Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Norwegians Continue to Settle in Upper Five States!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Take a walk around the northern parts of New Hanover, and you will slowly but surely begin to hear a distinctive accent. Stroll through Annesburg, and maybe you’ll notice workers who look a little more fair-haired. Perhaps even down a particular trail, you’ll hear talks of mystical trolls and other strange creatures from a faraway land. All these sights and sounds have one thing in common, its coming from Norwegian immigrants.
For one reason or another, the native people of that little Scandinavian country continue to arrive in droves, showing up everywhere from parts of West Elizabeth to the Grizzlies. But it seems they tend to congregate in northern New Hanover, likely because the climate is somewhat similar to Norway.
Do locals like these new guests? For the most part it seems so; they work every bit as hard as anyone else in these lands, and while the accent might be thick, plenty speak English quite well. Although some talk of trolls does get on some cowpoke’s nerves, but if that’s the worst thing, then count yourself lucky, I suppose. It takes someone with a real frozen heart to hate a Norwegian.
Train passengers report massive failure by two bounty hunters
By Jose Chavez
A train was taken over by a group of outlaws this week. One of the outlaws killed the engineer and took control of the train, pushing it far beyond the safe speed limit usually observed by trained engineers. Passengers feared for their life until they saw two men riding quickly behind the train and catching up. “I thought our salvation was at hand,” said one of the passengers, who described the riders as killing a few outlaws as they approach the train. It all went wrong, however, when the pair of bounty hunters attempted to board the fast moving train. “It just went to shit real fast,” the passenger said. The bounty hunters leapt for the train at the same time, but were too near to each other and collided. “They hit each other hard before falling into a patch of cacti!” The train continued on, unabated. “The villains eventually abandoned the train,” said the passenger, “I stayed in the train until some lawmen showed up, I was afraid of sniper fire you see.” The outlaws are still at large.
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Sudden snow turns race into a competition of stamina instead of speed
By Jane Duran
In Ambarino, it rarely snows. Despite that the region is usually covered in snow the act of snowfall is rarely seen. The only time snowfall is recorded is during a few weeks in the winter. The sheer coldness in the region then keeps it frozen year around. Race organizers were shocked then, when a sudden snowstorm hit right as their race started. “The racers had just took off when the snow started to fall,” said one of the organizers, “and then it started falling faster and heavier.” The racers continued on, though they were not moving much slower than before. “I couldn’t see far in front of me,” said one racer after the race concluded, “seemed like other racers or even trees would appear out of nowhere!”
Fans were forced to huddle into tents, working hard to keep fires lit and protected from the falling snow. “I really wanted to see the race but it was impossible,” said one onlooker. Most of the racers persevered though a few called it quits, exiting the race. “I ain’t a quitter, but in those conditions my horse or myself could have been severely wounded, even killed.” Of the racers with the stamina to finish, only one proved to be the fastest in a snowstorm. “Lots of folks had racing horses,” said Letha “the Breeze” Breeze, “but my stout draft horse was much better equipped to push through the snow.” While organizers said they cannot guarantee good weather, they are confident snowfall will not deter future races this season, as no more races will be held in Ambarino.
Blackwater defenders turn on gunslinger offering help
By Odell Clifton
A large gang of outlaws laid siege to Blackwater this week, prompting several residents to grab their rifles to defend their town. Four gunslingers arrived and took charge of the town’s defense, placing townsfolk in the best defensive positions. The fight was going well, as the defenders were successful in repelling several waves of attacks. However, at some point townsfolk started shooting at the gunslingers defending the town with them. “I was busy laying down fire, killing outlaws when I felt it,” said one of the defenders, “a shot into my back.” The gunslinger turned around but did not find an enemy. They resumed fighting off the attackers when they were shot again and realized it was one of the townsfolk. “At that point I had to take cover and treat my wounds best I could,” said the gunslinger, “found my friend, he patched me up and then we just left.” Blackwater was soon overrun when the gunslingers left. West Elizabeth state police arrived and eventually dislodged the attackers and pushed them out. As reports of townsfolk shooting other defenders had no firm identification, nobody was arrested.
Pair of cowpokes attacks bounty hunters, complains when they defend themselves
By Donna Deshner
A witness waiting for their train at Emerald Station reported an attack to the station clerk, who alerted authorities via the telegraph system. According to the witness, three folks were riding through Emerald Ranch when their leader grabbed a bounty poster off the wall. At the same time, two other folks attacked. “The bounty hunters seemed to be watching the other two men closely,” the witness said, “and then one of the two men stabbed one of the bounty hunters in the shoulder.” A fight then broke out and it did not go well for the attackers. “The fella who got stabbed pulled out a shotgun and blew that other fella’s head right off!” the witness said. According to the witness, it soon became clear that the two attackers were not alone, as they soon had allies joining the fight. “Didn’t matter,” said the witness, “the attackers got killed as quickly as they showed up for the fight.” By the time train arrived the attackers had realized they had little chance against the three bounty hunters and boarded the train in retreat. The bounty hunters pursued.
