Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Lightning Gun on the Horizon?
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax – Lead Correspondent
The power of guns and cannons is strong, but Mother Nature’s fury is unrivaled. As children, we hid in fear when lightning streaked across the sky, pure electrical power far beyond our capacity to match, until perhaps now.
Doverhill resident and frequent Saint-Denis visitor Marko Dragic claims he has been able to harness the power of lightning. Like Prometheus, he has stolen fire from the gods, so he claims. He says he is producing a gun that will be able to shoot lightning from the barrel, changing the battlefields of the future forever. Gone will be the days of large-scale combat, replaced by a single soldier who can strike down a regiment with one shot.
It’s no surprise that very few officials are taking such claims seriously. Military officers scoffed at the suggestion that some Balkan-born “scientist” could really contain a bolt of lightning and insert it into a gun. Another mockingly remembered a failed demonstration Dragic did with metallic armor and torpedo-resistant steel. One soldier bluntly noted, “snake oil salesmen have better results.”
Dragic is undeterred by such comments, claiming that the world will look in awe when his prototype wonder weapon is finished, alongside other inventions of tomorrow.
Cowpoke diagnosed with mental disorder following failed attempt at shooting up Tumbleweed
By Jose Chavez
Tumbleweed residents say an unidentified cowpoke began causing ruckus in the town. They had provoked townsfolk and ultimately pulled out a gun and started shooting it at people. Before deputies could arrive, a man passing through town intervened. Witnesses say the stranger lassoed the shooter and pulled them off of the roof of a small shack. It was clear the attempt was meant to be nonlethal, but the shooter landed in a wagon, hitting their head. Witnesses say the shooter began to shake and convulse for several minutes.
The shooter was arrested once they stopped violently shaking. Upon being transferred to Blackwater, the shooter was given a diagnosis of epilepsy. Epilepsy is a little understood mental disorder that some say is linked to criminal behavior. They will be transferred to an epilepsy colony, where other people with the condition are treated and studied.
Mine collapse being investigated
By Jane Duran
Weeks ago a mine was dug into an Ambarino mountain against the advice of experts. Though the area was believed to be mineral rich, it was not considered stable. The mine collapsed before it could truly tunnel into the mountain and now an investigation is underway. Federal investigators and working with state investigators to find out if the owner of the claim has any liability for the harm caused by the accident. Excavation attempts have largely failed, as it is unsafe to try to dig into the collapsed mine. As a result, it is impossible to determined how many people died. Investigators are working on getting work logs to get an idea of how many people were present when the mine collapsed. So far the claim owner has been uncooperative.
Revenue agent found dehydrated in Tall Trees
By Odell Clifton
A traveler in Tall Trees noticed a gathering of scavenger animals and upon taking a closer look, found a man lying at the center of the gathering. The animals were startled off and the traveler took a closer look and noticed the man was breathing, but just barely. “I got off my horse to check on him, saw his badge too,” the traveler said, “he didn’t look too good.” The traveler managed to get the agent on his horse and rode him into Blackwater. The agent was severely dehydrated and smelled of alcohol. When he regained consciousness, he said he followed a bootlegger to an underground saloon where patrons grabbed him and forced him to drink. He remembered dancing and a band, but nothing more. He vows to lead agents to the place once he recovers.
Lasso lunatic drive townsfolk crazy and ends up in jail
By Emery Cosberry
Valentine saw no shortage of trouble this week after a peculiar string of incidents ended with the arrest of a cowpoke accused of criminal mischief. Witnesses say the individual spent the better part of the afternoon riding through town, hurling insults at passersby until tempers flared. Once the targeted townsfolk turned hostile, the rider would throw a lasso around them, drag them a short distance, then cut them loose before spurring their horse away. This strange game of baiting and binding played out in front of the saloon, the general store, and even the train station, leaving onlookers both bewildered and angered.
Lawmen grew increasingly frustrated as reports stacked up, and by the time the fourth victim was roped, a deputy gave chase and managed to bring the rider down near the stables. The arrest was made without further injury, though one shopkeeper remarked that the town had “never seen a fool so bent on making enemies out of friends.” The victims themselves were unharmed, though all admitted to being humiliated by the bizarre spectacle, especially as crowds gathered to watch.
Once in their cell, the arrested individual shouted and wailed into the night, insisting they “needed just one more.” The meaning of this declaration remains unclear—whether it was part of some personal challenge, a deranged compulsion, or simply drunken rambling. For now, the mischief-maker sits in the Valentine jail, leaving townsfolk to shake their heads and wonder what kind of person could turn roping strangers into a twisted sport.
Revenue agents found dead at moonshine checkpoint
By Emeline Vickroy
A Bureau of Internal Revenue checkpoint deep in the Lemoyne bayou was savagely attacked late last night, leaving every agent stationed there dead. The post, little than a pair of wagons and half a dozen agents, had been set along a narrow dirt path frequently used by moonshiners to move liquor through the swamps. Locals described hearing a burst of gunfire echoing through the trees, followed by silence and the smell of smoke drifting across the water. When fishermen later came upon the site, they found the wagons overturned, supplies set aflame, and the agents’ bodies left in the mud among the reeds.
Amid the horror, one detail has gripped the imaginations of nearby townsfolk: several witnesses swore they saw a lone woman in white riding away along the bayou trail, her pale figure ghostlike against the mist. Whether she was the attacker herself, or merely a strange passerby, no one can yet say. With the swamp already teeming with rumors of spirits and outlaws alike, the story of the “woman in white” has spread quickly, leaving Rhodes and Saint Denis buzzing with talk of vengeance, mystery, and the rising dangers in the Lemoyne marshlands.
Residents of the Five States uncertain about clown wandering the region
By Lucien Privitt
Reports have surfaced across all Five States of a strange figure appearing in the most unlikely of places: a woman dressed head to toe as a clown, painted face and all. Unlike circus performers or traveling showfolk, this clown has not been seen under any big top or carnival tent, but instead partaking in ordinary tasks that make her stand out all the more. In New Austin she was spotted fishing along the San Luis River, sitting calmly on the bank in full costume. In Ambarino, hunters claim they saw her trudging through the snow, rifle in hand, dressed no differently than she would be at a fair.
The oddity of it has caused a stir among locals wherever she turns up. Farmers near Valentine swore they saw the clown woman skinning rabbits by a campfire, while travelers in Lemoyne reported her hauling a string of fish through the streets of Rhodes without so much as a word to anyone. The fact that she carries herself as though the outfit were perfectly ordinary has unsettled many who have seen her, with one witness stating, “she didn’t laugh, she didn’t perform. She just went about her business, as serious as any man, and that made it worse somehow.”
With no circus caravans known to be traveling through the region and no explanation offered for her appearances, speculation has run rampant. Some whisper that she is a fugitive hiding in plain sight, others claim she is touched in the head, while the more superstitious insist she is some kind of omen. For now, the woman in the clown garb remains at large, leaving behind only confusion and unease. Across the Five States, her presence raises the same question in every town she passes through: why would anyone live the life of a clown without ever stepping into the spotlight?
The Five States Herald 