Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Tort Law Reform Influenced by Pirate?
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Law is a complicated subject; it’s always been and always will be a system meant only for experts. One such good example is the concept of tort law. A tort for the uninitiated, is a legal term for a claim filed involving something that caused physical or emotional distress and demands compensation. An often-cited example is a worker receiving an unjust injury while at a place of business. Well, some people want to change the law to make torts harder to issue, and this argument rests on a long-dead pirate of all things.
See, when the famous buccaneer Henry Morgan became a politician, a man he was serving under, wrote a book alleging various awful crimes. Morgen said these claims were damaging to his character, wrote a tort at the individual, and managed to win in court. This is being cited as why limitations on torts are required.
Of course, people who tend to favor worker rights say this is being done to cripple labor unions and the ability for the common man to fight back. Arguments will begin next week in Washington, with the effects likely to impact the Five States in various ways.
Fort Mercer comes under assault, only one brave soul arrives to rally the defenders
By Jose Chavez
When word got out that Fort Mercer would come under attack by Del Lobo gang members, several volunteers showed up to defend the fort. Those volunteers were historians, workers, and tour guides. Not really the type that you would put faith in defending a fort. A lone cowpoke showed up to lead the defense, though they expected others to soon arrive. When nobody else did, they knew their chances at thwarting the attack had diminished severely. The first few waves went smoothly, until the attackers brough a cannon. The defenders fell rapidly at that point, prompting a call for retreat. The gunslinger leading the defense did their best to cover the retreat, though several lives were lost. The attackers claimed Fort Mercer as their own, before ultimately abandoning the fort themselves. “In truth, there isn’t much strategic value for a gang of outlaws to get out of Fort Mercer,” said a New Austin Ranger, “it’s too far from trade paths and too difficult to keep supplied.” The fort remains abandoned at the time of publishing.
Avalanche buries expedition
By Jane Duran
An expedition of explorers looking to find their own way into the Tempest Rim was buried by an avalanche this week. It was not long ago that claims started coming in from explorers saying they entered the Tempest Rim. Since then, there has been a race of expeditions looking to discover the mysteries of the largely unexplored area. Most, as in all, expeditions failed to find a way in but made it home safely. An expedition of a dozen members, however, met with tragedy when an avalanche covered the group in snow. Two members survived, one managed to climb out of the snow and the other miraculously survived until rescuers arrived. The latter was taken to Strawberry in a state of unresponsiveness. As of publishing, they maintain alive but still unresponsive. The survivor who climbed out said there was an explosion before the avalanche. “I think someone did it, sounded like dynamite,” they said, “not sure if it was for us or for another reason, but it weren’t no accident.” Investigators found no evidence of foul play. The bodies of the other members of the expedition were recovered so their loved ones can lay them to rest.
Illegal fight club broken up in Blackwater
By Odell Clifton
The day seemed like any other. Beautiful weather, folks out shopping, and a plains full of animals soon to be hunted. Then the sounds of thuds and grunts caught the attention of folks going about their business. “I heard what sounded like a fight, the sound of flesh meeting flesh,” said one witness, “not that I’d know that sound so well…” Others reported shouts and grunts to authorities. It took several minutes and several policemen to realize the sound was coming from above. The policemen climbed to the rooftops of Blackwater and saw two men fighting among a small crowd of people. They quickly broke up the fight and arrested the two fighters. “While it ain’t illegal to defend yourself, this kind of sport fighting is illegal without a license,” said Blackwater Chief of Police Oswald Dunbar, “and these folks had no license.” The fight was part of an underground, or in this case above ground, fight club. Such illegal fight clubs have been popular across the Five States. The two men spent the night in separate cells.
The “Bird Shooter Express” cuts across the Five States
By Adam Parvey
An unidentified train engineer ignored all appropriate train stops, instead, they kept moving at higher than usual speeds pass right by towns. Folks waiting for rides were frustrated as they watched the train speed by. For cowpokes on horses, though, catching up to the train was quite easy. Several cowpokes boarded the train to learn that it was called the “Bird Shooter Express.” “A fella was on the train and said, ‘welcome aboard the Bird Shooter Express’ and so I jumped on a train car and started shooting birds!” The powers that be in the Five States, in an attempt to both spread existing gold resources further and show support for the region, offered gold nuggets to cowpoke who shot flying birds while standing on a moving train. The greeter of the Bird Shooter Express said they and the engineer chose to offer this service when they saw how ridiculous the challenge was. “I know it’s been done a few times before, but come on, how arbitrary and annoying is this gold nugget challenge?” the greeter asked.
Several cowpokes reported boarding the Bird Shooter Express and successfully killing several flying birds. One of my anonymous sources in the office of a New Hanover state legislator told me that more gold nuggets were rewarded for the bird killing challenge than expected. Cowpokes who rode the Bird Shooter Express reported a positive experience. One said, “I’m rather new to the Five States and without the Bird Shooter Express, there ain’t no way I would have been able to get those gold nuggets.” A spokesman for the Central Union Railroad, who owns the train that was used as the Bird Shooter Express, said that the train was stolen and the bird shooting was not an amenity they normally offered. However, the spokesman also stated that if Central Union Railroad customers want such an amenity, they would consider how to provide it in a safe and orderly fashion.
