Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Firearm Enforcement Agency Given Power!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Most citizens of the Five States are by now well acquainted with the Revenue Agency, government men who are tasked with going after illegal and untaxed moonshine. But of course, there are far more illegal items being sold throughout the country. Some might say these items are a bit more important than yokels with shine. These new problems have required a new agency to rise.
Firearm smuggling is widespread; the Five States is no different. People bring guns of various types to criminal gangs and across the border into Mexico. The problem is so widespread that a section of the Revenue Agency, the Firearm Taxation Unit, has been spun off into the Firearm Enforcement Agency. These agents are tasked with going after illegally possessed guns like Maxims, and untaxed firearms.
They are currently enforcing the laws in New York but plan to move to the Five States eventually, local citizens are already annoyed at the idea of another government agency stopping people at checkpoints, but this isn’t something the average voter can do much about. Like it or not, the federal government’s power is growing in the Five States.
Cougar hunt goes wrong
By Wylie Frey
The price of cougar pelts was a at a premium on the market this week, leading to several hunters targeting the predators. One too many hunters came seeking cougar pelts in Cholla Springs, which resulted in major conflict between hunters. While searching for the cougar two hunters got into an argument that became increasingly heated. Another hunter watching from further away could not make out what was said but said they sounded really angry. “I could tell they were talking about the cougar, something about claiming it first,” the witness said, “but I couldn’t hear much more than that.” The two men in conflict drew they handguns on each other, though one was quicker on the draw. “I watched one fella kill the other!” the witness said, “then I watched the cougar jump on the kill and bite him in the throat!” With both men dead, the witness aimed and killed the cougar in a single shot. While taking the pelt in to Tumbleweed, the witness reported the other two hunters’ bodies, though local law enforcement opted not to search the carcasses out.
Naturalist bathes in Lake Isabella after pheromone accident
By Jane Duran
Pheromones are all the rage these days for hunters and naturalists alike. The pheromones can be used to draw out elusive creatures with their powerful scent. A naturalists said she was trying to lure out the rare Winyan bison using pheromones when it went horribly wrong. “I got clumsy with the pheromone and spilled it on myself,” she admitted. While trying to get over the strong scent now clinging to her she did not notice she attracted a visitor. “The damn Winyan Bison was right there, rushing me!” she said. She managed to dive out of the way, but in the chaos of the moment dropped her rifle. Before she could grab it, the beast charged again. “I knew my handguns weren’t gonna do it so I shooed my horse off and jumped into the damned lake,” she said. Despite the cold she frantically rubbed the scent off before emerging. “The bison was gone, I was a live,” she said. She spent the next hour crouched closely by a campfire before being dry enough to travel through the cold region, having given up on the hunt, for now.
Hunter nearly becomes the hunted in Big Valley
By Odell Clifton
A hunter reported an aggressive buck while hunting this week. “I spotted it, it didn’t seemed to be spooked,” the hunter said, “but as I grabbed my gun the beast charged me!” The buck hit the hunter in the hip, knocking him to the floor. He the described the next several minutes as him frantically running as the buck sprinted in his directly. “Every time he got me, I thought I wasn’t gonna get back up,” the hunter admitted, “but I knew I had to or I was gonna die.” He said he was unable to steady his rifle to get a clean kill and as a result, he had to resort to desperately shooting with his revolver. “I know I ruined the pelt, but it was my life on the line,” the hunter said, “so I unloaded my rounds on the beast until it died.” Just as the hunter took a moment of reprieve, a cowpoke came running up screaming, “that was my daughter!” The cowpoke then leaned over the buck and seemed to be in mourning. “I don’t know how he thought a buck was his daughter,” the hunter said, “but I jumped on my horse and left before he took another notice of me.” The hunter did not see the man again.
Strange ritualistic behavior observed in Roanoke Ridge
By Donna Deshner
Strange reports about a large group of people dressed mostly in black came in all day. Both the Lemoyne Police Department mentioned such reports, as well as New Hanover State Police. The group was first spotted in Lemoyne. Estimated at over two dozen people, the group crouch walked along the Lannahechee River with bottles of alcohol in their hand. Several witnesses admitted to avoiding the group, though, they were unable to say why. “I didn’t see them break no laws or attack folks,” said one of the witnesses, “but a group that big, well, they could probably get away with anything so just best to stay away.” Several boaters on the Lannahechee reported watching the odd group travel north toward Roanoke Ridge, where they disappeared into the thick words.
