Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Stock Market Uncertainty!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax – Lead Correspondent
Wall Street, the front page of economics in the United States, and perhaps the world, is aflame! Not in a literal manner, but those who deal in trade are pacing about the same as those who have witnessed a fire.
As a result of the president’s new tariff policy and some unclear communications from the White House, uncertainty rules the nation. Stock prices across the board have slumped, rebounded, and fallen again increasingly in deeper dives. Nobody knows where it will end up; perhaps this will all rebound into a more financially prosperous situation, or we may see another financial panic on par with the Panic of 1893.
Panic is the one consistent word from the White House: investors should not panic. This has paradoxically led to more panic. Rumors abound of fist fights, guns drawn, and even a man jumping from the building at this time, although none of these events can be confirmed for now.
Even out here in the Five States, nobody knows how to make heads or tails of the situation. Will general goods continue to travel out here? Will the docks of Blackwater or Saint-Denis become empty yards due to drying up commerce? Uncertainty grips the nation, and it is a death grip.
Dispute between trader and buyer breaks out when buyer refuses to pay
By Jose Chavez
A New Austin judge is attempting to navigate a contract dispute. The trader says buyer agreed to purchase bulk goods at a set price. The trader delivered the goods on time as agreed despite being attacked by a gang of outlaws. The buyer then refused to buy the goods, saying that they were damaged in the firefight. Court records indicate that the wagon itself was in poor condition, but that the goods themselves were still adequate condition. What complicates the issue is not just the refusable to buy, but the accusation that the buyer orchestrated the attack. “My client was attacked by someone they thought they were conducting business with, in a clear attempt to rob my client and when that did not work, refused to pay for the goods,” the court filing states.
The wagon was too damaged to move safely, so the trader had no choice but to leave the goods there and return with a new wagon. However, when they arrived back, the goods were gone. The buyer says they left after the trader and that outlaws likely took the goods. The case is as of now, unresolved.
Body found at Lake Isabella
By Jane Duran
A fisherman who often fishes at Lake Isabella found a dead body this week. He immediately rode to the nearest town, Strawberry, to report it. A posse including townsfolk and deputies went with the man to investigate, with state lawmen arriving later. The response was based on the several dead bodies found in Ambarino for the past year. However, this case turned out to be nothing more than the result of poor decision making.
Found near the body was a fishing pole, lures and bait, and an empty bottle of hardy tonic. “The man was not dressed for the cold, likely relying on the claims of hardy tonic to make you immune to weather conditions,” a lawman said, “he got cold and eventually passed out and died.” Investigators believe it was a peaceful death.
Gunboat assaults Blackwater from lake
By Odell Clifton
Blackwater residents were sent running for cover this week when a boat opened fire on them. The boat appeared armed with maxim gatling guns as well as several armed men. The gunshots came with great frequency, forcing lawmen to remain under cover as well. One lawmen managed to get on a roof with a sniper rifle. “I saw two of them new gatling guns and a few men with rifles,” the lawman said, “I managed to shoot one before they started firing in my direction.”
Lawmen scrambled to make a response, ultimately sending a telegraph asking for assistance. By the time assistance arrived, however, the boat had already left. The boat retreated back to the Lannahechee River, but was not spotted again. Authorities patrolled the river for several hours looking for a boat that matched witness descriptions. It is unclear what the motivation for the attack was.
Valentine suffers from leg breaking epidemic
By Emery Cosberry
Dr. Ben Calloway had noticed a surprising trend on Wednesday. By midday, he had seen four patients with broken legs. “The Five States is full of hazards and broken limbs are not unheard of,” Dr. Calloway said, “farmhands slip and fall, get trampled by a cow, shit happens.” Dr. Calloway said this was different. “None of these folks were farmhands, you see,” Dr. Calloway explained, “and none of these fellers could explain how the breaks happened!” As the day went on, so too did the list of patients with broken legs. Dr. Calloway had planned to take a walk around town to see if he could figure out what was going on, but was kept too busy in his office.
A Valentine resident did observe what they believe to be the explanation. “These folks kept climbing up buildings and, if you can believe it, jumping down onto their horse!” a witness explained, “though some would miss and, well, end up with the doc.” Other witnesses confirmed the story, remarking on a large number of people attempting the feat. While some managed to do it over and over successfully, others were left in pain and regret. This explanation left the doctor with new questions, among them: why would they do this at all? “I can’t imagine what possessed them to be so foolish,” Dr. Calloway said, “but I will gladly take their money to fix them up.”
Man arrested for murder, claims it was a mistake
By Mathilde Orry
A man spent the afternoon muttering about, “not really being a murderer,” after being arrested for just that. A Rhodes deputy had been riding back into town when he saw the man kill a woman in cold blood. “The woman was begging for help,” the deputy said, “the man shouted ‘not again!’ and shot her dead.” The deputy announced themselves to the man and arrested him without altercation. The man explained his actions as a mistake. “I’ve been traveling all over these parts and every lady or fella that asked for help was a set up,” the man explained, “several folks would spring out of bushes and demand my money and valuables!”
The deputy examined the area, as the man explained the reason behind his actions immediately. “The woman was not armed, as the man assumed,” the deputy said, “nor was there any sign of any other folks waiting in ambush.” The deputy also explained that there had been about half a minute between the killing of the woman and him making his presence known. “In that time, an ambushing party would have attacked once their bait was killed,” the deputy explained, “there is no evidence to support his claims.” While ambushes as the man described are not unheard of, it appears this was a case of jumping to conclusions a bit too early.
Immortal turkey to be studied by scientists
By Lucien Privitt
A hunter was in for a bit of a shock this week when their hunt did not go the way they expected it to. Hunting can often have complications. The hunter’s prey may be elusive or in some cases, the prey itself may indeed be dangerous. In some cases, like the cougar, it is both. The turkey is not generally considered elusive. They live in larger groups than other animals in the Five States, are on the slow end, and are very noisy. While turkeys can attack when provoked, they are not generally considered dangerous. This week, one turkey proved to be at least fustrating.
“I had killed a few turkeys already and aimed at one last one and fired,” the hunter said, “but the damn bird got back up!” The hunter said at first they assumed they had missed. “I don’t miss often, especially a big and slow turkey,” the hunter said, “but most reasonable explanation, right?” However, the hunter quickly realized they were wrong. They fired several more times but the bird continued to get back up. “It was unkillable, if you can believe that!” the hunter said. Eventually they resorted to capturing the turkey and selling to to researchers. The immortal bird will not be examined to see if anything can be learned from it that may benefit humanity.
The Five States Herald 