A story of a kind stranger in a world full of stories about villains
By Donna Deshner
A naturalist reported encountering a kind stranger this week while sedating animals at Emerald Ranch. While the naturalist was illegally sedating the private property of Eugene Wegner, a stranger walked by and tipped their hat. “I didn’t think a whole lot about it at the time,” said the naturalist, “except that I was glad they weren’t attacking me.” The naturalist said they continued about sampling the farm animals before moving on to some nearby pronghorns. It was then that they encountered the kind stranger once again. “I turned around and there they were, putting a pelt on my horse before waving and riding off,” the naturalist said. Upon investigating the pelt they realized it was from a legendary Tatanka bison. “I had a coat made of that pelt, called it ‘Gift,'” said the naturalist. In a time when most stories about random and unprovoked attacks, it brings me great pleasure to bring you a story of unconditional kindness.
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Brawl breaks out in Saint Denis Saloon
By Emeline Vickroy
Patrons were enjoying a relaxing day in the Bastille Saloon when a woman walked in and initiated a brawl. The woman was described as wearing dirty clothing. Witnesses said she walked straight to the bar and knocked out a man with a single punch. The man’s friends quickly surrounded the woman, however, she quickly repositioned herself so they could not attack all at once. “She must have been a trained fighter, with all the dodging and weaving,” said a witness, “I am quite sure I would not have lasted half a minute with those fellas.” As the fight went on, the men continued to go down. When only two remained it seemed like the momentum was changing as one of the men grabbed the woman in a chokehold. Unfortunately for him, she manage to free herself from the man’s grasp and promptly slammed his head into the bar. Just as she knocked out the last man, two others entered the saloon and attacked her. She promptly put them down with a serious of punches and kicks, drawing out a final attacker.
“The man that came down the stairs looked big and mean,” said a witness, “I was scared for that women, fighting through seven men just to have to face that monster of a man.” The witness’ fears turned out to be unfounded. For all the man’s size, he could not match the woman’s speed. She dodged several of his strikes, countering with strikes of her own to his chin and to his abdomen. The man was unable to lay a single blow on the woman as she repeatedly tagged him with hits every time she dodged or blocked. Eventually the giant of a man slowed down greatly, appearing sluggish before the woman finished him off with a brutal combination of strikes. Authorities arrived long after the woman left and upon investigation believe the brawl was between moonshine competitors, as the men were identified as known bootleggers and arrested. The woman remains unidentified.
Novelty Song about Shoes Annoys Many!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Song smithing is universal and quite popular from sea to shining sea; that’s pretty hard to argue against. It’s also equally as difficult to say all this music is of high quality. There is plenty of rapidly written trash that belongs in a garbage can and not a songbook. Unfortunately, some of these songs have become popular, and one such piece is really tearing it up lately.
A song, written by a dentist of all people named John R Plimpton, has become shockingly successful. It’s a simple novelty song about so-called “rocking skates,” shoes that allow the user to roll around on sidewalks. Many find them annoying, this song even more so. The song for the record is merely titled The Rocking Skate Song. It’s just a love song to these terrible shoes, and yet people are humming it from New York to San Francisco.
Worse yet, it’s appearing in the Five States! In Saint-Denis, it’s being sung by dockworkers to pass the time, or to annoy supervisors into leaving. The lyrics will not be printed here; it’s far too insipid and cruel to do so. We leave you with this, a man who writes songs in Blackwater said this about the song. “If I was the last man on Earth and that was the last song on Earth, I’d gladly empty my revolver into my head.”
Earthquake shakes Alaska
By Frederick Vannesse
The few folks who call Yakutat Bay, Alaska home were shaken, literally, when the aera was hit with an earthquake. A few campers and prospectors are known to be in the area, though it is too soon to expect to hear anything from them. A fishing boat that was just off the coast of Yakutat Bay reported massive waves following the shaking. One traveler on the coast said the shaking started without warning and that they road it out until it stopped, then continued traveling until they reached town. Rescue parties are gathering to search the area in case anyone was hurt. Experts, however, warn that the earthquakes may not be over.
British government sends 10,000 troops to South Africa
By Ivy Seager
British forces are doubling down on their claims in South Africa. As tensions continue to rise in their conflict with the Boers, the Crown sends another 10,000 troops into the area. The tensions have resulted in several armed conflicts and some have suggested it is already a full fledged war. The British government has not publicly declared that it is a war and, in fact, have denied that it is anything more than peacekeeping in the area. Critics of the British government have pointed out that the British government only wants to deny it is a war because it is going poorly for them. The Boers know the territory and have used that to their advantage, completely thwarting British efforts in the area. With more troops now landing in South Africa, the British government is hoping to change that.
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