The next day, a report came into the New Hanover State Police office that dozens of burned bodies had been found in the woods. Investigators arrived to the scene and were immediately horrified by what they saw. “Burning to death is not the way one ought to want to go,” said one of the investigators, “the pain of it ensures massive trauma before one dies, a last few moments of utter panic.” Few of the bodies were not completely burned. Investigators are hoping to identify those few to shed some light on what happened. While it is impossible to be certain that the group found burned was the same group stalking their way through Lemoyne earlier that day, investigators are working off the assumption that they are one and the same. “From the few no completely burned, their description matches witness reports,” said one of the investigators, “moreover, a few witnesses specified that the bottles of alcohol being carried had cloth jammed in at the opening, suggesting they were carrying fire bombs.” The investigators pointed to the significant amount of broken glass found among the bodies as evidence that fire bombs were the weapon of choice. “The bodies appear to have been running in all manner of directions,” the investigators said, “so we do not think the group was attacked, in fact, we think they did this too each other.”
Investigators currently believe the group ritualistically attacked each other with fire bombs. Why they may have did this is unknown, but cult behavior was not ruled out.
States Rights Hang in Saint-Denis!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
The Lemoyne Raiders have been quiet lately. It has been a long time since they attacked Saint-Denis, and Myra Rose Hart isn’t around to cause chaos by proxy, but the group still remains a great danger. The governor and lieutenant governor have raised bounties for prominent members. One such member was, by chance, captured this week.
Near the battlefields of Bolger Glade, a kindly old man was seen riding on a horse. He asked for a smoke from a random passerby, it was only after the talk did the stranger realize he was talking to States Rights Smithers, a key Lemoyne Raider.
He was named after his father’s staunched political beliefs prior to the Civil War. He reportedly fought in the west at Franklin and Nashville, he never officially surrendered to the Union. It was no surprise he became a Lemoyne Raider; the fact he has remained a member for so long is notable, but no longer.
The stranger pulled a gun and managed to drag him to Lemoyne. His trial was quick and swift; he was dangling by a rope by Monday morning. Eleanor Rockwell was in attendance; a mixture of solemn joy and disgust was noted on her face by reporters. States Rights didn’t die for 12 minutes, agonizing to watch, and yet a good victory against an insurrection group. The contradiction of law so often on display in the state.
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Can also do all three!
Strange earwig the cause of odd stablehand behavior?
By Nick McCrary
If you are reading this story then you have certainly experienced the new wave of bugs. We at the Herald have covered the bugs extensively, with several reports of people being swarmed by the insects and blacking out their view or flying beneath a rock to make it appear to be floating. Well one ongoing problem in the Five States that was thought to be unrelated to these bugs is the problem of the rogue stablehands. All over the Five States there have been reports of stable customers being locked inside of a stable when trying to make a purchase. The stablehands at these stables have been reported by witnesses as locking the customers in, though when questioned, they do not recall doing so. The doctor in Valentine this week was evaluating a local stablehand when they noticed an earwig living comfortably in the man’s ear. “Upon removing the bug with a set of tweezers, it seemed like a fog lifted from the poor man,” the doctor said. The stablehand was able to recall a few details about locking a customer in the stable, but could not say why he did it, only that it felt like the right thing to do at the time.
The doctor then examined other stablehands and found the same earwig in each of their ears. Dr. Ben Calloway is writing a report on his discovery. “I am trying to get word out as soon as possible,” said Dr. Calloway, “maybe we can stop this behavior.” Evaluating stablehands to check for, and then remove, any earwigs is the short term solution. Dr. Calloway said a long term solution needs to be applied by the authorities in the Five States. “We need the bug irradicated, or removal will just be a temporary reprieve,” Dr. Calloway said grimly.
The Fortune Teller to arrive in New York
By Frederick Vannesse
No, not a person claiming to know the future, but a play about a person claiming to know the future! Wallack’s Theater is set to host The Fortune Teller, the latest operetta by Victor Herbert and Harry Smith. The three act play was a hit in Toronto, where audiences praised the acting and the music, especially the song “Gypsy Love Song.” The story is set in Hungary and revolves around an heiress from Budapest studying for the ballet. She falls in love with a young Hussar captain, though as an heiress she is obligated to marry another. The protagonist’s struggles push the story forward through multiple musical numbers. Anticipation is high for The Fortune Teller.
French military makes advances in West Africa
By Ivy Seager
The British government is not the only European nation advancing in Africa, as the French make advances in their war with Cleric Samori Ture. The Cleric has managed to rally his forces to slow French advancement for over a decade. However, the French government says they are close to ending Ture’s resistance. The French government says they will bring order and civilization into the region, which they say will improve the lives of those who call the area home. They say that Ture is a relic of the past, fighting to ensure his people remain in poverty. Salvation, says the French government, is at hand.
The Five States Herald 