuals. Each described a cloudy feeling, as if they were underwater or experience life though a “magic lantern.” This confirmed Doctor Calloway’s hypothesis that it was the bug causing the problem. Now, a solution needs to thought up and implemented. “The Five States is currently covered in bugs,” said Doctor Calloway, “which makes this single insect less noticeable, but it needs to be addressed.” People have started wondering what the Five States may look like in the future if these bugs are no brought under control.
Storm Season Hits North America!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
It’s fall, autumn, when the days grow shorter, and the nights turn colder. For many, it’s a happy time, the leaves change colors, and the heat dies down. But this time also ushers in a far less appreciative time, storm season.
It is this time of year when the winds pick up speed and don’t stop for days. When a blissful morning can be ruined forever by a funnel of air. When every sea captain says his prayers before sailing out. In middle America, it’s now when the feared tornadoes appear most often. Twisted winds tearing across the plains, killing and destroying all within its path.
Alongside it roams powerful rain and electrical storms, causing floods, landslides and even a bolt of lightning into the hearts of those unlucky enough to be outside. But the worst are the hurricanes, without a doubt about it.
Whether on the upper inland Great Lakes, or on the salty seas of the Atlantic or Pacific, fall hurricanes are the most dreaded of natural weather events. How many lives are lost at sea when a ship is caught unprepared? The helpless crew foundering, never to be seen again? To say the least of the coastal communities wiped off the map like the finger of God commanded it?
The Five States has had to wither variants of all these situations, we have pressed on, but it is not always easy. I have only this to say, watch the sky these coming months.
Minotaur to Live Again in Crete!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
In ancient times, the island of Crete was known for one thing; it was said to be the home of a half man, half bull. At the center of a maze hidden underneath a massive palace was a creature known simply as the Minotaur until it was eventually slayed. Of course, this is all mythology; there never was such a monster; it’s all a good story. But a good story can still bring in a lot of money, and thus according to the current government in Crete, the beast shall live again.
Construction of another grand palace of Minos is set to begin next month. It will also contain a massive maze and, quote, “a new Minotaur” for the public. How they intend to do this is anyone’s guess, probably a man dressed up to look like he’s half cow.
Some are calling this move shameless and pandering to tourists, while others think it might revitalize the Create economy, which has been in a rough spot for some time. I personally have no interest in traveling to the Greek isles but if anyone is swayed by this tourism trap, have at it says I.
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