Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Shipwreck Museum to open in Saint-Denis!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax – Lead Correspondent
The sea is a cruel mistress. How many ships have been lost going down the Lannahechee River? Hundreds? Thousands? How many brave souls have gone down with them? The mind cannot comprehend such numbers, yet we try our best all the same.
Recently, it was announced in Saint-Denis that a museum will be constructed within the next few years, dedicated solely to the maritime history of the region, with a focus on the lost vessels and souls. Dating back centuries to when the region was first settled, up to modern-day tragedies that continue to occur with unfortunate frequency. The building is expected to resemble a lighthouse, the shining beacon to those in need.
Locals have already raised questions about the museum, from the exact amount of funds required to debates over the morality of the entire venture. Some feel making money off the backs of so much death is immoral, others say, especially for centuries-old wrecks, that by now it’s okay to monetize memorialization. One individual was concerned that a lighthouse-shaped object might cause ships to veer off course and crash, ironically leading to more shipwrecks. Debate will continue for the foreseeable future, as is our nature. The Lannahechee isn’t known for giving up its dead, but perhaps they may rest a little better under a spotlight, or loathe its gaze with the fury even death could not extinguish.
Ongoing drought causes tension in Armadillo
By Jose Chavez
Reports from Armadillo tell of miners, ranch hands, and weary travelers crowding into the town’s lone saloon after weeks of brutal desert heat and a lingering drought that has left water supplies dangerously low. With wells running dry and nearby streams reduced to little more than dry beds, the barkeep began charging steep prices for even the smallest glass of water, prompting frustration among the townsfolk who felt they were being taken advantage of in desperate times. Shouts soon turned to shoves, and before long a full brawl spilled into the dusty street, drawing half the town into the chaos. The sheriff and his deputies arrived to break up the fight, firing shots into the air and hauling several men off to the jailhouse, but tensions remain high. Many in Armadillo now whisper that if the drought does not ease the next outburst may be far worse than a saloon fight.
Hardy tonic leads to another death
By Jane Duran
In another case of stupidity, a dead body was found frozen in the snowy mountains of Ambarino. The body was found in pants, a shirt, and boots. No jacket at all and their boots were not appropriate for snowy weather. In other words, it is likely his choice of clothing led to his death by exposure to the cold of Ambarino. Clutched in his froze hand was an empty bottle “hardy tonic” hand written on a label. This is not the first time that misuse of hardy tonic has led to death. The tonic provides temporary resistance to the elements by allegedly bolstering your natural resistances. However, it does not last very long and if one is unprepared, they end up in deadly situations. Such was the case this week as the hardy tonic user was unprepared for the drop in his resistances to drop. With no more tonic and no clothes suitable for the cold, the man succumbed to the elements and died.
Butcher stall attacked by animal rights supporter
By Odell Clifton
A woman was arrested this week after she destroyed several animal related products at the Blackwater butcher’s stall. The woman had been seen riding by the butcher several times during the day. The butcher had purchased an usually large amount of meat from local hunters. While he was preparing the meat to be preserved the woman dismounted and tossed a couple of bottles at the stall. The butcher, as well as several witnesses, say a green mist exploded around the stall. “I couldn’t breathe and had to run away,” the butcher said. Then the woman tossed a few more bottles, which exploded into flames. Blackwater Police reacted quickly but the woman jumped on her horse and fled north. Several Blackwater residents grabbed buckets and retrieved water from Flat Iron Lake and worked together to put the fire out. No injuries were reported.
Fist fight resolved by third party
By Donna Deshner
Two men got into a fist fight in Valentine this week. Such events are so common that townsfolk largely ignored it and even the deputies found better things to do. “It’s just a fight, one will one and one will lose,” said a deputy, “so long as they didn’t start shooting up the town, I couldn’t care any less.” One passerby however had a different idea and wanted to break it up. “I saw that fella get in the middle of the fight, trying to calm them down,” a witness said, “at first they largely ignored him but he was persistent.” According to several witnesses, the would be mediator suddenly found himself in trouble.
“Those two fighting decided to stop fighting each other,” a witness said with a laugh, “instead, they beat up on him!” Several other witnesses confirm that the two fighters beat up the mediator in the middle of the road. They beat him until he was unconscious. “I thought he was dead, the way he bent on that last hit,” one witness remarked, “looked like his soul was knocked clean out of his body!” After that, some say the two fighters resumed their own fight. Others say they headed into the saloon and had a drink together. The mediator woke up a day later.
Naturalists quits and vows to hunt every animal on the “face of the earth” after unfortunate spraying
By Emeline Vickroy
Another naturalist has suffered the ire of Harriet Davenport for the crime of defending themselves. “I believed in the mission, to study animals and not harm them,” a naturalist said, “but on my way to turn in some samples, wolves attacked and so I had to defend myself.” The naturalist said that when they arrived at Miss Davenport’s tent, she immediately started shouting. “I don’t know how she heard about it, but she knew about the wolves,” the naturalist said, “I tried to explain to her that I was defending myself but she wouldn’t listen.” The naturalist was inevitably sprayed with the very toxin being investigated by the federal government. When the naturalist woke up they were surrounded by alligators. “So I can’t defend myself, but she can leave me as alligator food?” the naturalist questioned.
They then vowed to leave the naturalist hobby altogether and take on a new job: hunting. “I will hunt every animal on the face of this earth, and not just for food or resources,” the former naturalist said, “oh no, I will kill them and leave their carcasses to spoiled under the sun!” Miss Davenport reported that several dead animal carcasses were being left at her tent. However, authorities found no evidence linking the carcasses to the disgruntled former naturalist. “Truth is,” a Lemoyne lawman said, “that woman has a lot of enemies.”
Train ridership up across the Five States
By Ivy Seager
Passenger train ridership has risen sharply throughout the Five States in recent months, with rail companies reporting fuller cars and more frequent departures. Many attribute the growth to safer tracks, improved timetables, and a growing desire among travelers to move quickly between towns without the hazards of the trail. Merchants and ranchers alike have taken to the rails to move goods and livestock, while ordinary folk find themselves drawn to the comfort and speed of rail travel compared to long days on horseback or wagon.
The surge in ridership has not gone unnoticed by the rail barons, who see opportunity in the increased demand. Plans are already being discussed for additional lines and upgraded cars to better serve bustling routes, particularly between Valentine and Saint Denis. With train stations busier than ever and tickets in higher demand, the iron horse appears to be securing its place as the lifeline of commerce and travel across the Five States.
The Five States Herald 