Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Fare Thee Well, Black Rose?
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
It may be time to bid farewell to the Five States most infamous criminal. Weeks of searching by the US army have turned up no sign of Myra Rose Hart, fresh off yet more ghastly crimes. She hasn’t been seen anywhere; rumors have spread she has fled the entire country. A letter received today, seems to confirm this.
Postmarked just six days ago from New Austin and with that distinctive signature, she claims that the thrill is gone and the misery not strong enough. That this daughter of America felt it was time to move on to greener pastures, specifically Mexico. She ended her letter by saying, “It was fun while it lasted; perhaps in time, you’ll miss me. But I know you will never get rid of the criminal spirit that forever dwells in your soul. Fare thee well, America!”
If so, doubtless many would-be bounty hunters will continue hunting for her, and undoubtedly still many shall not return. Mexico is a different world, one on the brink of annihilation. One can only hope it will drag the Black Rose down with it, but hope and wishing never got rid of her.
Gunfight on a speeding train
By Wylie Frey
A wanted man, along with several hired guns, commandeered a train in an attempt to escape a bounty hunter. Several travelers reported almost being run over by the train, which was moving much faster than expected. The outlaw was unsuccessful in their attempt. Two bounty hunters boarded the train south of Armadillo. A witness on the train reported that the hired guns were not very skilled. “There was about a dozen of them, but they couldn’t fight off two bounty hunters,” the witness said. The fired gunmen were killed and the two bounty hunters were unharmed. “One of them went about untying us, while the other captured their outlaws’ boss,” said one of the captives on the train. The train was ridden back to Armadillo where the outlaw was turned over to the local sheriff station. The train itself was then taken in for maintainance after being pushed to its limit by the outlaw’s escape attempt. The train conductor who had the train stolen from him was a bit surprised by the escape tactic. “I don’t think the fella was very smart,” the conductor said, “I mean that track just loops around, it woulda just brought them right back to Armadillo!”
Revenue agents get into major shootout near Cattail Pond
By Jane Duran
Revenue agents raided a moonshining operation near Cattail Pond, leading to a shootout in the cold Ambarino night. Revenue agents reported that they arrived at a small building as night fell, but as they entered they were shot at from the trees. “We had to take cover in the very building we were assaulting,” said one of the agents, “it seemed they knew we were coming and turned the ambush around on us.” Agents were unable to fire back as every time they look through a window they were fired on. Their situation become even more pressing when firebombs were thrown into the building. “Given that the location of their operation was compromised, we should have expected such desperation,” an agent said. As the fire raged the moonshiners began firing nonstop into the building, which according to the surviving agents only created more confusion. As the walls became consumed by flames and weakened the building began to collapse. The shooting stopped, which allowed a few agents to escape. The Bureau of Internal Revenue has not officially announced how many agents died, but a source within the Bureau told me at least three died in the first. Alcohol distilling equipment was found at the location the next day, though the identities of the moonshineres remains unknown.
Customer files complaint with Blackwater General Store
By Odell Clifton
Customers at the Blackwater General Store were alarmed when a man walked in loudly complaining about a product he purchased. “I need your help, this pomade I bought, it ruined my hair!” they exclaimed as they walked in. Though they did not threaten anybody or appear violent, the customers were shocked by the loudness of his voice and the desperation of his tone. “You would have thought someone had just died, the way he came in hollering,” said a customer. The sales clerk suggested taking a bath and washing the pomade out, however, the man said he already tried but stuff was unwashable. “The poor man didn’t seem so bad, but was getting quite desperate,” the clerk said, “and desperate men are unpredictable.” Another customer suggested shaving their head and starting over. The man left the store much quieter than how he came in. Witnesses say he seemed full of disappointment and warned others not to purchase pomade unless they want to ruin their hair. The store clerk said this is a common complaint. “Most folks think they’ll look cool with slicked back hair,” said the clerk, “but they end up looking like a fool.” Still, the clerk sells pomade because they do not offer refunds and as a result, dissatisfaction is not a problem for him. “Perhaps one day I’ll sell a pomade remove,” said the clerk, “but folks will need gold for it.”
“Dirty gold” hits the Five States
By Lucien Privitt
Authorities are concerned about so called “dirty gold,” counterfeit gold bars that are identical to genuine gold bars. “The major concern is that in truth, there is no way to discern dirty gold from genuine gold,” said a federal investigator, “only way we can tell the difference is by catching criminals when they access the dirty gold.” Authorities say the dirty gold is distributed through chests hidden across the Five States. Should random travelers come across the chests they will find a few valuables but likely be unaware of the false bottom hiding near endless gold in holes dug beneath the chests. As word about this dirty gold has spread, however, some are concerned that they have unwittingly come into position of this illegal currency. “I found a chests not long ago, right,” said one man who wished to remain anonymous, “but noticed the bottom was broken and found a bunch of gold hidden under the chest.” It was not until they have harvested several gold bars that they wondered if they were in violation of the law.
