Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Bugs hit the Five States again
By Lucien Privitt
Residents of the Five States and expressed frustration over a new swarm of bugs hitting the region. The bugs are of several unidentified species. So far they have been described as largely a nuisance, but already frustrated residents are asking when is enough, enough? “I tried tracking a bounty the other day and the bugs swarmed me, I mean so many I couldn’t see even an inch in front of my face!” said a bounty hunter, “by the time the bugs were gone the trail on gone cold.” The bugs do no only target bounty hunters, that would be absurd. “I had just sedated a deer and was about to draw the sample when the bugs hit,” said a naturalist, “I couldn’t sample the animal, which woke up before the bugs cleared out!” Residents have also claimed that bugs have swarmed them while entering the Five States or swarmed them randomly until they blacked out.
“Life in the Five States is just getting worse,” said one cowpoke, “no jobs and now too many bugs to count!” Residents are unsure if, given the state of the Five States, authorities will bother addressing the bugs. “This happened before, I remember bugs all over the place,” said another cowpoke, “but the authorities hired some exterminators and killed the bugs off.” Of course, back then, the future for the Five States was still one full of hope. Now, that hope is bleak.
Floating rock found in New Austin
By Jose Chavez
A couple of cowpokes were traveling through the desert of New Austin when they came across something they did not expect: a floating boulder. “I could not believe my eyes,” said one of the men, “I ain’t ever seen such a thing in my life.” The cowpokes investigated and found the giant rock to be unmoving. “I stood on it and my friend took a photograph, I knew nobody would believe us otherwise,” one of them said. They spoke of the floating boulder to others, however, they were unable to track it back down. “We led some other fellas to it, but we couldn’t find it again,” one of the cowpokes said. Whether they were unable to track its location again or the rock was no longer floating is unknown. Experts cannot explain what was seen and believe the photographic evidence to be fraudulent. “Rocks don’t float in the air,” said a scientist, “that is impossible.”
One investigator did have a theory. “The witnesses did describe a loud buzzing type sound but did not see anything causing it,” the investigator said, “but I did find dead bugs around the area the rock was sited.” The investigator went on to explain he believed the bugs worked together to lift the rock into the air, before ultimately dropping, squishing themselves in the process. A strange explanation, but as likely as any, I guess.
Doomed expedition dug up, family able to bury remains
By Jane Duran
Weeks ago we brought you the story of an expedition in Ambarino that was buried beneath an avalanche. Survivors said they heard an explosion but initial investigations uncovered no evidence of the explosion. Further investigation, however, did reveal a potential blast site where several sticks of dynamite may have been blown up. There was no evidence that could point to who may have done it, though. Volunteers spent several days digging the deceased members of the expedition up once the investigation was officially closed. “I didn’t know nobody who died here,” said one of the volunteers, “but I can’t imagine not being able to say proper goodbyes to a loved one.” Though they worked in cold weather and under threat of further avalanches, the group of volunteers managed to account for every deceased member of the expedition.
Blackwater stable becomes part of region wide investigation
By Odell Clifton
The stable in Blackwater is the latest stable to be added into an investigation into customers becoming trapped. Several customers have reported entering stables to make a purchase, only for the doors to be locked shut behind them. Last week we covered an incident in Saint Denis, the investigation of which turned up no answers. In that case, as in the situation in Blackwater, the stable hands locked the doors shut behind customers. However, when questioned about it none of the stable hands reported remembering doing it. “All of the stable hands in Blackwater seem to have blacked out when the doors were locked behind the customers,” said the Blackwater doctor, “my colleague in Saint Denis described the same behavior.” Though the stable hands could not remember what happened, several were arrested for unlawful abduction. They were released within a day, however, pending the larger investigation. Horse purchases have declined sharply and stable owners have offered to fund the investigation, realizing the doom it may have on their businesses.
Mercenary Bands Still Roam the World!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Pick up a history book, and sooner or later, it will likely mention mercenaries. So-called soldiers of fortune, people who do not fight for an ideology but purely out for monetary gains. They have been around since at least the ancient Greek era, when soldiers of many city-states would join whoever paid the best. One would like to think such practices are long gone, but unfortunately, it’s not so.
Go around the world, to the empires of Britain, France, Germany, and Russia. You will find men who fight under no flag. Men who look for the highest bidder and who have no moral boundaries. Many are hired by these empires to suppress rebellion in the colonies, actions where brutality is the point.
Even our United States is not exempted from such organizations. Former US soldiers, lawmen, and reformed outlaws, these groups roam the country and even the Five States, waiting for a rich man or tycoon to pay them. The Pinkerton Agency may call itself a detective group, but it’s really a mercenary gang that can do anything for a price.
While these types of groups weren’t heavily involved in the war with Spain, that might only be due to the conflict ending so fast. When the next great war begins, these men of money will be ready like vultures waiting to feast on the dead and dying.
