Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Cowpokes Report Time Travel?
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
It all started as a typical day for Paula Fletcher, a self-proclaimed female cowgirl and cattle rancher. Get the cattle out to graze, bring them back in, an average day’s work. But when she got on her horse to get the cattle moving, something was wrong. She looked at the time and saw her clock was ticking backward. It went from 9 AM in the morning to 8:30 AM. This young cowpoke must have figured her pocket watch broke; that’s another lost twenty dollars, she grumbled. But things kept getting stranger.
What at first she thought was merely a cloud blocking the sunlight soon began to feel like nighttime. Crickets began to chirp, and the cattle were lying on the ground like they wanted to sleep. The cowpoke’s confusion soon galloped into concern and fear. Then like the snap of a finger, there was a bright blinding light.
For a few seconds, she couldn’t see, leading to her horse running headlong into some cattle. She flew off the saddle and into some bushes near a tree, thankfully unharmed. She rechecked her pocket watch; it was 1 PM now? She rushed back home and checked the calendar, it was now Monday, but it had been Sunday just an hour ago?
Miss Fletcher is at a loss for words to explain her experience, and so are the few people who believe her. Drinking too much? Divine providence? Sign of life from beyond the stars? We are genuinely as stumped as her.
Nathaniel Cross evades bounty hunters and federal police
By Alois Burditt
From hunting down wanted outlaws to being the hunted himself, Nathaniel Cross is now a wanted man. Cross has been accused of being the masked vigilante the Grey Cowboy, an accusation he has not denied. A group of bounty hunters found Cross having a beer at the Tumbleweed tavern when they approached him. Witnesses say the bounty hunters offered a peaceful resolution, which Cross ignored. After finishing his drink, Cross stood up and shook his head at a few lawmen who had their hands on their guns. “I’m pretty sure those deputies were ready to defend Cross,” said a saloon patron, “but he waved him off.” A short conversation was had, where Cross convinced the bounty hunters to take their business outside as to not damage the saloon or harm its customers. The three bounty hunters followed Cross out of the saloon and then, without warning, Cross turned around and threw something at the bounty hunter following him closest. “It must have been a bolas because that man went down screaming and unable to move his arms,” a witness said.
The wrapped up bounty hunter fell into his friend behind him, causing him to stumble. The third bounty hunter managed to step aside and not get knocked down with his compatriots. He drew his gun and turned his attention to Cross, who already had a pistol to the bounty hunters head. Witnesses say the bounty hunter tried to point his gun at Cross anyway but was shot dead before he could pull the trigger. The second bounty hunter was back up by this point, however Cross quickly hit him in the head with his pistol, sending him back to the floor unconscious. The first man, still struggling in the bolas, was then given a swift kick to the head, leaving him knocked out. Cross grabbed his bolas, tipped his hat to several Tumbleweed Lawmen and then rode off, promising not to bring anymore trouble to the region. That was not the only reported conflict Cross had. A few days later Cross ran into a group of federal lawmen as he tried to exit New Austin into West Elizabeth. A gunfight ensued and several lawmen were reported as injured, with two confirmed to have been killed. Cross retreated into Thieves’ Landing and was not seen again.
Bounty hunter found dead after promising to secure difficult gold bonus
By Jane Duran
The bounty hunter, named Bella Lindhoff was found dead north of O’Creagh’s Run. Days before the discovery of her dead body, she had been in Valentine. There she had boasted that she was on her way to immortality and a bit more gold. “She said she was about to get a gold bonus for collecting a bounty without killing anyway, the bounty or their guards,” the saloon operator said. She went on to explain that such a feat would secure her status as a legendary bounty hunter. After several hours and several drinks, she left the Valentine Saloon and would not be seen alive again. Her body was only found after a fellow bounty hunter tracked her down and followed up on the bounty Ms. Lindhoff was working on. Her friend found an empty camp and Lindhoff’s dead body. After having a look around, she confirmed that the gang likely fled the area days before, leaving Lindhoff to feed wild animals. Her body was collected and a funeral will be held in her honor next week.