When the bounty hunters got closer it became obvious why the attackers were having little success. Based on the descriptions, two of the three bounty hunters were identified. None other than Nathaniel Cross and Akanowa. Cross has not bee seen operating outside of New Austin for close to a year now, however he and Akanowa had previously worked together frequently before Cross became a wanted man. Cross remains wanted in the Five States, except in New Austin, but seems to be operating in New Hanover presently. The final attacker threw his arms in the air in defeat, playing the victim by saying, “why the guns? we just wanted to play knife fights!” Cross hogtied the man and then set him on fire. As the witness’ statement makes clear that the bounty hunters were defending themselves, no charges have been filed.
Fire spreads in Lemoyne following moonshine bust gone wrong
By Emeline Vickroy
Federal agents from the Bureau of Internal Revenue tried to stop a moonshine wagon in Lemoyne, leading to a massive gunfight. The gunfight led to an explosion when bottles of moonshine were ignited. The fire quickly spread among dried up brush in the area. By the time firefighters arrived the only people in the area were dead. A burned up wagon full of broken glass bottles being the only evidence that anything occurred at all. In fact, if the Bureau of Internal Revenue had not reported the bust gone wrong, it is possible the origin of the fire would remain unknown. Investigators did say that they believed the spread was unnatural. “I believe this was not an accident, the fire was fully intended,” said one of the investigators. They pointed to the burn pattern, which suggested an accelerant was used and guided the flame. “It is very clear that moonshine was poured out, likely in a circle,” the investigator said.
The Bureau of Internal Revenue did not comment on the investigator’s report. The Bureau claims the fire was an “unintended consequence of engaging dangerous tax evaders.” The investigator elaborated, stating, “It seems a trap was set here, moonshine poured around an intended meeting place and then set ablaze.” It is unclear if it was the bootleggers or the revenuers who set the trap. The fire soon spread beyond the initial area. “Thankfully the dried brush was limited in this area,” said one of the firefighters, “it was contained mostly by the environment being so wet.” The dead bodies found in the fire remain unidentified.
Out of ideas, the governments of the Five States offer a free outfit
By Adam Parvey
With the BHTNC gone and other investors focusing on other endeavors, the Five States has been a queit and slow place. Having no ideas to keep the Five States fresh, despite several suggestions from residents, the state governments that make up the region teamed up to offer a free outfit to residents. A designer curated several outfits at a fashion show and earned the attention of a member of the West Elizabeth legislature. Word quickly spread and work started on securing partnerships with stores across the Five States. “I was skeptical at first about giving so many items away,” said the owner of the Valentine General Store, “but so far I have received payment for every item we have provided. While many were excited to see the state governments attempting to boost morale in the Five States, others have said it is a poor consolation prize. “I already have most of the items on that outfit, what I don’t have is a job I enjoy,” said one resident, “and what I want is a better job, I’d love to run a ranch.” Most residents seem to appreciate some interaction with the ‘everyday folks’ from those that govern our lives, even if the interaction is the bare minimum.
“Corn flakes” becomes popular breakfast food in the U.S.
By Frederick Vannesse
A year ago, Will and John Kellogg accidentally created a new food. After leaving cooked wheat out by mistake, Will and John Kellogg opted to roll the stale where through processes anyway and create a “flake” like food that had a satisfying crunch when eaten. Moreover, the staleness was undetectable. The brothers Kellogg gave some of the new food to friends who all enjoyed it. They named the new food “corn flakes” and have started ramping up production. Boxes of corn flakes have already made it all across the U.S.. With the increased production, the Kellogg brothers are certain that corn flakes will become the most popular snack in the U.S.. “It is inexpensive and tasty, and as it was already stale it cannot go stale again!” said a salesman at a general store promoting the new product. While the snack an be enjoyed by the handful, many are adopting the milk method of consumption.
The milk method of eating cereal was first adopted after “granula” hit the market. Granula was also made from wheat, but was so hard it had to be soaked in milk overnight to be eaten. It also changed the flavor profile, however, which is why some were inspired to try corn flakes with milk. As it does not require overnight soaking and can be enjoyed instantly, many believe corn flakes will become the most popular breakfast food within a few short years.
Military Budgets Increase Across the World!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
The war with Spain was over quick as lightning! Many had assumed it would last for half a year at least; ultimately it was over in a handful of months. This was seen as a great success for the United States, and crippling for the Spanish, but many other lessons were learned. Many saw this as an excellent reason to increase military spending on the off-chance conflict was to arise out of the blue.
Britain, Germany, France, and Russia have been the most vocal about the increases. Russia in particular has been trying to flex its might towards Japan in recent months, although the results have been fairly disastrous. For western Europe, the results have been more promising, with newer firearms and naval vessels being developed at a faster pace. Germany is even expected to have one of the largest navies in the world by the end of the century, and all it took was watching an American warship explode.
Countless diplomats have seen the increased spending as a potential warning of things to come. If one builds up so much war material, you’re expecting to use it at some point. It’s hardly a secret that much of Europe hates each other for one petty grievance or another. The amount of money being spent could soon one day drown the continent in blood and fire if we aren’t careful.
The Five States Herald 