Investigation opened up to look into a specific kind of theft
By Van R. Seldon
Outlaws are as common in the Five States as dust. You really cannot travel far without running into an outlaw. Bounty hunters make a living catching outlaws and returning them to the jail cell they belong in. Outlaws, however, claim bounty hunters also make a living stealing from them. “I ain’t saying I’m a good man, but my property is my property,” one outlaw said, “and that bounty hunter done hogtied my and then stole my property!” This is not the first time such accusations have been made. Nearly every outlaw claims that either they are innocent or that they are in fact the victim. Authorities have been reluctant to take the claims seriously for a number of reasons. “Outlaws being tracked down by bounty hunters have had their due process and been found guilty so it is difficult to sympathize with them,” one federal lawman said, “moreover, their property likely once belonged to someone else before they stole it.” This time, an attorney is taking the claims seriously. He is representing nearly a dozen outlaws who say they had things like jewelry, alcohol, and rare tarot cards stolen off their person. Legal experts believe the attorney has his work cut out for him, but that is not stopping aggressive lawsuits being filed on behalf of criminals. “Everyone has rights, even and especially those accused of crimes,” the lawyer said, “if bounty hunters thing they can take advantage of folks because of their special license, they’ve got another thing coming!”
‘Invincible Man’ survives alligator attack
By Emeline Vickroy
A man was attacked by an alligator in the bayou, which is a rather common occurrence. This time, however, the man not only survived but did not was completely unharmed. Witnesses watched on in shock as the man was bitten and shaken all around. “The damn ‘gator had him in a death roll and the man just kept yelling and hollering,” one witness said. After several minutes of “thrashing” the alligator released the man, appearing to be bored of the entire thing. The man stood up and started examining his body for damage. When he found that he was completely unharmed he yelled out in celebration and started dancing right there in the swamp. The alligator was seen crawling back into the water, possibly to look for less invincible food.
The man underwent an examination in Saint Denis where it was determined that the man was in perfect health. The unidentified man could offer no explanation for his perfect resistance to the attack. The doctor, however, did have a curious explanation. “I found a strange bug under his skin, like a tick,” the doctor said, “only it wasn’t like any tick I have seen I after removing it, I was unable to properly kill it.” The doctor says the strange bug is still trapped in a jar so that it may be further examined. “I believe this bug, which seems to be unable to be harmed, passed its characteristics to the man it was embedded in,” the doctor explained, barely believing himself, “strange days, strange bugs.”
Legal Support Needed in Five States!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
You might open a newspaper and read about a court case, but people pay little attention really to how the court system works. It’s not done in a day; it requires a lot of reading, research, writing, and arguing long before anyone approaches the bench. The work done by lawyers, paralegals, and attorneys is critical within the system for the gears of justice to move, and those gears are moving mighty slow.
Across the Five States, in major cities like Blackwater and Saint-Denis, the amount of paralegals available for court duty is dangerously low. What’s causing this shortage is unknown, perhaps some don’t feel safe after the Myra Rose Hart incident, or maybe the pay is too low. Regardless, the result is criminal cases taking months to prepare instead of weeks, and some people must represent themselves instead of having aid.
While this is, of course, leading to legal quagmires and possibly jailed innocent people, it’s also leading to a reputation problem. Who wants to move to a place where the law doesn’t work correctly? What politician would give the Five States money if a critical part of democracy is fractured? I do not know how to fix such a problem, only that such a problem is blatant. Like a doctor dealing with a plague victim, one needs to act quickly in order to salvage anything!
Afro-American Council formed in New York
By Frederick Vannesse
Newspaper editor T. Thomas Fortune and Bishop Alexander Walters have officially formed the Afro-American Council (AAC) in Rochester, New York this week. The group is said to be a revival of the National Afro-American League (NAAL), which was the first organization formed to combat racial discrimination and segregation. The NAAL was disolved in the mid 1890s while Southern African Americans faced worsening conditions. The AAC plans to carry the flame of the NAAL. The group officially stands against lynching, voter disenfranchisement, and discrimination against African Americans. Bishop Walters will serve as the first President of the AAC and the members are made up of journalists, attorneys, educators, politicians, and activists. Bishop Walters acknowledged the uphill battle the AAC faces, but promised to face that battle with resolve and fortitude.
More British troops head to South Africa
By Ivy Seager
In the continuing escalation of their conflict with the Boers, British troops in Bombay, India are being transferred to South Africa. Several weeks ago 10,000 British troops were sent to South Africa as part of a so-called peacekeeping effort. A spokesman for the Crown has said the transfer of troops from Bombay to South Africa is not an indication of increased hostilities. He restated that there is no war in South Africa at this time, adding, “if war breaks out in South Africa it will not be the result of peacekeeping efforts, but a result of those that would disrupt the peace.” Locals have not been willing to speak to reporters, likely a result of a lack of trust. British forces have not been respectful of local customs or monuments, giving locals few reasons to trust “Westerners.” We will keep following the situation and keep you updated.
The Five States Herald 