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Man falls to death posing for a photograph
By Odell Clifton
A woman reported watching a man die after he asked her to take his photograph. “He wanted me to photograph him at the edge of a cliff,” the woman said. To get the perfect photograph, the man walked backwards with his back to the cliff while facing the woman. As the woman prepared the camera, she did not notice that the man had gotten close to the cliff but had not slowed down. As his foot landed at the edge of the cliff he slipped and tried to regain his balance. However, he was unable to stop his momentum and went over the cliff, falling to his death. “It was a stellar dismount,” the woman said, “perfect back flip.” Despite the cold reaction, she contacted authorities in Blackwater to collect the body. The woman was ruled out as the man’s attacker by investigators, who said the dead man’s body was consistent with falling from a cliff. Moreover, a traveler witnessed the man fall from the cliff onto the road below. Though he did not witness what happened at the top of the cliff, he heard the screams of the falling man and confirmed he heard no screaming before then that may have indicated a struggle. The lesson here is to be careful when trying to get the perfect photograph because in an effort to gain photographic immortality, you may just die.
Woman attacked while petting a man’s horse
By Nick McCrary
A man was arrested for attacking a woman in Blackwater this week. The attack occurred after the woman pet the man’s horse. Witnesses say the woman was kind and did not mistreat the horse. “She just pet the thing, seemed quite friendly,” a witness said. After petting the horse, the woman was tackled to the ground. However, she managed to fight the man off and landed several punches of her own. The man was undeterred and continued his attack, only to get thrown to the ground and hogtied by the woman. She left him there tied up and helpless, where he was arrested by police.
Knife wielding child threatens grown cowpoke
By Donna Deshner
A cowpoke called Mr. Wibby arrived in Valentine with a tale unlike any other. He claimed that he saw a child emerge from the Dakota River. “It didn’t seem natural for a child, or any person, to just walk out of a river like that,” Mr. Wibby said. He tried to offer help to the child at first, but then noticed the child’s discolored skin and a rusty knife the child carried. Feeling a bit spooked, Mr. Wibby backed away from the child as it approached. “The closer it got, the more strange it looked,” he said. He aimed his gun at the boy but was unable to pull the trigger. “I am not sure if I could not overcome killing a child or if the child had some supernatural powers over me,” Mr. Wibby admitted. To his shock, a second child rose out of the river, also carrying a knife. “Once I saw the second one, I high tailed it out of there!” Though his story was called unbelievable to locals and lawmen, Mr. Wibby provided photographic proof. We assisted in development of the image and printed it above. Law enforcement officials recommend fleeing if such a child is encountered.
Saint Denis gunsmith issues warning to customers: Leave your horses outside!
By Emeline Vickroy
A cowpoke exploring the alleys of Saint Denis whistled for his faithful horse, Juan. However, Juan never came. The cowpoke took to the sky, climbing on buildings to get a better view around the city. The cowpoke lost their footing while traveling on the rooftops and a witness reported that they watched the man fall all the way to the ground. Surprisingly, he stood back up. “Must have been a tough fella,” the witness said, “just stood back up and went into the gun store.” That is where things got tense. When he entered the store, the gunsmith was yelling at someone. “Sounded like he had a belligerent customer,” said another patron. However, it was no customer, but the cowpoke’s horse Juan. The cowpoke was then berated by the gunsmith, who said his establishment is not a place for horses. He explained that there are posts just outside to tie a horse off to so that it does not wander. The cowpoke took his horse out of the store, though the gunsmith’s anger remained. When interviewed for this story, the gunsmith said, “leave your horse outside! My store is not for horses!”
Chaos unfolds in Saint Denis
By Aloysius Levron
The Saint Denis police force once again had their work cut out for them when multiple gunfights broke out across the city. “Since we’ve seen new arrivals in the Five States, things have been a bit unstable,” a lawman admitted. The origins of the gunfights are unknown, but based on witness accounts they were started by people who they had never seen in Saint Denis before. The multiple gunfight eventually converged on each other when participants of one gunfight started shooting participants of another unrelated gunfight. “At a point, several small gunfights localized to particular regions of the city turned into one big city wide gunfight,” the lawman said. One group of gunfighters turned out to be the Corleone family, according to the Saint Denis Police. The Corleone family has been a minor criminal family in Saint Denis, wanted for crimes such as robbing from the poor and uncivilized acts with horses. When new recruits to the family were killed, the “patriarch” of the family, one JC Corleone stepped up.
