Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Valentine Church To Offer Dinner!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax – Lead Correspondent
Friday night is sometimes a lonely night, before the weekend has begun, still full of work and toil. Issac Hampton, the reverend for the town of Valentine, understands this; he feels its also the most dire day for those without a home or friends. According to him, the sight of an aging Civil War veteran spurred him to do something new, every Friday, his little church will cook meals for the entire town.
Expected food includes chicken, lamb, and beef, mostly taken from livestock in the general area. The meat is expected to be cooked or even fried. Alongside the meats will be potatoes, bread, and soup. Refreshments, such as water, milk, and perhaps even beer, will also be served.
Plans are to make this a continuous event every Friday for the foreseeable future. Any guests, even citizens from other cities or states, are welcome.
When asked for comment, locals expressed great interest in the event, believing that it’s about time Valentine is known for something positive and upbeat and not just bar brawls and the smell of sheep.
Sheriff Malloy and his deputies are also expected to prevent rabble-rousers or anything too serious from getting in the way of a fun time for all.
Naturalist shocked by hunter’s actions
By Jose Chavez
A hunter joined a naturalist to, as they said, keep them honest. The hunter accepted the naturalist’s challenge to go a full day without killing a single animal. The hunter agreed and joined the naturalist for a trip across the New Austin desert. The naturalist said that the hunter was good company, friendly and sticking to stories that did not include “heinous acts against animals.” The pair had become fast friends over the course of a day. When a full day had passed, the naturalist happily paid the hunter in gold nuggets, as per their agreement. “The moment I gave ’em the nuggets, something changed,” the naturalist said, “they looked into the sky and squinted at birds flying above, one hand on their pistol.” A moment later, like a flash of lightning, the hunter’s pistol was out and firing. Six birds dropped dead from the sky. The hunter smiled, tipped their hat, and rode off not even harvesting a single bird he killed.
Outlaw dies during capture attempt
By Jane Duran
A bounty hunter admitted to being a bit upset about their bounty capture dying, reporting that it was an accident. “I meant to bring him in alive, more money, of course,” the bounty hunter said, “got my bolas wrapped around him good, maybe too good.” The outlaw was fleeing when the bolas wrapped around him, his momentum carried him forward. “It wasn’t Mt Hagen, but we were elevated,” the bounty hunter said, “and the damn fool just rolled right off the cliff.” The bounty hunter had to make their way down to recover the body. The outlaw was allegedly breathing when the bounty hunter found him. “I knew he wouldn’t survive the trip so I put him out of his misery,” the bounty hunter said. Though he got paid less, he still got paid, and then promptly left Strawberry for another hunt.
Man meets long lost twin
By Odell Clifton
A man relaxing in Strawberry was shocked to meet someone: his long lost brother. He noticed the man because they were dressed identically. “I figured he was just another man with great fashion sense,” the cowpoke said. However, upon taking a closer look it was not just their fashion sense that was similar. The two men looked completely identical. Same color hair and eyes, same facial hair, same facial structure. Witnesses began asking if they were twin brothers.
“I had never met him in my life,” the cowpoke said, “I was not raised with a brother.” The stranger said they were not aware of having a brother either. The two sat down and had a chat, learning they had a lot in common. The next day, however, the twin brother was gone. “I would have liked to stay in contact,” the cowpoke said, “but they left, just disappeared.”
The duality of man on display in Valentine
By Donna Deshner
A woman passing through Valentine this week was struck by a sudden tragedy. Her horse unexpectedly died. In shock, the woman stood near her horse grieving the loss of her companion. For many cowpokes, their horse is the most constant friend. Their horse is the one they rely on out in the wilds of the Five States. The bond between rider and horse is nearly unbreakable, except for by the limits of mortality. A cowpoke saw the woman grieving and to the shock of several witnesses, he started punching the woman. “She was crying and seemed quite confused when the punches started flying,” said a witness. The man threw several punches until someone finally intervened.
A shotgun blast shook the windows of nearby stores and the man attacking fell dead. A good Samaritan stood nearby, shotgun in hand with the barrel still smoking. He nodded at the woman and walked on. Law enforcement, who did not intervene, did not arrest the shotgun wielding hero.
Saint Denis sees increase in visitors for city-wide shop day
By Aloysius Levron
The city of Saint Denis hosted a special event to bring more visitors to the city. The city’s local government has been trying to expand Saint Denis as a trade hub. “We want people to come to Saint Denis for all of their shopping needs,” said a city spokesman, “even if they do not choose to live here.” A source even indicated getting more business here without increasing residency would increase city revenue while minimizing costs. So the city held a special event they called ‘Saint Denis Shop Day’ and encouraged people from all over the Five States to come visit a shop in Saint Denis.
Shoppers were rewarded with gold nuggets for visiting a city shop. Several shops reported an increase in sales. The special event is likely to be held again in the future.
Criminal reforms his ways
By Lucien Privitt
The Five States straddles the border between wild and civilized. Valentine, still trapped in the past according to some, is place that still embraces the wildness of the region. Though the town has civilized folks, it is often host to uncivilized acts. Saint Denis meanwhile, has embraced civilization and tamed the wild around it, building homes and paving roads through the swamp land. Yet, even in the most advanced city in the Five States, uncivilized acts are far too common. Then you have Strawberry, a town that embraces the wild but is mostly peaceful, last few weeks not counting. From this tapestry of civilizations in a wild world and uncivilized folks pushing up against the limits of civilized life, comes a story unlike others. We often hear of the hunter who has gone rogue and turn to poaching, or the trader with nothing less to do so they go outlaw, or the bounty hunter who uses his skills to know how to evade the law. Rarely do we hear of the opposite, but such a story occurred this week.
A bounty hunter reported that they had captured an outlaw some time ago. It was a routine capture and the outlaw was taken in alive. The bounty hunter turned the outlaw in, got paid, and went on with their life. Then they got a letter in the mail one day. “You might not remember me, but I’m now a man of the law,” the letter said in part, “thought about life while locked up, I’m reformed now.” Indeed, the former outlaw obtained their own bounty hunter’s license. They use their knowledge of the criminal underworld to bring outlaws to justice. It seems there is still hope in the world that some folks change for the better.
The Five States Herald 