Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Fashionable cowpoke murdered following arrogant proclamations
By Nick McCrary
A cowpoke called Curly has lived his last day. Curly, known for his sense of fashion, was also a bounty hunter. Those who knew him said he was a bit eccentric, but generally quite friendly. But after Curly was chosen by Wheeler, Rawson, and Co. for his “excellence in wild west style.” Curly’s signature outfit was put together as the Oh Curly and offered for free to other cowpokes. Once the outfit became available, Curly became unsufferable, according to this that knew him. “He just kept bragging about how he was chose and not me, but I never considered my sense of.. fashion… to be anything more than a sense of practicality,” said one cowpoke. Another said, “he offered to buy me the outfit, knowing it was free, suggesting I couldn’t afford free!”
Curly started going to towns and strutting near tailors, modeling his outfit and insulting those who walked out dressed in anything else. Those that walked out in the Oh Curly also got insulted, as Curly reminded them they were just imitations and could not compete with him. Eventually, someone walked right up to Curly and shot him in the head. Curly died on the spot. The shooter dropped the gun and allowed himself to be arrested by Saint Denis Police. Others cheered at Curly’s death, so frustrated they had become with his attitude. We reached out for a comment from Wheeler, Rawson, and Co. but they did not respond to our request.
Outlaws lay siege to Tumbleweed
By Jose Chavez
Over two dozen outlaws attempted to takeover Tumbleweed this week. This is not the first time Tumbleweed has been attacked by outlaws. Many still recall when the town was taken over by outlaws and Sheriff Freeman and a federal Marshall were almost killed. The Del Lobo gang attempted to repeat this feat this week, laying siege to Tumbleweed. The outlaws started by capturing a covered wagon riding into town. They forced the wagon driver to sneak them into town. The wagon was driven toward the Tumbleweed jail, which is the current police department. Then the outlaws came out and started shooting.
At that same time, snipers began shooting from the nearby cliffs. Deputies were unable to respond to the outlaws exiting the wagon due to the sniper fire. Several deputies were shot and killed in the first several minutes. Other outlaws started moving toward the town borders until a deputy managed to shoot from a window and kill the sniper. Without cover fire forcing the deputies to remain in cover, they were able to fight back and thwart the rest of the outlaws. Seven outlaws were killed while several most escaped. New Austin Rangers are planning a response to the bold gang move.
Woman killed in shocking wildlife attack
By Jane Duran
A woman was killed this week when a buck charged into her. Deer are not thought of as violent, but the truth is, deer will defend themselves with surprising strength and deadly hooves. For bucks, they also have powerful antlers than can break bones if hit hard enough. A treasure hunter was surveying the land when he saw a woman standing near the edge of a cliff. “I thought she was going to jump, but she turned away from the edge,” the treasure hunter said, “then I see the deer hit her, but it was so fast.” They said the first thing they saw was the woman suddenly flying back toward the edge, then off it and into the river below. “I saw the deer spring off right after,” they said. The treasure hunter searched for the woman in the river but was unable to find her. The lifeless body of a woman was found miles down the river the next day however that matched the witnesses description. The woman remains unidentified.
Amateur forager nearly dies in case of mistaken mushroom identification
By Odell Clifton
A forager showed up in Blackwater this week barely concious. He rode in on his horse and then immediately fell off of it. A local took the man in, allowing him to rest in his home. The forager had several mushrooms and other plants on his person. He appeared to be quite dehydrated as well. The local peridocally poured water in the man’s mouth and after a few days he regained conciousness. He explianed that he was harvesting bolete mushrooms and ate a few. He said their taste was a bit unexpected but he figured it was no big deal. Now, however, he has concluded that he likely identified the mushroom incorrectly and harvested something poisonous.
With no remaining samples, it is unknown what the forager ate. Other foragers say there should not be any poisonous mushrooms in that region he was foraging in. But the man said he is in perfectly fine health and a misidentified mushroom is the only reasonable explanation. He promises to set back out and identify the mushroom once he regains his strength.
Investigation opened into bounty hunter fight club
By Donna Deshner
Illegal fight clubs have are fairly common in the Five States. Bored cowpokes gather in secret meeting places and fight until one gives up or cannot stand back up. The fights are illegal, but authorities tend to ignore them. “We know folks fight in the sheep pens on occasion when empty,” a Valentine deputy said, asking to be kept anonymous, “they choose to do it and let out some steam, so usually it’s not a problem.” However, New Hanover state authorities have opened into an investigation into an organized fighting ring among bounty hunters.
Bounty hunters are often naturally competitive and such fighting competitions can scratch that itch while offering a bit of extra money. State authorities are not will to give this particular fight club a pass. “We have heard reports that captured outlaws have been forced to compete in some cases,” the investigator said. The outlaw who is now the state’s primary witness said the fight club was circled off with prison wagons. He was taken out and forced to fight another outlaw with the promise of being freed if he won. However, upon winning the fight he was taken in and told if he exposed what occurred, they would be killed. The outlaw remains unidentified and under state police protection. Authorities warn that any bounty hunter found to be part of the fight club will have their license revoked, unless they come forward with information.
Woman wanted for attempted murder of a Saint Denis policeman
By Emeline Vickroy
An unidentified woman strangled a Saint Denis police officer right in front of the Saint Denis Police Station, with another officer standing next to him. The policemen say that the woman had calmly dismounted from her horse and began examining the bounty board. The woman grabbed a poster from the board and then without warning, charged one of the policeman and began strangling him. “To be honest, I was a bit shocked,” said the policeman standing there, “I mean, who strangled a policeman right in front of another policeman? In front of the station no less?”
The policemen started blowing whistles and the woman jumped onto her horse and fled the city. Some policemen mounted horses and followed but, were unable to catch up. It is not clear what the woman’s motivation was.
The Parting Glass Sweeps Five States!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax – Lead Correspondent
What causes a song to become a hit? Is it the message it carries, hitting the listener in the heart like a dagger? Is it the melody, the playing of an instrument so smooth or fast it captures the mind? Or is it merely a cycle of what is old is now new? The Parting Glass perhaps has it all.
The Parting Glass is an old song; an early rendition of it goes back to the 17th century, although the lyrics and melody were almost entirely different. The version now being sung in taverns and meadows across the Five States dates back to the mid-19th century, relatively young as far as songs go. None of this explains why it’s become a phenomenon.
It reminds everyone of times of yesteryear, for better and for worse, the mistakes and triumphs of the past, of all the comrades and sweethearts we’ve had; it’s universal, everyone can relate. It’s also easy to sing, none of the lyrics are hard, and it fits the mood of a bar or restaurant like a glove. Perhaps it’s not a shock this song has come back, the only shocking thing, is that it took even this long. Goodnight, and joy be with you all!
The Five States Herald 