Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Crawfish Sales Explode!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax – Lead Correspondent
The humble little crawfish, a tiny little crustacean found in the many bayous of Lemoyne. Also called a crayfish or a crawdad, these creatures tend to live in mud holes; average citizens see them all the time along the Kamassa River.
For reasons currently unclear, crawfish are selling like hotcakes, but not in Lemoyne or any of the nearby Five States. No, they are instead becoming a popular item in the northern state of Wisconsin of all places. In Madison and Milwaukee, crawfish are being taken off ships and sold in record time.
Naturally, many natives of the Five States want in on this industry, from businessman in Saint-Denis, to Robert Crawford the second of Carmody Dell, New Hanover. Rumors have it that since his name is Crawford, he could make a good buck off the crustaceans.
Sailors from Blackwater have increasingly gone outside regular fishing lanes to find crawfish on small islands in Flat Iron Lake, and a few intrepid natives of New Austin are combing rivers, hoping to get lucky. Not to mention, hordes of men and women are marching through Bayou Nwa, avoiding gators and other creatures to hunt down those red lobster like animals. A local judge is even rumored to be getting involved!
All in the name of profit, for people who live many states from here. Only in America!
Body parts found in Stillwater Creek
By Jose Chavez
New Austin Rangers have confirmed reports of body parts found in Stillwater Creek. The reports first started when a fisherman hooked a limb on his reel. “I was just reeling in my line and nearly shit myself!” the fisherman said, “it was a god damn arm on my line!” Local lawmen were notified immediately. As the investigation started, it was believed that these were the unfortunate victims of a rare alligator in the area. “The arm that was first discovered had been chewed up, consistent with alligator marks,” said an Ranger, “then we started finding more limbs.”
While many body parts had similar marks that suggested an alligator was involved, some showed signs of a saw. “I noticed one the limbs we found had a straight cut, not teeth marks,” one lawman said, “and I noticed what looked like saw marks on the bone.” The local authorities contacted the New Austin Rangers, who are now leading the investigation. Several body parts have been found but it is unclear how many victims are represented. “We have found what we believe to be the remains of four to, perhaps, a dozen people,” the leader Ranger on the case said, “this may very well be the dumping ground of a serial killer.”
Hunter survives on instinct
By Jane Duran
A hunter nearly died this week to what appeared to be an ambush, by a cougar. “I saw someone laying on the ground, figured they were dead or hurt,” the hunter said, “if hurt they could use some help, you know?” The hunter said they approached the body cautiously, aware that cougars were in the area. “The area is known for cougar sightings,” the hunter explained, “and I noticed the signs of recent activity.” They neared the body and realized the person was dead. They took a few moments to look around and then checked on the body, just to be sure. That is when they heard it.
“It was just a whisper on the wind,” the hunter said, “the gentle crack of trigs, I knew I was about to be pounced on.” The hunter said they immediately dodged back and just in time, as a cougar flew passed them landing where the hunter had just been kneeling. With quick thinking, the hunter swung their rifle off their back and shot the cougar dead before it could make another move. The body was later collected by authorities but remains unidentified. The hunter walked away with a pristine cougar pelt.
Drunkard dies in Blackwater Saloon
By Odell Clifton
A traveler passing through Blackwater made quite the impression on the patrons of the city’s saloon, though not a good one. The man, who took up lodging in the Blackwater Saloon’s spare room, was said to be boisterous and especially rude to women. The man drank for hours before retiring to his room, a woman following behind him. Moments later the woman walked out angrily with a bloody lip. “I ain’t putting up with that fool of a man,” the woman said before telling the bartender, “I broke a bottle over his head, you’ll need to clean it up.” The bartender opted to wait until the next morning, to let the man sleep it off. The man, however, was dead.
The woman was arrested by released days later. A doctor examined the man and said the strike to the head did not kill him. The man’s face was also locked in a look of shock and horror, not unlike a man found dead in Tumbleweed weeks ago. As of the now the two similar cases are not being examined as related. The doctor did remark on some odd findings in the autopsy. “his heart looked, well like it nearly exploded,” the doctor said, “as if it had been rapidly beating before just stopping.” He said he had never seen anything like it. The cause of death remains unknown.
State police arrest woman, only to release he the next day
By Donna Deshner
A woman was arrested for killing a man from long range. Two state policeman had been traveling near the Dakota River when they heard the gunshot. “We rode quickly toward the sound,” one of the policemen said, “and then we saw a woman standing there with a a long range rifle.” The state lawmen asked the woman to drop the gun and remain where she was. As one held her in custody, the other investigated and found her victim dead from a gunshot. The gunshot entered from the back, severing his spine, and killing him instantly. The woman was arrested and taken to the Valentine Sheriff Station. However, hours later a fisherman showed up with a story to tell.
“This fella said he saw the victim attack the woman and leave,” a lawman said, “told us the woman was left tied up, itself a dangerous position to be in out in the wild.” The lawmen took the man’s statement and notes on evidence and sent the information to state authorities to decide what to do. The next day a message arrived via telegram to release the woman. Though the state believes revenge is not self defense, they believe the story is enough to sway a jury given the lack of concrete evidence. “The lawmen saw it all after the fact, and the one witness who saw her pull the trigger says she was not the aggressor,” the telegram said in part, “this case is not worth the time.”
Passerby avenges woman’s death
By Emeline Vickroy
Three men were spotted by several witnesses harassing a woman in Saint Denis. “It was, quite disturbing to see three men bullyin’ a woman like that,” said a witness, “I thought of doing something, but well, one of them was throwing fire from his hands!” Other witnesses confirmed that one of the attackers gestured and a ring of fire appeared around the woman. Though the woman managed to flee the fire, the men pushed her around until she did not get back up. Another witness took matters into his own hands. “A fella showed up and tossed something around those men, knocking them all to the ground,” another witness said, “then he lit a bottle on fire and tossed it at them.” Other witnesses described the moment as shocking, but deserved. The woman’s body did obtain a few burns, but a doctor confirmed she was dead before. “One of the falls resulted in a knock to the head that killed her,” the doctor said. Saint Denis police announced plans to arrest the man who avenged her death, but no witness mentioned where a name or where they may have gone after the incident.
Bounty hunter has a simple message for outlaws complaining about getting caught
By Lucien Privitt
A bounty hunter enjoying a few drinks after a day of capturing outlaws vented about the complaints they hear daily. “Not a day goes by without having to hear some outlaw complain about being capture or talking about bounty hunting not being real work,” the bounty hunter said, “but it’s real easy to avoid my rope: don’t break the law.” The bounty hunter told several stories of outlaws and how their own choices led to their place on the back of his horse. “If you were a good person, you don’t end up hogtied on my horse,” the bounty hunter said after at least a dozen drinks, “hell, you don’t even need to be good, just sensible and use your ill gotten gains to pay your damn bounties!” Though the bounty hunter was three sheets to the wind by this point, the advice is solid. Wanted outlaws are afforded the opportunity to pay their bounties, at a discount even, and clear their name.
“It is not popular, I suppose,” admitted an attorney, “but the truth is, paying one’s bounty benefits the state who gets money and the people, as bounty hunters can focus on outlaws with outstanding bounties to keep folks safe.” Some say it is a loophole, describing how one can just pay off their bounty and then keep committing crimes. Of course, this gamble works if the outlaw can actually pay their bounty before they get caught. Though based on the growing bounty hunting industry, it seems most outlaws just do not bother with it at all. That does not stop them from complaining about being captured, however.
The Five States Herald 