Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Queen of Denmark Passes Away!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
In the early morning hours, the queen of Denmark, Louise of Hesse-Kassel, having held her title since 1863, passed away in her sleep. Her husband, Christian IX, who had married her back in 1842, made the announcement.
To the people of Denmark, this is considered a day of mourning; she was considered a quite popular yet quiet figure. Rarely public, she mostly spent her time gardening and donating to over a dozen charities she felt would help the common people. She was a mother to six people and a heavy patron of artists across Denmark.
Of course, not everyone is deeply upset by her death. Denmark has many colonial holdings in Africa, and the conditions are often said to be ghastly. The citizens of these holdings have expressed little kindness to her majesty dying, and some politicians in Denmark who have argued for more humane treatment are less than heartbroken. Various European countries and monarchs expressed sorrow, especially Victoria. The United States has said nothing on the matter, making it entirely possible Alfred MacAlister doesn’t see this as necessary.
My take on the matter is simple, while it is a shame six children no longer have a mother, monarchical power is something America has never believed in and never will, and the cruelty of colonialism is not so easily forgotten.
Nathaniel Cross receives full pardon from federal government
By Alois Burditt
Nathaniel Cross, one of the most successful bounty hunters in the Five States, has finally been pardoned for crimes committed as the Grey Cowboy. As a bounty hunter, Cross regularly brough back outlaws alive. However, those that know him did say he expressed frustration with the same outlaws escaping and running free over and over. At some point he adopted the alternate identity of the Grey Cowboy. A masked vigilante wearing all grey. As the Grey Cowboy he killed gang leaders and their hired help. Eventually Cross was accused of being the Grey Cowboy and a warrant was issued for his arrest for extrajudicial killings. New Austin was the first state to offer Cross clemency and he has lived int eh state ever since. The federal government has not issued its own pardon, stating the Cross has done more good than harm and his service to the Five States should count for something. Cross could not be reached for comment.
Gold nugget bonus goes mostly unclaimed
By Jane Duran
To spike tourism in Ambarino, the state legislature offered gold nuggets to anyone willing to travel to the top of Mount Hagen. The mountain is infamous as a hideout for criminals, but even more infamous for the many lives climbed by the treacherous path that leads to the top. Many lives have been claimed by Mount Hagen, though the true number of deaths will remain unknown as many bodies are frequently found buried under the snow months after their disappearance in the area. The Ambarino legislature said they did not give out as much gold nuggets as they had hoped. “We still have a pile of gold for visiting Mount Hagen,” said one of the legislators, “seems nobody wants to climb the mountain even if we pay them too!”
Weary cowpoke has an unusual experience with stalker
By Odell Clifton
A man riding around the Great Plains said he noticed someone starting to follow him around. “When I first noticed them, I figured thy were a hunter like me,” the man said, “so I ignored him.” After awhile, the man said that his stalker had not fired a weapon at any animal and always seemed to be near where he was. “Eventually he started getting closer,” the man said. The stalker did start to back off, however. “I guess he noticed me staring back with a rifle at the ready,” the man explained, “last I saw him, he had a camera out.” In Blackwater, the man was approached by the stalker, who handed him a photograph. “It was me!” the man exclaimed, “he had been stalking me to take a photograph not attack me!” In the Five States, it is always good to exercise caution. But remember, caution does not mean attack on sight, because that ‘shifty looking fellow’ might end up being peaceful after all.
Confrontation leads to humiliated cowpoke being gunned down in Valentine
By Donna Deshner
A man riding his horse got a bit to close to the train as it left Valentine station. His horse became agitated and when it moved, its reins got stuck on the train and pulled the horse down, where it was run over and killed. The cowpoke stood up, but was in a bit of a daze and backed right into the train. He was fortunate to survive, however. Another man riding by laughed at the poor guy and rode on after the train left. The poor cowpoke stood up and wiped the dirt off him and chased the man on the horse and fired. Witnesses say despite the close range, the shot missed. The man on the horse turned around and took a single shot with a pistol, killing the attacker. “Poor fella was humiliated after his horse got ran over and he fell,” said a witness, “but at least in death he ain’t humiliated any longer!”
