Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Queen of the Battlefield for a New Era?
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
What is the most dangerous weapon on the battlefield? In times past, it was somewhat unclear. Many would say the cannon, for it could strike targets at long range, yet reloading took time; many cannons were needed, and even then, it couldn’t change the course of a battle. Some are now saying the new automatic weapons, such as the Gatling or worse, will rule the day in the future. This seems unlikely; the ruler of warfare will likely be, definitively, artillery.
The latest big gun in service for the US military, the M1897, was but briefly used in the war with Spain. Yet even in a small usage, it shattered them. The gun was accurate, reloaded quickly, didn’t require multiple guns nearby to bombard a position; it was devastating. In future wars, weapons like this will probably be used on an even larger scale, and the results will be beyond ghastly. A bayonet charge across a field will result in only the demise of the attackers; one cannot cross open territory with these weapons in use.
War constantly evolves; it ebbs and flows like a river. Yet the only outcome when these new “queens of the battlefield” are used, will be a river of blood. I cannot be excited at all for what the future of warfare holds after seeing these weapons in use. I only wish armies would realize the futility and throw down their arms, but that will never happen.
Train conductor demands partial payment for bounty
By Jose Chavez
Silas Munt, a train conductor in the Five States, has filed a complaint with the bounty hunters’ office. Mr. Munt primarily drives the train in New Austin, where he said he assisted in capturing a wanted man. “I saw a fella chasing another fella,” Mr. Munt said, “and the durned runner ran onto the tracks and got himself killed!” Mr. Munt brough the train to a stop to investigate and learned the man he ran over was a wanted man being chased by a bounty hunter. “Bounty hunter offered their thanks,” said Mr. Munt, “but didn’t offer me part of the reward even though I was the one that stopped them.” This led to Mr. Munt traveling to Rhodes, where bounty hunting licenses are issued. There, Sheriff Leigh Gray denied his request for a small payment. “Sheriff said he can’t issue any payment without a body, dead or alive, which I did not have,” said Mr. Munt. He then returned to New Austin a defeated man.
Man attacked in Ambarino, but not by what you would expect
By Delphia Atwood
A traveler was riding through Ambarino when he was attacked and knocked off his horse. Though the man hit his head on a rock, he made it to Strawberry to be evaluated. There, he told his story. “I was on the look out for wolves, or even a bear,” the traveler said, “but it was a big ole moose that got me!” He said the moose came at him from out of nowhere and he was unable to react. “Before I knew it I was falling,” he said, “and though my head hit from hitting the rock, I know what I saw and I saw a moose running away.” Other travelers who frequent Ambarino say that moose are rarely spotted, but that they can be aggressive if they feel threatened. The traveler said he did not hunt the moose because he was already feeling a bit cloudy and instead hurried into town. He was not diagnosed with any serious injuries and rested it off in Strawberry.
Postal strike or personal vendetta?
By Odell Clifton
A man complained that the Blackwater Postal Office refused to provide him service. He explained that he arrived at the Blackwater Postal Office to send a package when the clerk just turned around. With his back facing the customer, the Postal Office employee then ignored every single request made to him. The cowpoke finally became frustrated enough to leave Blackwater and head to a new town to find, “proper working mean who know how to serve paying customers.” The Postal Office did not return our request for a comment and there is no official filing for a strike. Another customer had no issues, however, and was able to send a collection of items through the mail. “As soon as that fella left, the clerk turned back around and offered assistance,” said the customer, “gave that fella a dirty look as he left too.” The clerk did not explain what he had against the cowpoke that led to a refusal of service, but other customers said he was cheery and helpful the rest of the day.
Outhouse murder has Valentine residents worried
By Donna Deshner
There is not much that can shock the residents of Valentine. The town attracts a wide assortment of gunslingers, many of whom are often looking to cause a little trouble. Fights and shootouts are so common now that residents often do not react to them anymore. Murder, only slightly less common than fights and shootouts, has similarly lost some of its shock. This week, however, residents found themselves stunned, afraid, and vulnerable. A man was found dead in the outhouse and based on his state of undress, was killed in the middle of doing his “business.”