This concern has been expressed by many, with some saying they suffered the consequences for unwittingly stumbling upon, and taking, over 100 dirty gold bars. “How was I to know the 100 gold bars hidden in that chest wasn’t a gift of fate?” asked one man who had been jailed for a month for having been caught in possession of dirty gold. Others have successfully fought off legal action by providing evidence that it was not ill intent, but poor judgement and ignorance, that led to their possession of dirty gold. Authorities have stated they will exercise caution when punishing those who have dirty gold, “we don’t want to arrest innocent folks who merely thought it was their lucky day,” said a federal lawman. Still, authorities warn cowpokes to use their better judgement. “If it seems to good to be true, it likely is,” said a federal lawman, “like new jobs coming to the Five States, you know?”
Madman spotted in Valentine hotel
By Donna Deshner
Valentine residents were alarmed this week when a man muttering to himself came into town. He was described as having an odd look in his eyes, almost as if he was both staring past you and into your soul at the same time. Valentine sheriff’s deputies were notified that the man was brandishing a weapon in the town hotel. A woman who works at the hotel entered a room to find the muttering man with his gun out. He stood in front of the mirror pointing the gun at his own reflection, muttering mostly undecipherable words. “I did hear one thing,” the woman said, “he said, ‘are you talking to me?'” Several deputies stood watch near the hotel but did not move against the man. “Pointing a gun at your own reflection may be odd, but it ain’t illegal,” said Sheriff Curtis Malloy. No other disruptions were witnessed though hotel staff remained tense until the man left.
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Panther hunt has varying levels of success
By Mathilde Orry
Southern Lemoyne, near Bolger Glade, has recently seen a significant increase in panther attacks. The area is far enough away from both Rhodes and Saint Denis as to warrant very little attention from the two largest settlements in the state. However, the Braithwaite’s have filed several reports of panther attacks in and around their property. Panthers are excellent hunters, able to remain hidden until they attack. They are also quick and agile enough to quickly flee at the sound of gunshots. As a result of the rise in panther attacks, the wealthy Braithewaite family offered bounties of gold nuggets for hunters who kill panthers around their property.
Several hunters arrived in southern Lemoyne but not all were successful. Braithwaite farm hands reported several dead bodies around the area. The dead were not Braithwaites or workers, so it was assumed they came for the panther bounty. However, instead of being the hunter, they were hunted. Failure was not the only outcome, though. Many hunters were successful and over the course of a day, half a dozen panther carcasses were dropped at the Braithwaite Manor. That is a large number of panthers for such a small area and so the Braithwaites believe their panther problem has been resolved. Further bounties for panthers will not be paid.
Alternate History Book Sells Out!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
The past is dried ink; it can never be changed. We look backwards and sometimes wonder if life would be better or worse if something had changed. Well, an entire subgenre of literature exists to ponder this very question.
Alternate history, the does as it says on the tin. Books where history is different, sometimes better, sometimes worse, always interesting. It’s a concept that’s been around since ancient Greece and Rome, pondering about the past and its many alterations. The most popular book in the United States in this genre is, without question, Behind from Where We Came, written by an Iowa woman called Miss Wetherill, nicknamed Mother.
She died five years ago, but this book was only just published by her children as a fond farewell to her. It’s a compilation of stories ranging from Alexander the Great to the Civil War. Her children saw its success as quite a shock; it was just a parting embrace, nothing more. It wasn’t made to sell off the shelves in New York or Boston. Perhaps people like reading about a world where things are better or worse; it brings comfort or meaning to our world in small but critical ways. A more fitting tribute there could not have been.
Joshua Slocum safely arrives in Rhode Island
By Frederick Vannesse
Joshua Slocum’s three year journey is finally over. Mr. Slocum arrived in Newport, Rhode Island exhausted but happy to have completed his task. Although Mr. Slocum took several breaks, including an extended stay at his childhood home, Mr. Slocum has spent most of the last three years alone at sea. The solitude had a profound effect on Mr. Slocum, who appreciated being able to hug his loved ones and speak with friends again. He plans to write a book about his experience.
Automobile Club forms in the Netherlands
By Ivy Seager
Despite automobiles being in their infancy still, an “automobile club” has formed in the Netherlands. The Dutch Automobile Club has formed with the plan to organize recreational events around automobiles. Such recreational activities are certainly out of reach of all but the most wealthy of individuals. The club organizers, however, see the formation of the Dutch Automobile Club as the building of a foundation to bring such activities to anyone interested, not just those with money.
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