Man becomes trapped in stable, investigation underway
By Emeline Vickroy
A man looking to buy a new saddle found himself stuck in the Saint Denis stable. The man, asking for his identity to remain anonymous while the investigation unfolds, said he was browsing when suddenly the doors all swung shut. “I didn’t think much of it at first, but once I made my decision, I found that the doors were barred shut from the outside,” the man said. Witnesses reported that stablehands closed the doors and did think it was odd that the doors were barred from the outside. “Seemed strange ’cause barring the doors on the outside ain’t gonna keep thieves out, you know?” the witness said. Others reported hearing screams and pounding on the door. Eventually a passing lawman enlisted the help of a few passersby and unbarred the doors, freeing the man. “The man was quite furious,” said the lawman, “and I can’t really blame him.” The stable hands were nowhere to be found. An investigation is underway to find out why the man was locked inside the stable.
Telegraph system being used more than ever before
By Adam Parvey
As the Five States continues to lose support from officials, and the men with the money, its future has been debated. With the powers that be in the Five States no longer interested in further investments in the region, who will provide residents with meaningful ways to spend their time? Turns out that its the telegraph system. Unknown parties have started using the telegraph system to send job requests out to cowpokes willing to put in some work. The jobs, however, have not been easy. “I lost a friend of mine to one of these jobs,” said a cowpoke, who reported that the targets of these new jobs are not to be trifled with. They added, “The Seventh Generation is not a group to be taken lightly!”
The Seventh Generation is not well known through the region, something the group has allegedly worked very hard out. Now, though, their reputation is starting to spread. Leaders of the group, described as a cult, have been bounty targets for awhile now. “Some folks think this group just started, but I’ve grabbed a few of their higher ups over the last few months,” said a bounty hunter, “their operations have merely expanded.” The unknown party funding the against the Seventh Generation has so far, been successful, according to authorities. “The Seventh Generation have had their operations severely diminished thanks to the talented gunslingers in the Five States,” announced a federal lawman, “residents quickly responded to incoming telegrams, likely because they had nothing else to do.” With the Seventh Generation apparently on the ropes, authorities warn everyone across the Five States to be wary. “They make try something big,” the lawman said, “a desperate move to save their reputation.” The warning is unnecessary of course, because everyone in the Five States has learned one hard truth: you must always be wary in the Five States.
Evaporated milk plant opens on the West Coast
By Frederick Vannesse
Said to come from “Contented Cows,” evaporated milk is milk for people who do not live on or near farms. Fresh milk is not universally available throughout the U.S., as it does not travel well due to spoiling quickly. Elbridge Amos Stuart, an experienced milk industrialist, has used a new technology to “evaporate” milk. The process removes most of the water and once canned, the evaporated milk is considered shelf stable. It can remain on a store shelf for months without spoiling. Mr. Stuart started the Pacific Coast Condensed Milk Company in Kent, Washington to meet the growing demand for milk across the nation. The company has already secured distribution contracts with several stores across the nation and may even make the product available via mail order catalogue. Mr. Stuart believes his product will be a household staple for generations to come.
Queen Victoria in Failing Health!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
For many in Britain, they have known only one monarch. Since 1837, Victoria has been the queen of Britain; so great is her influence and time on the throne that the very era we live in has become known as the Victorian Age. Back in 1896, she became the longest-lasting British monarch in history, beating her grandfather George III. Victoria held her Diamond Jubilee just last year; everything seemed well looking outward. It appears unlikely she will break many more records of reigning.
It’s been reported that Victoria is in poor health, rumored to be barely able to walk or see anymore. She cannot attend the funeral of Queen Louise of Hesse-Kassel as a result. Victoria frequently gets visited by family close and distant, from her children to the Kaiser of Germany and Tsar of Russia.
Nobody wants to say it, but it seems pretty clear her reign is coming to a close. She will not live forever; she will not surpass the Sun King Louis XIV for the longest reigning monarch. Much will be written when she passes, of good fortune and power for the British Empire, of all the terrible things done in her name. Much will be said, but now is not that time. History will be the ultimate judge, and it will likely be condemning or kind, but only time will tell. This we know, nothing will likely be the same for good or ill.
The Five States Herald 