Several witnesses said that JC Corleone turned the ride for his gang, pushing other groups out of Saint Denis altogether. However, not content with a small defensive victory, JC Corleone pushed is luck and followed one of the gunfighters out of Saint Denis. JC managed to catch up to his prey west of Saint Denis when his luck turned. According to the man he tried to kill, JC managed to toss out his bolas which wrapped him up. However, when JC dismounted his horse and walked behind it, he was kicked hard in the face. The horse then proceeded to relieve his waste on a knocked out JC Corleone. When Saint Denis police arrived they found JC’s victim untangling himself and JC slowly waking up. “He done been kicked by his own horse and then got shit on! Serves him right for those indecent acts!” the man told the police. “We sent the poor fella who had been wrapped up on his way and considered arresting JC Corleone,” one of the policeman said, “but given that he smelled of shit, lost many of his friends, and his horse had ran off, we figured he’d been punished enough.”
Man reports “crashing” into a new world, earning him a trip to the almshouse
By Adam Parvey
The problems that residents of the Five States face have long been documented in this paper. Excess bugs making life inconvenient, a lack of things to do, and no property for sell are all valid concerns for residents. This week, however, a man encountered a problem that goes beyond what anybody can do to make the Five States a more livable space. The man, named Calhoun F. Coates, said he was riding his horse to camp when everything went black around him. “I could not see anything in front of me and everything got quiet,” he described. When the darkness cleared, Mr. Coates could not comprehend what he was looking at. “In my hands I held a hard object, with many colored buttons and two sticks,” said Mr. Coates, “in front of me was a window that showed moving photographs as clear as if I were standing inside the photographs myself!” Doctors from many disciplined came to interview Mr. Coates, who said this experience occurred a number of weeks ago.
Mr. Coates was cleared of head trauma, as he had not reported any head injuries and no signs of “brain disease” could be spotted. Another doctor confirmed that Mr. Coates health was in generally good condition. “He seems to be eating a well balanced diet and drinking plenty of fluids,” the doctor said. Though there is no test for the kinds of psychotropic drugs becoming popular in the Five States, but Mr. Coates claimed to have never touched such things. “I’ve heard of folks smoking herbs and becoming an animal or seeing animal spirits, but that just freaks me out,” Mr. Coates said. According to Mr. Coates, he remembers pressing a “button on a strange looking box under the window to moving photographs and then suddenly I was back in the Five States.” As a result of being unable to diagnose Mr. Coates and for believing that he is being honest in retelling his experience, he was placed in an almshouse to receive further care. “While it seems like Mr. Coates can take care of himself, his hallucination clearly is a sign that he cannot,” said one of the doctors, “an almshouse will see that he is taken care of and that he doesn’t harm himself or others.”
Tallest Building Continues Four Year Reign
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
The tallest building in the world. A claim that various structures have held since the dawn of time. I’m sure thousands of years ago, the creators of Stonehenge argued about it being bigger than other stone buildings. There have been many famously tall creations by man, the pyramids of Giza, the Cathedral of Notre Dame, the Washington Monument, and so forth. But the most enormous building currently in the world is surprisingly humble.
In little old Milwaukee, Wisconsin, resides the self-titled Milwaukee City Hall. Resembling more a church than a meeting place, it towers over every other structure since it was completed in 1894. Inspired by German architecture, its bell tower-like atrium very much echo’s similar buildings in Munich and Berlin. The most notable aspect of it is the massive bell housed in the tower; it rings only for the most critical events and bringing in the new year.
Despite these impressive characteristics, most Americans don’t know it’s the tallest building in the country, let alone the world. Its construction was never meant to be special, just unique. I’m sure the crown will one day be taken by some building in New York or elsewhere, but even then, you can’t take away the charm it possesses.
German inventor patents alternative internal combustion engine
By Ivy Seager
Rudolf Diesel has finally received a patent on his internal combustion engine, which he said he completed theoretically six years ago. Diesel’s intent was to design a more fuel efficient internal combustion engine using his knowledge of advanced thermodynamics. He noted that steam engines lose nearly 90% of their produce energy. Resolving this issue, according to Diesel, would result in making train operation less expensive. Moreover, Diesel claims his technology could potentially be scaled down to use in automobiles, where his increased fuel efficiency would translate to longer drives before having to fill back up again. Diesel applied his theories to create the “motor 250/400,” which was tested last year. In that test, the technology impressed the assembly of press and engineers. It was deemed the technology of the future.
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