“I understand that folks come to Valentine to get rowdy,” said one resident, “but sitting on the shitter is sacred, who would interrupt such moment?” Many residents similarly agreed that using the restroom should be treated as sacrosanct and not attacked until their “business” is finished. One resident disagreed. “What’s it matter if you are killed taking a shit or playing cards? Dead is dead,” the resident said, “I think most are just more afraid of being caught with their pants down than being killed.” There were no witnesses to the crime, The victim had a wound in his neck, where he was likely stabbed. If you have any information on the man’s murder, please contact the Valentine Sheriff Office.
Man kills alligator to get beloved hat back
By Emeline Vickroy
A man traveling through the bayou was surprised by an alligator. However, the man was also quick thinking and dived out of they way of the alligator’s attack. During the dive the man lost his hat, which the alligator promptly ate. “I love this hat, you understand,” the man told me, showing me the dirty hat that now has a hole from one of the alligator’s teeth,” so when the bastard ate it, I knew I had to kill it.” He was not prepared to hunt and only had two handguns on him, so he pulled them out and unloaded on the beast. “The pelt was completely ruined,” the man said, “and my hat was damaged but it’s still good.” He said he will not replace the hat because, “this one has been with me for quite awhile, it’s as much a part of me as my arm!”
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Exiting resident killed while telling new arrivals the Five States is dead
By Adam Parvey
Two ships shared a dark fate this weekend, as one departed while another arrived. The ships were not especially large and witnesses say that the departing ship had a woman leaving the Five States. However, another ship was nearby arriving into the Saint Denis port with several new arrivals. Witnesses at the docks said they could hear the departing cowpoke yelling at the new arrivals on the nearby ship. “You ought to turn around and leave, the Five States is dead!” they cowpoke yelled, “The Old West is dead, get out while you can!” One of the witnesses on the docks did not appreciate the cowpoke’s warning and answered with their rifle. The witness fired a single shot, which hit the woman in the head. Her body fell lifeless into the water as the new arrivals watched on in horror. The departing ship sped up as the arriving ship docked. The new arrivals nervously walked along the docks as the shooter fled Saint Denis Police.
“It seemed their horror and surprise quickly abated,” said another witness, “because soon they were shooting at the police and the shooter alike.” The Saint Denis docks then descended into chaos. All ships scheduled for departure suddenly fled, leaving behind cargo and people. Arriving ships were refused permission to dock. It took over an hour for order to be restored at the docks. The shooter had escaped, as had most of the new arrivals who joined the gunfight. One of the new arrivals was arrested, but promptly posted bail.
Rugged Riders celebrated on the anniversary of Spanish surrender in Cuba
By Frederick Vannesse
Though the Spanish-American War seems to have ended over a year ago, it also feels like the war is still ongoing. It is a strange time to be in. It was a year ago this week that the Spanish forces surrendered to Thaddeus Waxman and his Rugged Riders in Santiago de Cuba. Though the United States forces had the advantage right from the beginning of the brief war, it was Waxman and his Rugged Riders that turned the war into a landslide in favor of U.S. forces. The Spanish forces in Cuba were unable to withstand the assault from Waxman’s calvary, ultimately leading to the Spanish surrender. The war went downhill for the Spanish from that point on. Waxman has been held up as a national hero. Rumors suggest Waxman will capitalize on his popularity by running for president.
Cell network officially named the “Golgi Apparatus” after the man who discovered it
By Ivy Seager
Italian biologist Camillo Golgi discovered something that sounded impossible. Cells, invisible to the naked eye, had a full network they used to communicate to other cells. This invisible network, explained Golgi, is how cells “spoke” to each other and communicated. Critics said the discovery was little more than artefact of the staining process he used to view the cells under a microscope. However, his observation has been repeated and verified. The cell network has now officially been called the Golgi Apparatus.
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